The Chariot - Chapter 7
Chapter Seven - The First Crossing
Over the next week or so, Harry found himself not being able to think of anything but Draco. He was distracted most of the time, and waited impatiently for lessons and meal times to be over so he could go and grab a few precious stolen moments with the blond boy. Ron and Hermione were puzzled again by his behaviour and Harry told them that he was just worried about his course work marks. Ron had given him another quizzical look, but Hermione had given him an admonishing glance and said it was good that Harry was taking schoolwork seriously. Ron had sighed and shook his head. Harry had given him a sheepish grin.
He knew that it couldn't work - Draco and him being together. In reality the possibility of such a thing was inconceivable. When they were alone they were transported into another plane, another dimension. Whatever liaisons they had, seemed wonderful in that parallel universe but how to drag that back into the real world and mesh it together? It was unthinkable.
Harry wondered if it were so terrible of him to be seeking and receiving such comfort from Draco's touches. Was it entirely selfish and altogether wrong for him to be enjoying the feelings he had when he was with Draco? Did this make him an awful person? Were his brains finally addled to the point that his greatest source of comfort seemed to be the one and only Draco Malfoy?
On top of that, he felt terrible lying to his friends and sneaking around. But what else could he do? He had thought and thought about the state of affairs, till he had given himself a headache. But his need for Draco won over his mind for the moment. His clandestine meetings with Draco were just for him. There were no questions asked, no answers expected as to what and why….
Just meeting and kissing, no heavy demands, no explanations necessary.
Draco was an entirely different person when they were together and Harry just couldn't bring himself to turn his back on this newfound relationship. He actually liked spending time with him. There was so much more to Draco than the person Harry had known all these years. It was as if he were uncovering a delicious secret that was only meant for him to unwrap and discover and it felt g.
Granted, It had taken a few days to disassociate Draco from just being Lucius Malfoy's son. After so many years of such intense hatred for each other, it had taken a few tentative kisses and embraces before they had started to feel comfortable around one another. Harry now itched during the long minutes when he wasn't with Draco.
Since the night they had kissed, Potions would be the first class in which they would be in together. Harry had butterflies just thinking about it as he made his way down the marble staircase with Ron and Hermione. As they descended they could see a small commotion outside the door that led down to the Dungeons. They got closer and Harry could see Draco – he was standing next to the dull-witted pair. The three of them were snickering and Harry shifted his eyes to see what they were laughing at.
It was Neville, who was on his hands and knees on the stone floor. He was frantically gathering up herbs and such and looked like he was near to tears.
Harry rushed down the stairs with Ron and Hermione.
'Looks like you missed a few,' Draco smiled spitefully and lifted his foot, bringing it down hard on some dried leaves that Neville was about to pick up.
'SHOVE IT MALFOY!' Ron came forward furiously.
Draco gave him an icy stare.' Make me why don't you?'
Ron rushed towards Draco and Hermione pulled him back. Draco hadn't even flinched and Harry felt a cold shiver as Draco turned to look at him and raised an elegant eyebrow.
Yes? And? His expression seemed to say and Harry felt numb. Hermione pulled out her wand and holding a clear bag, which she picked up from the floor, pointed her wand at the spilt herbs.
'Revenit', she said and the herbs flew up into the bag.
She handed the bag back to a grateful looking Neville. Neville then turned towards Draco, a look of intense loathing passing across his features.
'There will be a day when you will learn all about humanity and humility Malfoy,' Neville said, his voice clear, his gaze defiant. 'And you'll be crying and all alone, mark my words. '
He put his herbs back into his bag and mumbled a 'thanks' to Hermione and walked off towards the double doors that led outside of the building. The Slytherin's chuckled and opened up the door and went downstairs. Harry, Ron and Hermione followed shortly.
Once in the classroom, they made their way to the seats in the back and Harry saw that Draco was sitting in the front row. Professor Snape breezed in.
'That Malfoy,' Ron fumed. 'He thinks he's so bloody it!'
'Silence please,' Snape said sharply as stood at the front of the class, giving Ron a foul look.
The lesson dragged on agonizingly and Harry breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. Ron was watching Draco intently with an incensed look on his face.
'Ron?' Hermione pleaded. 'Stop it. It's just what he wants. I've told you that.'
Ron brushed her comments aside, ' no Hermione, he ALWAYS gets away with it! I can't believe he is still here! How on earth can Dumbledore let him remain at school? Everyone knows his father is scum! And he still carries on lording it like nothing has changed!'
Before she could stop him, Ron stormed out in the corridor after Draco. Harry ran out with Hermione.
' I WANT A WORD WITH YOU MALFOY!' Ron shouted.
Draco carried on walking and Ron rushed at him from behind. Draco spun on his heel and pushed Ron off with a vicious hand.
' Don't. Touch. Me. You common piece of filth,' he hissed with a disgusted look upon his face.
'YOU THINK YOU'RE SO BLOODY GREAT!' Ron roared, reaching once again for Draco.
Harry caught Ron's arms,' Ron NO!' he said pulling Ron back.
'Everything all right here?' came a cool voice behind them.
Professor Snape looked at Draco, 'Mr Malfoy?'
Draco nodded his head and drew himself up tall, giving Ron a deadly look.
'Mr Weasley, in spite of Mr Malfoy's good grace, I believe that you were about do something that would cost you quite a few house points. I would like to remind you that even though you insist on acting like a first year, you are in fact a sixth year. Fifty points from Gryffindor for harmful intent,' he stared down at Harry and Ron coldly.
Ron looked like his head might blow up. He was making a great effort to keep his mouth shut as Snape sneered.
'Now if we can all move it along.'
Professor Snape waited for Draco and the other Slytherin's to move and walked behind them down the corridor.
Ron angrily shoved Harry aside and Hermione grabbed his hand.
'See Ron?'
Harry looked at Ron's red face and stood silently for a moment.
'Come on,' he said quietly.' Lets go back to the common room ok?'
Ron glanced at him and walked out in front with Hermione.
Harry knew that Ron was angry with him and sat next to him in the common room.
' I know you're angry that I stopped you.'
'Why Harry? 'Ron asked him giving him a dark look.
'Because you would have just got into more trouble Ron. Snape lives for that kind of stuff.'
'I'm just so sick of Malfoy, you know. Everyone knows about him and his family and it's just like…..' Ron shook his head. ' They let him get away with it.'
Harry rubbed his forehead, ' he is just immature Ron.'
Hermione nodded and said,' forget Malfoy Ron, he will never grow up, and even though you mightn't agree with it, Dumbledore must have his reasons for keeping him on at school. He wouldn't expel all the children who have Death Eaters for parents Ron, he just isn't like that. You can't choose your parents and nor are you responsible for their actions.'
Harry entirely agreed with Hermione's notion. He still hadn't forgotten about the way his father had treated Snape in the Pensieve.
Ron shook his head and looked disgruntled with both Harry and Hermione.
Harry looked over at him, 'don't let him get to you yeah? You're better than that,' he gave Ron a small smile.
Hermione rolled her eyes at Harry and went and sat next to Ron.
Harry got up and walked outside of the common room. He felt so ashamed. He should have said something back there, stuck up for Ron and Neville. But he had stayed quiet. What was more important? His loyalty to his friends or Draco?
Harry had blocked all these conflicting thoughts at the back of his head. He hadn't wanted to deal with them. Preferred to live in a bubble of denial. But here it was. This was the first time now, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He felt a sudden ignition of anger burst inside of him and he went to find Draco. He couldn't let this go. Shouldn't.
He went down to the ground floor and sat on the stairs, keeping an eye on the door that led down to the Slytherin house. He waited almost twenty minutes till Draco appeared. It was as if Draco instinctively knew Harry was there, his eyes automatically turning to him.
'Hello,' he said smoothly.
Harry got up and walked towards him.
'Can we talk?'
'Sure,' Draco's eyes narrowed curiously and he led Harry into a side room that led off the Entrance Hall.
Draco folded his arms across his chest and leaned casually against the wall.
'So talk,' he raised his brows at Harry. He looked so cool and indifferent, and Harry felt a surge of annoyance.
' Why do you have to do that?' Harry shot out. 'Why do you have to act like that?'
Draco's eyes were glittering as they met Harry's fiery gaze.
'And how would that be?' his voice was low.
'Acting like the way you did in the hall! What for? What pleasure do you get out of it?'
'Oh please,' Draco scoffed. ' You're pissed about what happened earlier?' he gave Harry a scornful look.
Harry glared back at him and Draco shook his head, unfolding his arms.
'Longbottom is a bumbling fool. He tripped over his bag and spilt his precious herbs. He's pathetic. It was funny. I laughed.' He raised his eyebrows with a lofty look upon his handsome face. 'And as for Weasel?' he gave a mean chuckle, ' he should be locked up in a ZOO. He is the biggest idiot I have ever come across in my entire life, I can't help that. The Gryffindor house must be in real desperate trouble if they are assigning responsibilities to a buffoon like Weasel.'
'He is not!' Harry shot back indignantly.
Draco came closer to Harry. ' I don't like your friends,' he said in a harsh voice.
Harry face contorted with anger, his eyes blazing. 'But they're my friends dammit! What am I supposed to do?'
Draco kept his eyes on Harry coldly, 'you do what you want to do.'
'Doesn't it matter to you?' Harry's words came out angry and fast. ' You can't act like a juvenile idiot and then expect it to not make a difference to what's happening with us?'
Draco took a step back and eyed Harry with contempt.
' Fuck you, you sanctimonious little prick. Juvenile? Who the hell do you think you are? Always the same with you isn't it? You're perfect and everybody else is wrong. I don't expect anything from you, you hypocrite. Because we are making out, I should be nicer to y-o-u-r hideous friends?'
The air was wrought with tension and Draco's icy exterior was grating on Harry's nerves.
' You don't care at all about how this affects us? I'm lying to my friends, sneaking around to see you. You make me feel so….' Harry struggled to find the right word. 'Dirty.'
And it was the wrong word. Harry immediately regretted it the second it slipped from his lips.
Draco's body visibly recoiled, stung.
'Dir- ty?' his eyes hardened like granite. He looked at Harry venomously and Harry bit his lip. That stupid little word had just made him look like a complete shit and had hurt Draco all in one go. Good one Harry.
'Well I do apologise,' Draco said in a flat voice. ' I had no idea that I was making you feel so soiled and tainted. One can only hope you will be able to rectify the damage done from all that depravity. Perhaps a purifying spell will fix it.'
Draco's voice was bitter and Harry flinched, hardly daring to meet Draco's eyes.
Draco moved to the door and looked at Harry, his eyes dripping with scorn. ' Who said you were so clean to begin with?'
With that, he opened the door and walked out leaving Harry alone.
Harry spent the next few hours agonising over and over what had been said. He was just trying to make Draco understand where he was coming from but instead had insulted Draco in such a tactless, mindless manner. Dirty. He hadn't meant to say that at all. Draco didn't make him feel dirty. In the moments they were together, Draco made him feel wonderful. Draco was never going to forgive him for this.
Harry felt miserable. Every day had been the same since he had been back this year and Draco had been a glorious unexpected surprise in his otherwise doomed existence. Draco actually made him want to get up in the mornings. He gave Harry something to look forward to, and now? Harry had just screwed it up royally.
Draco had walked to his table at lunch without looking at Harry at all. He had come in laughing and joking with his fellow Slytherin's. His head held up high with an arrogant tilt as he gracefully placed his tall, elegant frame into the chair. He in no way acknowledged that he even saw Harry looking at him. All throughout lunch his eyes did not even flicker towards the Gryffindor table.
Ron cursed under his breath,' look at him, smug little git.'
Harry didn't need to ask whom Ron was talking about.
' Would you just let it go Ron!' Harry snapped. He couldn't help himself. He felt so bad and couldn't bear anyone saying anything unpleasant about Draco. Not even Ron. This was all so bad and so confusing.
Ron glared at him, 'what is wrong with you?' he spat out.
Harry heard the hurt in his voice and sighed. He couldn't have Ron angry with him too.
'Sorry, just that D….Malfoy monopolises so much of our conversation.' Harry looked at Ron,' I mean he is sitting there laughing and joking. He doesn't seem to be wasting his time thinking about you.'
He stopped and after a moment Ron nodded. ' I guess.'
Harry nodded relieved.
The afternoon finished with three more lessons and Harry again distractedly struggled his way through them. Hermione was looking at him strangely and asked him if he was okay. Ron had given an indignant sniff at her words. He was still annoyed at Harry. Harry smiled tightly at her and just said that he was tired.
Dinnertime came and went and still Harry hadn't managed to get any eye contact with Draco at all. He was ignoring Harry, and doing a brilliant job at it too. Out in the corridor, he had walked past Harry not even registering Harry's existence. Harry was amazed at how quickly Draco could switch. You would never guess that he was the same boy who had moaned into Harry's mouth last night. He was so unapproachable and cold, just like the Malfoy they all knew.
Harry wondered if he should write Draco a letter. But that seemed desperate and really sad and there was no guarantee that Draco would even read it. Should he leave it? Was this for the best? What if his friends found out? What would he say to Ron? Guess what Ron? You know how much you hate the Malfoys? Well funny story that, cos….
Harry shook his head. He'd cross that bridge when he came to it. But first and foremost, he had to straighten things out with Draco. He just couldn't leave it like this. Draco could get angry and scream and shout and tell him that he never wanted to be with Harry ever again, but he had to know that he had never made Harry feel DIRTY after all those exquisite kisses and tender moments. It was important that he knew that. Draco, quite honestly had been the best thing that had happened to him this year. And something so good did not deserve to finish feeling so bad.
Over the weekend, Draco had barely left the common room other than to eat. He didn't want to be seeing Harry at all.
Monday morning he was still feeling troubled. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and gazed at the ceiling. He looked blankly for a moment and then his face hardened in a grim expression. Potter.
That self-righteous prissy little sod.
Draco turned over and hugged his blanket. He hated how Harry could make him feel so humiliated and shit. How dare he make him, Draco Malfoy, feel like that? Nobody should be able to make him feel like that! Least of all Potter! There had been too many times where Draco had come off looking like the prat in front of Harry.
He got out of his bed with a new resolution. Well enough was enough and it would change, starting from now! He was a Malfoy and he was going to forget all this Potter nonsense. Potter could go to hell. He'd show him. No one gets the better of him.
At breakfast he made sure that he was in Harry's full view, and casually put his arm around the back of Blaise's chair. It was a cheap shot but he could feel Harry's eyes on him. He leaned closer to Blaise and spoke in her ear about getting to class. Potter didn't know what he was saying. Let him stew, Draco thought. I don't need him. Draco knew he could have a number of girls eating out of his hand. Maybe he could even have guys doing the same, now that he knew his appeal no longer was just limited to the female sex. He gave a shudder, however. The thought of another guy touching him was nauseating. Well ok, as long as he knew that he was attractive to both sexes- that was enough.
Blaise grinned at him impishly and he smiled back. She was so easy, and Draco knew that he would need to be a bit careful. The slightest bit of encouragement and Blaise would be all over him like a rash. And honestly he didn't want that at all. It was childish, but he wanted Harry to feel hurt too in the same way he was feeling.
He collided with the Gryffindor in the corridor and gave him a vitriolic filled glare, 'get out of my way Potter.'
Harry was alone but Draco was flanked by his usual twosome,' you don't own the corridor Malfoy,' the green-eyed boy responded coolly, though Draco could see a strange light filling his eyes.
'Fuck. You,' Draco hissed, his words filled with every nuance of loathing he could administer. His slate grey eyes narrowed and his face-hardened as he gave Harry a furiously contempt filled gaze.
Harry looked at him quietly and Goyle stepped forward and cracked his knuckles, ' get out of it Potter or I'll make you!'
Draco gave a sound of disgust, of course Goyle would come out with something cliché and pathetic like that. No one knew what was going on and Draco felt downright pissed off. He just wanted to get away as far from Harry as he could. He looked at Harry viciously and strode off.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully and Draco ignored Harry at every opportunity he got, going about his usual routine.
After dinner, Draco was going upstairs to the library when he saw Harry again. He hesitated for a second and then started to climb up. He wasn't going to let Potter get to him, and go out of his way to avoid him. He went up the stairs steadily, keeping to his far right. He soon reached the same staircase as Harry, who was climbing on the left hand side.
Draco saw Harry's head turn towards him from the corner of his eye but ignored that too. They walked up silently and reached a landing. Draco's hand slid up the smooth banister, and as he was about to take on the last staircase to the library, he heard Harry's voice.
'I'm sorry.'
Draco froze where he stood, one foot on the step. However, he did not turn around.
'I'm really sorry,' Harry repeated coming closer now and standing behind Draco.
'Please, will you just look at me?' Harry's voice was low and urgent. Draco turned his head slightly, his eyes resting on his hand that was clutching the banister still.
' I just want to explain.'
Draco turned around with an obdurate expression on his face. He folded his arms across his chest and gazed at Harry impassively. His icy silence seemed to throw the dark-haired boy a little, who blinked and nervously licked his bottom lip.
Draco took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, watching Harry swallow and look around them uneasily. He eyed Harry back coldly, not moving. He wasn't going to make this easy for him. If Potter had anything to say to him, he could say it right here. Draco wasn't about to move to a nice safe secluded corner, he wasn't going to give an inch.
Harry cleared his throat. ' Well…. I just wanted to say sorry for saying something so stupid and hurtful.'
He paused and Draco shifted his eyes looking uninterested.
Harry took in another breath, ' I didn't mean what I said. I don't know why it even came out. All this time that we've been together, you've never made me feel …..Dirty,' he seemed to wince slightly at the word but carried on.' You made me feel amazing.'
Draco's eyes flickered across Harry's features then.
Harry sighed. ' I'm not very good at this,' his voice was hesitant and Draco felt himself soften. He didn't want to look at Harry's face, his eyes.
' I've never done anything like this before and I feel a bit out of my depth, it's all so new. I've never really had someone that I've…you know… like this.' Harry sounded a bit breathless.
Draco averted his eyes to a far off corner. He wouldn't look at him, otherwise his resolve would shatter to pieces.
'I feel guilty about lying to my best friends and sneaking off,' Draco heard him rush on quickly. 'But that's been my choice. I've done that because I wanted to see you and be with you.'
Draco's eyes dropped to the floor now.
'It's just so hard seeing the way you are with them and the way they are with you. I feel…' his voice sounded anguished and Draco swallowed hard.
' I feel,' Harry started again, 'like I'm caught in the middle and I don't want to hurt them but I don't want to hurt you either. I can't explain it, and I know I'm handling this badly. I feel so confused. Just everything, all of it and you've been the one… ' He stopped abruptly and looked down for a moment before carrying on. ' I can't be certain about anything but I am certain about the way I feel when I'm with you.'
Draco looked at Harry and felt his heart give an almighty squeeze. He had never seen anyone's eyes so bright and alive as Harry's were. And right now they were sparkling with so much intensity and emotion. Draco bit the inside of his cheek. All he wanted to do was hold Harry and to kiss him.
' I know this isn't your problem and I'm not sure how or when, but I can't help the way I…'
Harry's eyes looked imploringly at Draco and Draco noticed suddenly how tired Harry looked. The boy couldn't even finish a sentence. Draco felt himself wanting to buckle and willed himself to keep rigid.
' I care about you.'
Draco was taken aback by the simple declaration of those words. Harry had just said it like that, his words ringing with sincerity that even Draco couldn't ignore. Harry finally looked down and they stood in silence for a moment. Draco then dropped his hands by his side. He came closer to Harry and spoke in a low voice.
' You're not the only one who is feeling confused. This is quite the volatile situation we have here.'
Harry lifted his face and Draco felt his heart flutter. His eyes were bright behind his glasses and his lovely face looked anxious. Draco finally gave a small smile and was rewarded by a small hesitant one back. Draco felt himself quiver with tenderness and closed his eyes.
'It's ok,' he said, his voice gentle. 'Maybe we can just try and muddle through and see what happens all right? That's my best offer.'
Harry nodded, ' I'll take it then.'
Draco reached out his hand and lightly brushed Harry's cheek, dropping his fingers under Harry's chin and lifting his face up. Draco stepped closer and brushed aside a lock of glossy black hair, before placing a gentle kiss upon his Harry's forehead. Harry gave him a glad, relieved smile that took Draco's breath away.
He gulped and moved back quickly, 'well we're certainly playing it risky huh?' he gestured at the staircase, amazed that no one had come past them yet.
He lightly touched Harry's hand and walked down the corridor opposite them. He opened a door and peeked into a classroom. It was empty. He grabbed Harry's hand behind him and drew him into the room. Before Harry had the chance to say anything, Draco kissed him with an urgency and longing that had been building up inside him all weekend. Harry seemed just as keen and soon they were both struggling for breath as they crashed at each other's lips fervently. Draco rained tiny kisses over Harry's face as Harry wrapped his arms around him, pulling Draco as close as he possibly could.
Draco pushed Harry against the wall and licked and sucked at Harry's neck, drawing short gasps from the dark-haired boy. Harry slid his hands behind Draco's neck, his fingers diving into Draco's silky hair. They both looked at each other, their chests rising and falling against one another. Harry pressed himself against Draco's body and kissed him hungrily, his tongue gaining more than willing access into Draco's mouth.
Draco felt light-headed and breathed slowly, his breath hot against Harry's lips. His heart was racing and he could feel it thumping loudly in his chest. Harry was holding him silently, his lips soft and moist brushing the corner of Draco's mouth.
Draco breathed out raggedly, leaning against Harry, wrapped in his arms tightly. He felt Harry's lips brush his hair and Draco wanted to fold himself in this embrace, cocoon himself in the warmth for as long as he possibly could, his anger temporarily forgotten due to Harry's presence.
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