Elude

/ēˈlo͞od/

verb

evade or escape from (a danger, enemy, or pursuer), typically in a skillful or cunning way

Luke's POV

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My whole body ached, not from the recent physical activity I had been enduring, but from the hole in my heart that seemed to be expanding as the days went on and everytime I saw her in training for the raid. The way her blonde hair swung in its ponytail as she practiced martial arts with the higher ranking troops, and at random moments when she had a few stray strands getting in the way of her peripheral vision, sticking to her forehead and temples as beads of sweat poured down her flawless face from the strenuous exercises that she was participating in. My whole body was yelling at me to get a grip and just tell her why I was so damaged, why I couldn't see myself ever loving someone ever again, but then it would fight back by saying she was taking care of herself clearly by the way the Core meeting went a week ago.

Thoughts and flashbacks raced through my head as I was transferred back to the time of my life when I was a wide eyed teenager and Cynthia was the center of my world: the time before I knew of the rebellion and the Raider group. I ran my hand through my quiffed hair, chuckling slightly at her old term of endearment for me. She was the only person that could give me a nickname so degrading and I still found myself laughing at its truth and irony. In fact, she was the first person since her to give me a nickname at all.

My back collided with a wall, hidden from the eyes of onlookers, as I leaned my head back and my hands ran over my face in agitation and aggravation. The light sound of footsteps made me jump, reminding me of so many memories that I tried so hard to bury, but only ended up hurting me more than they were ever meant to. I glanced up to find an all too familiar set of green eyes staring at my slouching frame, and I shook my head slightly, warning her to leave me be in my state of misery.

"Not in the mood, Kiersten," I mumbled lowly, not even making eye contact with the girl that taught me how to live with this amount of grief as well as I could.

"I know, but you need to talk about it," her low voice penetrated my cold heart as I remember how she was there for me so much when I arrived, and how I simply threw her aside because I didn't know how to feel. "I know you care about her. You can't hide from emotions your whole life, Luke."

I sighed, shaking my head incredulously. "You don't understand. I didn't think I had any emotions." I laughed slightly at my naive heart, "but then I met her."

Her eyes lit up in curiosity as to what I would say next, hoping I will give her more information. "And you think you may have feelings now?"

I couldn't tell if it was sadness or hope that glinted in her eyes as she regarded me differently than how she had in the past. All of the past times she had talked to me, I had seen desire and anger; however, this new glance made me feel like a child as she searched my eyes for truth with her blazing green orbs.

"I know I have feelings now." She gasped loudly at my statement and when I finally brought my head up to look at her after my confession, her face looks like she was in awe.

"What does it feel like?" she asked quietly, eyebrows furrowing as she continued probing me.

"You have them, can't you tell?" I spat, tensing from my admittance to this dark secret of mine. I hadn't felt anything since Cynthia. Sure, I had been happy, but when the moment of happiness ended, I always returned to a state of numbness, like now. When I was with Melissa though, I felt wanted, needed, cherished. It was like a thousand emotions wrapped in one that can only be explained as contentment. For the first time in years, I felt content with my life and it made my shoulders lift from a resounding weight being taken off of them. Kiersten's eyes pooled with tears as she stepped in front of me.

"I tried for a year to get you to have feelings for me," she shook her head in disgust towards herself, "and when you didn't like me, I thought it was you that couldn't care."

My eyes widened at this confession. She thought that I was broken for not caring about her? Maybe I was, I thought as I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking of how I treated her when I got here.

She was beautiful and caring. She was too good for me honestly. While I sat and mourned the loss of my sister, she was there to pick up the pieces. Why? I had no clue, maybe she liked helping the broken and it made her feel wanted and appreciated. As we spent more and more time together, she started to get attached but all I wanted was someone to be there for me. So when she told me that she loved me, I knew I had to stop being around her because all I would do is hurt her. All along something had told me not to use her for my own entertainment, but something inside of me had flipped to rationalize the instant gratification I received from our time together.

"I did everything for you, and all you could do was tell me that you couldn't feel anything for me. I thought that you were a psycho; I thought that maybe everyone was right, he's too damaged to be repaired." Her hand went to tuck a piece of her brown bangs behind her ear. "Were you just waiting for her?"

I shook my head immediately. My lip slightly quivered before I took it in between my teeth, slightly moving my lip ring as I tried to find the right words to use to explain this to her. "The moment I saw you, I knew that I would never have feelings for you," I mumbled lightly. "I didn't think I would ever feel anything for anyone ever again. I thought that I was stuck in the shadow of that alleyway."

"Luke...." she began as tears pooled in my eyes.

"But she just......she woke me up from my comatose and finally brought me back to earth. I can't even explain it. Her voice, her strong will, her idiocy that I hate," I paused momentarily as Kiersten laughed. I looked up only to find joy in her eyes. The lack of hatred and despair shocked me to no end as I tried desperately to understand how she could be so happy when I had just told her that I felt nothing for her all those years ago.

"I finally feel like I can breath. For so long, I felt like I was drowning in my own self pity, but now I can breath fresh air and see the world clearly." A tear finally escaped my eye and I could tell that Kiersten was shocked. For the first time since I met her, she didn't know what to say. "And now I've messed it up," I growled lowly, angry at myself for letting the one girl that changed my life to slip through my fingers. My hand twitched, involuntarily forming a fist, and from the look on the small brunette in front of me she noticed too.

"I'm going to let you in on a secret Luke," she said softly, gently touching my hand, trying to uncurl my fingers to make them appear less menacing.

I nodded, happy to hear anything that may help me win Melissa back. I heard a soft, forced sigh escape her lips before she brought her head up to look me in the eyes once more.

"That girl cares so much about you. She hasn't given up on you; heaven knows you don't deserve that, but she hasn't."

My eyes lit up with happiness as I let her words sink into my brain to be processed. She still cared after all that I had put her through.

"And Luke, she's waiting for you to be ready. I put that girl through the ringer, asking her question after question about how she hurt you. I blamed this on her, yet when I looked in her eyes, I didn't see one hint of regret. I saw pain and hurt, but not one ounce of remorse." She shook her head once before adding to that with a face splitting grin, "Everyone has regrets in their life, and no one can take back what they've done. But when you find someone that you care about and that cares about you, who will put up with all of your issues and baggage, and still come out on the other side smiling with no regrets. That's when you know you've found the one."

I was smiling from ear to ear knowing that Melissa was that person for me and that this was exactly what I felt for her as well.

"So I can still get the woman of my dreams?" I asked jokingly.

With a never faltering smile, Kiersten simply nodded. My arms encompassed her lightly for a moment before pulling away and heading towards the mess hall where everyone was gathered eating lunch.

My feet carried me anxiously through the claustrophobic, gray, cement walls as I came closer and closer to where Melissa was. Once I arrived, my black combat boots kept leading me up to her as I received a proud look from Ashton, a glare from Michael, who had yet to forgive me, and a curious look from Calum, who was stuffing noodles in his face in anticipation.

"Melissa?" Her sweaty face was looking incredulously into mine, surprise written all over her features. "Can we talk?" I asked in a low voice hoping not to raise a disturbance.

"Of course," she spoke lightly, raising up from her seat only moments later.

Michael was still sending hard glares as we walked away from the table and set off down the hallway. I didn't dare to reach for Melissa's hand because I knew I was on thin ice. My eyes still wandered her body, not in a perverted way, but only to assess the changes that had come to her body. Her thin frame appeared thinner than usual as if she had lost weight and when she faced me I noticed that her eyes were larger in comparison to her face than normal. My heart began to sink at this thought and my eyes looked towards her wrist, which was danger than usual.

We reached my room and I opened the door wearily, holding it for her as she stepped in before me. She walked past and went to sit on the bed. My chest heaved in preparation for this; how was I supposed to explain this to her?

"So what did you want to tell me Luke?" she asked, her eyes begging for information. They held care and hurt, but no form of malice could be found in them as she stared at me.

I swallowed hard before opening my mouth that felt like it was covered by a layer of cotton. "I want to explain why I ran away from you and left you in the dark. I...." my lungs were begging for air as I took a deep breath, calming them before continuing. "The reason I said I couldn't date you is because I didn't think that I could have feelings." Her eyes widened as she couldn't take her eyes off of me. She opened her mouth but quickly closed it again, sensing I had more to say. "I'm a ticking time bomb."

She held my gaze for a moment before opening her mouth again. "Why would you think that you couldn't have feelings?" she asked lightly, confusion lighting up her blue eyes that reminded me so much of the only other person I truly cared about.

"It all goes back to before I was in the colony. I was thirteen..." my voice trailed off as I recalled the little things about her, the way her hair felt between my fingers and the soft hum of her voice as she danced around her room. "And we were on the run as fugitives from the government," I began, letting my voice go on as my mind trailed elsewhere.