"God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it's a good thing - the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it."

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

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"Ahhhhhhhhh..."A shout rang out in the open void, disturbing the peace.

It was darkness all around but there was a lonely figure in pain, assaulted on all sides by memories.. memories he didn't want to remember.

This place was a mental darkness, and a soul was present within, struggling for itself.

The lonely soul looked up in despair and pain, filled with regret.

"Emeralda.."Arkaan murmured, almost as if his very soul had left him.

He could still remember her saying,"I came into your life first.., but you left me as soon as you found her.

You left me ruined...

How do you think your newfound Lord would deal with you.

If there's really divine justice in this world, you'd never be with her!

Not forever..

and even if you were to be together, you'll never be happy."

Arkaan remembered the girl who was his first true friend from the alley. One he had disappointed in friendship just because he had been misled by others.

In this world, she was my greatest sin..

Arkaan thrashed about in this void.

He held his head in agony as tears spilled incessantly from his eyes like a river from a broken dam.

He was in intense distress as the memories assailed him.

"Arkaan, let's go and play.."The girl's green eyes looked dolefully at him.

"She was innocent!!"Arkaan murmured.

"She was innocent!!"He shouted out into the abyss but no one heard him.

He was pleading profusely. Pleading that someone should rescue him from that darkness.

How long has he tarried here. How long has he not regretted his sins. Everyday every night, he had been tormented.

For the past years since he left Tâ Hâ, he had thought he had escaped it but all had come back running to him.

At that time, before he met Ibn Al Iskandarī, he was with them.

...

"Father, where are you going?"

He smiled at Arkaan, tousled his angry hair."I'll be back, soon. Don't worry."

"Father, don't go."

"I've to son. In shaa Allah, we'll see each other again." He kissed Arkaan's forehead.

"Promise~"

The man smiled gently at his son."Uhumm"he held the boy's pinky finger. Arkaan smiled.

Even as he left, the light flashing through the door behind him, Arkaan heard the concealed sobs of his mother.

Time flowed slowly as they both, mother and son waited for dad. His mother seemed more lost than him, and would just sit on for hours, staring into space.

It seems she knew something he didn't..

In time, the pangs of hunger began to deal him a heavy blow, and what soon was left, was nothing at all.

"Mother.. I'm hungry."The little boy turned to his refuge at that time, only to stare into those empty eyes.

He didn't understand why.

In time, he couldn't bear it anymore.

She would only react to those who came to take him away into the main tribe, in pain and with an unyielding spirit.

She would never let him go..

But when they turned back, he was left with a lifeless mother who wouldn't even respond to him.

Would he ever forgive her? But was that even a question he should ask? She gave birth to him.
She gave him life..

He loved his mother dearly. He couldn't also bear the thought to separate from her, especially in her state now.

But in time, to fend for them both, he'd to leave the house, - to search for food..

His first stop was the neighbourhood. In the beginning there were some kind neighbours who'd look after him, and his mother. But soon enough, it became clear that they couldn't constantly look after two mouths everyday. Especially when things became tight.

When some began to complain about his mother letting a small boy cater for them both, while she was still in her state of depression, it made their situation worse..

It happened that those who persisted in helping them were sooner or later, stopped by their very own furious relatives.

It is said that, you ask the people again and again and they'll get fed up with you. But you ask Allah again and again, and He only increases more in love for you..

Arkaan still went to school, as Primary school education was free in Tâ Hâ till one reached High School.

There, out of shyness he couldn't approach anyone for help and thus, bore the pangs.

As he walked home from school, whatever he could get from the mango trees, and the berries, - was what he'd relish.

Sometimes, when he stared hungrily at the food on a stall too long, he'd be dashed one out of pity, or just to drive him away.

In time, he learnt to harvest honey while foraging on the outskirts of the South district.

It was like it was just yesterday, when he was like any other kid. But now he had to live from hand to mouth.

The fateful day, he was in the Chinese market once again, using his ploy of appealing to the people's emotion.

He hadn't eaten all day. It was unusually cold, and he was wholly weak and sick. Days of malnutrition had finally taken a toll on his growing body. Yet, he had to obtain food for his mother. He had to obtain food for himself.

That day, no matter where he went, all doors seemed closed on him.

Unable to return without food, he decided not to return home. He couldn't bare to see his mother.

He'd rather stay out in the cold weather..

An empty street, an infirmed child groped down. Covering his little frame, he blew on his freezing hands.. But his breath was just as cold.. doing nothing to alleviate his condition. He was malnourished, and starving..

Finally, he ran out of stamina, and fell unto the cold floor, ..an unidentifiable street in the Chinese market landmass, amidst the slums and alleyways.

...

"How's the boy doing?.."

"He's still sleeping. But his temperature has stabilized."

"Poor boy.. To be left out on the empty cold street. And O my gosh, he's also such a handsome young thing!"

"Yh, a pretty child if I might say" one voice sighed,"only if he were grown enough, he'd always be welcome here.."

"Aileen!"

"Huhuhuhuhu.. Just joking. You know such people wouldn't dare step here.."

"Nay, I dare say this is the first place he'd come to when he's of age."Another argued.

"Haa"the former voice sounds again,"if that's so, he'd be welcome even if he had nothing to offer."

Arkaan had regained his consciousness some time ago when he heard all these voices. But he didn't dare to move a limb.

He felt warm. His previous cold gone from him. There was also the feel of a lukewarm towel on his forehead.

Everything felt right, only...

He felt half-naked!

All his top clothes had definitely been removed. He felt a bandage were sores had once existed, courtesy of falling from tree branches he'd climbed previously to obtain honey from hives.

But who were these people?

Actually, he was very afraid to open his eyes and see his benefactors. Their talk just now made him uneasy.

So he just lay there, waiting for the right time to make his escape.

The voices gradually died down, and so did the movements.

Arkaan opened an eye.

When he saw there was no one in front of him, he fully opened both eyelids, adjusting himself in a sitting position on the bed.

"Ouch!"He groaned.

"Huhuhu.."He heard soft laughter come from one corner of the room. He turned.

"So they were right."The girl with doeful green eyes said. It was rare to see such characteristics here in Tâ Hâ, but it made him feel some sort of acquaintance.

"Who were?"He said, even as he spotted a bowl of hot pottage on a nearby table. Speculating that it was his, he quickly took the bowl in one swift motion and helped himself, taking note to ask one for his mum when leaving.

"The sisters.. They said you were probably awake but shy."She looked at him as he gobbled up the food. Her eyes were filled with some sort of innocence, and.. interest.

"They told me to look after you."

Arkaan stared at the girl for a moment, his mouth full. He didn't know what to say back. So he just smiled awkwardly at her.

It was like that statement opened a new phase in Arkaan's life, where he had this girl always tailing after him, smiling shyly in his wake, even after he thanked the sisters and left on his way.

She would look at him from a distance, and follow him wherever, even when he went to beg. It seemed the sisters didn't mind. Rather, they seemed to be particularly encouraging the younger girl.

It happened that, it was during that time he was once sitting on the bridge to the school. Sometimes he'd sit there, awaiting the right opportunity and the right person to beg from..

Thus, with his head lowered, he didn't realize when she approached him. Apparently, his sitting place was the particular bridge this girl passed by everyday to school with her siblings.

He heard the pair of footsteps approach softly, and almost.. hesitantly.

After a moment of silence and hesitation on both sides, Arkaan decided to look up.

There, in front of him stood a girl, like the chaste moon in its full glory.

He could still remember the charming smile on her stunning dream-like beautiful face, as she offered him her food from her knapsack.

She didn't speak a word, as if she didn't know how to put her intentions into words, out of shyness.

But her outstretched hand, in which was an opened lunch box with all types of delicacies spread out, was enough to leave him frozen in eternal time.

Damn, he knew he was very hungry, but his eyes were not on the food, but looking into those kind eyes which stared back at him.

At that time, he didn't know whether it was her extraordinary beauty, or her admirable empathy that captivated him.

At that time he knew he'd never forget her.

He felt shy to take the food from her, but he also simultaneously felt she would feel hurt if he rejected it. On one side was his pride, as he suddenly didn't feel good at the girl having seen him in that state.

On the other side was his wanting her not to feel uneasy around him.

Without thinking, he took the meal and began eating, only to look up at the girl, ashamed she might have nothing else to eat for that day.

But she smiled at him, and revealed another lunch box.

"Don't worry. That one was especially prepared for you by my mum. Hope it's delicious"She smiled at him, her face carried some expectancy.

Even as the girl's face heated up as she realized her statement just now, it suddenly dawned on him the implication of what she had just said.

She had actually been noticing him for a long time now. Hence her preparing two lunch boxes that day.

He smiled gently, one he hadn't done right in a long time, and nodded happily at her.

Satisfied, she sat down happily by him on the bridge, opening her own meal. He looked at the girl beside him, she smiled and turned her attention to her meal.

The next day he didn't go to the bridge, but stood hidden nearby, at exactly the same time she had come there the day before.

It was a gamble, so when he saw the girl move up the bridge happily with a set of two lunch boxes, his heart stilled.

She stopped at where he usually would sit at the same time, waiting endlessly for the day's meal.

Her excitement dropped when she noticed he was particularly absent that day. She turned around to look for him, but he was no where to be found.

She didn't know that nearby, Arkaan was hiding behind a tree, watching her, complex emotions in his eyes..

Worry fixed on her face, she looked round again. Then looking at the two lunches she had prepared, a hint of sadness appeared on her face.

She sat there for a while, looking round at every face that makes its way up the bridge, her attention caught by every sound of any footstep.

After a long while waiting and Arkaan hadn't shown up, she got up.

Looking around one last time, she left.

That day, Arkaan was watching at a distance, as feelings he'd never felt before, started to bloom in his heart.

That day, a girl with doeful green eyes watched the pair at two separate points in a distance. One with her back turned dejected, the other yearning, and yet wouldn't reach out to stop her..

She was disappointed, but she also developed a fierce resolve. They two would never be together.

Arkaan was hers.

Always...