She can't see; the world's blurred around her. Can't hear; only the dull, rushing sound of her blood pumping through her veins pounds against her eardrums. Can't speak; something's lodged itself in her throat, her heart, her hope, her terror and anxiety made corporeal, something that's too much for her to swallow back any longer.

Rui's hand reflexively shifts its grip around her cell phone but she's not listening to Shin; she's staring straight ahead, trying to make sense of the vague shapes and fluttering movements on her television screen. She knows what she's seeing but that makes it no easier to accept, and everything in her utterly rejects the reality she's been saddled with.

The newscaster's mouth moves, forming ambiguous words - something horrible, something grotesque, something that shatters the world around her into infinitesimal fractals too cracked to see through. She only catches snippets of the report but it's enough to twist her insides into tangled knots, sending shockwaves of sharp pain outwards throughout the rest of her body.

"...the body was discovered.... Investigator Nomura urges the public... no word from the grieving fiance..."

Oh, God. Sora. Sora must be watching this. Or maybe he's not. Maybe he's in a turmoil, acting crazy, feeling hopeless, destroying everything in sight - it's certainly what Rui wants to be doing at this very moment. But she's frozen, standing stock-still in the middle of her apartment, eyes glued to the photos from the crime scene flashing across the screen in front of her.

"Kitamura-san!"

Rui blinks, she swallows hard, presses the phone more firmly against her ear, as if that will better her focus.

"Are you listening to me right now?"

"No."

The truth slips out, unbidden, but she doesn't try to retract it.

Shin sighs from the other end of the line, but it's far from frustration that colors the gesture. A heavy heart comes through loud and clear from his weighted exhale.

"I wasn't really expecting you to be, but come on Kitamura-san; I don't talk just to listen to my own voice. That's Takashi's style."

The joke goes over her head, which he must sense, because he clears his throat and tries again.

"I'd offer my condolences, but something tells me they won't mean much coming from me. And I know this is a lot to process, especially given what you know about the Ikehara investigation" - Rui winces, because how long has it been since she really dealt with the loss of her mentor? - "so I'm not going to drone on about the specifics of what happened last night. If you want them, watch the news."

There's a pause where Rui's marginally sure that the commentary from her television bleeds through to Shin's side, and she ducks her head, finally turning away, reaching for the remote. God, where is it? She needs to mute the TV - it'll drive her mad if she has to keep listening to the details of Akane's final moments. She'll be seeing them in her nightmares tonight, anyway.

"Scratch that: don't watch the news, kid. But back to what I was saying. Don't be alone right now. Just don't. Find someone to, I don't know, stay with you, at least for a while. Being alone, with only your own head to act as company... well, there's a reason investigators get partners, Kitamura-san. You need someone to chase the demons away."

She doesn't say anything. She can't; her throat feels too tight, too choked. Anything she could say now would come out as a half-warbled scream.

"Kitamura-san."

"..."

"Rui. Do you hear me? Am I going to have to send Amon down to your apartment?"

"..."

"That's it." He must lean away from the phone, because his voice grows fainter as he goes on. "Rookie! Get your ass in gear, I've got something for you to do--"

"Wait! Wait, just..."

"I'm waiting."

"...Why are you..." Rui struggles with the words. She isn't sure what she wants to ask, why it needs to be asked at this very moment, but it does. There won't be a better time to ask, she can feel that well enough. "This can't be... just following procedures anymore..."

"...No. No, it's not. Hasn't been like that for a while, ever since that brat Amon broke protocol to tell you I was heading down to the Closed Ward. So blame him for this. He doesn't want to see you end up as another victim. Kid's got a heart that doesn't belong in this line of work, if you ask me. Way too pure for his own good."

"T-Thank him... for me... please, Nomura-san..."

"Will do. Probably. I might forget about it, honestly. Regardless, take my advice and go find somebody to be with, Kitamura-san." The shuffling of papers fills the brief silence as she suspects he turns away the from phone again; when he returns, he sounds rushed, but none too apologetic about it. "Gotta go. Work's piling up. I'll have Amon check in on you tomorrow; don't disappoint him by not picking up."

And he hangs up.

Rui barely manages to drop her phone onto her coffee table rather than the floor, but she herself isn't so lucky. She sinks to the ground, the thudding of her knees muffled by the cheap carpeting, like every bone in her body's melted into unstable slush, useless at fighting off gravity in her current state. Every breath she takes feels like knives scraping down her throat, tracing along the inner walls of her lungs. Her heart thuds against her rib cage in rapid-fire succession, a machine gun let loose in her chest.

It hurts.

Everything just hurts.

Her head, her heart, the tips of her fingers pulse with pain as she presses them to her temples, face scrunched up, teeth closed around the inside of her cheek, vicious enough to draw blood; the taste of metal pools across her tongue but she hardly pays it any mind.

Akane's gone.

That one impossible statement, the last thing she could have ever imagined.

God. She feels so sick to her stomach.

Heat burns at the back of her eyes; a sob catches at the back of her throat.

She can't think, don't think, don't think, don't think, Rui, thinking won't get you anywhere, it'll just drive you further into the whole Kaori sent you spiralling down, the one you've been desperately clawing your way out of, so don't think, you can't think, not about anything, not about--

Rui looks up, through her sadness, through her veil of knotted bangs, through the tears gathering on her lashes, and her eyes immediately jump to a photograph sitting on her bookshelf. Her and Akane at her birthday last year. Smiling, happy.

Alive.

And just like that, Rui cracks.

Hot, scalding tears rush down her cheeks, too fast and too thick for her to wipe away. The rest of her strength gives out and she collapses to the floor, curled up in on herself, fingers latched desperately onto the carpet, her jeans, anything that feels real while the world whirls around her. There's a scream, a high-pitched wail of agony, and she almost begs for it to stop, because she just can't take anymore; but it's her, she's screaming, so lost and forlorn it sounds more like the echo of a spirit's death throws than her own voice.

Rui sobs until her throat is raw, and then some, uncaring as to what the neighbors might think of her. Who the hell cares about them, anyway? Ungrateful, unhelpful bastards they are; she remembers how stupefied she was the night of Hinata's attack that not a single soul other than her mildly apathetic self dared to breach the safety of their closed doors to see if someone had needed help in the hallway.

What a cruel world she lives in, filled with monsters so utterly human you could mistake them for your best friend, and ones so detestable you wish they wore some mangled disguise. Nothing makes sense, nothing feels right. There's no justice. If there were justice then people like Akane, like Kaori, would never be caught in the crossfires of tragedy. Rui wouldn't be reduced a huddled mass on her apartment floor. Hinata wouldn't be persecuted for having been born as he was.

No. Justice is an illusion at best. Intangible, impossible to pin down, but worn so proudly by so many one might fall for their tricks and believe that no crime goes unpunished.

Rui never had a strong sense of justice in the first place. It existed in her world, of course, but she never put much thought into it. She never acted rashly in the name of it before. It was there, but she wasn't connected to it in any meaningful way. And for all the lessons Kaori taught her in their time together, never once did she impress upon Rui that this world is fair and just. Just the opposite, really. She taught Rui that it's not always the good who win, that more often, the good are gullible, that cheaters really do prosper in this godforsaken country of theirs.

She thought Kaori was something of a cynic before; now, she wholeheartedly agrees with her.

Time stops working for Rui. She can't tell how long she's been wailing, only that her face feels sticky with tears and that her eyes are swollen and puffy. She sniffs, pawing at her nose with the back of her hand, but even though the tears have stopped she can't cease her screaming. Something in her is broken; a switch has snapped off its base, leaving in her a permanent hell that refreshes the sting of her wounds the moment she feels them start to numb. And in the midst of her torment, she nearly misses the banging on her door, the agitated calls from the other side.

Hinata.

Of course it's Hinata who'd come to her proverbial rescue. A knight wreathed in the shadows of society, decked out in colorful western apparel, completely and utterly wrong for her - but also the only person she trusts without exception.

She battles with herself for a moment, trying - and ultimately failing - to drag herself up and off the floor, but her arms give out and she falls back to her fetal position with another muffled thump. She opens her mouth, tries to call out to Hinata, but only hoarse whispers escape her lips.

There's a lull in the banging, just a moment, then the door heaves on its hinges, and finally gives, slamming into the adjacent wall. And there's Hinata, wide-eyed and red-faced, teeth gritted. His face is ashen, reminding her of the night he revealed himself as a ghoul, and her shoulder throbs with the memory of it. She instantly misses his smile, and that inescapable urge to relieve him of his worries bubbles up in her chest, even though she's in no way capable of eking out even the smallest amount of amusement from him the way she is right now.

"Rui-chan..."

Her body feels exhausted of all tears, but somehow they come again, streaking down her cheeks the moment Hinata says her name, so breathlessly, so wary of ruining her further. He's too much for her, honestly, too good for the reputation that will always precede him.

"I heard... you were screaming, and I just..."

Something in her gaze must tell him all he needs to know, because he clamps his mouth shut and sucks in a long breath. Nearly tripping over himself in his haste, he skids across the floor and drops down beside her, without hesitation gathering her into his arms, squeezing her to his chest. Warmth rushes through her as Hinata's heartbeat pulses against her cheek, erratic and powerful, loud enough to drive away a layer of her thoughts.

"That news story, the one they keep replaying. I saw it while I was out, saw that she was from the same place as Ikehara-san, and I... This is so shitty, Rui, I'm so... sorry isn't enough, but I can't... You don't deserve this. And that poor guy, her fiance... It's..."

He's babbling, saying whatever comes to mind, but she's unperturbed. Her shoulders shake with the force of her crying, and she curls into Hinata just as she did the carpet, fingers clawing into the neckline of his shirt and probably stretching it beyond repair. She can't stop crying, can't stop her gasping breaths.

Hinata speaks softly against her ear, his breath prickling her skin and tickling stray hairs. His arms tighten around her as he shifts into a sitting position, scooting back until he can brace himself against the coffee table, and he draws her closer, his knees walling her in on either side. But she feels far from trapped; rather, this is the safest she's felt since learning of Kaori's disappearance all those weeks ago.

"You're gonna be okay, Rui. Doesn't feel like it right now, won't feel like that for a while. But I'm gonna make it happen, alright? I'm a ghoul and all, and that has to suck for you right now, maybe you hate me a little, or a lot, or..." When he takes in a shuddering breath, his chest swells beneath her cheek, and she tightens her fingers around the neck of his shirt. "We're not all like that. We're not. You've seen us. Kimi and Satoshi and little Yoshi. I told you... I told you, I don't wanna be a monster. I try so hard not to be like that. I just wanna live my life, Rui, I don't want to be caged by who I am, what I'm supposed to do.

"But... but there are ghouls who don't care anymore whether they're monsters or not. They're not human, they don't pretend to be, they don't give a shit about the lives they take. It's all just to fill their bellies - that's all they care about. And this guy... this bastard they're callin' Skinner... he's one of 'em, Rui. He's the monster. And I promise you, I swear to whatever's still holy out there, that he won't take anyone else from you, Rui. I'll... I'll... I'll kill 'em myself, since the doves're too--"

His breath hitches as she lifts her head, red-rimmed eyes dull and tired, and so hauntingly dark that it's all he can do not to flinch backwards.

Rui slowly shakes her head.

"Please... please don't," she croaks, her words distorted from the trembling of her lips but still understandable. "Don't, Hinata-kun. If... if something happens to you... I wouldn't... I couldn't..."

Once, she'd tried denying that Hinata meant anything to her, that he was simply a neighbor she might see again in the halls of their lonely complex. Someone she could stand to get coffee with again.

Then, she had to admit he was something to her, because if she didn't care, why would she have chosen not to tell Shin that he's a ghoul?

But he's a friend, nothing more. Maybe not even that. Because he can't be anything more, for so many reasons Rui's head spins just trying to parse them all out.

He... was a friend. Or he was never just a friend. She doesn't know, doesn't care to, either. She just knows that Hinata has become someone irreplaceable to her. And whether or not that came about because of the secret strung between them, trying them together for better or worse... it doesn't really matter to her at this point.

Hinata is important to her. End of story. And that means, if she were to lose him too, she'd break - entirely. Never to be put back together again.

She'll do anything to keep that from happening.

"Rui..."

Hinata's hand cups the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair; the gentle pressure is so comforting, so welcome she has to bite her lip to hold back a soft sigh of relief crawling up her throat.

"If ya really wanna leave it to Nomura-san, then..."

He offers her a small smile, and a tendril of pain vanishes from around her heart.

"I'll just stay with you, okay? Do my best to keep you safe. Because I don't wanna lose you either, Rui. That sound good to you?"

As an answer, she drops her head back onto his chest, closes her eyes, tries to even out her breathing. He keeps one hand on her head and moves the other down her back in slow, calming circles, still talking to her but not really saying anything. Simply speaking to chase the deafening sound of silence from her apartment.

Akane's name lingers in her thoughts, and it leaves a bitter taste on her tongue when she whispers it to herself, too low for Hinata to hear. Her smiling face, her vibrant green eyes, they flash in the darkness every time she blinks. Her heart seizes with her grief but it isn't all-consuming, not like it was with Kaori, or even just a few moments ago. Hinata's presence eases some of her guilt, it seems.

She faintly wonders if this sort of dependence would be considered unhealthy.

"Hinata-kun..."

"Mm?"

"...please don't leave..."

"'Course not, Rui. Didn't I promise not to walk out on ya already?" He chuckles, though how he manages it, she really doesn't know. The cold swelling in her chest has stolen all of her laughter. "'Sides, I wanna be here for you, Rui."

He pauses, then sheepishly adds, "And I gotta fix your door at some point."

"...t-thank you, Hinata-kun."

"Anytime, Rui. Anytime."