tassel

I COME BACK HOME without showing Arashi the poem I wrote, giving the excuse that I didn't finish it yet. It's a lie. I wrote twelve lines in twenty minutes, but for some reason, I didn't like it. I told I'd write a poem for him out of impulse, but it's hard to make something satisfactory so easily.

Arashi was nice enough to give me more time instead of joking with me, said even a week even is fine. I laughed and asserted that I'd show it tomorrow itself. Poor guy, I made him jog three rounds just for the sake of a few deplorable lines.

After dinner, I take out the notebook and lay out the poem in front of me. My eyes go over the three stanzas again and again. There's something missing, and it's the finality. This poem looks like it's still waiting to be written to the end. Moreover, the underlined Arashi just looks like a boring excuse for a title.

I reread the the three stanzas. How do I add finality to this poem? I obviously can't end it with the death of the said person. Arashi is, fortunately, very much alive.

I ponder over it for a few minutes and give up because nothing special comes into my mind. Instead, I check if Arohi's messaged me. She has, after a whole ten days. It's been happening a lot lately. We text each other back after days, sometimes even weeks.

Lol guess what happened

A Mexican guy in my school thought I looked
Mexican so he started talking to me in Spanish XD

He was apparently saying that he was happy to see 
another Mexican joined Cormer's and I only replied
by saying Hola and that ticked him off

Lmao he's cute

We're friends now

His name's Ricardo but everyone calls him Rico

I see 

A nice name Rico has there

And seems like a friendly guy to approach u like that lol

I don't know what else to say, and Arohi hasn't come online either, so I just ditch the conversation there. Who knows, maybe I'll get the next message ten days later.

Ricardo, eh. Sounds like the name of Arohi's future boyfriend. I just know he is going to be. I can read into Arohi's words like a prophet. If only I'd figure out myself like that too.

I'm not in the mood to study. Therefore, I decide I'm going to text someone, so I quickly go out of my room, put Dad's phone in my pajama pocket and sneak back in. I'm stealthy enough to finish it in a duration of one snore per parent.

Before I think of a person to talk to, I notice three messages from Lance. I smile. This guy just somehow knows when I want to talk to him.

Hey it's been a while :)

We've not spoken much in school

All thanks to my soccer matches 

Right, the matches

Heard you guys lost in the semi-final

Lance immediately comes online. My smile extends.

Yeah :/

We weren't so bad, but the other team was fire

Ohh

How's Arnie doing? Getting high over the loss again?

Lol he's not always high

He's down this time

It's his final year after all

Poor guy

Y'all have been losing for three years straight

Ok now that hurt me too 

Lol sorry

There's a pause. I wonder if if he's hovering about things to text about, like me. I don't want to end this conversation just yet. After a while, he texts again.

So...what u doin

Talking to u, idiot

No I meant other than that, idiot

Well I'm thinking about what to do, idiot

I hope you figure it out, idiot

Thanks, idiot

I laugh out loud, soft enough for the sound to stay in my four walls. It's a warm feeling.

So...

You're using a lot of SOs today, Lance

It was twice

Besides I'm the one keeping the conversation
going, so don't blame me

Fine👌

So... 

XD

:P

Wanna watch our last game?

Haven't u guys already lost?

It's to decide who's third

Oh ok

So you'll come?

I don't know. I genuinely don't. Mom might not allow me to skip school for a few hours, and I'm just a person afraid of their shadow. Still, bunking for a few hours wouldn't hurt, right?

When is it?

Day after tomorrow

Starts at around 9:30 am

9:30 am. If I consider the total amount of time including the game and travelling, I'll be missing classes till noon. That's not a very good sign. But it's just one day. Half, actually.

Idk

How will I go there?

U can come with us on our bus

Isn't it only for players and cheerleaders

Yeah, but you can fit in

Fit in as in? Into the bus or with the people? I'm not sure about either.

Idk

Is it really ok?

Won't your coach get mad?

He might but it's not that hard to manage

Why are you so hell bent on taking me lol

I internally scream. What am I insisting on with that question?

Idk, thought you'd just like to come

Sorry if I annoyed u lol

I facepalm.

No u didn't

I'll see if I'll come

I'm not forcing u so chill

:)

Yeah, I'm not forcing myself either so chill

:)

 👍

I think of texting him something else, but before I can think of something interesting, Lance sends a message.

Good night :)

I fucked up.

Good night :D

I give a big sigh. Well, the conversation's done, so it doesn't matter now if I screwed up or not. Even if it does, screw that.

I stare outside my window. It's very cloudy, and I have a feeling it's going to snow soon. I look at the window fog up and clear as I breathe in and out.

Sometimes, I wonder if I blame me not doing things on my Mom entirely. Sure, she's not one to give me permission for these kinds of stuff. But how many times have I actually debated with her on that? I can't remember the last time I did. I'm pathetic to blame my mother almost always instead of my own anxiety.

The wind whizzes from between the windows. It makes the breeze sound like a storm. 

Storm. Arashi.

I need to finish my poem about Arashi.

I go back to my desk and look at the paper where it's written. I'm feeling less frustrated now, after putting out my frustration on something, rather someone, else. With a clearer mind, I take a pencil and scribble down a few other lines floating in my mind along with an image of Arashi under our mango tree.

I keep exchanging glances between the sheet and my window, laughing and cringing at random lines popping off in my head. After a solid half-an-hour with an even clearer mind, I've decided that whatever I've written this time is more than enough final for now.

I pick up the sheet and laugh a little. I'm holding a little piece of Arashi in my hands.

I wonder what to do with it. Should I wait and show it to him tomorrow? Or should I send it now?

The phone stares at me from the bed. It's already here. Nothing's gonna be bad if I send it to him now. The worst that could happen is that he'd hate the poem. Which is pretty bad, but I know Arashi's never gonna say that being the restful wind spirit he is.

I think more. I've already screwed up once tonight. If I screw up once more, especially with Arashi, it's gonna hurt less.

Or more.

I can't decide.

Do I have to be thinking even more? Should I? Am I already?

By the time my head's processing what to do, my fingers have picked the phone and clicked a photo of the poem. In the next few seconds, they send it to Arashi.

Oh, well.

I bite my nails and re-read the poem. Shit, I think, I've forgotten to change the title. It's still plainly Arashi. But a few minutes later I think, shit, Arashi's not a plain name at all. What ever happened to the Tassel who was so mesmerized by that name?

Breathe, I tell myself.

I breathe in.

It's a good poem, it's a good title, it's a good boy.

I breathe out.

Then I check my phone.

Arashi

In the life of a desert lived a boy named storm,

Contrary to his name, he emanated warmth

With a loud smile so rarely genuine

Dewing dandelion tears isolated in

A lazy, restful wind spirit I say

But it's his gentle breeze blowing through your way

With a broken hand but a walk so fine

He listens to me, why's he so nice, *cries*

ARASHI WHY DO YOU LISTEN TO MY JOKES AND LAUGH

WHEN I REPLAY THE JOKE IN MY HEAD I WANNA BARF

WHY DO YOU REALLY WALK WHEN I TELL YOU TO DO SO

I SWEAR I'M NOT SERIOUS BUT YOU DO SO MUCH MORE

WHY DO YOU WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH MY HOMEWORK BY THE TREE

JUST FUCKING PROMISE ME TO GO TO THE INFIRMARY

AND TAKE YOUR MEDICINE LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO

ARASHI, WHY ARE YOU SO NICE, I DON'T GET YOU

ARASHI, WHY?

ARASHI, *CRIES*

I start laughing again, but it stops the instant I see a tick mark. Arashi's left me on seen five minutes ago. Then suddenly, a text pops up.

Nice

Nice? No emoji, no punctuation, just nice?