Time passed slowly. I watched Riley scream with feral intensity, clinging to Milo’s body with desperation, as though her touch might raise the dead. I bit my lip and held back tears, averting my eyes for a moment to compose myself. When I looked back, I saw that Elianna was tight lipped, tears silently falling down her cheeks. She didn’t make any attempt to stop Riley, for she knew as well as I that Riley would not let go of her friend. A hovercraft came to collect the body, but still she clung to him, like a baby monkey. She wouldn’t let him go. In the end, a man was forced to sedate her with a dart gun. Her body went limp, but her eyes still moved, still spilled tears as she watched them take her friend away from her. Only then did Elianna scoop Riley into her arms and hold her close. From then on they only had each other.

 One of the women I was sat with sighed sadly, almost tiredly, dabbing her eyes carefully so as not to smudge her makeup.

 “Well, Mr Rider. That certainly was eventful,” she said “And I have come to the decision that I would like to sponsor Otto.”

 “What? Why?” I said sharply, hoping I’d misheard her. The woman tutted.

 “You really shouldn’t discourage me sponsoring one of your own tributes! And the reason is simple. Don’t you understand, Mr Rider, after all these years? I want a winner. That mess of a child is not going to win. Yes, I feel sorry for her. I am not heartless. But only one can be victorious. And it will not be her.”

 I could feel fury rising up inside me like an inferno. Clenching my fists, I stood angrily and walked away. I could hear the woman calling after me, but I had no time for her. In that moment, I felt something I hadn’t felt since the moment I became a victor in the Games. The desire to kill. I imagined slashing a knife through Otto’s face, snapping the neck of the ghastly Capitol woman who wished to support him, an axe burying deep into the skin of my enemies.

 I punched a button in the lift, stumbling inside and sinking the floor, hugging my knees as I rose to the seventh floor. But when the doors opened, I didn’t leave. I stayed there, trying to calm myself down, attempting to see through the cloud of blood that had invaded my mind. I was slowly losing my sanity, but I clung to it desperately. It was all I had left.

 For the first time since arriving in the Capitol, I allowed myself to think of Pandora. I’d kept her sheltered in the back of my mind, as though even to think of her might get her hurt. Our love was dangerous, but I needed to think of her to grasp reality once more. I pictured her in my head the way she was when we first began to fall in love, allowing myself to be sucked into the past.

 Pandora and I took a walk together around the very bottom floor of District 13. I had felt the need to be alone with her for a long time, and so had invited her to join me on my walk, but still I kept my distance from her, restraining myself from reaching for her hands and kissing her lips. Silence surrounded us, because of course, Pandora could not speak. But it wasn’t an awkward silence. In fact, it was calming. I allowed myself to steal glances at her, forbidden darts of my eye taking in her blonde hair, loose and falling over her shoulders in a soft curtain. My eyes skimmed over her blue ones and took in the shape of her lips, slightly parted and pink. She walked slightly stooped, her head bowed, mostly out of habit. She was used to having people giving her orders, kicking her down, forcing her to show them respect they didn’t deserve by ducking her head. I wanted to tell her how much she mattered, how courageous she was, how much I admired her for the life she’d lived.

 She caught me watching her, and I blushed. Perhaps someone else would have laughed at my poor efforts at being with women, but she merely smiled, blushing too. I suspected she’d never been in love before, but I knew I was falling for her. She stopped, never taking her eyes off me as she made signs at me with her hands.

 Is there someone for you in your District? A woman? She’d asked me. I remember at that moment that Antonia had come to mind. But Antonia didn’t make my heart race. She was a friend. Just a friend. And I knew she could never be more. So I shook my head. Pandora smiled shyly, and shakily, she took a tentative step towards me. I too found my feet shuffling forwards, closing the gap between us. We still didn’t touch, but we didn’t need to. I could feel her breath on my chest, her head still bowed. It was drummed into her that she shouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, lest they strike her down for being disrespectful. With trembling hands, I let my fingers rest under her chin, slowly tilting her head up, but still she refused to meet my eyes.

 “Pandora…” I whispered, her name like birdsong on my lips “Pandora, look at me. Please. Please look at me.”

 Slowly, her crystal eyes trailed up to my own, and I was captured in her gaze. My hands left her chin and rubbed her arms gently, her skin covered in goosebumps. She shifted slightly closer to me, her face innocent as we stood together. It was cold and dark down there, but neither of us cared much. I felt her hands reach for mine and I grasped hers desperately, caressing my thumb across her knuckle. She closed her eyes as I leaned in, our noses touching. I waited, savouring the moment, before lowering my lips to hers. Her breath was sweet like honey, her lips trembling against my own. We were nervous, the kiss full of uncertainty, but I felt alive. I moved my hands to her waist, and suddenly she pulled away, her eyes widened as she touched her lips with her finger. Then she began to run.

 “Pandora! Pandora, come back!” I said, watching her go. I began to run after her, but it felt wrong. It felt like a pursuit, a chase. So I slowed to a walk, letting her go. She ran to the ladder that led to the floor above, but did not climb it. Instead, she crawled into the corner, her head hung once more as she hugged her legs. I continued walking towards her slowly, and she didn’t make another attempt to run. Stopping a few metres away, I sat on the floor, cross legged like a school child.

 “What are you afraid of, Pandora?” I asked softly. Her eyes peeped over her knees, wet with tears. She made a few gestures with her hands.

 I’m afraid of getting hurt.

 I held my breath, waiting. A few moments later, she gestured again.

 Everyone hurts me. I can handle it from them. But not from you. You’re different. She paused a moment, before extending her palm and tracing on it with a finger of her other hand. She drew a swirl on her hand slowly. It was her symbol for feeling out of control. Like she was being swept away by a current, or snatched by a whirlwind. Then she made the gestures that made my heart ache.

 I can’t handle being hurt by you. I can’t have my heart broken again.

 I remember the cold tears that dribbled from my eyes then. How dry my lips felt. How empty my arms were. I needed her beside me. Cautiously, I shuffled a little closer to her, until I was a metre away, opposite her.

 “I’ll never hurt you, darling. I swear to it. And as long as we are together, I won’t let anyone else hurt you either,” I whispered. Pandora’s teary eyes met mine silently, and somehow, I knew that she trusted me in my promise. Her hand fumbled for mine in the dark as she crawled onto my knee and we stayed there a long time, me cradling her in my arms as we cherished the time we had alone together.

 As I opened my eyes once more, I felt refreshed and composed. Pandora always had brought me a sense of calm, rationalising my thoughts and bringing me out of dangerous states of mind. I breathed out slowly, and stood. My fists unclenched. My mind was alert. I headed off to the sponsor control room and began to scroll through the parachutes I could send Riley. I wanted to save most of the money I’d collected for a later date, when she might be in danger, but I also wanted to make her feel a bit better. I finally found the perfect gift and clicked the send button. I returned to my room and watched Riley as she lay still on the ground, vacant eyed and miserable. Elianna was the one who collected the parachute, bringing it to Riley’s side. Riley didn’t appear to care, staring at the parachute blankly.

 “Would you like me to open it for you?” Elianna asked her kindly. When Riley didn’t respond, she did so anyway, unwrapping the silvery cloth from the gift. She lifted out the present, nudging Riley in hope of getting a reaction.

 “Look what Arrian sent you,” Elianna said.

 “…Arrian?” Riley said quietly, her eyes widening, but still she didn’t move, her face nestled in the dirt on the ground.

 “Yes, Arrian. He’s sent you a gift, Riley. Here, take it.”

  Riley still did not move, so Elianna forced Riley’s palm to open out, placing the gift into Riley’s hand. It was a torch. Riley looked at it for a moment.

 “Light,” she said absently. Then something seemed to click in her, forcing her out of her trance like state “Light!” she cried, and to my relief, I saw her face light up. Within moments, she was on her feet, running around like her usual self, flicking the flashlight on and off. I grinned, knowing I’d made the right choice. In the absence of the sun, I had given her light. She cradled it to her chest, thrusting her head up to the sky with a new sense of drive. Perhaps she’d remembered that there was a cause still worth fighting for. Her life. Her family. And to avenge Milo. She pressed her fingers to her lips and blew a kiss in my general direction.

 “Thank you. Thank you. I love you, Arrian,” she said, flashing me her crooked grin. I smiled to myself.

 “I love you too, Riley. I love you too.”