37. pain
SAMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! Sam and Bucky's beef is so silly.
Tw: Self harm (my baby Sev 😕)
WHEN SEVEN STARTED, it was around a month or two before her sixteenth birthday. She had accidentally cut herself while helping Bucky cook, and the pain was a startling, almost familiar sensation. Since escaping HYDRA, she hadn't felt pain like that. No one hurt her anymore, but the accidental cut ignited a craving she didn't expect.
It was something she felt used to.
Something she was born to have.
Pain.
That night after dinner, Sev retreated to her room. The memory of the accidental cut lingered in her mind, an insistent whisper she couldn't ignore. She tried to distract herself, but the urge grew stronger. Eventually, she gave in.
The sting of the blade brought tears to her eyes, and as the blood dripped down her arm, she felt a twisted sense of relief. When the cool air hit her wrists, she found herself strangely comforted.
She became adept at hiding it. She wore sweaters, a lot of them. Bucky seemed to think it was just a fashion choice, a teenager trying to find her way in the world.
Sev didn't have many friends, so fitting in wasn't her concern. She had Janie Wilson, is Sam's niece. Janie was an orphan, a year older than Sev, and a tough, no-nonsense girl who didn't tolerate Sev's tears and slap the shit out of her when she cried (and has many times) but she loved Sev fiercely.
She loved Janie
She hopes Janie loved her too.
Sev heard the door open. Panicking, she quickly shoved the blade back into her drawer and jumped up from her bed. Bucky walked in, his presence filling the small apartment.
"Hey, Sev," he greeted, flashing her a quick smile. He looked tired but content, a rare combination.
Sev walked out of her room, meeting him in the living area. He collapsed onto the couch, and she followed suit, sitting next to him.
Bucky turned to her, his expression softening. "You okay alone tomorrow night? I have a... uh, date," he said, his tone a mix of casualness and hesitation.
"A date?" Sev felt a flash of anger, but she pushed it down, forcing a smile. "Sure, dad. No problem."
Bucky nodded, relieved. "Great. Thanks, Sev." He paused, looking at her with genuine interest. "So, what did you do while I was gone?"
Sev's heart raced, but she maintained her composure. "Just read some books," she lied smoothly. "Steve's old ones."
Bucky smiled, a hint of pride in his eyes. "Good. Reading's good for you." As he leaned back, his eyes caught a small stain on her sleeve. His expression shifted, concerned. "What's that on your sleeve? Is that blood?"
Sev glanced down, her stomach dropping. Thinking quickly, she said, "Oh, that. I had a nosebleed earlier. It's nothing."
Bucky's concern didn't entirely fade, but he accepted her explanation. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just one of those things," Sev replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "Y'know?"
"Sure..." Bucky studied her for a moment longer, then nodded. "Alright. If you say so."
He stretched, the tension in his shoulders visibly easing. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"
Sev felt a wave of relief at the change of topic. "Sure. What do you want to watch?"
Bucky shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'll let you pick. I'm feeling pretty open-minded tonight."
THE DATE THING MADE SEV A BIT MAD,
Maybe it was because she didn't want her dad to get hurt more than he already was. Despite his attempts to hide it from her, she always saw through him. She had been seeing it since they first met in that HYDRA facility all those years ago when he claimed to be her father.
Sev began to feel guilty about eating again, as if she was taking something she didn't deserve. She was a killer, so why should she get to eat? It was odd, though; her dad had killed just as much, if not more, than she had, and she believed he deserved everything good in this world. Maybe it was because Bucky was under mind control while she had followed the orders of one manipulative old man by choice.
Sev had fallen asleep before Bucky returned from his date the previous night.
When she woke up, she walked into the living room and saw her dad sleeping on the floor—typical. He had also fallen asleep with the TV on.
So much for saving power.
Sev sat on the couch, hoping to watch some TV before Bucky woke up and hogged it. She glanced at the screen, noticing some sort of interview playing.
"It's the greatest honor of my life," the man on the TV said. "I'm just a little shocked, I think."
Huh?
"How did a guy like me end up here?"
Sev leaned in to get a closer look. What was he wearing? It looked like Steve's outfit, but if it was ugly.
Then the headline popped up at the bottom: "JOHN WALKER NAMED CAPTAIN AMERICA."
Her eyes widened. She immediately rushed to where her dad was sleeping and shook him. "Dad! Dad! Wake up!"
He groaned and swatted her hand away. "No..."
"Dad—"
"Whatever it is, no." He groaned again, his voice heavy with sleep.
"There's a new Captain America!" Her words came out fast, almost too fast.
Bucky immediately jolted up, his eyes now glued to the TV. "What?"
"...Because, I got big shoes to fill." John Walker said on the TV.
"Did you know Steve Rogers?" the reporter asked him.
"Well, I was two years out of West Point when Steve came back on the scene. I followed his career very closely as an Avenger. I like to think I modeled my work after his," John continued.
"So you've always wanted to be a hero?" the reporter asked.
John Walker nodded. "I liked that what I was doing would make people feel safe. Steve Rogers was the kind of guy who could do that. He gave me hope..."
"Don't freak out too much..." Sev said, but Bucky was too focused on the TV.
"Even though I never met him, he feels like a brother," John said.
Sev's eyes widened. "Hell no..."
Bucky jumped up. "Get dressed, we're gonna go find Sam."
IT DIDNT TAKE LONG TO FIND SAM, which was odd considering he should really keep himself hidden better given his history. Bucky walked with a determined, almost aggressive stride when he was mad, a pace faster than Sev could comfortably keep up with.
"You shouldn't have given up the shield," Bucky said, his voice heavy with accusation as he spotted Sam approaching.
"Hi Sam!" Sev greeted with a bright smile, a stark contrast to Bucky's mood.
"Good to see you too, Buck." Sam nodded, his tone cautious. "Lucky, it's great to see you as well."
Bucky grabbed Sev's hand, ensuring she would keep up with his brisk pace, and they began to walk alongside Sam. "This is wrong," Bucky insisted.
"Hey, hey, look, I'm working, all right? So all this outrage is gonna have to wait," Sam said, sounding exasperated. Sev sort of agreed with Sam but kept quiet, understanding how her dad felt.
"You didn't know this was gonna happen?" Bucky asked, his tone accusatory.
"No, of course I didn't know that was gonna happen," Sam replied, frustration evident in his voice. "You think it didn't break my heart to see them march him out there and call him the new Captain America?"
"This isn't what Steve wanted," Bucky argued, his voice softer but still firm.
Sev rolled her eyes. Steve left them, so why would it even matter what he wanted anymore? "Oh, my God. So, what do you want me to do? Call America and tell 'em I changed my mind? Huh?" Sam shot back.
Bucky didn't say anything, and Sev could sense the tension building. Sam had a point, but Sev felt compelled to side with her dad no matter what he chose. "Yeah, right. Great reunion, buddy. Be well. Sev, I'll see you around. Janie wants to hang out—"
"You had no right to give up the shield, Sam," Bucky said, coming to a full stop.
Sam halted in front of him, his expression fierce. "Hey. This is what you're not gonna do. You're not gonna come here in your over-extended life and tell me about my rights."
"Oh snap..." Sev muttered, a small smirk grazing her lips. Part of her wanted to see them fight; it would be cool.
Bucky gave her a nudge, signaling for her to stay out of it. "It's over, Bucky," Sam said finally. "Besides, I have bigger things to deal with now."
"What could be bigger than this?" Bucky demanded.
Sam pulled out his phone and showed it to Bucky. "This guy," he said, flashing a picture of a man wearing a strange mask. "His connections with rebel organizations all over Eastern and Central Europe, and he's strong, too strong."
"And?" Bucky said dismissively. Sev wanted to scold him for being so single-minded.
"Well, he's been connected to this online group called the Flag Smashers," Sam explained, Bucky glancing to the side. "Now, Redwing traced them to a building somewhere outside Munich. So that's where I'm going."
Sev looked at the photo over Bucky's shoulder. "He looks like pretty bad," she commented. "But we're not just going to ignore this Captain America thing, right?" She said, trying to keep this drama going.
Sam sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "No, we're not ignoring it, Sev. But we can't lose sight of the bigger picture here. There are real threats out there that need to be dealt with, now I'm gonna see if redwing is right—" Sam started to walk.
"Hold on a minute, I don't trust Redwing," Bucky said, coming to another abrupt stop.
"You don't have to trust Redwing. But I'm gonna go see if he's right, 'cause I have a feeling they might be part of the Big Three," Sam replied.
"What Big Three?" Sev and Bucky said at the same time, their synchrony almost amusing.
"The Big Three," Sam repeated, as if it were obvious.
"What Big Three?" Bucky and Sev echoed, their confusion mounting.
"Androids, aliens, and wizards," Sam said, counting off on his fingers.
Bucky narrowed his eyes, a skeptical frown on his face. "That's not a thing," he said, his voice dripping with disbelief.
"That's definitely a thing," Sam shot back, equally confident.
"No, it's not!" Bucky said, his agitation evident. Sev, sensing his rising frustration, slipped her hand into his and squished her cheek against his arm. It was a gesture they often used to calm each other down, a small act of solidarity.
"Every time we fight, we fight one of the three," Sam insisted.
"So who are we fighting now? Gandalf?" Bucky retorted, his sarcasm palpable.
Sam looked genuinely confused. "How do you know about Gandalf?"
"I read The Hobbit. In 1937, when it first came out," Bucky said, a hint of pride in his voice. "Plus, Sev reads a lot of books."
Sev grinned up at him, her cheek still pressed against his arm. "I do love my books."
Sam rolled his eyes, bringing the conversation back to the argument. "So you see my point?"
"No, I don't. There are no wizards," Bucky said firmly.
"Doctor Strange," Sam countered.
"Is a sorcerer," Bucky corrected.
Sev lifted her face from his arm, looking up at him with wide eyes. "He does spells, Dad! He's a wizard."
"Yeah, and he's a sorcerer," Bucky insisted.
Sam interjected, holding up a finger. "A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat. Think about it. Right?" He smiled, clearly pleased with his logic.
Bucky stared at him like he was the stupidest person ever. "I'm right. I just came up with that. It's crazy," Sam said, grinning. "Look, that's not the point. These guys aren't magical. They use brute force, just like you. The incredibly annoying guys in front of me, with the staring problem, that he passed down to his offspring."
"I don't have a staring problem," Sev muttered, leaning back onto Bucky's arm for comfort.
Bucky began to walk again, pulling Sev along with him. "We're coming with you!" Bucky shouted after Sam.
"No, you're not," Sam replied without turning around.
"No, we're not," Sev echoed, trying to grab Bucky's hand to stop him, but he kept walking, his determination unyielding.
THEY ENDED UP GOING WITH HIM. Now, suited up and ready to face another battle in Munich. Her attire was less combat-ready than theirs—dark cargo pants and a dark jacket—but it was practical for the mission.
Sev found herself sitting next to Bucky, her head resting on his shoulder. She always felt safe when close to her dad, they always were close to each other, always touching in some sort of way and Bucky never seemed to mind her constant physical affection because he never pushed her away.
Bucky and Sam were in the middle of a silent stare-down. Sev found it weird and a bit amusing. "One minute until drop-off, Sam," Torres said as he quickly passed by them.
The silence was thick and awkward. Neither Bucky nor Sam broke their intense gazes until the plane door opened. They both stood up simultaneously, like it was some kind of competition.
Sev was set to jump off with Sam. She preferred flying down with him rather than using a parachute, which she found terrifying.
"So what's the plan?" Bucky asked, but Sam didn't reply. "Great, so no plan," Bucky muttered.
"Dad, come on..." Sev said, gently scolding him for being so salty.
"'Dad' is a new one. When did that start?" Sam asked, used to Sev calling Bucky 'Papa.'
"Thirty seconds!" Torres shouted over the noise.
"You know what, never mind. Enjoy your ride, Buck. Come on, Sev," Sam said, motioning for her to follow.
"No, you can't call me that," Bucky snapped.
Sev sighed, watching the interaction with mild frustration. "Why not? That's what Steve called you."
"Steve knew me longer, and Steve had a plan," Bucky said, staring up at Sam.
"Fifteen seconds to drop," Torres announced.
Sam didn't say much else. He glanced over at Sev, giving her a reassuring nod. "Come on, Sev."
They began to walk toward the open hatch of the plane. "I have a plan," Sam said confidently.
"Really? What is it?" Bucky said, clearly skeptical.
Sam grabbed Sev securely. "Hold on tight, okay?"
"Okay," she replied, gripping him tightly.
"The plan, Sam! What's the plan?" Bucky shouted, his frustration evident.
Without another word, Sam and Sev jumped.
THE PLACE WAS WEIRD. Sev crouched behind a shelf with her dad, Bucky, both of them scoping out the supposed "Flag Smashers."
"All right. Me and Sev are inside, therefore way ahead of you," Bucky bragged into his comm. "It's not great, but very doable."
Sev turned to see Sam standing next to her. "Hi, Sam," she whispered with a fond smile.
Bucky turned his head quickly to look at Sam. "Huh?" He looked Sam up and down. "Hello. How are you?" Bucky said sarcastically.
"Good. What did I miss? Nothing," Sam retorted.
Bucky was fed up. He began to stand up. "All right, let's go," he said.
Sev grabbed his sleeve, trying to tug him back down. "No, Dad, wait."
"What the kid said, wait," Sam said, backing her up.
"I got a vibranium arm. I can take them," Bucky said, holding up his metal arm.
"And I can fly, who gives a shit. Wait," Sam said. Sev saw her dad get very offended by that. "I want to see where they're going."
"There are two people," Bucky said, getting more and more irritated with Sam.
"You only see two?" Sam asked, incredulous.
"That's what I saw," Bucky retorted.
"Let me see what Redwing sees." Sam started looking at his little device. "Let's see what Redwing... Oh, look at that. How many people do you see now?"
"That looks like five to me," Sev said with a clueless smile.
"Thanks, Sev," Bucky said sarcastically. "So they're strong, whatever?" Bucky said, his irritation clear.
They stared a bit longer, watching the Flag Smashers load up the trucks. Then Bucky stood up. "Come on, let's go."
Sev grabbed onto him, her voice urgent. "Dad, no. We need to be smart about this."
"Yeah, wait—" Sam started, but then he accidentally hit his head on a shelf, making some clattering noise. "Shit..."
They all quieted down as the Flag Smashers stopped and looked back at where they were hiding. Sev held her breath, hoping they wouldn't be discovered. After a tense moment, the people turned back around. "Alright, let's move," the woman said.
Sev watched as they all went into their designated places. She turned to her dad, her voice a whisper. "We need to be careful, Dad. They're not just any group. They're organized, obviously."
"We don't know that."
"It's kinda implied."
Bucky frowned but nodded slightly. "Okay, Sev, but we need to act."
"There's an eighth person," Sam said, his eyes fixed on his device. "I think they have a hostage."
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