A/n: This was an absolute waste of time. Enjoy.

----

Within the bowls of the Grimm Castle lies the kitchen, not a soul in sight.... Metaphorically speaking, some of the inhabitants don't have souls... It's empty, goddamn it.

Suddenly the lights start to flicker in small bursts, making the whole cooking area look like a boring rave party. A low hum echoes from nowhere as the flickering becomes more intense.

As the epilepsy inducing lights go on for a few more seconds, it suddenly snaps to complete darkness, the bone rattling hum soon being replaced with silence. The grand nothing filling every corner of the kitchen as the nonexistent tension rises.

A loud pop resonates from the lights as they come back on, revealing your form appearing from nowhere, leaning against a counter as you stare back at the readers.

You: So I've been made aware of a slight misconception about my famous Crimson Tea.

You push yourself slightly from the counter and reach down to some drawers.

You: Seeing as we all have nothing better to do right now, I might as well explain how I make a normal cup of tea with a specific type of blood.

With the drawers open, you pull out an assortment of crap suitable for making tea. A kettle, cups, a vial of blood, jar of red sap, and some cured Forever Fall leaves.

You: First, the kettle.

You remove the lid and point a finger inside the opening. In an instant, water begins pouring from your finger like a faucet and into the kettle. Once the kettle is full, the water dies down and only comes out as a dribble. Giving your appendage a little shake, you snap your fingers at the container before putting the lid back on. This action causes a small area under the kettle to start glowing red with heat.

You: While that heats up, let's have a one sided discussion about the main ingredient.

You pick up the vial of blood, holding it up to eye level.

You: Now here's how you get proper orphan's blood. It needs to be from a child that has been given up by their parents, specifically a kid that knows fully well they were just ditched for less responsibility. That's how you get an ingredient with just the right amount of bitterness.

You set down the blood and pull the bowl of red leaves closer.

You: Next, Forever Fall leaves. You can either do the curing process yourself like I do, or just by them at your local store. It really doesn't matter.

The kettle begins to whistle with steam, signaling it's ready. You reach for the vial again and bring it over to the leaves.

You: Depending on how bitter you want your tea, add whatever amount of blood you want with the leaves and toss them in a tea infuser.

Doing exactly that, you pull out a steel tea infuser and add the two red contents in it. Closing that up, you set it down and grab the kettle and a cup. After filling the cup with hot water, you set aside the kettle and reach for the infuser. Flavor ball in hand, you begin the ultimate teabagging of a life time.

You: Now, I know what some of you are thinking, "Blood is blood, why does it have be from specific orphans? I'm just a lonely edgelord who could care less about proper tea making." Well, besides the reason I just gave earlier, let me put it this way; We have a broken moon that has no effect on the tides, monstrous beasts that get high off of people's depression, personal magic shields for everyone and their grandmother, short swords that can transform into gatling lasers, and a celestial being currently teabagging with blood. I'm pretty sure nobody gives a shit about the hows and whys anymore.

You finish your teabagging and set aside the infuser, soon reaching for a jar of red sap.

You: And finally, you take some sap as a sweetener.

You pour some sap into the cup and stir with a spoon. With all that said and done, you finally lift up your beverage.

You: And here we have a cup of Crimson Tea! A perfect blend of flavor, sweetness, and bitterness. But don't take my word for it, take it from someone who has never tried it before--Hello, Samantha.

From the kitchen entrance, the latest blue clad addition to this dysfunctional household makes her way inside. She sports a surprised look from your sudden greeting.

Samantha: Oh hello, Father! Um, do you happen to have any cookies in here? Ruby wants some and she's kind of bound herself to her room.

You: Bottom cupboard next to the fridge. Would you like some tea? I made some just now.

Samantha: Well, sure. I guess.

She walks over to the counter as you hand her the cup. Admiring the red coloring of the tea, Samantha brings the cup to her lips and takes a sip. Her eyes light up as the combination of flavors hit her tastebuds.

Samantha: This is really good! What's in it? "sip"

You: Oh, you know. The usual Forever fall leaves, a touch of red sap, and blood.

Samantha immediately stops her sipping as she glances over at you, cup of tea still up to her lips. You soon hold the vial of blood up for her to see. She looks at the vial for a good five seconds, somewhat stone faced, before the tea in the cup suddenly splashes out from her exhaling in shock as she soon drops the fine mistral. You quickly catch the cup with ease as you watch the poor girl lean over the counter and heave her little guts out in amusement. You soon look back at the readers.

You: Anyway, that's how you make Crimson Tea. Some ingredients might a bit difficult to acquire, but it's well worth it in the end. Until next time, I bid you farewell. Say goodbye, Samantha.

Samantha: HHHRRRRRRRRRRHHAAAHAAACCCHJJ!!!

----

Somewhere within the abnormally thick greenery of Mistral, an abandoned fortress is consumed in plant life as misshapen tree beasts travel about. As absolute fuck all happens, suddenly, something happens.

???: Wukadaaaa!

From the trees, an army of bananas descend upon the sentient plants and commence combat. Among the falling fruit, a giant bastard of a man in gold falls from the sky and slams his mace down on one of the tree beings. Back in the air, among several holes in reality dumping more bananas, a lone airship floats about. Two figures inside looking upon the barely visible fort as the larger of the duo thinks over his next move.

Warlider:....... Meh. It'll do. *beep* Bring in the rest, boys!

High above orbit, more ships descend to the location. Preparing to bombard the surrounding area and use the fort as the three's base of operation.