AN.:// Once again, I've been working very closely with the Transcripts of the Merlin-fandom- wiki.
Last chapter I said I had finally reached the last episode of season 2. I was a fool... XD Anyways... I'm trying very hard to make Arthur's behavior make sense, while also keeping everything close to canon.
I've received a couple comments if I couldn't have like... I don't know... Lancelot live for example. That would, unfortunately, defy the idea of canon compliant that I've made a rule of in this story. It makes this story difficult, and probably boring at times, but well... It's the premise.
Also, I love the idea that Arthur knew about Balinor but doesn't know how to bring it up with Merlin.

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Arthur had been working against the Dragon's attack for days. People were annihilated left and right, people had to be evacuated and Arthur had to lead that evacuation. The fields just outside of the castle were burning and it felt like Camelot was going to face famine after all this was over.... That is, if Arthur would make it that far.
It reminded Arthur of Aithusa, of her white scales and her puppy dog behavior. This situation couldn't be more different. It reminded Arthur of the difference between dream and reality, as so many things did. Arthur knew that if he died, he'd die for good. And he'd JUST promised dream Merlin he'd be there for him. He'd seek out the Clockroom to not leave him alone forever.

Arthur couldn't sleep well. Because of the Dragon, because of the Clockroom and everything his mind was trying to wrap itself around. And so, he spent the nights walking over the battlements with Merlin in tow. Merlin the servant. Not Merlin the court sorcerer, not Merlin the Dragon Lord, not Arthur's husband or boyfriend or whatever dream Merlin called himself. This was just Merlin. The one who wasn't complicated, just clumsy and with a tendency to alcoholism.

"I'm sorry you're having to do this."

Arthur hated it when Merlin sounded like that. Like he had any influence on what was happening. It made Arthur think that maybe Merlin had let the Dragon out of it's cave. He didn't want to believe that. As much as they could use magic right now, or a Dragon Lord, Merlin wasn't that and Arthur had to separate them from each other. "Why? You're not to blame." 'Tell me you're not to blame!'

In that moment, the Dragon approached and Arthur knew without a doubt that if Merlin was as powerful as dream Merlin, he wouldn't hesitate to risk his own life to save everyone around them. Arthur had to believe in that Merlin. Otherwise he would find himself doomed.
"Flame up!" Arthur made a sign for his knights to aim their arrows at the Dragon.
"STAY STRONG!" Arthur yelled to motivate them. "For tonight isn't not your night to die, I will make sure of that! Hold firm! Hold!" Arthur raised a hand to wait for the perfect moment to shoot. "Hold," he said again. "NOW!" The knights shot. The Dragon remained unharmed and fire rained down on the lower town.

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Arthur was down in the mainsquare, on his own this time. "Clear the square!" He ordered his knights around as he had before. What he didn't expect was to find Guinevere there. At the well.
Arthur's mind went into a blind panic. "Gwen?"
Cautious and scared, he searched the sky. His stomach flopped. The Dragon was coming. "GUINEVERE!"

Thank the gods she had heard him. She turned around, eyes widening as she saw it too. Like a woman possessed, she let her bucket fall and ran.

But Arthur knew she couldn't possibly defend herself. Without thinking, he ran after her. He knew he could die. Holy shit, he was certain he would. This Dragon would be his death and he knew that. Had known it since that first time he visited the Clockroom but it had never felt so real.
That was why Arthur felt the claws digging into his shoulder, he could feel his heart beating out of his chest. This was it. This would be his death. He fell over, toppled half over Gwen. But he was still breathing, still alive. He may die from this wound, but he had to get them out of here. So he grabbed her hand, surprised at the fact that he could still stand and ran for cover. From his peripheral he saw a blurry figure run into the square.
He couldn't see who it was, only that they had black hair. In a rare moment of clarity, Arthur knew that it must have been Merlin. Was he out there fighting the Dragon on his own? Was he an idiot? Or did he not want to be seen? Arthur bit his lip. It wouldn't matter if he died today.

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That same night, Gwen took care of his wounds. Arthur's mind was still in disarray, uncertain of what he was meant to think. Gwen was a nice constant. A warmth he could rely on and that made him feel safe. She hadn't been there in the Clockroom at the day Arthur died. Maybe he was safe after all.

"You shouldn't have risked your life." Gwen's voice was soft.

Arthur almost laughed. Risking his life was part of his job description. Saving her was closer to a privilege, really. After everything she had been through, after everything she's already risked for him and others, how could he pretend that he wouldn't have saved her regardless of any law? "I wasn't going to let anything happen to you."

She finished bandaging him up. Arthur wasn't trying to be romantic. He had saved her for his own sake as much as hers. He had seen her and needed to do something. Just like he had to put her on Morgana's bed when he found her unconscious. Arthur's face crumbled before Guinevere as he was reminded of that pain.

Gwen could apparently read him like a book. "You're not to blame for what happened to her."

"She's like a sister to me," Arthur admitted. "And it wasn't just her I left alone in that room." He tried to convey to her whom he meant without saying it.

"Merlin's fine."

Arthur looked up into her beautiful eyes. "I'm not so sure about that." Arthur bit his lip, unable to say just how much he was unsure about when it came to Merlin. "Gwen, how do you feel about Merlin?"

Gwen blinked, a small flush creeping up her cheeks. "Erm... I mean... We're friends, I think. He seems... awfully lonely sometimes. Except when he's with you. He's loyal... like that."

Arthur nodded. "Please watch out for him."

"What? Why?" She narrowed her eyes, looking somewhat confused.

"I don't know." Arthur smiled at her. "But I think he needs us both."

Gwen nodded at that, something shining in her eyes that spoke of respect for Arthur, but also something else.

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Minutes later Arthur was already shouting orders and taking inventory of his people. Inventory... the thought made him shudder. Like his people were objects. It was protocol procedure though for situations like this. He ignored the pain in his shoulder and went on.
"The dead number 49 men, 27 women, a further 18 women and children are unaccounted for. Most of last night's fires are now out. The castle walls, in particular, the western section are near to collapse. I could go on." The inventory, Arthur grimaced, wasn't boding well.

His father was better at schooling his expression than Arthur, but even he was clearly distressed. "Do we have any idea on how the beast escaped?"

Sir Leon was with them, helping them where he could. Unfortunately, moments of misery were when he shone the brightest. He was good at organizing messy situations. "I regret to say, Sire, we don't."

"There must be some way to rid ourselves of this aberration. Gaius?" They were all in the war room, discussing strategies.

Gaius voice was clear and emotionless, as always in situations like these. Arthur hated that he had enough memories to compare. "We need a Dragon Lord, Sire."

Thanks, Gaius. Arthur had been that far hours ago. If there were any Dragon Lords left - besides potentially Merlin who hadn't said anything which made Arthur surer and surer that he couldn't be a Dragon Lord - then they had long went to find one!

"You know that's not an option." Uther's voice was as firm as Arthur's inner one.

Gaius hesitated. "Sire, what if... there was, indeed, one last dragonlord left."

Arthur's head snapped around. He couldn't mean Merlin. He WOULDN'T say Merlin, right? If he was...

"That's not possible!" Uther was insistent.

"But if there was."

"What are you saying?"

"It may just be a rumor." At this point Arthur knew this couldn't be anything good. If Gaius started with rumors than he was hiding something from them.

"Go on," Uther said impatiently and Arthur had to calm himself before his blood would boil. They had been at this for days! People were DYING! Why on earth had Gaius waited so long if he had information that could save Camelot?

Gaius took a deep breath. "I'm not exactly sure, but I think his name is Balinor."

Arthur's head snapped up and around to face Gaius. He must have misheard.

Uther, unfortunately, confirmed Gaius' words. "Balinor?"

Arthur didn't have time for this. "Where does he live?"

Gaius sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "He was last seen in Cendred's kingdom in the border town of Enged. But that was many years ago."

Arthur's heart skipped a beat. Cendred's kingdom. A border town of Enged... he couldn't mean... no. Arthur squared his shoulders and hissed inwardly in pain at his own movement. "If this man still exists, then it is our duty to find him." To Arthur, there was much more than duty at stake.

His father's mood instantly shifted. "Our treaty with Cendred no longer holds. We are at war. If they discovered you beyond our border, they would kill you."

Arthur stared at him. Okay... so he needed to proceed with caution. "I will go alone."

"No."

Arthur felt helpless against his father's expression. There was worry there, love even. Uther cared for Arthur, but Arthur had been raised not to care for his own life. Not like this anyway. "That way I will not be detected," he reasoned.

"No, Arthur. It's too dangerous." It sounded funny coming from the man who had sent Arthur on dozens of missions without any regard of his safety. Just to prove his own worth and stuff. Arthur figured Morgana's disappearance had changed Uther's vision.

Unfortunately for Uther, Arthur had his own mind. "More dangerous than staying here? I'll not stand by and watch my men die when I have the chance to save them."

"I have given you my orders."

And Arthur was more than willing to ignore them. Holed up in here, he WOULD die. If this Dragon would kill him, then at least Arthur would leave behind his kingdom. Perhaps damaged and in shambles, but with most of his people alive. "Do not make this a test of wills, Father."

"I'm not talking to you as a father, I'm talking to you as a king!"

Arthur stared at the clear desperation in Uther's eyes and realized just how wrong that sentence was. As king, Uther would have sent him out without question. He WAS speaking with the worry and concern of a father. He just used his authority to overrule Arthur's sense for duty. That alone made Arthur's mind up. "I will ride immediately."

And for the first time since Arthur could remember, Uther spoke a word of love in a last attempt to change his mind. "My concern is for you!"

Arthur knew that. He knew what Uther was risking to lose. He knew that because of how shaken he felt about losing Morgana himself. About how shaken he had been when Gwen had disappeared, or that one time Merlin went to Ealdor to get himself killed in a war that should have stopped being his when he moved to Camelot. Arthur knew that fear. But this wasn't personal. "Mine is for Camelot. I'll send word when I've found him." Arthur turned to Merlin. Merlin, his friend, his servant, his... something. If Merlin really was Balinor's son, then he deserved to come with him. Even if Merlin hadn't reacted at the name, he must know, right? "Merlin, prepare the horses."

Merlin bowed to Uther without a word, then followed Arthur out.

Merlin then went to Gaius to gather his things, while Arthur went straight for the library. There was one thing he had to confirm...

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Arthur found the map pretty much instantly. Even if Geoffrey had been annoyed with Arthur's insistence that this was urgent and he had no time for Geoffrey to dilly daddle. "You young people never do...," he'd said and Arthur wondered if there would come the day when he'd be older than Geoffrey.
With the Clockroom at play... likely.

"A small town at the border of Enged..." Arthur muttered to himself and traced the line of the different borders between Camelot and Cendred's kingdom. Arthur's finger fell on three different towns this could apply to. Then, Arthur's face fell and he let himself slouch into his seat for one second. "Ealdor." His suspicion had been right.

"Geoffrey... I need a book on Dragon Lords. I need to know what power they have! And how they get trained!"

Geoffrey looked confused. "There are no such books left. Your father had them all burned in the great purge."

Arthur cursed under his breath.

"Besides, I doubt there even are any such books. Dragon Lords never really bragged about their skills, more about their natural talents. And that talent is somewhat inherited. Though I don't really know how it works."

Arthur's shoulders, as painful as it felt, slumped. He hissed, grabbing for his wound. "So... if Balinor had a child, they'd still need to be trained to defeat a Dragon?"

Geoffrey raised an eyebrow at the odd question. "I'm not well advised on such matters, Prince Arthur. Dragonlords usually kept their secrets to themselves. It is their traditions, they are different than ours."

Arthur stared at him. Then at his hands. "Ah." He made to signal that he understood. And he did, he really did. That's why Merlin hadn't finished the Dragon off, when he'd faced him in the square. He hadn't... he might not even know who his father is yet. Maybe that's why he didn't react when the name had been said. He probably had no idea how to defeat a Dragon. Maybe it was Arthur's job to bring Balinor to Camelot so Merlin could learn how to become one.

Arthur thanked Geoffrey, then he made his way outside. He needed to know more. He needed to tread carefully without Merlin knowing what he knew. If Arthur slipped up and told him something, then maybe he would... ruin something. Maybe their friendship, maybe the future, maybe ...

That's, why when Merlin and him mounted their horses, Arthur decided to play dumb. Merlin had the right to hear it from the man himself. What exactly, Arthur didn't know. But Arthur would be there to protect and support him and then he would get his own answers in the process and he would deal with it like an expert. Who knew what kind of person Balinor was anyway? He had left Merlin's mother after all. Arthur's only job was to get the man hired to defend Camelot. That should be easy enough, right?
This Balinor better be worth it, though.

They arrived at a small inn not a day later. It was amazing how none of them seemed bothered by the Dragon outside.
Unfortunately, Arthur and Merlin left some kind of impression because everyone stopped drinking and stared at them. Arthur laughed awkwardly. "Greetings!" He said loudly and felt like a complete idiot.
Vaguely he could see a man pull a knife from out the table. This was going great, wasn't it?
Arthur and Merlin made their way towards a table and waited until the innkeeper put some drinks on their table. Arthur and Merlin hadn't talked the entire way and Arthur had to wonder if it had to do with Balinor or the people they left behind.

Arthur cleared his throat as he looked at the innkeeper. "We're looking for a man names Balinor. I'm willing to pay ..." Arthur grinned a bit as he smacked a small pouch of gold coins on the table. "...handsomely."

The innkeeper nodded and Arthur's eyes glinted as he listened expectantly for some answers. "Never heard of him." He took some of the gold coins and left them alone with their disappointment.

Merlin looked around. "Do you think any of these men is Balinor?"

Arthur followed his gaze, his stomach dropping at the mere idea that someone like them could be father to someone like Merlin. "I hope not."

"So do I."

They took a guest chamber there. And Arthur was getting more and more anxious by the minute. Why had Merlin said that? Why did MERLIN hope Balinor wasn't here? Did he know? He had been quiet all day, anxious and drawn into himself. Shouldn't he WANT Balinor to be here so they could go home sooner?
Arthur decided to try his luck and gathered all the diplomatic skills he had in him to approach the subject. "What's wrong with you today?"

Merlin seemed startled. "What?"

Arthur mused what to say. "It pains me to admit it, but I do enjoy your surly retorts. In fact, it's probably your only redeemable feature." Arthur started with jokes because jokes were safe. They could ease into the subject, right?

"Thanks." Was the tight reply.

Arthur wasn't willing to give up just yet. "There are loads of servants who can serve. So few are capable of making a complete prat of themselves. What is it?" Arthur chose his words carefully. He even stole one of Merlin's made up insults to gain Merlin's attention.

It was worse than Arthur had thought. "Nothing."

Arthur's expression fell. "It's something. Tell me." No answer. Maybe it was Arthur's own fault. He always spoke of status with Merlin. "Alright, I know I'm a prince, so we can't be friends. But if I wasn't a prince..." Arthur hoped Merlin understood what he meant.

"What?"

Did he not know? "Well, then, I think we'd probably get on."

"So?"

Arthur was beginning to wish the pain in his shoulder had knocked him out instead of keeping him awake. "So, at least you can tell me?" There was distressed hopelessness in Arthur's voice. It made him cringe.

"Well, that's true. But you see, if you weren't a prince, I'd tell you to mind your own business." Merlin wasn't even looking at him.

Arthur was beginning to lose his nerves. He needed to start on the father-son subject. Needed to ease into it. Merlin was building up walls thicker than any Arthur had ever seen, not even against his own father. Who did Merlin see as a fatherly figure? "Merlin. Are you missing Gaius."

"Something like that." Merlin said.

Arthur froze. He knew. "Well, what is it then?" He threw a pillow at Merlin, hoping to convey it as a familiar friendly gesture. Arthur was horrible at this.

Merlin didn't react to that either. "I'll tell you." Arthur sat up, listening intently. "I'm worried about everyone ack in Camelot. I hope they are alright."

Arthur's heart sank. Merlin wasn't going to confide in him. "So do I," he quoted Merlin's words from earlier. For one, because it was true, for another because it made him furious. He wasn't willing to fight with Merlin, however. Then he lay back down, trying to sleep. For a moment, even just a small one, Arthur wished he'd had dream Merlin in front of him. The one from Mithian's castle. The one who trusted him. Who didn't lie, who spoke directly and clear, even things he regretted, even about things he blamed himself for. Arthur's heart ached just thinking about it.
Then he thought of Gwen and took comfort in the fact that her name was written on a clock. Then he thought of Morgana and his comfort dissipated. When he turned around to face the wall, he made sure Merlin couldn't see the frustration in his eyes.
He didn't fall asleep. And he was fairly certain that neither did Merlin.

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In the middle of the night, someone sneaked into the room. Arthur sensed him even before he made his way into the room. The good thing about Arthur's anger was that it kept his mind focused. Besides... he had kind of waited for this moment. Instead of lashing out, however, Arthur waited for the man to approach. As soon as Arthur made sure the man was close enough, he reached out to grab the man's wrist. He threw him backwards onto Merlin's bed. Arthur held the knight to the stranger's neck, the man relented.

Merlin startled a cry: "What's going on?"

Arthur ignored him. What a stupid question was that anyway? Merlin could SEE, right? Why did he think Arthur paraded a whole pouch of gold around in an inn full of gold hungry idiots?

"Do you know what the punishment for theft is?" 'Losing a hand,' Arthur's mind concluded for him as he pushed the knife closer to the other man's neck.

"No, please. I've got children to feed!"

"Tell me where to find Balinor."

"Balinor?" The stranger asked and Arthur detected something in his tone. Recognition. Bingo.

"What do you know of him?"

"Nothing, I..."

'Lies,' Arthur thought with a grunt. "Do you value your life?"

"It's been many years since I saw him!"

"Do you know where he lives?"

The man grunted with frustration. "You must travel through the Forest of Marandred to the foot of Feyora Mountain. There you will find the cave where Balinor dwells."

There, that's it. Arthur released the man from his grip and shared a look with Merlin.

"But don't get your hopes up." The man held a hand to his neck, clearly shocked that they let him live.

Merlin perked up at that. "Why?"

"He will not welcome you. Balinor hates everyone and everything. A cave's the best place for him."

Arthur felt quite tempted to actually run him through. He bit back a comment though. The small fight had put a strain to his shoulder wound and he hadn't slept. He threw the man the gold pouch. Surprised, the man looked up at him.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "When I came in, I promised this gold to the person who had information on Balinor. You did. There was no need for you to break in. You could have knocked."

The man opened his mouth in surprise. "I thought you were bluffing. Or an idiot."

Arthur raised both eyebrows at that.
Merlin was of no great help. "He's both, actually." Arthur whacked him over the head, relieved to find Merlin somewhat sensible again.

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They decided to ride at dawn. Arthur still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep and his wound had been unattended for for a bit too long. Arthur wanted to stay focused. He really did. Arthur remembered Merlin requesting to look at it, but everything after was a blurr. Someone pulled him down, then Arthur passed out.

...

As Arthur's body forced him to rest, he could hear voices drifting in and out of his mind. They were talking about someone having a son or something. The one voice clearly belonged to Merlin, the other to a stranger. Arthur worried for him. What if the stranger would attack Merlin? What if they were Druids? What if Merlin had found Balinor?
"Merlin..." Arthur shifted in his sleep. He was in pain, but he needed to talk to Merlin, needed to see that he was safe and more than anything, he needed to support him. Especially if he faced his father. "Merlin."

...

Arthur awoke to the feeling of energy. The cave was empty and some supplies lay next to him in that cave. Merlin must have taken care of him. Had he used magic? Arthur smiled. Maybe he had. For some reason, it didn't quite bother him. The cave woke memories in him. Memories of the Merlin who wished not to see him while he pitied Merlin. But this wasn't that cave and this Merlin had helped him and maybe they could figure it all out!
Or, perhaps, Arthur was just high on whatever medicine Merlin had put in his system.
Arthur stumbled out of the cave and followed the smell of something burning. Breakfast? Breakfast would be awesome. He spotted Merlin in a small clearing and couldn't fight his own wide grin.
"I feel great!" He informed him from afar. "What the hell did you give me?"

Merlin looked up with a stern expression. "It was all down to Balinor."

'Oh'. Arthur's smile fell. So, it hadn't been Merlin. "So, we found him then? Thank heaven for that."

"That doesn't mean he's willing to help us."

Arthur stared at him. "What?" Merlin looked down, almost angry. Just as frustrated as Arthur felt.

"You won't persuade him."

Well shit, if his own son couldn't do it, who could? "Does he know what's at stake?" 'Does he know he's leaving his own son out to die?'

Merlin nodded. Arthur gritted his teeth. THAT was Merlin's father? A coward? Merlin was, had been and likely would be the bravest man Arthur had ever met. To think this was how his father lived.... Arthur looked around, saw the cave, saw everything around it and swallowed down a comment. This wasn't for him to judge. "What kind of man is he?"

"I don't know. I thought he'd be something more."

That sentence, Arthur decided quietly, was the closest to an admission Merlin had been since they rode out to find the man.
"I'll talk to him," he said and stalked through the dry wood to where Merlin had pointed the man to be.

Arthur found Balinor nearby at a small river. He had the legs of his trousers rolled up as he was holding a hand out. Gold sprang to his eyes as he caught a fish with his magic. Arthur stopped in his tracks.

Balinor didn't turn to him, instead he just started talking. "I'm not going to help you. If you wish to kill me for my gifts, that'll be fine with me."

Arthur stared at him. "Is this all you are?"

Balinor didn't answer immediately, just caught another fish with his magic. "I could use my magic against you any time."

"And then what? I die, my father dies, all of Camelot die and you remain here in your cave, knowing you didn't even have to lift a hand to get your revenge?"

"I have no interest in revenge. I don't enjoy this."
Arthur shook his head and sat down on a small rock beside him. Finally, Balinor eyed him warily. "You don't seem upset at my magic."

Arthur shrugged. "You saved me with it, didn't you?"

Balinor sighed. "Had I known who you were, I wouldn't have."

Arthur laughed. "Merlin once saved a Druid boy. Had I and ... well, had we not gotten him out of Camelot, he'd be dead by now."

Balinor pursed his lips. "So, you're a decent person, is that what you want to tell me?"

Arthur didn't look up, he shook his head. "The day I met Merlin, he insulted me to my face. He was thrown in the dungeon for it. The next day, after he learned I was the prince, he insulted me anyway. A day later, he saved my life."

The man raised a brow. "What is this story?"

Arthur turned his head to him and tilted it. "He went out to fight for his village, despite the fact that he was risking his life, going back. He didn't even live there. The people there didn't even like him much. He only had one friend there and his mother. His friend died in that battle."

Balinor kicked a tiny rock out of the water. It splashed in the movement. His bearded face was now twisted into a glare. "I don't know what you're trying to tell me? You think I'm going to help you, just because you sing praises about your servant?"

Arthur blinked. "Merlin is braver than any knight I've ever met. He's kind and passionate. I had hoped you'd be like him."

Arthur got up before Balinor could say anything else. He seemed furious but Arthur wanted him to dwell on all that for a moment. If Balinor wouldn't save Camelot for his own son, then Arthur didn't know what to hope for. So he went back and joined Merlin at the clearing.

Merlin's head perked up expectantly. "What did he say?"

Arthur tried to have faith, he really did. "He'll change his mind." He had to. And Arthur had to believe it, too. If a father couldn't love their son when they were Merlin, then did any parent love their child?

Merlin raised a brow. "He said that?"

"Just... give him a moment."

But then Balinor followed after them and bid them farewell. Arthur's stomach dropped and with it all his hopes for Camelot and for Merlin. "That's your decision?"

"I will not help Uther." He sent Arthur an almost irritated glare.

Arthur closed his mouth. Had Balinor not understood... he glanced from Merlin to Balinor. Hold on a second, did Balinor not KNOW? For some reason Arthur had assumed that if Merlin didn't know about Balinor, then Balinor would tell him. It seemed like this was not the case. Arthur felt stupid. "Then the people of Camelot are damned." Merlin included.

"So be it."

Balinor was nothing like Merlin. Nothing at all. "Have you no conscience?" Even if he didn't know who Merlin was, shouldn't he at least have the same heart?"

"You should ask that question of your father!" Balinor almost snarled.

Arthur was about to argue, his blood boiling with rage, intend to tell the man that if he wanted Uther dead, then he should grow a pair and face him, rather than accept collateral damage for such a petty reason. But Merlin was quicker. "And you are no better than him!"

Arthur side glanced him. He felt the strange urge to protect Merlin from this man, this stupid idiot. Any hope Merlin may have had at finding his father were crushed the second the man had revealed himself. "Don't waste your time, Merlin," Arthur said without thinking. 'You're better than him,' he thought. It was a growing thought, sharpened by the idea that Merlin had run towards the square, when Arthur and Gwen had escaped from there. Surely he had tried to face the Dragon on his own and then learned of what he couldn't do. Of course, Arthur couldn't be certain of that, but it aligned with everything he believed to know about Merlin. It was easy to imagine.

Merlin's eyes were still focused on Balinor with a glare. "Gaius spoke of the nobility of Dragonlords! Clearly he was wrong!"

Arthur paused. Merlin's anger was palpable. His glare piercing. Arthur felt somewhat proud, though he didn't quite know why.

"Gaius?" Balinor's voice was filled with wonder and surprise.

"Yes."

"A good man," Balinor acknowledged.

Merlin shivered in his disappointment. "Yeah, I was hoping you'd be like him."

"Merlin!" Arthur said it without thinking, eyes widening as he realized that him and Merlin had used the same argument. But Merlin seemed to be reaching Balinor, where Arthur was not. Arthur's and Merlin's hopes for Balinor differed. Merlin had hoped for Gaius, while Arthur had hoped for Merlin.

"I wanted to..."

"Merlin!" It was strange, Arthur thought. He had thought this entire time that this whole conversation would be between the three of them.

"Well, there is no point." Merlin had given up on Balinor.

The entire time, this meet up had been for Merlin and Balinor and only them. Arthur was the one here for support. And the entire time Arthur had no idea if those two men even knew who was in front of them.

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Arthur was whacking his brain, trying to figure out what to do or say. They were on their way back home to Camelot and yes, that had been Arthur's idea. But there was no point in staying, not when Balinor wouldn't listen. And Merlin wouldn't talk.

In fact, Merlin was incredibly quiet. And Arthur had no idea how to approach the subject. So he did it the way he did with everything that concerned Merlin. He butted his head against the wall. "I always thought that silence would be a blessing with you, but I find it just as irritating. You're a riddle Merlin." He acknowledged that Merlin had secrets. he was allowed to have them, but Arthur wanted to be trusted. What did he have to do to be trusted?

"A riddle?"

"Yes. But I've got to quite like you." 'I like you. I know you. I will accept whatever you're willing to burden me with.' Arthur didn't know if he conveyed it all. If Merlin even listened.

"Yeah?" The answer was short and quipped. No insult, no smart comeback.

Arthur felt nervous. "Now I realize you're not as big a fool as you look." He tried to smile, tried to make sure Merlin knew it was a joke, but Merlin didn't budge.

"Yeah. I feel the same. Now that I realize that you're not as arrogant as you sound." He sounded so serious and angry.

Arthur bit back a retort. "You still think I'm arrogant."

"No. More... supercilious."

Arthur gaped. "That's a big word, Merlin. You sure you know what it means?"

"Condescending."

"Very good."

"Patronizing."

Arthur tilted his head. "It doesn't quite mean that."

"No, there are other things you are."

Arthur frowned. "Hang on!"

"Over bearing."

The familiar atmosphere was snapped with the sound of a breaking twig. Arthur's immediate instinct was to draw his sword. "Shh."

"Very overbearing." Merlin mustn't have heard it.

Arthur gritted his teeth. "Merlin!" He hissed. Merlin would get himself killed if he didn't shut up right this second.

"But you wanted me to talk!"

Unfortunately, Merlin was right about that. Arthur was already half way towards the sound, when he felt Merlin following after him. So he had gotten the memo eventually, thank god. There was another sound, more twigs and leafs brushing against each other, that made them snap around.

In front of them stood Balinor. Arthur couldn't believe the relief he felt. "Careful, boy. I thought you might need some help. This is dangerous country."

Arthur beamed. "And will you return to Camelot with us?"

Balinor ignored him and turned to Merlin. "You were right, Merlin. There are some in Camelot who risked their lives for me. I owe a debt that must be repaid."

"If you succeed in killing the dragon, you will not go unrewarded." Arthur knew why Balinor changed his mind. It must be because of Merlin, right? Once the Dragon was dead, Arthur would love to reward them both a station of lordship. A land to live on. Their family reunited.

Balinor, however, scoffed. Clearly not understanding Arthur's message right. "I seek no reward."

"Great. Let's eat." Arthur grinned brightly.

...

When Arthur said 'let's eat', he meant someone had to cook. Which meant they needed a fire and it meant that someone needed to collect firewood. So, Arthur sent both Merlin and Balinor to gather some. Then, because Arthur was good at stealth, he followed them. He was a prince. Prince's don't eavesdrop, they just look out for their people. And how could he leave Merlin with a Dragonlord all on his own, right? He was merely gathering information. That he stood behind a tree, arms crossed to listen to their conversation meant nothing.

"This wood's too wet." Merlin complained and Arthur had to hide a smile. Merlin was hopeless at starting conversations.

"Don't worry. I'm sure we'll find a way to make it light." Balinor spoke with confidence, never looking at Merlin and Arthur had to wonder. He knew Balinor spoke of magic. But if that was true, why was Merlin acting like a fool? Like he hadn't considered that?

"When you healed Arthur, I heard you mumbled some words."

"An ancient prayer."

Arthur held his breath. Yeah, of course. That had been magic. What was Merlin going on about? Didn't he knew what a spell was?

"I thought it might have been more that that."

Arthur exhaled. Okay, good so far. Merlin wasn't completely stupid then.

Balinor didn't react. His tone didn't shift and why would it? Arthur himself had seen him use magic and not said a word about it. Why would he be nervous to show his skills to Merlin? "The Old Religion can teach us many things."

"The Old Religion. Is that something you were taught?"

"It's not something you can learn. Either it is a part of you or it isn't. My father knew that, and his father before him."

Arthur held his breath. Merlin talked like he had no idea. Had Arthur been wrong? Did Merlin not have magic? But... he had been so sure! Actually, he hadn't been, but the possibility was a seed that grew and blossomed into something constant in Arthur's life. He couldn't remember the last time he had doubted it. Right now, he felt foolish, blinded by the Clockroom. He bit his lip. Maybe Merlin was bluffing?

"Were they also Dragonlords?" The questions were childish but reasonable.

Balinor ignored him. "We'll need some kindling."

Arthur wanted to scream! 'Just answer the damn questions, Balinor!'

There was a moment of silence, before Merlin reopened the conversation. This time, he was more direct. "You mentioned..." Merlin bowed down to gather more wood. "You spoke of Ealdor. You took refuge with a woman."

Arthur's ears perked up. Now they were headed somewhere. As often as the Clockroom lied, it had never lied about other people's relations so far. It had known about Arthur's feelings for Gwen, and his growing ones for Merlin. Surely, it's idea about Merlin's father was right as well. Arthur would find out! Today, he'd find out!

"That was a long time ago."

'Yeah,' Arthur thought. 'As long as Merlin is old.'

"I grew up there."

"Ealdor?" Balinor turned to look at Merlin, betraying his own indifference for a moment.

Merlin nodded eagerly. "Yes. I know the woman."

Balinor paused again. "Hunith? She's still alive?"

That was an odd phrase, Arthur thought. But he had been to Ealdor. He knew how dangerous the place was. Then again, Balinor had left her behind, knowing she might die? A thousand questions played in his mind, almost drowning out Merlin's response.

"Yes. She's my mother."

Arthur held his breath. This was it. Balinor would know! He'd understand now!
"Then she married. That's good."
Arthur wanted to kick the man. How daft could one man be???

"She never married," Merlin clarified. "I am your son."

Okay, if that flew over Balinor's head, then Arthur would definitely go out there and kick him.

Balinor remained an idiot, but at least he didn't ignore it. "I don't know what it is to have a son."

"Or I a father." Merlin's answer surprised Arthur. What about Gaius? Or had Arthur misinterpreted that relationship, too?

Arthur leaned over a bit too close and stepped on a twig. Merlin's head snapped around and Arthur hurried to look like he was doing something. He walked by, his back turned to them. Whatever else they said, Arthur didn't know and he cursed himself for getting so immersed in their conversation that he'd become careless.

----------------------------------------

It all went to shit the next day. They were attacked by Bandits. And Balinor died. Arthur didn't see it happen. The fight had preoccupied him.

He came back to his companions after he'd defeated the last bandit and saw the dead Dragonlord laying in Merlin's arms. Arthur panicked. And his entire euphoria for Merlin at finding his father bled from him as the cold truth settled in his mind. Balinor had been the last Dragon Lord. Their only hope. It wasn't just a father they had just lust, they had lost their only hope for Camelot. "NO!" Arthur thew his sword into the earth with as much power as he could muster.

Merlin didn't bother to wipe of his tears. They flooded freely from his eyes, making Arthur feel sick and twisted. Then, Merlin faced Arthur, ready for... something. Though Arthur didn't know what it was and he didn't wait around to hear it. "Camelot is doomed," Arthur said, when really he wanted to hug his friend. But there was no time. They had wasted more than enough of what little they'd had. And this wasn't a dream. This was Arthur's real life. There would be no such thing as second chances after he faced that Dragon. Arthur would die.

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It was hard for Arthur to tell his father about his failure. His father didn't react much. Balinor's death didn't phase him the way it did Arthur, let alone Merlin. Merlin had returned to Gaius' side and even Arthur could tell that he was seeking comfort by the man who had sheltered him since the day he arrived in Camelot. Arthur couldn't blame him.
Balinor's death did, however, change something else in Uther. Because while emotionally he had no connection to the man, Camelot's very existence depended on him. Suddenly, Arthur was allowed to face the Dragon with a couple of his men. It had been Arthur's idea and yet... he had never been so scared in his entire life.

Arthur nodded at the knights who stepped forward, among them Sir Leon as the first who volunteered. They bowed to him, pledging their loyalty till their dying breath. Arthur knew they were brave. It still felt a bit pointless though.

So Arthur went to his own chambers to get himself prepared. And for a moment he wondered whether or not he should go to the Clockroom one last time. He could have one life. One, single life. An hour of his time would be taken and Arthur could spent one of his lives with anyone he cared about. It didn't even have to be Dream Merlin, though it would be foolish to believe that that wasn't the clock he'd choose.

A knock interrupted him from his silent mental debate. "Enter," he said, knowing without a doubt it wasn't Merlin who'd come in. Instead, he saw waves of dark brown hair and a quiet smile. Arthur immediately straightened his back. "Guinevere."

Gwen stepped inside and carefully closed the door. Then she strode towards him. "I know what you're doing."

Arthur smiled. Then he waved at her to go ahead with whatever she was meaning to say. The silence must have startled her, because she stopped a few feet before him. "You're going to get yourself killed."

Arthur's stomach dropped. "I know."

"You cannot win, Arthur." Her voice was shaking. "None of you can. You're sending your men out to die!"

Arthur waited, but she didn't say any more. Then, Arthur nodded and stood, only to face the barricaded windows. "Every single citizen of Camelot depend on us."

"That won't change your chances."

"No. It won't. But they will know that we care."

"We should evacuate!"

Arthur sighed. "We can't evacuate an entire kingdom, Guinevere. These people deserve protection. If we're not strong enough that means we failed providing that. Not fighting the Dragon at all, means to betray everything we stand for."

Arthur didn't need to see her to know she was biting her lip. It was one of her nervous habits that he found quite endearing. Arthur didn't dare look at her. Her voice picked up again anyway. "I know." It was quiet. There was no surprise or disappointment in her voice. I just don't want you to go. I wish I had reasons to tell you not to. I wish I had a plan but I don't. I wish you could stay."

Arthur smiled and turned to face her again. She looked stern and determined as she walked forward to face him more directly. "You are the Future of this Kingdom, Arthur. Don't die out there." It was a demand.

Arthur's gaze softened. Somehow, as he took in how the candlelight reflected in her hair and her eyes, on her skin, he disagreed. Some time ago, one of the many Merlin's he'd met told him that it wasn't Arthur who started the Golden Age. He had cleared the way, but it was who ruled after that would make Albion shine. Guinevere had those moments when she looked golden. Like a Future Queen. And Arthur knew without a doubt that if it was up to him, then she'd be wearing the Crown one day. He doubted himself sometimes, of course. Hearing so many times how one day, he'd be with Merlin made him question it all.

But right now, in this moment, Arthur felt like he finally understood. Guinevere had a vision for Camelot. And sometimes she saw that vision in Arthur and sometimes Arthur saw it in her. And together, they shared the same hopes and dreams, the same love for this kingdom. Maybe that's why they fit so well together. Their minds were drawn to each other like that. The feeling could be intense and overwhelming. It was more than love, far more than mere attraction.

And then there was Merlin. Merlin who knew Arthur on an intimate level. Who cared for him as a person. Their connection had always been chaotic and laced with self sacrifice. Not simply to save one another, but always to prove a point. They were self destructive, the two of them.

Guienevere and him would be able to create something bigger than themselves. It didn't make either feeling superior to the other. It didn't mean one was deeper or less worthy to be acknowledged. It meant that in this world, in Camelot, where death still meant something, Arthur would love Guinevere.
And in the other, where it didn't, Arthur would learn to love Merlin. It was strange that Arthur learned this now. Now, when he was about to get himself killed.

"Arthur?" Gwen was still waiting for a reaction.

"Thank you." Arthur said. He felt strangely calm. He was glad she had come. He was glad to have met her. He was glad for the warmth she brought to his soul. If she lived, then there was hope for Camelot.

Gwen blinked. "What for?"

Arthur smiled, then shook his head. Gwen seemed determined then. And when she approached him, she put a kiss on his cheek, before she left. "Don't die!" She said again, then she disappeared behind the closing door.

...

Not soon after, Merlin had returned to help him with his armor. It may be stupid, but right now, Arthur felt like he was okay with dying. He would die for Camelot, for his people, for Gwen and for Merlin. He didn't want to leave them behind, but he would today. And maybe, if his life was worth something, they'd live to see another day.

And he hoped that they would be happy about it. That they would look back on him and remember him fondly. Arthur wasn't good at expressing those feelings, so he started the conversation as he had any other these past few days. With bickering.

Merlin was in the middle of righting the gauntlet on Arthur's arms. He checked the sturdiness of his breastplate. And Arthur felt the need to point out how careful Merlin was with it, compared to usually.
"Well,look on the bright side, Merlin. Chances are, you're not going to have to clean this again."
He expected a retort. He expected Merlin to tell him not to mess the armor up. They would pretend that Arthur wouldn't die and they would say goodbye to one another and Arthur would have to live with the vague idea that Merlin might live forever without him. It felt weird to think about that and hope Merlin would die. Even if the idea was that Merlin would die of old age.

Merlin didn't joke around with him. Instead, he fastened one of Arthur's belts and gave him advise. "You must be careful today. Do not force the battle."

Arthur twitched a smile. Merlin sounded like Leon used to, when Arthur was still a young Squire and tried to battle every single noble who took a water break at training. "Yes, Sire!"

"I'm serious."

"I can hear that." Arthur really could.

"Let matters take their course."

It stung Arthur then that Merlin was worried for Arthur's life. He's just lost his father and Arthur had seen how Merlin reacted to that man's death. The man had basically been a stranger, and yet Merlin had cried. Arthur's stomach sank at the idea that Merlin might cry if Arthur died only a day later. "Merlin, if I die, please..." Arthur's voice failed him.

"What?" Merlin ignored it, his face cast downwards, never fully looking at Arthur.

"The dragonlord today. I saw you." Arthur didn't know what to say, really. "One thing I tell all my young knights: No man is worth your tears." The problem was that Merlin was no knight. And actually, it came out wrong. It was a very specific phrase that was spoken in moments of extreme peril. In battle, when faced with their friends dying around them for the first time, many young knights would stop fighting, their emotions overwhelming them. They'd scream for their friends, calling attention to themselves, their vision blurring through their tears, their guard lowered. That moment was crucial, because it could cost them their lives. So, what Arthur meant, when he said that to his knights, he didn't mean they weren't allowed to grief. They simply shouldn't grief in the wrong moment. Tears aren't worth dying for.

Arthur didn't want to be grieved. He wanted Merlin to celebrate Arthur's sacrifice. He wanted Merlin to look forward to whatever future awaited him. Make the best of it. Arthur didn't know why that was the first thing that came to mind, perhaps it was simply a mantra that was engraved in it. How else could he comfort Merlin?

Merlin, as always, defied him and ignored what he said. "Yeah, you're certainly not."

Arthur smiled at that and grabbed his sword. From his peripheral he saw Merlin do the same.

Arthur's lips parted in surprise. "What are you doing?" Merlin was stupidly brave, but he was no knight. Let alone a Dragonlord. Well, even if he was, there was no way Merlin knew what that even meant or how to defeat a Dragon.

"I'm coming with you." Merlin's voice didn't even waver.

Arthur stared at him. "Merlin, the chances are I'm going to die." Surely, Merlin knew that. Uther knew it. Even Gwen had gone out of her way to remind Arthur of that.

"Yeah. Yeah, you probably would if I wasn't there." Again, certainty.

Something in Arthur's body moved. He couldn't say what it was. It felt like something cracked open and bled within him, filling him with warmth and hope and a deep sense of appreciation for his friend. He scoffed, not sure if out of incredulity for this feeling, or Merlin's preposterous ideas. "Right." Perhaps it was just a joke. One that Merlin made to make Arthur feel supported, even if it was just for the moment.

"Do you know how many times I've saved your royal backside?"

Arthur grinned. Not able to deny it, he shook his head. "Well, at least you got your sense for humor back." He'd missed it dearly, not that he'd ever admit it.
In jest, and to assure Merlin that he wouldn't mind if Merlin got cold feed, he clanked his sword against Merlin's and let it slide down. Then, taking a last deep breath, he walked towards the door.

Merlin followed after him and Arthur stopped again. Merlin wasn't joking. The warm feeling bubbled inside him. "Are you really going to face this Dragon with me?" A part of Arthur wondered if he should be so relieved. He'd seen Merlin cry over him as he held Arthur's dead body. He couldn't shake that image now, but a much bigger part of him was happy not to go out there all alone.

"I'm not going to sit here and watch. I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel, but..."

Arthur stared at him. Arthur expected a confession. Yet he knew it wouldn't come.

"well, I care a hell of a lot about that armor, I'm not going to let you mess it up."

Arthur's mouth twisted into a laugh. Leave it to Merlin to pretend that death wasn't an option. And perhaps, if the Clockroom held any truth to it, then it wouldn't be. Arthur thought, oddly, if he survived tonight, then he'd spent as much time with Merlin as possible in a time where neither of them could die. At least not permanently. And if that was the case, then they would both be there for each other after their own death.

Merlin laughed with him and suddenly Arthur couldn't imagine that Merlin could ever die. Merlin's laugh seemed eternal, his future bright and open. Intertwined with life itself. Maybe, this wasn't the end. Maybe this was just the beginning of Merlin's life.