Arkaan's POV

Ever since that day, she'd left a deep impression on my heart - and I had the intention that if oneday my situation were to change for the better, and I felt deserving enough of her, I'd marry her.

I never knew.. the series of events leading to the trauma, and the hell I would spend years battling, ..and my departure from Tâ Hâ was just around the corner..

I didn't know I would soon be leaving, and for eight years, I wouldn't be back.

Yes.. I remember now.. Why I was able to cope all this time. Why it's only all now coming back to me..,- now that I've met her.

I remember Inaayat.. I remember the gang.. I remember grandfather..

Even as I sit here in the darkness, the void within myself, I see the memories flash by me upon the dark sea below which forms my earth.

Internally, I know I'll have to overcome this by the morn..

I can't meet the guys in this form.. I can't meet anyone in this form. This is my internal battle, and I've to win, because.. losing is not an option.

Losing means, - giving into depression..

Losing means, - giving into death.

So I can't lose..

...

I just can't lose.

Though tears flow from my face, the bleeding within my heart, only it - can truly spell my pain..

I'm dying inside.. But I don't want to lose..

Death seems like a salvation from the pain.. But I've a lot to do alive, I'm not yet ready to meet my Lord.. My Rabb..

..At least not until I've attained His pleasure.

•••

Madinatu Anwâr
Sky Legacy Haven

An arrow whistled through the evening air, passing through the Seven Pleiades Palace - Ath-Thurayya. No one could feel its presence, not to talk of stop it.

It pierced through the defenses of the Sky Legacy Haven as stealthily as the hidden shadows in the forest trees. Its silvery light seemed to be at a calculated tone as the moonlight failed to reflect it.

Reaching into one particularly opened window, it made its way towards the elegantly comfortable bed which had a figure beneath bleached covers.

Before it impaled into the wall above the polished headboard though, a pale hand shot up from the bed with exceptional precision, catching it as smoothly as a trained hand would a carp swimming in a stream.

A young man got up lethargically, holding the silvered arrow. His flamboyant air was made more apparent by the blend of red and brown long hair cascading down his nimble and yet, broad shoulders.

He got up and walked to the window, his tall lithe features wrapped in a graceful nightwear, arrow in hand.

His face possessed an air of the scholarly refined amongst royalty to it, and yet, the apathy with which he opened the paper attached to the arrow shaft and the placid expression on his face, betrayed his indifference to the world around him.

The towers are gathering
The crescents have waned
The pyramids are fallen...

Civilizations end.
Powers change,
And so will the Tetragrammaton Circle.
Allah gives the Kingdom to whomever He wills..

Should I tell your brother?

B.

Turning skyward, a grateful expression on his sad face, he silently uttered,"Qulillahumma malikalmulki tu'teel mulka man tasha'u watanzi'ulmulka mimman tasha'u watu a'izzu man tasha'u watu'dhillu man tasha'u biyadikalkhayr. Innaka 'alaa kulli shay'in qadeer•..."Within his eyes seemed to be awakening a flame that had died a long time before.

Apparently, whatever this letter contained, was something of great hope and concern to him.

"Biyadihil khayr•..."the young man murmured to himself, now a fierce light shining in his before, gentle eyes."Soon..I'll avenge the Homeland. The Country of Sulaymân will be rid of all the evils plaguing it."
His voice carried the eloquent words gently through the night wind, and yet they burned as the embers of a seething fire would. For his heart was so.

Suddenly remembering something, his eyes gazed downward to reread something that seemed to have escaped his attention before."Brother?"

Memories flashed through him like a current, draining...

"I love to talk to you elder brother. If I had my way, you'd stay here in the palace always, waiting for me to return from the Royal academy so we could talk!" Ukasha chanted nonstop.

Every word he spoke, was like a dagger being driven into Ihtisham's chest, every word - an inch through. He had not yet informed his younger brother that he would be leaving to a new country, away from home to study, and that too, for some years.

They probably wouldn't meet each other frequently as before. And considering their relationship, Ukashah would likely not bare it. He too..

But perhaps, as time went on and they spent their time apart, they'll each adapt to that situation, even if it were differently..

The boy had just ran to him after his prayers, having just come back from school, and suddenly started telling him all these things.

Even as he continued happily telling Ihtisham all that went on in the academy that day; his teacher's ranting about a faraway village he came from in the northern borders of the country, and on and on. Ihtisham just smiled, looking at him, although it was a tight-lipped smile.

Ukashah could never tell, his elder brother would be leaving him soon. And that, all their happy times and laughter together would soon be only memories to look back at for another day.

Especially these past days that their parents had gone on a summit in the neighbouring country - Mijannah, and Ihtisham had been left to take care of him, they spent almost all the time together.

They had left the palace to their grandmother's, and Ihtisham was literally placed in charge by the old lady. During that time, he learnt things he had never bothered to learn as a prince. He had lived a very normal life...

Ihtisham personally took over looking to Ukashah's meals. He was forced to learn how to personally cook different dishes. Their grandmother was an excellent teacher. It wasn't easy at first, but in time he caught up, as the quick learner that he was.

He made sure Ukashah ate his meals, woke up for fajr on time, prepared for the academy and left early.

He also saw to advising Ukashah on his Islamic and social life, and etiquette as a prince.

He mentored him on the Qur'an. They slept together in the same room. All this, while Ihtisham diligently studied his own books and notes, preparing for the journey ahead.

In time, their parents returned, and they had to come back to the palace. Their Uncle, the shrewd Governor of Daarus-Salah had managed the country well in the King, his brother's absence.

Their little trip had ended. But for the two brothers, it was one they would never forget. The smiles and laughter they shared staying together, even away from their parents.

Their bond of brotherhood and love had strengthened in many ways. The old lady really had let them see life in another light, outside the palace walls.

Now that they had returned, Ihtisham's father, the King Sulaymân had called him over and told him to prepare for the College of King Dhul Qarnayn.

He was leaving the very next day...

It was all too sudden, but that was life. Sometimes, things would happen so suddenly but one would have to move swiftly as well, in flow with the changes in life. If one didn't move in sync, one would be left behind. That was life!

Now, Ukashah stood near his elder brother at his study as he rattled on in naivety, and pure joy. It seemed just the sight of Ihtisham was enough to flood his heart with sheer emotions of mirthfulness.

Ihtisham smiled at all he said, listening to him intently. At that time he thought; perhaps, this would be the last time together they'd remember in a long time. He never knew they would never meet again in this life..

Listening intently, he smiled again, sometimes adding in his statements, asking interested questions, and looking sincerely surprised at what Ukashah felt excitement over.

Maybe I'll tell him sometime later...

Time seemed to move by slowly as they bantered on.

Time seems always eternal in those special moments we spend together, forgetting all else. The world is free. We're free...We found eternity in a single moment together...

"Let's recite the Qur'an..."

Even as the two voices flowed in the air, their calming effects, evidence of originality of the words of the Lord of the Grand Throne, Ihtisham sighed as he looked beyond the lake they had come outside to watch.

The words were really unlike any other. With this, Ihtisham finally felt he could leave without any regrets.

"Ukashah couldn't be.." His eyes shook as strong emotions battered his heart. He hadn't felt like such in a long time.

He quickly looked out the window, but there was no one there.

Bilaal must be gone by now. The youth had indeed risked his life to bring him this piece of news from his Uncle.

King Dhul Qarnayn summoned me earlier today. Even though he mentioned he had something to discuss with me, he didn't say anything.

Could these be related?..

I'll probably have the chance to probe after the meal, tomorrow at breakfast..

Having made his decision, he sat on the bed, holding the letter dearly to his bosom.

The fire in his eyes and the feelings in his heart.. He hadn't felt alive like this in a long time...
He hadn't had such a motivation to keep on living in a long time now.

Before, it had just been the desire for revenge, and even that had drained him.
Actually, it wasn't really enough a reason for him to keep on living..

All he wanted, was to join his family in the afterlife..

What he really wanted, was death..

King Dhul Qarnayn and the others said, he had to live for his people who were suffering at the hands of the tetragrammaton, yet still, he wanted freedom, - from the bondage called life.

He was fed up of this game.. one they were slowly introducing him into..

He was fed up of the prison called this world..

This time, all that kept him living was this family - the King's family.. particularly her.

Seeing Princess Hafsah worried daily due to the predicament of her younger sister made him to want to not see her worry anymore about him.. so he kept on living, though as a spectre..

Now though, ..he must find the truth of what really happened!

Even as he thought this, the paper was crumbled in his fist, and invigorating life was burning in his eyes and ..heart.

The desire to live is strongest when in connection to one's beloved.. and so also can be said of the desire for death.. One wishes to go where the heart lies..

•••

Tâ Hâ
Mt. Shirah, Masjidur Rahmân

It was deep into the dead hours of the night. Ukashah walked stealthily towards the white masjid upon the mountain range.

How long ago was it, when he was afraid of the slightest rustling of leaves in the wind. The time when his life was almost always in danger, he dared not even come out at night.

Now though, even as eerie and quiet as it was, he was determined.

He had waited for Arkaan as he read his daily night reading of the Holy Qur'an.

When Arkaan hadn't yet come, and the clocks had struck midnight, he wouldn't wait anymore. Something must have gone wrong. Arkaan did tell him he was right behind him..

He quickly got his sweater on. Passing through the main hall, he espied Mother Ashyaa sleeping tiredly on the sofa. That day she had done a lot. She'd helped with the hyping of the Welcome party to the neighbourhood. Knowing the old lady, she must have spent the whole day, making sure to talk as much as she could in each house.

When he had returned, she asked about Arkaan. When he had told her Arkaan was going to come latter on, she smiled loudly, her wrinkles radiating, and said,

"Then I'll wait! There's a whole lot of talking and planning we ought to do into the night!"

He could just imagine the torture his roommate was up for.

He appreciated this lady for her enthusiasm in making them feel at home, and her concern for them. She was always like this, even when he first arrived. Only that his tacit behaviour towards her at that time turned the entire 'welcome party' into a complete failure. The guests were there, but the one because of whom it was being organized wouldn't come down, though he was around.

That day she had to placate the guests with lots of dishes, running her purse dry. Ukashah got it from her in the form of a whole three days' whining. He didn't mind her at that time too. Yaa Salaam, was she his housewife??

He took a cloth he'd come down with, knowing she'd be like this. He covered her. The temperature had dropped that night. Tâ Hâ was in its monsoon season..

Even as he approached the masjid, he noticed all the lights were out.

Strange.. Could it be no one's around?

Abdul Sattâr had left them with the keys of the masjid before going on an errand on his. Having left that night, it meant he wouldn't be around till the next Fajr.

He entered into the western section where the mihrâb was. Finding no one there, his eyes turned to the base of the minaret. The door was opened..

It was easy to know that Arkaan was within that room ..Al Iskandarī's study.

Stopping near the door, he knocked on it,

"As-Salaamu alaykum.. Arkaan?"

No response..

"I'm coming in.."

Even as he made to open the door, the sounds of a locking door echoed in the deep silence that engulfed them.

"Arkaan?!"Ukashah called, worry clearly written on his otherwise poker face, as he groped by the door for the handle.

"I'm alright.."The voice came out broken and low..

"You're not alright. Open the door!.."For a person like Ukashah who had spent the latter part of his childhood in profound depression, he knew what was likely going on.

"Just trust me.." Arkaan's voice broke,"I'm fine..

...I'll be fine.."He murmured inaudibly, more to himself than Ukashah, as if trying to reinforce that belief,

"I'll be alright.."

Arkaan fell slowly down, against the door's surface. Tears trailed like two rivulets on his face, and he was in the worst of shape.

Nobody had ever seen him like this, not even Inaayat..

That was why he had agreed to leave in the first place. His grandfather had given him those drugs, so all the memories of that night were suppressed.. seemingly forgotten.

"Okay.. I'm going..

But I'll be down in the masjid if you need any help."

Ukashah stooped close to the door, whispering audibly enough for his companion to hear,

"Whatever happens.., don't give up.

Know that there are worse trials out there.. and people are facing them.. everyday..

It's not every time you can be strong. And those strong people.., there are sometimes when even they, break down..

But those who've survived in the end, they're those who persevered. When things became tough, they endured with even greater patience.

It's okay to be in a state of hanging in there.., waiting for the light to appear..

It may take time, but remember, ..Allah is with those who are Sâbirûn, The Patient.

And hold on to the words of Allah, for He subhânahu wa ta'aala said in Qur'an Kareem,

'Yaa Ayyuhalladhîna 'aamanus-birû, wa sâbirû, wa râbitû, wat-taqullaha la'allakum tuflihûn..

Oh you who have believed, persevere and endure.. (in patience, outlasting all others), and remain stationed, and be God-conscious, that you may be successful..'

Allah didn't just enjoin patience upon us once, but thrice.."

He remembered these were the very same words his Ustadh, Al Iskandarī would enjoin upon him in the past, whenever he faced those problems..

"So you must hang in there, and await His help..from the dark, He would lead you into the Light.."

As long as one does not give up, Allah does not give up upon them.

..and do not despair of Allah's mercy. For indeed, no one despairs of the mercy(and relief) from Allah except the disbelieving people..•

Ukashah knew that Arkaan wasn't going to open the door no matter how much he asked. He wasn't new to this after all. He needed time..

He just hoped Arkaan was strong enough to overcome the darkness..

He descended to the western section and sat close to the mihrab, switching on its lights.

Right now, the only aid he could offer Arkaan was the spiritual.. aid from Allah Himself!

He would call upon Rabbul Izza wal Jalaali, the Lord of honour and majesty, the Lord who's Refuge of the weak and the suffering..

Whenever he called, Allah always listened.. That was a secret of his..

Allah is the only One who is Alîmun bizaatis-Sudûr, Knower of what lies in the chest(the hearts)..

He alone knows the suffering within the people's chest that they can't even tell anyone.

He alone knows how much pain the heart of his 'abd is going through.

He alone understands the language of tears and unspoken words..

Ukashah understood this, and thus decided to help Arkaan through calling upon Allah.

The method was.. - to call upon Allah's intervention by the Qur'an!

By using the barakah of Allah's Book, he was beseeching from the Dhul Arshil Majeed to let His divine help descend. How effective it would be, - would depend on how much sincerity could be conveyed in the recitation.

When barakah of the Qur'an descends, the doors of mercy are opened, duas are accepted..

Even as Ukashah sat down in crosslegged position, he opened the Qur'an in front of him, and began.

The words flowed most eloquently, immersing one into a profound state of Tadabbûr.

It were as if one could visualize oneself, transcending the myriad realms of seven heavens, to reach the throne of the King.

Over there, one might make one's humble implorations to the Generous Lord..
A Lord who feels shy that His slave raises his hands to Him in need, and he would not be answered.

Up above, the sounds of the Book of Allah reached Arkaan. Words of wonder and mystery, the Scripture of Divine contemplations, the Book of the Lord of the worlds...

His heart steadily calmed. In his mental world, the images of the past replayed themselves even as he curled up in a fetal position on the floor.

...

Arkaan's POV

It was during that time I also noticed my stalker had stopped stalking me. It was rare..

_________________________________

What Arkaan is going through is a Posttraumatic stress disorder, triggered by his seeing Esmeralda. As to what happened that time to cause the PTSD, and what happened now when they met, read on to find out:)
...

Verses
• Aal-i-Imraan, 3:26

Say:"O Allah! Lord of Power (And Rule), Thou givest power to whom Thou pleasest, and Thou strippest off power from whom Thou pleasest: Thou enduest with honour whom Thou pleasest, and Thou bringest low whom Thou pleasest: In Thy hand is all good. Verily, over all things Thou hast power."

•Biyadihil khayr(not a verse)
Meaning: In His hand is all good.

•Ali'Imran, 3:200

•Surah Yusuf, 12:87

•Barakah means 'Blessing'

•Tadabbûr means 'Contemplation on the Divine Words of the Qur'an'