Paradox

/ˈperəˌdäks/

noun

a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true

"You should've just left the building like I told you to though Luke. What if you got hurt?" I asked him when we reached my room and the door was finally closed. We had been keeping our argument internal until we were in private so we could finally settle the disagreement civilly without the eyes of others watching.

"If I got hurt or captured, who is to say you wouldn't have?" he threw back at me, taking a step away from the door.

I sighed, leaning more up against the bed frame. "That isn't your concern," I struggled to keep my voice level as I grew agitated by his eyes rolling in his head.  "You need to quit worrying so much about me and rolling your eyes when I say something you disagree with."

"I don't just disagree with it Melissa," he began, rubbing his hand over his face, obviously stressed. "I detest what you are saying because it is my job to protect you and for you to say that it isn't is a flat out lie!" his voice raised at me.

I slightly raised my eyebrows at him before responding.

"It's my job as your girlfriend to take care of you too! What am I supposed to do?! You obviously can't look out for yourself as you proved today!"

Anger boiled up in my body as I attempted to hold it inside, failing miserably. How was this fair that he was claiming that protecting me was his job while I could not attempt to take care of him.

"You can't hold that against me! That was false communica-"

"No, that was you listening to an inexperienced kid give you orders instead of Calum, Michael, or I," I calmly cut him off. "You can't listen to simple directions! And I can't go twenty seconds without worrying about you and if you'll do something irrational off of instinct!"

"The irrational things I do are usually for your safety and there is sound reasoning behind it!" The veins in his neck popped out as he came closer to my face, his eyes clouded with anger. The paleness of his cheeks is replaced with red from the anger boiling inside of him.

"So hitting your own father was for my protection?!" I asked him in disbelief. "I don't know what you call that here, but where I am from, that is called disrespect and something only a caged animal would do!"

"Oh! I'm a caged animal now?!" his eyes widened in disbelief. Anger radiated off of him as he stared at my petite frame.

"You said that, not me," I gently said.

"He threatened to kill you Melissa! Was I supposed to let him hold the knife to your throat and stand quietly as he slit it?! There was a reason!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, throwing his arms behind his head as he began pacing around the room.

My hand came up to my mouth, shocked and confused by this new information. Curses flowed from his mouth as I fell on my bed and staring at my hands in a state of disturbance.

"Mel-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, looking up at him with tears in my eyes. "Were you going to keep it from me?"

"I didn't want you to find out so I assumed to just skip over the situation. You were in a comatose state and it wasn't worth it to put stress on you once you woke up," he said, his blue eyes softening from the anger that was once so bright in them.

"So you were just protecting me?" my voice cracked mid sentence.

"Yes, and if that makes me a caged animal then so be it because I would do it again in a heartbeat," he said as he squatted to kneel in front of me, wiping the tears off of my cheeks and holding my face with both of his hands.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered out, ashamed of what I had said.

"It's not your fault Lissa. You didn't know," he pulled me into a hug and my head immediately buried itself in his shoulder.

"But I shouldn't have called you that. I'm your girlfriend and I'm supposed to be supportive and understanding," I sniffled out, not wanting to cry anymore and show how weak I really was.

"Lissa, you aren't my girlfriend," he firmly responded.

My heart broke as I felt like all of me fell from that euphoric state I had been in since Luke and I kissed back to reality where the cold hard truth was cutting my already battered and bruised heart.

"What do you mean I'm not your girlfriend?" I asked him, hurt evident in my voice. "Was it what I said? Because I'm so sor-"

"Melissa, nothing's for certain in this world now. I can't promise that I'll always come back from a raid and I can't put you through that. I've seen what it does to people when they love someone and they don't come back. I can't put you through that."

My blue eyes filled with tears as I pulled away from his embrace, not trying to conceal them.

"Then why'd you kiss me?" I asked him, my voice filled with hurt and a tint of anger.

"Because I really like you Melissa and I want there to be a future between us, but I can't hurt you like that," he responded huskily as his voice cracked and tears sprang to his eyes.

"Get out," I whispered, getting up from my bed and going toward the door.

"Mel-"

"You took advantage of me! You knew I was weak and naive and unknowing, yet you still led me on!" I growled at him. "You don't like me, you hate me."

"That is where you are wrong Melissa!" his strong voice stated.

"No because why else would you do this to me!" I screamed at him.

"Do what?! I'm protecting you from loving me and then losing me!"

Tears fell down my face as I stopped walking to the door and faced him. "No Luke, you just made me lose you in a different way."

His eyes fell and he began stuttering, trying to explain himself. "I didn't mean-"

"Stop it!" I yelled, covering my ears to prevent myself from hearing his voice. "You claim you don't want to hurt me, but that's all you seem to know how to do."

The white walls felt as if they were closing in on me and the towers I built to protect my heart were tumbling down.

Luke trudged to the door, head down and eyes glassy from tears. "I didn't mean to break your heart. I was trying to protect," he quietly said when he reached me. His feet continued carrying him to the door. When he finally reached it and his hand was on the knob, I opened my mouth to speak.

"Luke?"

He stopped and looked back at my tiny frame that feels like it will crumble from the crushing weight of defeat and hurt.

"You just broke it into a million pieces."

With that he left the room and closed the door when he had exited. My body crumbled when I heard the click of the handle. Tears flowed down my face as I screamed at the internal pain is too much. My hands that fit perfectly with his, form fists and crash against the concrete floor. After a few minutes of punching the ground in anger I heard the familiar crack of a bone and more tears flowed down my face.I crawled over to my bed, unable to manage the strength to stand. The tears in my eyes won't stop falling as I looked down at my now mangled hand that is bleeding heavily due to the skin tearing.The file I was once so consumed with came to mind as I grab them from my bags. The three files that could give me answers were in my grasp, yet I could care less. I didn't want answers about why I was here, or why Luke had trust issues, or if this Cynthia Rose was a sister, aunt, or mother to him. I wanted Luke to come running in just like all those movies had shown, but considering all the girls in the movies never were rejected and they always got their happily ever after, I didn't think that will happen.It was an overwhelming sense of disappointment, but at the same time I was breaking into pieces trying to understand why he didn't care that I was dying. These rooms couldn't be that sound proof, he had to have heard my screams of pain not only from the internal, but the physical pain too. However, he never came to my rescue. He didn't come to check on me, he stayed in his room and felt bad for himself.

Suddenly a person came through the door and their footsteps were heard headed toward me."Melissa?" the low voice I had come to know so well asked.

I didn't respond, just sat on my bed curled in a fetal position, my heart aching too bad to move.

"Lissa, are you okay?" his voice was a little ways off as if he were by the door and didn't want to enter without permission.

Without another word, I heard his feet moving quickly to my side and him sucked in a gasp when his eyes met my bleeding and mangled hand.

"Melissa what happened?" his voice was shocked and he immediately came to my aid.

I simply groaned in response, not wanting to say anything in fear that my crying would resume. The wound in my heart was irreparable.

"Lissa, I need you to talk to me," his voice was concerned as ever as I felt him testing to see if my arm was broken.

"I'm fine Michael," I finally answered, lifting my head to catch a glimpse of his newly dyed blue hair.

"No it's not! Your hand is broken!" he practically screamed. "Did- Did Luke do this to you?"

"Yes and no," I stated shyly. "He didn't make me break it, but I broke it because I was angry at him and things he said."

"What'd he say?" he cautiously asked, careful not to upset me.

"He broke me," I simply responded. "I was naive and trusted him, and all he did was take advantage of that and tear me apart."

That's when it finally sunk in that Luke, although he was never officially mine, was not even close to being mine. He would never be mine. And that broke the remaining part of me that somehow had managed to stay in tact.

Also at that moment, was when the room went pitch black and the last thing I heard was Michael yelling for help.

Edited: 7 November 2016