Chapter 8

Hazel Sinclair

I should be dead.

I should be...

I should...

My eyes snapped open with fright and I sucked in a long, sharp breath. I felt like I wasn't breathing while the faint memory of my nightmare was still reeling in my mind, making me feel tense and scared.

I moved my legs sleepily and felt a pair of hands on my waist, holding me like a teddy bear. Tight and secure. It felt, oh, it felt very good.

But then, like a snap of a mousetrap, I looked behind and found a man lying behind me. My first reaction was to jerk my body away immediately. My mind was reeling with thousands of different thoughts that the first thing I could do was to slap the person sleeping soundly. Even when I jerked away from him, he was fucking sleeping so soundly!

And I was glad for one thing. I slapped Jayden Lister!

"Hazel? Wha- why did you-?" I cut him off mid-sentence.

"Fucking get off me, you creep! I'm trying to sleep soundly and you seem to be forgetting that I have a boyfriend!" I shouted while getting off and glaring at Jayden who was still sprawled on the bed with his hand on his cheek.

I saw his eyes drooping down emotionally before he looked up at me, with softness in his eyes. "Hazel, I'm aware you have a boyfriend. What do you remember from last night?"

Oh my God, I kissed him! No, he kissed me!

I gasped, but almost didn't let it show.

We kissed!

"I remember everything, alright. But it happens all the time." I said very rudely. "People kiss. Shit happens."

He stared at me with a different look in his eyes. "Doesn't it mean anything to you? Anything?"

"Why would it mean anything to me?" I glared at him. "I have a boyfriend who's your best friend, by the way!"

"But-" he reasoned.

"Get out of my apartment, Jayden." I rubbed my mouth on the back of my hand harshly. "Your kiss doesn't mean anything, and I mean nothing!"

He gulped visibly and just stared at me. Slowly, he walked up to me and caressed my left cheek. "Don't do this to me, Hazel. I-"

"Oh, I very well will do this to you! You're not my boyfriend! How dare you kiss me and sleep on the same bed with me? How dare you do this to your best friend, Jayden?" My anger was out of control. This is why I hated having friends. Forget about couples cheating, friends cheating hurts the worst. How could he do this to the person who looked up at him with so much respect in his eyes?

"I'm overwhelmed by it, Hazel! I can't control it when I'm with you." He didn't shout, but he said it so firmly that I felt my anger subside just a little bit.

"Then control it, Jayden. I have a boyfriend and I love him very much." I mumbled.

Love? Really? Pfft.

"It will be difficult, but I'll try. For you, Hazel. Only for you." He stepped back and walked away, taking away the warmth that I suddenly noticed because now that he left, the familiar coldness was engulfing me once again.

***

What the hell happened last night? Why did I even let him kiss me? Why did I not stop it? Why did the moment even occur? Why couldn't I stop myself and let it happen? What was I thinking? What was he thinking? Why did he initiate it?

Clearly he was in some kind of a trance because his words were still ringing in my head.

I'll try. For you, Hazel. Only for you.

Good, because this wouldn't mean anything to me. I mean, why would I even want Jayden? He's so terribly nice it drives me insane! He smiles and goes all mushy!

But you liked it when he had his arms wrapped around you...

I shook my head to clear the images my evil side was showing me. Christian must not get a whiff of it! Oh god, last night and this morning were crazy. If it wasn't, then I was going imbecile.

My thoughts then shifted back to the cause of it. Just like a flashback, I started from the time when I walked in, trying to somehow try to talk to Jayden. But in the middle of our talk, I set my hair free from the ponytail and the clip. That's right! The clip! That same disgusting and sparkly clip! I took that off of my hair and something just snapped inside me and I took it out on Jayden. What possibly could have happened? Whether it's me setting my hair free or just the clip, the real question is still in the air, hanging like a hot air balloon.

What suddenly changed in me to get me so worked up all of a sudden?

I came to nicely talk it out but then the thing with my hair happened and I just snapped. And then I went back and he came back and the kiss happened.

Could it be the clip?

I instantly got up from my bed and ran over to the drawers where the clip was resting. Taking it in my hand, I examined it like it was the first time I was looking at it. It had different rhinestones on it and no doubt, it kind of looked pretty.

I took in a sharp breath when I figured it out. Maybe my rudeness has something to do with this clip! Because quite oddly, whenever I wore that clip in my hair, I always felt somewhat content. I always felt at ease. Like a normal person.

I felt this strange- almost alluring feeling whenever I wore that sparkly and disgusting clip. To be honest, that clip almost looked pretty to me. It just took me in completely. It was like I was in a trance, a magical spell which made me do nice things to people which would never in my life, be on my to-do list. I felt like wanting to do or say nice things which in my mind is basically absurd for me because I'm not really nice as a normal person. I snap and I curse harshly because that's who I am. That's who I chose to be. Because that's what I deserve.

And I deserve to go to hell because of the things I've done.

***