Subhadra's life had almost lost it's meaning when she was sixteen.

After the gruesome murder of her rapist cousin, she was terribly shocked to find her parents crying, as if they had lost their own ward.

Subhadra had a sibling, a brother. Ten years older to her. Studying at Arizona then. Subhadra's middle class father couldn't afford his studies. So,  her ambitious, rather flamboyant brother borrowed money from his rich uncle and went abroad.

He hardly visited India. Lived in with a blonde lady in Arizona and held disgust for middle class people, including parents.

Hence, the rich uncle's rapist son filled the void of a male child, on her parents' part. He was fed well, treated well, pampered, handed every permission to reach Subhadra's bedroom, sleep beside her, feel every corner of her body, and ultimately rape her.........

Subhadra had known since birth, that son was an important thing. And she could be easily replaced by a son if they had a choice.

Subhadra had believed though, that her parents, specially mother, would be happy to know that her daughter's rapist had received his price.

Instead, she blamed Subhadra that she must have secretly spread the news of her rape, which might have enraged some social reforming murderers.

Although, even after days of investigations, the murderer wasn't caught.

In the meantime, Subhadra's brother who was hardly studying but enjoying life in Arizona, came running back to motherland. Why? Because his rich uncle had gone childless. And the huge empire had to be transferred to someone.
The one who remained.

When she was sixeen, Subhadra Hegde decided to die. But everytime she picked up a blade or wanted to tie a rope across the ceiling, the little heart of a youth pounded. Eyes watered, and brain resisted leaving the world with only obscene memories.

She knew she couldn't kill herself.

Subhadra fell utterly silent. She carried on her daily activities, remained confined to herself, went to classes, went for tuitions, occupied a corner seat, and hid herself inside books or behind walls.

Her parents hardly paid attention to a wilting flower. Because their much awaited male child had finally found his way back home.

One day, from school she walked into the hospital that had treated her when she was raped. She found out the nurse who looked after her in those grievous times.

She pleaded, " Sister, I hardly find any urge to live these days. Yet, I cannot muster courage enough to slit my veins.

I read of euthanasia. Why isn't it legal? Why even? Why can't I be awarded death on mercy if I want to die? Why?? Why can't any of my wish be granted? Why????? "

That evening, Sister Sandhya took her home. Fed her, kissed her on the forehead, told her stories of life and struggles, of estrangement by near ones, patted her back and gave her a new direction.

And, a new pulse.
A new heartbeat.
A new breathe.
A new gust of wind.

A new entry into the stage of her choking life.

Maanav Hegde. Sandhya's son. An aspiring doctor, preparing for the entrance exams.

~

" Don't you talk? " , he was holding out a coke to her. 

Subhadra shoved, and tried to concentrate on the book.

" What book is it? " , Maanav thrashed beside her and turned pages to see the cover page.
" Life After Death. Deepak Chopra. Wow! Nice! "

Subhadra said nothing. She couldn't actually. Maanav was sitting uncomfortably close to her. And she was holding her breath. Any manly contact forced her to stop breathing.

" I'm taking yours. Since you say nothing. " , Maanav got up and sat on a separate couch, uncorking the coke.

Did he understand her discomfort? 

Subhadra couldn't concentrate on the book anymore.

" When are your boards? "

Maanav definitely wanted to talk. But she didn't. The past few months of her life had almost zipped her up. As if she was inside a coffin, waiting to be nailed.

" Tenth grade is important. Very important. What do you aspire to be? "

Subhadra wanted to run away. But couldn't. Sandhya aunty was preparing dinner for her. And she couldn't however break that woman's heart by doing unexplained drastic things.

" I don't know. " , she finally spoke.

" Never mind. No one does. I didn't know too, when I was sixteen. Now I'm nineteen and I know quite well how to live a life. Matter of days only.

Everything changes. Everything heals. " , he smiled.

Subhadra knew, she had never seen such a beautiful smile.

-----

Subhadra Hegde slowly opened her eyes. The room was empty. She traced a saline channel connecting her wrist to a bottle dangling above.

IV line? Seriously?

" Sister!! Sister!!! "

Sister Clara almost ran in.

" Madam, how are you? How are you feeling right now? "
The panic in her eyes made Subhadra laugh within.

Such concern.

" I'm better. But, what actually did happen that I'm lying here like a pig? "

" You collapsed. "

" Oh my. That's sad. Where are my colleagues? "

" Not around now. They were here till ten minutes back. Kunal sir told me to call him when you regain senses. "

" Please don't do that for heaven's sake. "

Clara giggled and left.

Subhadra Hegde sniffed.

Smells..

A particular mixture of smells....

The particular mixture of smells....

Someone had been to this room.

Someone she knew by every strand of her brain.

Someone, who wasn't at all welcome in her life.

But, how??

" True love is dangerous. At the end, you lose yourself, lose him, and lose the battle of life. "

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