Love the way you are.

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Sometimes I wonder what if everything is an illusion, and behind it is a fairy tale. Then I see my head and watch the sky.
That neverending sky has craved so many tears in my eyes. That makes people believe; it is good to have flaws, it is good to feel them because that's the only thing that makes the struggle real.

Whenever that naked sky looks at me and asks me to smile, I tended to forget everything and smiled, and in the meanwhile, I also tended to forget that this sky is broken, it is humiliated, it is deeply cut down by its throat but still, it has the power to stand up it has the power to be at the top and that's the thing which makes it special.

Then why don't you have Amanda Parker?

I have told my heart every time to stop! To just fucking stop! But it's not listening to me. It's not beating for me anymore.

I should have known about the outcome, but I get affected by the emotional trauma which was given by him. And I know thousands of people out there were thinking of me a stupid.

Falling for him, or even liking him again was a stupid decision my heart ever made.

I told you not to listen to your heart, but humans and their emotional trauma have got under your skin. Now you realize your brain is everything, and your heart is nothing. Of course, it is needed just to make you alive.

So what should I do?

Go and asks why is he so bipolar!

Nooooo! Don't ever listen to your heart. There is no need for asking. Just do one thing he rips your heart into pieces so many times now it is your turn to do this.

No, don't listen to your brain...

So what should I do?

Did he win the football match, right? So he must be celebrating his victory ahead of the whole school, and if I'm not wrong he was the one who created that bet.
So, today is the day to snatch that winner title from his head officially.

Just a simple click and catch thing victory party must he going to start it anytime soon.

You just need to make people realize that this bet has done; you have won it, and that Cole has lost it.

Got it?

No! Don't do it!

Yes! I'm going to do it.

Going to do what?

Going to do what Amanda?

I don't know. I seriously Don't know the juxtaposition of my heart and my mind they are at the very far side of the corners like two rivers floating at the different side of this planet.

Should I go with my heart? And just simply asks him all my worries, all my confusion, about all my anxious feelings?

Or

Should I go with my brain? And do exactly what he did with me. Break his heart and make him the official loser of that stupid bet which he had made. After all, the entire school would be more scandalous about it rather than him winning a match.

Break his heart seriously?

Do you still think that he has a heart? Do what I said and embarked on everything right there when will the victory party start. It's high time of you being nice now it's payback time. And you have not done anything wrong and you are still not going to do anything beyond your limits. Just going to finish a chapter of your life which is needed to be ended in your life.

Holding up my head high I let go of my all conscious empiric thoughts and met with the constants one.

Ok. Let's do this. This time finally!

I grabbed my cell phone and punched Vannesa's number. For the first time in history, she picked it in one, "where are you? You always vanished whenever we go somewhere!"

I ignored all her furious questions on me while holding the cellphone tight I mumbled be ready for the victory party.

****

"Are you sure that you want to go in this oh so! Victory party?" she uttered in all confusion, her eyebrows were showing the full contrast of her exasperated thoughts.

"Obviously-"

"Thank god! You were kidding, and I knew it." she ruffled her hairs with her gentle fingers in one sway.

"Yes." Hardly, by giving her time to digest the information in her stomach. I told her yes.

"Tell me why?" she shrieked her voice high while rolling her lower lip inside her mouth.

Yes. Tell her.

"Just want to enjoy the night with you," I mumbled.

Liar!

"Really?" she looked suspicious at first, but she covered it up quickly with a grin.

"Of course you are not going to hide anything from me. We are sisters and one cannot hide anything from your sister." she blinked and ruffled my hair as a parent does to his child.

You have broken her trust!

Don't listen to your heart. It is always going to play with your emotions, and you haven't broken anyone trust. You need to understand that she is not going to live always by your side. She has her problems too, but she will never say it. She has her life too. Don't initiate her with your problems.

Yes, I'm going to let her stay away from my problems.

"Umm. So what are we wearing? For the party?"

And like a drenched wall had stumped in the air my thoughts were changed in seconds. From, low to high ends of the oceans which are never going to meet. Only if a subtle way of magic would appear there then it would be possible.

"Clothes! We are going to wear them."

She swayed her left palm behind my head, "and here I was thinking we are going to wear bikinis at the party."

"Well, that's not a bad idea." I was started to think about it, but it never lasted too long because she again smacked her palm behind my head, "ouch!" I winced in pain.

"I swear on god Vess if you again touched my head I'll kill you!" I snapped at her with my deadly burning eyes. And they were burning like charcoal in the first engine train.

"Oh, we have no time for you killing me and then you being sent to jail and then you will going to die a virgin."

Oh yes, nothing can be more hurtful for her of me dying to be a virgin.

Half an hour later**

"Come on open the door. We are getting late," there was banging at the door with her timid voice. Ah! She must be furious, as may it concern she is going to kill me.

"Coming!" I muttered in anticipation, still trying to cope up with the image of myself that was reflecting on the mirror.

Really?

Don't listen to your heart! You are looking the way you were supposed to be. Preach the enhancement of your eyes into the sparkle of shining light.

My hands were shaking, and I was fidgeting the thought of doing anything was cold, it was colder than ice. I rolled my lower lip inside my mouth in a shudder.

It's like riding on a rollercoaster ride. In one moment I was bold, ready to do anything and in another, I was drowned, drowned in the depth of the ocean where willingness started to kill me, and it could have changed. It could be better than this to have the audacity to go beyond the limits only if the sparks of light will work at the correct time.

And I must say no matter how my insides were trying to fade myself, I must do it to end all this nonsense at one time.

Holding up my breath high, I shall negotiate my insides with myself. At the sudden sound of creak, the door gets opened revealing my only furious friend Who was looking gorgeous in her knee-length white straight dress matching it with black plums. Only she could do it better than anything in absolutely less than no time.

And look at you!

Can't you just fucking stop! Look I'm trying ok...

Ok. I'll stop, but what about other people? How are you going to stop them?

I'm- I...

"Wow! What's with this style today?"

I want to scream at a high pitch, but it wouldn't help me. I want to lose in the light of the sky, but it wouldn't help me. I want to cut down all these voices inside my head, but it wouldn't help me, so I'll just do one thing. Just going to watch everything with my eyes and observe it. Only if only I'll be able to do it.

"Just wanted to feel like a real playgirl for the last time." I blinked at her while trying to giving a fake laugh.

Only at that moment, I realized how amazing these fake laughs can be!

How amused this wind can, how strange looks I can receive at the same time.

She eyed me from head to toe wondering about the anticipation that has churned up inside my stomach.

"So tell me what is the plan?" she finally asked while folding her hands to make her words more determined on me.

Yes, so what is the plan.

I shrugged my shoulders," plan is to put a final stop to this madness."

Oh well, let's see.

"So this is what it is? And what if this madness didn't stop?" she asked with caution, still, her eyes were scrutinizing my face, my body my soul to get a clue of anything to hold.

"Obviously, why wouldn't this madness stop? It is meant to be ended here that's why it begins right?" I asked hopefully.

"Hmm. I don't know seriously, but you are big enough to make your decisions and if you wanted to what your heart says then do it. We will see the outcome later."

Only if she knows I'm following my mind not my heart this time.

She smiled and hugged me," forget about everything, and you are looking pretty today."
The wall around us may be significant to its aura, but does it significant to me, or more importantly to us?

"Look at you, and your curves you will going to kill every lady in that victory celebration. If I were a boy I would make you mine without thinking in a blink." she winked.

"I always knew that you have a boy inside your body, and you proved it right," I chuckled.

"You! Are such a bitch."

"I am a bitch to you, oh only to you." I chanted with rhythm.

"If Britney Spears would hear this, she will put you in prison," she exclaimed with stormy eyes that would fierce down the ocean in hurry.

"We shall go otherwise we will be late!"

***

We think that a victory party of a football team can be hazardous to those who wish to win, or maybe it can be vacuous to the aura but who had to think that the scene here is so basic that everything seems here stress-free.

Still, the place seems to be so scalded that everyone who was supporting the team in a match there, and the team batch mates.

All the cars were spreading on the road like there is no end to it. The place in itself seems like a palace. A palace of chaos.

Music was blasting through the speaker which was so loud that it would be a miracle to overhear anything.

I became more anxious my anxiety reaches up to the level. Several thoughts were rolling upside down in my head that what if I make a fool of myself? What if everything here does not happen the way I have thought...

Still, with these heavy thoughts, we have entered inside the area where everything looks like a real thing of life. It gets in speed, so fast that if you took a wrong step it will break your neck.

Just standing here while all dressed up and fidgeting like a lost child is not going to work.

"Are we going to become a robot, or going to be a part of this party?" Vess looked at me.

Vess had her arm linked with Dylan, as soon as they saw each other both were waiting for me to come and join them. They were looking already tipsy not with the amount of alcohol but with the affection of young love.

Dylan was wearing khaki pants, matching with a plain white shirt, if looks could kill someone, I'm sure several people would be killed by his looks because he was looking really good.

"Wow," Dylan said while looking at me, "who are you? If I had met you, before Vanessa, you would be my girlfriend."
Vess stomped on her foot forcefully. And a yelp is stricken by Dylan's mouth," I know she is Amanda, I was just trying to make you jealous but now I get it If I ever tried it again you will kill me for sure."

I laughed.

"So what's the occasion of you looking like this?" Dylan asked

"It's nothing special," I mumbled, while not meeting his eyes because I was burning with heat. Long, in short, I was too damn shy.

Somehow, I collected myself. "You two are looking gorgeous you know that!"

"Yes, we are born to be gorgeous!" and the sound of laughter made me comfortable in this strange place.

The loud music and smoke surrounded me. My heart was pondering with a strange feeling it was rising with the beat of the music.

Dylan and Vanessa guided me around the hell number of people who were the students of my school who was glancing at my side when I was trying to find a way to cut down the crowd. They led me to a large lounge with three pools, and a minibar that was in the corner.

There he was sitting with some of the teammates. And every one of them has a girl sitting on their lap, including Cole.
They were laughing, their sound in the high pitch of music is still vacant but u can feel it. I can see it.

Vess grabbed my hand and caressed it. Maybe she thinks that it is going to affect me?

Is it going to affect me?

Who cares? Does anyone care about it? Then forget it!

They were so busy that they didn't notice us as in the same area of the bar we were standing near them.

And that was the same girl who had kissed him in the playground. Looks like he got a girlfriend!

As Dylan muttered something one of the teams looked up into our side following by all of them. And if that was not enough they were all staring at me from head to toe including Cole.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Isn't you wanted this?

Somehow, I managed to not look like a riled-up tomato and managed to pretend like I don't care about anything and finally tried to be bold. Not by the movements just by the self-attitude.

Everyone's stares were fine they were normal. But Cole's?

You have got to be kidding me because his eyes were on me. And no they were not penetrating my body, my dress like other boys did. His eyes were just fixated on mine's

It's like he was doing this on purpose, or maybe he was shocked to see me like this?

Soon, enough engulfed in the conversation with the girl whom he kissed.

"I didn't know that you are going to beat Cole in the famous bet of you guys. Cole can't seem to be a nerd, he had done everything that he could have done at another time, and you are still sticking with your words. And I've heard about you among the boys. Every single boy is talking about you. So, I think I should stop talking and we can dance on the DJ floor."

I was looking towards Cole's direction, and I still don't have any idea why?
When he had not paid attention to anything this boy said, or to me.
That girl was hunged like a hanger-on his neck and if that was not enough he now just has decided to look into my eyes?

You know what? shut the hell up!

He tends to look at me when he was with the other girl. After all, he is still a playboy, and one could deny it.

"Ok! Let's go!" I ignored all the glances and went with .. Wait what was his name? Oh yeah, Shane.
We grabbed drinks first which was in red and blue cups. This time I didn't think about anything or about the outcome. I just drank it in one go.

"Wow, I never knew that you could drink that much." his comment made me bolder.

And I grabbed one by one six cups to make tipsy like hell.

He encircled my waist through his arm. And I didn't mind it because I was too busy with myself, with my thoughts and with Cole's glances towards me.

We went to the dance floor. And I think Vess and Dylan went to an empty room.

***

Half an hour later, I'd dance with my feet off feeling like a free bird of the sky. That never wanted to be chained. Moving with the rhythm of music which was making me high more and more.

As someone from the school makes their way to yell through the microphone I heard, "Cross River High has won the cup, the captain who was the part of the famous bet of the school, yes yes we are talking about Cole Maxwell, is the star of tonight's party.

Someone mumbled, in the ear of that person who was announcing all this. Yes, my bleary eyes still can do it.

" and as you know our famous playboy can't be a nerd. It doesn't suit his personality, but Amanda Parker did very well as a playgirl. So, let's end this role-play of each other here because Amanda Parker has won it."

Soon, enough music started blasting more and more in the room.

I saw Joseph near me. And some teammates with Shane were all around me, and I was in the middle of between them dancing with the perfect rhythm of the music.

They were all chanting my name which was making me bolder, I was feeling hot and cold at the same time. A hand slipped on my waist, a hand slipped on my arm and Joseph was kissing me!

Hello! No! How the hell it did happen?

"Let's go outside!" I heard a voice which was shivering in my ears.

"No, I don't wanna go and stop kissing me!" I tried to snatch away my arm from his possession.

"Oh come on don't be coward now!"

Before I could slap him in his face. I saw him lying almost dead on the floor. And cole was above him punching him on his chest.

Everyone was rushing to separate them.

I was trying to stop cole because I didn't he is going to kill him, "Cole please stop!" I begged when I had tears in my eyes.

"I told you to stay away from her! But you didn't listen to me now take this bastard!"

What was he talking about?

"Cole Please stop!" I sniffed. While trying to catch his arm.
And he looked at me with his cold bloodshot eyes that have shivered me from head to toe. "And you! I told you to not do this but you didn't listen to me. He could have raped you!"

He could have raped me!

He could have raped me!

He could have raped me!

The only thing that was humming in my head is his words.
I can't breathe. So I ran outside the palace.

Such I fool I am! What the hell I was going to do? Do going to sleep with guys just for this bet?

This was all stupid wastage of time.
I could have been raped, or maybe not only by Joseph.

I hate myself! I'm not like this. When the hell did I make myself like this? I am not Playgirl. And I don't even want to be. I just wanted to be that girl who was fine. Who didn't have glances of boys? after all this time I was faking to be someone else. This is not me.

I nudged my mascara and tore down the necklace which I had worn.

I hate myself! I'm a coward, a pathetic girl.

I have no idea how and when I reach the beachside.

I sat there. Just sat there thinking all things again that if Cole hadn't come in between then I would have been raped.

It all shivered my body again. I was crying tears were rolling down on my cheeks flawlessly as like the waves of the ocean.

A fainted image of my dad was ahead of me. I came here to find him, and what I did here?
Such a shame. My knees were touching my chin as I covered up my knees with my shaking hands and bend down my hand.
For the stupid mistakes of my life.

I was crying and crying. I know it is needed to be stopped, but all the stars were gazing at me like they also have shame on me.

I can't look up it is too scared they will all judge me and laugh at me.

Suddenly, I felt a shadow beside me. "Shhh. It's okay!" no. It is not okay I wanted to scream but I couldn't because I realized that this voice belongs to Cole.

After a mouthful silence when my sobbing was only heard I felt a hand on my back. He was rubbing it.

"I am sorry!" he said.

I looked up just to meet his eyes to see that he was doing with pity or.

Still, he had saved me tonight. "Thank you!" I muttered while sobbing.

And we both went silent.

He coughed, as he was preparing to ask a question.

"Why did you came to Florida?"

Before I could look up again. "And don't say that- I came here to watch your game and support the team. Because I'm not good enough for it."

"I-I came to see my father."

Words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"And what's his name?"

"D-D"

Before I could pronounce his name he completed it for me. "David Parker." his eyes were still on me without blinking.

But how can it be possible? I never told anyone about it except Vess. And Would never do that.

I shifted to the left, still looking down, " who are you?" that's the only question that has come from my mouth.

"Ever you wonder why you feel something inside your heart whenever you see me? I tell you why because our knot is unbreakable just like the relationship between the moon and the sky."

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