I haven't left the house in weeks and it's been driving me absolutely bonkers.

The only good news? My pain levels have been dropping. Mum's told me I shouldn't be stressing my leg so much but behind her back Bain's been helping me limp around, which admittedly still hurts like hell, but I really just wanted to be up and walking by myself again. As if having Gus as my constant chaperone wasn't annoying enough, now I can't even stand without help. I still can't feel anything other than the occasional pins and needles, and of course, pain.

"If it keeps up after three months we might need to look into putting you on a medication, Asher." Mum sighed into her cup of tea.

"For how long?" I asked.

She frowns, "Well if the pain is chronic dear, a very long time."
I swallow that information like a bad egg. "Ah."

She rubs here forehead and I can tell she's tired. I can't help but bite my lip and feel guilty. Ever since I woke up everyone's been walking on eggshells around me. Which I hate. I get it, it's hard and I do get frustrated but it I wanted special treatment, I'd ask for it. She shouldn't have to worry about me, she should be focusing on our bigger problems, like dealing with Greta's wraith and finding Conway.

"On a happier note," Mum says, letting out a deep breath and smiling. "I've whipped up something you'll be interested in."
She opened up the box she had come into my room with and pulled out a grey contraption on a hinge. I blinked in realization as she handed it me.

"It's a leg brace, it'll help you get around without badgering Bain." She said, and winked.

I blushed, "I'm guess not very stealthy then."

Mum laughed and ruffled my hair. "Not in the slightest, dear."
She's so confident she can read me but I'm just bitterly reminded of all the lies I've told in the span of time Gus has spent with us and that really kills the mood for a moment. I don't look up at her as I fasten the velcro around my bad leg. Maybe Gus has a point with his whole anti-lying schmick.

The feeling evaporates once I pull myself up to an upright position with my hands and realize I can stand. Pain shoots up my hip but it's something I've grown used to at this point. Mum held out her hand and I grab onto it, slowly uncurling my other hand from around the bed frame. I take a step, and then limp over to her on the other side of the room where she holds me up, smiling. I can't even begin to pry the grin off my face. I can't even begin to explain the light and giddy feeling this brings me. After weeks of clinging onto other humans to get around I finally did it by myself again and it feels amazing.

Mum looks at my dumbstruck grin and smiles herself. "Now I want you to take this a little slow okay. You should practice, but stop once the pain gets worse, okay?"

"Mh hm," I say, wobbling back to my bed, even letting go of her hand for a brief second before falling back onto the bed frame.

"Standing isn't taking a break." She threw me a pointed look.

"Mum," I scoff, "I promise I won't do anything rash."

"Oh sure, I'm very convinced." She shakes her head.

As I'm preoccupied with my newfound freedom, Mum watches me and bring a hand up to her mouth. I only noticed it after I've hobbled over to the bookshelf. She sighed quietly and I glanced up her. She looked sad again, like a sudden weight landed on her shoulders and perched there, like a vulture.

"What?" I asked.

"I... I just wish Gus had been with you." Her voice trembled slightly. "You're just a teenager Asher, you should be happy and healthy and I'm... I'm sorry I couldn't stop this from happening."

Her words throw a cold dagger of numbness into my gut. "Oh."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to spoil your good mood." She rubbed her forehead again.

"No, it's okay." I say reflexively, even if I don't believe it. "I'm going to be fine, Mum."

"Well I'm glad you see the bright side." She stares down at the ground for a moment, before reflexively neutralizing her expression to meet my eyes. "I really am sorry."

"It really is okay." I don't know what else to say. "It's not your fault."

She nods gently, but doesn't say anything. That was first of many uncomfortable apologies I've endured since then as the days stretched by and I became more used to using my brace. I could walk around for hours at a time without needing to take a break, which after those first few weeks of bedrest was heaven on earth.

     Then finally, my parents agree to let me go out with Gus again on one of the gatekeeping trails: it loops around town, cuts into the woods, then goes back home. It's the most basic trail and I know they've picked it purposefully to be easy on my leg and out of danger, which is tad bit annoying, but I'm too happy to care. I'm getting out of the house and spending time with Gus again.

I realize with a start I am actually looking forward to seeing him again. We've been on different schedules, he's been gone in the morning by the time I wake up, and we don't talk much when he does reappear at night. I've snapped at him a few times when feeling bad, usually due to pain or reoccurring thoughts about Conway, I think he's been ever so slightly keeping his distance. Who knows, maybe I'm just clingy and miss him. I haven't been this close with someone other than Conway.

"Hello." I sat down when I found him waiting at the kitchen table, with only one earbud in.

"What're you listening to?"
He glanced up and his expression quickly fell into a self-gratifying smirk. "With house, or as you Brits and a few fae would call it, bloody garbage. "

"Oh, come off it." I accused.
He raised an eyebrow and held up one of his earbuds. I blinked in surprise, I wasn't expecting him to actually share. I accept his offer and am instantly met with sound that's very obviously created by a computer. It's fast and happy and...not horrible. It suits him.

     "I take it back, you listen to absolute rubbish, Washington." I say before my cheeks get any warmer, and push myself up onto two legs. "Come on, let's go."

     He laughs and follows me down the hall. Gus's laugh, like his music taste, is not horrible. Then all of a sudden we're outside again and I can feel the miserable cold, damp weather bite into my skin and I'm relieved. I missed this, I missed this a lot.

      Gus turned around as I paused in the driveway to stare at everything. "You coming Asher?"

     I snap out of my trance and struggled to catch up to him. Then I'm back in another familiar situation, Gus and I walking down the gravel road with the sound of my uneven steps and brisk breeze filling the air. All of my jacket sleeves were too long for me so my hands were never cold. Gus was wearing a t-shirt again with his jacket tied around his waist, I bet his hands were cold. I knew they were, I had held them.

     "So where are we going today?" Gus asked. "What jaw-dropping adventures are you taking me on this time, Mr. Northcott?"

     "I'm afraid this is quite possibly the most mundane trip through the town we could possibly take." I infomed with a sigh. "My parents set it up, they don't want me doing anything strenuous on my first day out again."

     "Oh, well." I can see his eyes flick down and back up again. "I'm sure your company will fill in the gaps anyway."

     "Psh." I rub my arm gently as I felt that nervous tickle climb up my throat. "Talk about expectations."

     He frowned. "What?"

     "Nothing. Come on let's just find the first gate." I said quickly.

     It's harder to storm off past him now, but not impossible. Under the guise of the gate one, I can see the faint outlines of fae, mostly spirits of trees that appear at the corner of my vision and disappear once you make direct eye contact. The slight buzz of magic in the air brings me back to that night, and I feel a little sick. Which is disappointing, but I really can't let anything mess this day up, who knows when I'll be allowed out again.

     The trees only remind me of Conway.

     "Can we stop for a minute?" I ask Gus after the gap between him and me grows farther and farther apart.

     He turns and jogs back to where I'm crouched on a rock. "Sure thing, you alright Ash?"

     I grit my teeth as I lift my bad leg out from under me and the pain ceases a bit. "Yeah I'm fine."

     Gus gets this look on his face like he's got something to say. "Are you... sure?"

     I threw him an annoyed glare and he shrugged defensively before shoving his hands into his pockets.

     "I'm under strict orders to make sure you don't... push yourself." He explained, slowly.

     "From who? My parents? While you guys talk behind my back could you tell them to bugger off?" Saying it out loud feels a lot better than I anticipated.

     Gus frowned in confusion, "I'm... sor--"

     "Gus." I said, activating my integral and aiming the loaded crossbow at the sky. "If you apologize, I swear on the Queen, God save her, I will take this bolt from my crossbow and run you through with it."

     He holds his hands up in surrender. "You got me?"

     "I'm sorry I'm just..." I sighed and run my hands through my hair. "I'm getting real tired of people apologizing for things that aren't their fault, also honestly, right now I feel kinda sick."

      I can still feel the scars on my back, they haven't quite healed yet. I've traced them with my fingertips in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Sometimes after I've woken up from another nightmare.

     "Sick?" Gus's frowned.

     "It's... the trees." I force out quietly.

     "...Oh." He says after a moment. "We can go back?"

     "I'm fine," I insist. "I just need a quick break."

     "You...you look like you're in pain." Gus pointed out, his voice strangely quiet.

     "I'm always in pain." I laughed bitterly, and switched tactics when that doesn't change his deeply concerned frown. "Seriously Gus, I'm fine."

     He doesn't look convinced but doesn't know what else to say, so he offers me a drink from his water bottle as we sit in the shade for a few moments. I want to go back into the presence of manmade towns and people whose lives are for the majority of time untouched by magic, but I won't. I want to be out here. I want... I want to see Conway. This trail was one of our favorites as kids. I know every knot in these trees and every foxhole in the ground. It hurts a little more just being here.

     "Hey why don't we go off-trail for a bit?" I suggest, pulling myself back up and started off into the bushes.

     "Uh, okay?" He follows me doggedly. "Do you know where you're going?"

     "Yep." I give him a quick thumbs up as I stumble through the shrubbery.

     A few minutes later the bushes fall away and the two of us come out into a small clearing. I lean against a tree and take the weight off my bad leg as I catch my breath to stare at it. It's exactly like I remember. With a huge boulder jutting out from the side of a hill, there's the face of another fae legend carved into it. A figure with antlers and hair that cascades down into the ground like tree roots. A gnome covered in lichen scuttles away as Gus pokes his head over my shoulder.

     "Scenic. Too bad I can't wheelie through here with all these leaves."

     I rolled my eyes at him, then pointed to the edge of the statue. "I sprained an ankle there when I was eleven. Conway drew a mustache on the statue to make me feel better. We got in a lot of trouble for that. I think we're actually still technically banned from this area."

     Gus glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, I was smiling, just a little bit. His face wasn't expressionless but it was unreadable. The nostalgia was short lived and the smile melted off my face after a few moments as the pain flared up in my hip.

     "Sounds like fun," he stated, with about as much enthusiasm as if he were were talking to the hunk of rock in front of us.

     I frowned and then turned to head back to the path. Going off was a mistake, both emotionally and physically. Gus was still scrambling to keep up with me so I suppose I was doing something right. Even if I was cringing from the pain.

     "Hang on, Asher, I didn't mean it like that," he was saying. "C'mon slow down, I'm not entirely sure you should be-"

     I whip around before he can blink and we're only inches apart. "Finish that sentence. I dare you."

     He bit his lip and looked down. "This isn't fair."

     "What do you mean?"

     Gus groaned and held his head in his hands in defeat. "I want to look after you and you're acting like you hate me again. Every time I think we've made it somewhere you flip the switch back off and it's back to eye rolls, angry stares, and sass. "

     I grimace, mostly out of anger. "Oh."

     We hang there, in an almost paused world, for a few moments in uncomfortable silence. I numbly realize I haven't really been entirely just with him... or myself. Maybe I need more breaks then I've been letting myself have. I just desperately want things to go back to normal. The scary thing I've been denying is I don't think I'll ever get that back. My old life is slipping away like sand through my fingers and there's nothing I can do to stop that.

     Gus raised his eyebrows, a silent question.

     "I'll slow down." I promised him. "I'll ask for help... only if I need it."

     It could have been my imagination, but I swear he became slightly more relaxed. "Radical, my dude."

     We found our way back to the path, and keep going at a more leisurely pace.

     "I'm sorry about dragging you off the trail, it's just been a while since I've been to this area... with someone else." I apologized.

     Gus just shrugged. "It's fine, you obviously miss him."

     "Yeah..." Even if Conway's name is never mentioned it stills feel like he drives this rift between us. "I'm kind of glad you know now."

     "You are?" he asked, frowning in surprise. "Call me crazy, but my first month or so here begs to differ."

     I rubbed my thumb over my knuckles nervously and I can't help but remember the conversation I had with my Mum earlier. "I don't like keeping secrets."

      "Ah... Actually, Asher, I need to tell you something." He announced with as much enigmatic ambiguity he alway did.

     Now it was my turn to be surprised. "Yeah?"

     "When you were still unconscious I was out with Sheryl and we ran into Greta." He glanced into the trees.

     "Oh... as a wraith?" My stomach twisted uncomfortably again.

     "You know?"

      I nodded. "Yeah... for a while now. I saw her when I went out one time without you... right after you got me drunk actually."

     Gus snorted. "Oh yeah sure, that was definitely on me."

      I smiled but then I thought of Greta and the cold feeling returned. "She's not going to stop until she gets what she wants."

     "Let me guess, she had a fiery personality didn't she?" He winked at me.

     I laughed nervously. "God, she was so scary sometimes. You should have seen the look in her eyes when she was out gatekeeping with us. She's almost as ruthless as you are."

     "Hey now." Gus looks mildly offended.

      "She is." I clenched my fists. "She's from Germany so every once and a while she would come and spend a few weeks with us and it was some of the most stressful times in my whole life. That's why she was here."

     "Yikes." He threw me a somewhat sympathetic look. "How'd you guys even meet?"

     "My dad helped set it up, his family is good with gatekeeper marriages. That's how he met my Mum, she's from South Africa."

     "Now that's a commute." He swung his nunchucks from side to almost nervously. "No offense honestly... but that just seems awful. Asher, why would you agree to that?"

     "For my family." I say without skipping a beat. "I have to keep the gatekeeping bloodline strong. The Northcotts were honored when the Ertesches accepted our offer, especially considering how prestigious they were... honestly Gus, Greta was out of my league."

   "Again, no offense, but you sound like a tape recorder. This can't possibly be anything out of Asher Northcott's head." He pointed out. "And you? Come on."

     My foolish heart skipped a beat. "What's that supposed to mean?"

     He shrugged offhandedly. "You got your cool husky eyes, wicked aim (if you know what I mean), and the music taste of a twelve year old who just discovered Linkin Park. I mean, what more does a girl need?"

     Oh, how I wish that sentence ended with guy instead. "Oh. Thank you?"

    "You're very welcome," he said with absolute certainty.

    "I mean... not much good it'll do me now." I think I might be blushing but I can't tell and all of my movements feels awkward and embarrassing, what is wrong with me?

     "I mean you never know. There's gotta be other girls on your faery Tindr you can hook up with." He said with this ridiculous hand gesture, like it was supposed to be a joke, but suddenly I can't laugh at it anymore.

     "Gus." I said slowly. "Can I tell you something?"

     He stopped walking to look me in the eye. We were closer to home now and the suffocating feeling is came back like a snake around my neck. He tilted his head to the side like an innocent puppy, and I opened my mouth. My tongue and throat were suddenly very dry.

     "Conway and I would talk about this all the time and now he's... he's..." I swallowed uncomfortably. "It should have been him. He should have been the one to end up with Greta. I'm not good at these things and I'm never going to be. I think we both knew I would have messed it up somehow and now... I can't help but think what might have happened if... if..."

     Anger filled me up when I have to reach up and wipe my face. I hate to admit I was shaking. I've never told anybody that before. I hate that simply trusting people scares me so much. I hate teenage mood swings so much. I loathe a lot of things and my unstable mood will always be close to number one.

     Gus's eye widened. "Whoa there, what are you talking about?"

     "I messed it up somehow." I hold my hands out in confusion. "Maybe if I had tried a little harder to connect with her or something... I don't know maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe she'd still be alive and Conway would still be... here."

     He stands there awkwardly and I can't help but feel a little guilty. "Sorry."

     "It's fine? That's all in the past, Asher, you can't do anything about that." He points out gently.

     "That's... true." I bite my lip. "God, I'm sorry. I'm a mess."

     He smiled in amused but still concerned way. "You've been through a lot? For the record, little man, if none of this had happened you wouldn't have dragged me across the Atlantic. Trust me, this place needs my dazzling charm and kick-butt gatekeeping skills. You guys are a hot mess."

     He manages to get a shaky laugh out of me. I suddenly taken aback by the realization that it's true, I probably wouldn't have met Gus. The thought is completely alien now, I can barely imagine anything different. It this my normal now? Is Gus my normal? Was... that a bad thing? I stared up into his sky blue eyes. A few months ago I would have gagged at the thought but now... hmm.

     "Okay." I nodded slowly. "I think I'm ready to go home."

     Gus shoots me an encouraging pair on finger guns, and I might already be there.