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The cat's picana

Chapter 1: Arrival in Copacabana

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It was a time when military boots kicked doors to get in and kicked ass to get out. Unknown times for sure young people who read this and among the many stories of those years gone, there is one that is also unknown for the present date.

Victor Toro was a young man of handsome appeareance, but inside he was just a jerk. And no, although this paragraph sounds silly, in the end the story won't make you laugh.

Like any young man of wealthy life, led a good life and if this is not carried with a good education in terms of morals, there are cases like the present.

"Dad, mom. I am going to Copacabana to be a seminarian, I intend to be a priest and dedicate myself to God in body and soul."

You can imagine the happiness of the parents (and the relief) knowing that their fourth offspring left life, let's say, lax before society, to be a good man. What the parents who bombarded him with questions did not suspect was that the reason for such an untimely decision was far from obeying the call to a vocation to the service of God and neighbor as Christian precepts command.

You see, the supposed lost black sheep returning to the flock was actually a wolf that after committing a misdeed involving skirts in between, had to put its legs, pardon, I mean, feet in flee.

The young man did not intend to wear his cassock and dedicate himself to a life of chastity, obedience and poverty, and therefore, the night before he went to the house of his ugly-faced fiancée in order to get a wad of bills out of her, bills that were not ugly at all.

Moreover, the belly of the maid would soon show her round figure and better than her mother would believe that it was her soft father, addicted to the greasy foods of the maid, who by irony of fate, would now make the young cook fat.

In short: he had to retire until the storm passed, then, well, as they say: God squeezes but does not drown.

Of course it is also said: to the early bird, God helps him, and in that Victor became diligent, because he took with him a suit of chola and a priest, the latter was not a commission to a tailor, but borrowed from the priest of the cathedral.

When I find this scoundrel, I'm going to break his face - the passers-by listened to a nervy man with a strict face who was walking the streets in the company of several of his employees, all of them muscular and eager to please their knuckles.

The subject was none other than the father of the fiancée, who upon discovering the stolen money, found out that the young man was cutting off the engagement relationship to leave and told his daughter to France to study art, as he was a very sensitive soul.

The sensitive one passed right next to the old one, and this one could not recognize the ruffian because he was disguised as a chola.

There, matter solved, it is said that the world belongs to those who have... Well, what the hens put in or in this particular case: skirts.

Anyway, Victor took a bus that would take him to Tiquina.

Needless to say, once the bus driver arrived at his destination, he charged Victor a double ticket because, according to him, the young man he saw had not paid for the trip.

"Of course I paid you peasant son fo a...!" It was Victor's polite reply, who, in order to make himself understood in a more civilized way, gave the poor driver a good punch, who despite being a good Catholic, could not turn the other cheek, the cloak or anything else because he was unconscious at that moment.

"Hua, driver, why don't you go forward? You're slowing down us," said a driver who wanted to use the barge to get to the other side.

"This drunkard has fallen asleep," replied Victor.

"How can he drive like that, right now I'm going to denounce him to the guard!"

Happy with his good deed of the day, Victor got on the barge. He would have liked to cross the strait more quickly, but it took time to set the sails and wait for a good wind to inflate them, fortunately the place was always windy.

When he reached the other side, the boatman also asked him to pay the fare.

"Can't you see I'm a priest, my son? It is a sin to charge a servant of the Lord," he said, and the boatman apologized profusely; so repentant was he that he even gave Victor a few coins to get to Copacabana, of course, previous threats from the man of God, and a supposed eternal damnation in the fires of Beelzebub.

Victor climbed upon a donkey and caravanned on the journey, because going by bus could be harmful to him after blessing the bus driver, with a refreshing rest.

"Condemned bus drivers, they are all unionized. I'm sure they're looking for me."

Thus, the false priest arrived at his destination and lamented the delay due to the curves since they made his buttocks stop being so.

"I didn't know the donkeys were so hard," he said and kicked the poor animal so hard that he killed it right there.

"My little donkey! What's the matter with you, priest?"

"That creature was possessed by the devil, he tried to bite me, my son."

"But..."

"I'm going to give you my blessing so that Satan won't possess any more of your animals."

The blessing was a few words said in Latin followed by a stronger than necessary kick.

Already in the atrium of the church, Victor went to a corner and took off his priest's disguise.

"It's a good thing no one discovered me. Well, the prince of Copacabana has arrived," thought the cretin, without realizing that he was seen by a pair of amber eyes.

The cat stretched out and began to spruce up his paw, without taking his eyes off the young man entering the house of God.

CONTINUARÁ...

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