I look at the ceiling, I hadn't got any sleep and Gwen was gone from here so I had no mans of entertaining myself. I just lay back with a small sigh, I don't want to move, my body rejects the idea of moving even the slightest bit.

I just look as my father walks into the room, "Your mothers disappointed. She doesn't want to see you quite yet, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry about your mate.." He sighs.

"Ex-mate now..." I say softly with a small whimper, rolling over so I didn't have to face him, "Dad can you just... leave?" I ask, feeling defeated.

I didn't have sadness, or anger, or frustration on my face. I was clear of any emotion, all of it locked inside and that's where I wanted it to stay. I don't want to break down, I don't want to say I was wrong when I know I was, I just don't want to.

I don't like the fact that everyone seems to think I've done something wrong, I know I did but I didn't tie that noose, I didn't put her up there. No. I was just the pedestal, that final push, to push her to that.

I get up and go out into the forest, going for a simple walk is all. Sighing to myself about how fucked up life is. Going into the thick trees I climb up and I couldn't help but look down and wonder if I climbed high enough, would the fall kill me?

Maybe I'd try. Standing up I climb higher than I've ever done before, breaking branches and such so it's a straight shot to the bottom. My heart starts to pound, my ears get hot. My skins as tan as my mother's just a bit lighter from my father so it shouldn't be possible for my face to get red but my ears feel that way. My hands are a bit shaky and my hearts fast beat won't stop, drumming in my ears.

I stand up and look at how far down the ground is and I wrap my arm around the tree, pressing the side of my body against it.

I can't. I think and start to climb down, sighing but I hold onto a stub of the tree I broke off and place my foot down on another stub. Then lifting my other foot I slip, hitting my chin against the tree and I fall.

Life flashing before my eyes, I'm truly about to die...

I can see myself in my mother's arms, her lifting me high then pulling me close to purr softly and nuzzle my neck. My father coming over as well to hold the both of us, they kiss to which my face scrunches up in disgust but then it all fades away.

I wake up, jumping out of bed and I'm rushing around to find what to eat and what to wear, my first sleepover with my friends.

Now it changes once more, I see my female, my ex mate laying before me, dead in my arms as I softly cry into her neck. She then opens her eyes and tells me, "Don't die... live on.. for me." And our lips meet before I snap awake.

Coming back to reality that was only a few seconds but it felt like a lifetime. Considering it was my lifetime.

I'm falling so quickly, a scream wanting to escape as I try to catch my breath, my eyes rapidly searching around as my heart beats so fast and I see the ground and I quickly grab out.

My back crashes into the ground and I yell loudly. But I'm not dead. Because at the last moment I grabbed onto a strong branch and swung and hit the ground. My hands having so much bark buried into them, thick pieces. They're bleeding badly but will heal within a few days time.

My heart rates calming down and I just breathe, laying there and breathing, the blood oozing from my hands and I feel like my heartbeats now in my hands, the stinging doesn't help but I'll be fine, I'll get over it.

I finally sigh and pull myself up, whining in pain at my hands and I trudge home. Staring down I my hands I wonder how I'm going to hide this, they'll be able to smell blood, but I'll find a way.

I go straight to my friends room, "Katie..." I murmur and she looks at me, "Hey, I heard what happened... I'm sor- what happened to your hands!?" She asks as I show her, grabbing my wrists so inspects them and sighs. She wants to be a weird healer wolf, have no mate and become power when it comes to healing. All her weird herds ad such and she just shakes her head at me.

Sitting me down I look into her eyes and she sits across from me and looks into mine. I nod and then she takes her tweezers and pulls out the first big chunk and I yell loudly, basically screaming.

She shoved a piece of leather in my mouth and I bite down, quiet as I silently groan, scream, and yell. She gets to the smaller pieces and takes them out.

With both hands done she cleans them and I wince at the stinging on the alcohol before she wraps them and I sigh, hugging her waist and nuzzling her neck, I just needed someone to hold that I trust. Gwen's a good little sex toy of course but I need someone who's there for me, not obsessed with me.

"So are you going to stop avoiding everyone? You know someone here's your mate... go find them." I say softly and she shakes her head and just leads me to the door.

"No you goof, I'm not going to find them, they're happy without me." She shrugs, "I can tell... whenever they have sex with another I can feel it... it hurts a lot but I mean they're being pleasured and they're fine so oh well." Katie murmured then shut the door.

I just frown and Gwen comes to me as I'm walking away from Katie's door and her arms wrap around me, one hand sliding to my chest the other sliding up into my hair.

Our lips meet as she jumps up, arms around her waist I hold her thighs to keep her up as I pull back and take her away to my room. Shutting the door quickly I press her against it, my body moving on its own to grind against hers. Moaning happily she let her head lean back and away from the kiss my lips go to her neck and I kiss it tenderly.

She softly giggles, "Someone trying to be gentle for me?" She asks softly, a small amount of teasing in her voice, her warm breath tickling my ear I softly growl and bite her neck, not being gentle anymore since she wants to try and tease me.

I don't make love to her, I just fuck her, hard. I'm not going to try and pretend like I love her the way she thinks she does me. I just make her leave right after we're done. I cross my arms and lay back, looking at the ceiling with a small sigh.

I don't know why, but as I try and close my eyes to sleep once more, all I see is my mates face, lifeless eyes, and a disappointingly sad expression.

    •••••~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~•••••

Took forever, sorry, I did over 1,000 words and that's always my goal so cool.
Now, uh, bye, and I believe I've got a name for him now, and lots of ideas on what's happening. I
I seriously appreciate the support on the book, and if you like it ↯

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