Chapter Ten - Realizations

Draco awoke with an uncharacteristic smile upon his face. He immediately felt a warm body entangled in his arms and gathered it even closer. Harry's face and upper torso was resting on his chest, and he could feel his heart thudding under Harry's weight. He sighed blissfully and rubbed his face against the sweet smelling, crop of hair and laid a kiss in the midst of it. He looked down at the still sleeping face of Harry.

It was morning, and his green curtains cast a lime coloured glow around their little sanctuary. Harry's black, dusky eyelashes cast a shadow across his soft cheeks. His lips curved slightly as he slept on. He looked so serene. Draco watched him, feeling Harry's chest rise and fall against his.

There was just something about having a person asleep in your arms, which filled you with an inspired awe. Their complete lack of consciousness was entrusted to you. It saturated your whole being with a reverential all consuming sensation.

Keep me safe; keep me warm, protect me while I sleep, they say. And you do – for as long as you can. You try not to move for fear of waking them. So you lay with them for as long as they need. And Draco did just that.

He hugged Harry to him ever so gently, enjoying the complete quiet and the euphoric feeling of having Harry in his arms. They had spent their first night together and Draco basked in the moment.

Harry's eyes eventually fluttered open a while later, and the first thing he saw was Draco smiling at him quietly. Draco felt his breath catch as Harry softly smiled back, his green eyes catching the hazy light. His eyes were miraculous and his smile pierced the very essence of you.

'Morning,' Draco whispered.

Harry raised his head and brushed his lips across Draco's mouth.

'Morning.'

He rested his head back again on Draco's chest and they lay in silence for a few minutes.

Harry slid his hand under Draco's top and Draco shuddered as Harry's fingers glided over his chest. He bent his head slightly, catching Harry in a deep kiss. Harry moaned softly and moved on top of Draco, not parting their lips for a second. Draco felt his stomach lurch as Harry pressed down onto him, engulfing Draco in his arms, his legs - lapping Draco's tongue with his own.

Draco felt as if he was…..

sinking…

falling….

And all he could feel was Harry. His heart was racing and he gripped Harry as tight as he could. As if he never wanted to let go.

'Draco,' Harry groaned and kissed every bit of Draco's skin he could reach.

Draco could feel himself edging closer to the last brink of self-control. He had this burning urgency to be as close to Harry as he could get. He grasped Harry to his chest and in one swift move moved Harry underneath him. He pinned Harry down with the weight of his body, dropping heavy kisses on Harry's neck. He felt pleasure shoot through him as Harry arched up into his body.

' Oh god, Harry,' he moaned softly.

Hot, burning kisses, pressing ever closer.

Draco feverishly kissed Harry's mouth, his face, his hands. Imprinting fiery lips across the smooth skin, which felt like silk. He could hear Harry's soft sighs and felt almost insane with desire.

Suddenly, Draco realised that he was positioned in between Harry's open thighs, moving up and down against Harry's body. He gulped and softened his kisses and eased his frantic pace, sinking his teeth in gently on Harry's shoulder.

He had promised himself that he would take it slow.

Harry looked up at him, his beautiful lips parted as he drew in short gasps. His eyes were like dark green glass glinting in the sun.

Draco couldn't speak; he was voiceless. He didn't want to move; he was motionless. He suddenly felt so overcome; he couldn't even begin to express what his heart was feeling into words.

He couldn't bear to believe it.

He sank against Harry and Harry wrapped him up, safely in his arms, stroking his hair and dropping kisses across his forehead as light as feathers trickling down. He could feel Harry's heart racing in time with his and closed his eyes.

Moments passed and Draco let himself drift quietly.

'Draco?'

'Yes,' Draco mumbled back.

' Have you ever seen a Muggle supermarket?'

Draco cleared his throat, ' nope. Why?'

He felt Harry playing with his hair and moved his own hand, lightly running his fingers up and down Harry's waist.

'I'm just trying to imagine you,' Harry carried on. 'With your swishy cloak and just the way you look, and like you're standing right there in the middle of the supermarket.'

Harry then tittered and Draco smiled slightly, ' I'm glad I amuse you so much.'

'Oh no, not like that,' Harry said earnestly, nudging Draco's head with his nose. 'Just that you know…' he kissed Draco's hair again. ' You're all beautiful and like in a supermarket.' He chuckled again, ' you'd look so sweet.'

He sighed happily, ' I'd really like to go with you, maybe someday if I could. We could buy all the food we want and I could push the trolley,' he paused, ' or you could if you want to.'

'Nice one thanks,' Draco said dryly.

' Who do you go food shopping with? Your mum?'

'I don't go food shopping Harry, neither does my mother.'

Harry looked blank for a second and Draco lifted his head and looked at him pointedly.

'Oh,' Harry said, 'house-elves right. Course, yes.'

He stayed silent for a moment and Draco nibbled at his lobe.

' I wonder if they have a house-elves wholesalers.'

Draco snickered, lifting his head,' I'm not even going to ask,'and kissed Harry full on the lips, catching the melodic tinkle of Harry's laughter in his mouth.

They kissed gently and then Harry smiled wistfully,' there's just so much that we could to do together if we were able to…... So many things. Little things. Everything.'

Draco suddenly felt an uncomfortable quiver prickle down his spine. He looked away and in case his tongue became a sharp pin and burst Harry's bubble- he pressed his lips closed together and crushed his face into Harry's warm neck.

Finally Harry cupped Draco's cheek with his palm, 'Draco?' his voice held a hesitant tone.

'Mmmm?'

'I, I think …'

Draco's eyes flew open and didn't let Harry finish what he was going to say, 'hate to spoil the moment but we have to think of getting you out of here.'

He scarcely met Harry's eyes before untangling his arms quickly away from Harry's body.

Harry looked shocked at the abrupt shift of unexpected words, 'oh, err… yeah ummm ok.' His eyes captured Draco's for a moment and he swallowed, 'I guess we should.'

Draco moved off of Harry and instantly felt cold. He had been in Harry's arms all night and the sudden loss of contact left him feeling strangely deserted. He immediately wanted to dive back into the warm bed, wrapped up all again in Harry. He sighed and stood up by the edge of the bed.

Harry got out his cloak and sat up. Draco looked at him and smiled awkwardly. Harry looked so endearing. All tousled and flushed. He was also looking at Draco a little oddly and confused as he reached for his glasses and put them on.

Draco cleared his throat, 'ok, well, I'll take the charms off. It seems pretty quiet out there.'

Harry nodded and watched Draco get out his wand. He muttered a few words and the hangings around his bed rippled softly as if expelling a long held in breath.

' Come,' he whispered to Harry and Harry suddenly vanished into thin air.

It was highly unnerving not being able to see Harry, let alone not knowing where he was. Draco blinked for a second and then held out his hand. He felt a light brushing sensation of silk like satin tickle his palm. He closed his fingers around it, and could feel Harry's hand under the strange material that was neither solid nor liquid. He opened his arms and felt Harry move into them. His arms were closed around the seemingly empty air, feeling the warm body of Harry against him.

It was amazing. It looked like he was trying to wrap his arms around a large ball but not quite reaching. He felt Harry brush his lips with the softest touch and it was so bizarre seeing nothing in front of him, yet feeling everything.

'Ok,' Harry whispered then and Draco quickly cleared his head and peeked through the curtains. Crabbe and Goyle were still safely tucked up in bed.

He walked towards the door and held it open feeling Harry move past him.

They went down the corridor, past the stairs and Draco turned around, 'you still there?' he asked.

He felt Harry's hand on his back, 'yeah.'

Draco walked through the empty common room. It was still early and there wouldn't be many early risers on a Sunday morning. He walked up to the wall and slid the door open.

He felt the slightest flicker of the cloak against his legs as Harry slipped past him. He came out into the corridor and turned the corner of the passage.

'Where are you?' he whispered.

'Here.' He felt Harry lightly touch his waist. ' I'm going to stay under the cloak and go upstairs ok?'

Draco nodded not quite sure where to look. He then looked straight ahead sensing Harry's gaze.

' I just wanted to say thank you for last night. It was the one of the best nights of my life and I guess I…' Harry's voice trailed off. Draco could hear him clear his throat, ' it meant a lot being with you is all.'

Draco bit down on his lip and nodded again silently.

'Bye.'

He felt Harry move away from him and was aware of only the slightest breeze of movement as Harry undoubtedly walked away.

Draco stood in the corridor for a moment longer before he went back into the common room.

He wondered if Harry had sensed anything. Last night had been incredible; it had been special and sweet. He had never slept with anyone before. Any beds he had shared had certainly not reached the point of slumber.

Harry had moved him and holding him in his arms all night - it had touched Draco in places he didn't want to recognise. He now had that horrible growing sense of unease settle into his body.

He couldn't believe how quickly he had fallen for Harry and hadn't even thought the whole situation out. He'd held Harry and kissed him and they had spoken like…..…lovers. Was that what he was? A lover? Harry's boyfriend? Well he was certainly taking the right road to it, if indeed he wasn't there already.

Draco reached his room and padded in quietly, slipping back into the sheets. They felt cold now and he buried his face in the pillow that Harry had been laying on. It still smelt of Harry and Draco pressed in his nose taking in a deep breath.

He didn't want to need Harry; want to see him. Only feel alive and complete and secure till he'd had Harry's arms around him. Harry's lips against his. Harry smiling at him. He didn't want to want any of that. He shouldn't.

Yet he did. That's all he craved.

What a shitty paradox, he thought glumly.

He lay on his back looking up again at the ceiling. He was a Malfoy; Malfoys didn't get reliant on people. Malfoys kept a rein on their emotions and never lay vulnerable to anyone. They were supposed to be supremely arrogant and not be pliant. He loved his parents, they loved him. But he had also learnt throughout the years, the importance of independence and keeping a cool head.

He was doing neither. His independence had decreased to zero. Everything was about Harry. He hadn't kept a cool head at all and let his heart rule over his mind the last few weeks. He couldn't delude himself any longer though.

He had spent years encasing himself in an impenetrable shield. He very rarely let people get to him emotionally. The only deep emotions he ever seemed to show at school were of hate and sarcasm - towards the Gryffindor's mainly.

But Harry got to him; had from the first day they had met. Draco had felt like throttling and pounding Harry into the ground, the boy had got under his skin that much. Now of course, he felt like pounding Harry into the ground in many different ways.

Draco was unaccustomed to deep sentiments. Love only went as far as his parents and he was loyal to his friends but that was all that he had expected of himself. He had figured that one day he would meet a girl of the same background and probably marry, but he had never envisioned fanciful images of falling in love and everything else that went with it.

He cared about Harry, worried about Harry, felt protective of Harry. He couldn't handle or deal with the fact that he had unintentionally let this person come into his life and then overtake it - become essential to his whole being, and yet he had.

He hated Harry for that,

almost….he sighed.

But not quite.

He shook his head crossly. He'd even refrained from making digs at Weasel and Granger, ever since that argument he'd had with Harry. Stopped himself from wanting to kick Longbottom on his fat, hideous butt every time he saw him. Bit his tongue whenever he felt the need to verbally abuse those nauseatingly pious Gryffindor's. And he'd done all that for Harry.

It now bugged the hell out of him that Harry hadn't even noticed. And it really pissed him off, when he saw ginger nut with that LOOK on his pasty face. As if he was daring Draco to challenge him and when Draco didn't, he got that smug, self-satisfied expression. As if the reason Draco wasn't insulting him was due to even a fraction of credit to him!

Draco wished he could punch out that infuriating look on the gits face. Draco wouldn't even spit on him, the nasty pillock, or his Mudblood girlfriend. He hated all those twerps - except Harry.

It all came back to Harry.

Draco lay in bed contemplating his thoughts, till he heard Crabbe and Goyle get up. He opened up his curtains and got up and washed. Half an hour later, the three of them went down to the Great Hall.

Harry was finishing up his breakfast when Draco walked in. He could feel Harry's eyes on him and he purposely didn't look back. Kept his gaze on his table and sat down. Only then with as much indifference as he could muster, did he allow himself to look over at the Gryffindor table.

He gave a cold lofty look that swept across Harry and his friends. Harry's eyes widened slightly and Draco looked back at him tight lipped, for a second longer. He then deliberately turned his head away, talking to Malcolm who was seated on his left. It was better this way, Draco reasoned. He didn't want Harry getting comfortable and thinking he had Draco all figured out. He hasn't got me….

He wouldn't allow Harry that power over him. Couldn't.

Five minutes later there was a flurry of sound of wings and hoots, as the owls soared in with the post. His own eagle owl swept overhead and dropped him a small package. He opened it up. It was from his mother. She had gone shopping and picked him up a black cashmere polo neck. He took it out and ran his hand across the soft wool. His mother loved shopping (not food shopping) and was always outfitted in the latest and exclusive designs of the wizarding world. The Ministry had not frozen the Malfoy's assets and his mother continued to live her life, nearly as she had always done. Narcissa was a beautiful woman who took a great deal of care when it came to her looks. She had passed on her trait to Draco, who always took pride in his presentation. Both his parents were always beautifully turned out and Draco always felt proud as heads turned whenever they walked past. Draco let out a deep breath. He had no idea what state his dad looked like right now shut up in jail.

Blaise leaned over, ' you'll look great in that Draco.'

He nodded, 'thanks,' and turned his eyes back to his breakfast.

Last week he had told Blaise firmly but gently that they were not an item. She had looked surprised and said, ''but they got along so well. She thought he liked her bla bla''. He had said yes the party had been fun, but he wasn't interested in her that way. He didn't want to be attached to anybody and she had looked pouty and teary eyed. It had to be done though. He couldn't stand her fawning over him all the time and it was true.

He didn't want to be attached to anyone-not even Harry- especially bloody Harry. I don't, he thought. He was his own person and that was how it was going to remain.

Harry was still sitting as Draco finished his breakfast. When he walked out, his heart jolted as he met Harry's eyes for the tiniest of moments. I'm sorry, he silently said. I'm just not ready to sacrifice myself for you. I can't be. I won't be.