The thing nobody told you, Jax thought, was that being attacked by giant hornets really put a damper on the day.

They trudged in silence. Craggy earth gave to luscious green forest, a riot of orange-eyed pansies and skeleton flowers. Romes marched at the front, slashing trees apart with a bloodied knife. Xander followed in ashen silence, rubbing at his bandaged shoulder, while Asa snuck Bibi scraps of bacon whenever he thought Jax wasn't looking. Which was, Jax reflected, probably a form of cannibalism. But that was a conversation for another day.

"Is it just me," Asa said finally, "or does anyone else have monster guts in their underwear?"

Jax looked up. "That's just you."

"No," Xander said. "I do, too."

Asa looked satisfied. "Wonderful."

"Although," Xander continued, "it's technically a form of mucus. The male hornets are closely related to the gastropod species, and they produce large amounts of mucus in their testes—"

Asa groaned. "Please stop talking about hornets' ball sacks. You'll put me off lunch."

Romes hacked apart a tree branch. "Nothing puts you off lunch."

"I'm just saying," Xander said. "It's really fascinating, the way that the insects utilize complex carbohydrates to produce a specific type of..."

Jax sped up. Romes kept her gaze ahead, slashing through overhanging branches as if they were silken spiderwebs. She doubled her pace, and Jax had to half-jog to keep up, ignoring the twinge in his knee.

"You were brilliant back there," Jax offered.

Her mouth tightened. "I should have been faster. Xander got stung."

"You saved our lives."

"Well," Romes said. "That remains to be seen."

Jax swallowed. "Romes."

"Yes?"

"When we save the world—"

She raised an eyebrow. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Okay," Jax said. "Fine. But if we do save it, then come live with me instead. There's a loft above my flower shop. We can renovate it and be..." His cheeks grew hot. "Roommates. Or whatever. What do you think?"

Romes cut through another branch. Her shirt slipped, revealing a faint yellow bruise on her collarbone. Seeing Jax looking, Romes yanked her top back into place.

"I think," Romes said, "that you have dirt on your nose."

Jax's hand leapt to his face. Bugger. She was right. "Romes..."

"Not now," Romes said. "Please."

Her voice was tired. Dried blood speckled her face, and her dark hair was falling out of her ponytail. But she looked beautiful, Jax thought; if her face was the last thing he saw at the end of the world, then maybe that was okay.

He bumped her shoulder. "Just think about it, alright?"

"Oi!" Asa called.

They paused. Xander was mopping his forehead with a red bandana while Bibi fluttered near his ankles, happily snuffling for fallen chestnuts. And Asa, Jax noted with rising incredulity, appeared to be... sniffing.

"Does anyone else smell cake?" Asa asked.

Jax shook his head. "You're hallucinating."

"No," Asa said, "I can really smell it. It's like those little blueberry tarts that fellow with the mustache gave us—"

"General Zark," Jax offered dryly. "Commander of the King's Army."

Asa waved a hand. "Yeah. That bloke." He sniffed again. "I'd know that smell anywhere."

Romes sighed. "Don't be stupid, Asa. Our epic journey to save the world isn't going to end in a tea party."

She whacked aside a branch. They stepped into a clearing.

Jax blinked. A banquet table was laid with dozens of pastries: lavender scones, carrot cake slathered in cream cheese, a sugared lemon cake... Steam rose from a teapot like a question mark. Chickens grazed in the field. Five empty chairs wreathed in flowers surrounded the table, although nobody appeared to be sitting. Romes raised her knife.

"Okay," Romes murmured. "This is weird."

Asa nodded at the forest floor. "Are we good to step on these, Fish Food? Or are we going to explode?"

Jax looked down at the flowers carpeting the meadow: skeleton flowers, daffodils, some pansies... He raised his head.

"Any allergies to rhubarb?" Jax asked.

All three of his companions shook their heads. Jax held out an arm.

"Then you're good."

"Jaxon Blackwater," a cheery voice said. "How nice of you to come."

Jax jumped. A woman leaned against the table, doling tea into fragile cups. She wore a long white dress and a tattered veil, and her dark hair fell in snarls down her back. Her long nails, Jax noted, were perfectly manicured and painted bubble-gum pink.

Asa pressed a hand to his chest. "Holy crap. Is it just me, or did that woman appear from nowhere?"

"I don't think that's a woman," Romes muttered.

Asa raised an eyebrow. "You think that's a bloke?"

Xander sighed, casting his eyes skyward. "Not everyone's a man or woman, Asa. The issue of gender is extremely complicated, and there's a whole spectrum that—"

"You're the mother of monsters," Jax said.

He wasn't sure how he knew this, but he just knew. All three of his companions stared. Four, if you counted Bibi, although the pegapiglet was busy sidling away from a curious chicken. The woman smiled, like an indulgent teacher praising a student.

"Some people call me that. I'm also known as Eater of Hearts, Destroyer of Worlds, or, on some occasions, Sally."

"Sally?" Asa looked incredulous. "The mother of monsters is called Sally?"

Sally shrugged. "It's short for Salpsan." She raised her tea. "Mothers. You know what they're like."

"Is it just me," Romes muttered, "or were other people expecting her to be scarier?"

Sally took a delicate sip of tea. Her pink nails, Jax noted, were really more like talons. The mother of monsters set down her teacup. Then she picked up a chicken, stroked it lovingly, and ripped its head off with her teeth. There was a crunch of bone. Blood and feathers sprayed across the white tablecloth.

"No," Jax said. "That's about what I expected."

The earth rumbled. Asa's eyes were on the treeline.

"Gods almighty," Asa muttered.

Jax followed his gaze. Monsters crawled from the forest. There were dozens of them, in all shapes and sizes: slimy, worm-like things, and some with spiked skin, and a taller one that could have crushed buildings in its meaty fist. His stomach tightened.

Jax shook his head. "We'll never be able to take all of those." Not that he'd be able to take even one monster. But even so.

Xander looked alarmed. "Can someone remind me of our key objectives, please?"

"Er." Romes paused. "Killing her?"

"I don't know about you," Asa muttered, "but I'd be happy just to stay alive at this point."

Sally picked chicken bones from her teeth. "Choose your champion."

Jax paused. "What?"

"A champion," Sally said impatiently. "For the Test of the Dead. Choose."

Oh. Right. Their last test. In the chaos of being chased by gigantic hornets, Jax had almost forgotten. "What's the task?"

Sally dabbed delicately at her mouth. "You'll see."

"That's not ominous at all," Asa muttered.

"Listen." Romes drew another knife. "We do the task, then when she's distracted, we get close and kill her. That's the plan."

Asa shifted his weight. "Or—"

"Or?"

"Hear me out." Asa paused. "We could just skip to the killing her part."

Jax raised an eyebrow. "With all those monsters? Hell, no."

Asa scowled. "Fine. Then Romes should go. She's the best with a sword."

"I'm sorry," Romes said, holding up a hand. "I just fought off an entire army of talking hornets, and now you want me to fight a hundred monsters?"

Asa shrugged. "Better you than Fish Food."

Jax frowned. "I resent that."

"But it's true," Asa said, scooping up Bibi, who was cowering between his legs as the chickens drew closer. "Even you have to admit that."

Romes sighed. "Xander should go. He's the cleverest."

Xander shook his head. "Weighing up the odds, I actually believe that Asa is the logical choice. If you think about the variation in his skillset, he's the most adaptable to new challenges and—"

"It has to be me," Jax said.

Three incredulous faces looked back at him. Romes was the first to speak.

"What?"

"The task," Jax repeated. "It has to be me. Asa did the first one. Xan did the second. And you did the third."

"Again," Romes said, "who says that we have to do any of this?" She gripped her knives. "Why can't we just kill her?"

Jax shook his head. "We have to do the tasks."

"Says who?"

"Those birds," Jax said. "And the prophecy."

Romes' mouth thinned. "Who wrote that prophecy?"

They looked to Xander. His nose was scrunched up, as if he'd tasted something sour, and Jax realized that the expression was confusion. He'd never seen Xander look stumped before. Not even once.

"Er," Xander said. "I don't know."

Asa threw up his hands. "Brilliant. So we've risked our lives by battling across a monster-infested kingdom only to discover that this may not actually work."

Romes turned. "What did the oracle say to you? In the Doom Cave?"

Jax paused. "Well, he didn't say much, really."

Her eyes narrowed. "How did you get the directions, then?"

"Um." Jax swallowed. "I chose a fortune cookie."

A heavy silence fell. Monsters brayed, squabbling over a wooden bucket that Sally sloshed over the flowers. The bucket was very helpfully labelled Human Tears.

"You have to be kidding me," Asa muttered.

Romes' knuckles were white on her knives. "The entire fate of the world depends on a fortune cookie?"

"In my defense," Jax said, "it was a very impressive fortune cookie."

Romes ran a hand over her face. "I can't believe you didn't mention this earlier."

"There was a lot going on, okay?"

"Actually," Xander said, holding up a finger, "fortune cookies have a very illustrious history. They've been used for thousands of years as a unique—"

"Children!" Sally clapped her hands. "I'm waiting."

She set down the bucket, placing her hands on her hips. Jax swallowed. He took a step forward, Wind-Singer slapping against his back. If he were a real hero, Jax thought, he might find the weight of the sword comforting, but actually, it just really bloody hurt. Who knew that metal could get so hot in the sun?

"I will stand as champion," Jax said.

Sally's eyes gleamed. "I thought you might say that." She beckoned towards the trees. "You can come out now, darling."

A figure limped out from the forest.

The warrior was tall and blond, his square jaw littered with scars that only served to make him more handsome. Twin swords criss-crossed his back. Jax's heart hammered. The figure was paler than he remembered — perhaps thinner — but he would have recognized him anywhere; Jax knew the cadence of his footsteps better than he knew his own heartbeat.

His lips were dry. "Percy."

Percy's smile was hollow. "Hullo, Jaxy."