ACT I: Why is my stationary talking?

Ever since I was young, many had believed I was some lunatic. And while that's true, I've personally always thought it to be a little rude. I mean, don't say it to my face, pal? Okay? I may look and act like a robot, but I promise I'm funny! I think.

Well. I had no room to complain, anyway. Finals were only a few weeks away, and it seems that college has made it its life's mission to bring me down. But this valiant warrior shan't concede defeat!

Get it? Alcestis? Valiant?

Okay, bad one. Ignore that.

Inky voice: How self-absorbed. Does she really think she's all that?

Pixelated voice: Where's my sword? I'll strike her down when she's not looking. I swear I'll do it this time!

Electronic voice: Watch her attempt that 3D Revit model. She'll visibly combust on her own.

Ayo. What was that? Is my room haunted??

Alcestis: What on God's green Earth is going on here?

My voice came out a little squeakier than I intended it to be. I ain't afraid of ya, ghosts! Well, at least that's what I'm telling myself. I heard they smell fear. Or were those dogs?

Inky voice: Ghosts? With your intellect, it really stands to question how you made it into this prestigious university. What do you have in there? A potato would be more useful than that brain doppelganger of yours.

Alcestis: Hey! I'll have you know, that's very rude. Mind your words!

Pixelated voice: HOW ABOUT YOU MIND MY FOOT UP YOUR-

Electronic voice: Easy, there tiger. We already agreed to leave her demise to P 2.0.

Alcestis: P 2.0? Is that some mafia codename?

Electronic voice: Oh, no, it stands for your worst nightmare! Remind me again why you're attending this university?

Alcestis: Why are you all so mean?! More importantly, why am I even talking to ghosts in my room?!

Pixelated voice: LET ME AT HER! PENNY, I SWEAR, I'M DOING IT!

Inky voice: Calc, no. We're not doing this today.

Alcestis: Wait... Is that my stationary making death threats? In this economy?

Electronic voice: Congratulations, you grew a brain! Hey, what fertilizer did you use?

Alcestis: The same fertilizer I'm about to stuff into your ports, you muddleheaded computer!

ACT II: Chairs? 3D models? How about I go insane instead?

Scratchy deep voice: Sooo... why are we here again?

Penny: Ever the genius, Miss Al is making a cardboard chair. You're here as a sacrifice. How do you feel, Sir Cardboard?

Sir Cardboard: ...I may or may not want to go home.

Penny: Well. Too bad. Your funeral will be a grand event. Any specific songs you want played?

Sir Cardboard: I don't like the sound of this.

Penny: Doesn't answer my question.

Sir Cardboard: ...I suppose 'Everyone Bites the Dust' will be fitting.

I watched my ex-favourite mechanical pencil converse casually with the heap of cardboard I'd just brought. Make a cardboard chair, my foot! I'm not doing this willingly! Who thought it a good idea to mandate making a working cardboard chair without glue or thread for a Critical and Creative Thinking class?

...

Okay, it makes sense now that I think about it. But still! It's a general subject! And I still have that dreadful 3D model to work on! Wasn't that business pitch before midterms enough, or did they have to make my life hard?!

Comp: I have to say, your software design skills suck. Were you always this technologically ignorant?

Alcestis: Shut it before I factory reset you!

Comp: I'm sorry, Ma'am!

Calc: Why am I here?!

Alcestis: I can't live without you. Your presence calms my mind.

Calc: I WILL FEAST ON YOUR SHED BLOOD!

Alcestis: Wonderful. It's more peaceful than the chirping of birds.

Calc: AGH! DIE!

Alcestis: Sure, sure. T?

Plastic-y voice: I am NOT complying with you. I am a T-square. My mission is to aid aspiring architects, not cut out cardboard! Don't make this sort of mistake!

Alcestis: I'm sure you won't mind when I mistakenly snap your back, then.

T: You vile woman! Are you threatening me?!

Alcestis: It's not a threat. It's a promise.

T: Eek! Okay, okay!

ACT III: The integration has prevailed. I concede defeat.

I see it clear. The large, serpent-like black creature. It is towering over me, casting a shadow doused in hatred and vindictiveness. I take a fearful step back, holding my shield closer to me. It is rubbery and a little blocky, yet it is my one solace in the world. It is the one thing that can help erase this monster from existence!

...Quite literally.

The black serpent howls, its rage resonating in the bloodied skies. At its side, variables keep rushing, forming an impenetrable shield of doom. From the outside, they appear tame. I draw my lead sword from its sheath and venture towards it.

I can tackle this monster. I will come out triumphant. There is no other way! The fate of Calcalusia hangs in the balance!

I must defeat this monster!

Penny: Okay, that's enough sci-fi. Put me down, airhead. Leave Era alone, too.

Rubbery voice: Yeah, put me down!

Alcestis: Aww! But I need to defeat this equation!

Era: Erasing your problems is not defeating them. Grow up!

The battle ensues. I engage the x in a heated battle, eventually binding it into what I think is the correct knot of u. Alas, I am proven wrong! The x rages on into a wild beast, throwing me down to the ground!

Penny: Stop breaking the lead!

Alcestis: But the integration is winning!

ACT IV: My grades are masquerading like a downward projectile.

Midterm results are out...

Do I even have any hope anymore? This university is insane! What was that dynamics midterm?! Projectiles and curvilinear motion in the same question?!

Nah, man. The true projectile was my GPA as it plummeted into Hell. Not to mention Calculus. Too long! How will I even make it into Computer Engineering now?!

Calc: Tough luck, short stack.

I grab the calculator off the desk roughly.

Alcestis: It's all your fault, you heap of mechanical garbage! Had you been faster, we wouldn't be in this predicament!

Calc: Relax, fresh sticks. It's all about seeing the flowers.

Alcestis: What flowers?! All I'm seeing now are my grades falling into Wonderland! I don't remember wanting to cosplay as Alice!

P 2.0: What's so bad about Alice?

I abruptly drop the calculator to the ground. It falls with a thud, then bellows out a death threat as usual. I ignore it and focus on the voice coming from the open section in my 5-subject notebook. It seems to be of Electricity and Magnetism.

Wow. That computer was right when it claimed it was my worst nightmare. I thought it was just withering sarcasm, but apparently, it's my mind that was withering.

Alcestis: So, you're P 2.0! Seriously? You couldn't think of a more creative name?

P 2.0: I'm guessing you haven't heard of MP, then.

Alcestis: MP?

P 2.0: Modern Physics. I told it to be more creative, but it claimed no one was more creative than Schrödinger with his dreadful time-dependent equation. Have you even seen Modern Physics? It's the most creative one here. Maybe it can help you with that 3D project of yours. Your work thus far is atrocious to say the least.

Alcestis: Oh, not you too!

D: Fret not, my valiant interlocutor! This venerable one shall save you from the doom of projectiles!

It was the A2 canvas taped to my drawing board that the sound seemed to be coming from. Can even architectural drawing speak now, too?!

Alcestis: You'll probably break my back before you do that.

D: But you'll get an easy A in return. :)

Alcestis: ...

Alcestis: Fine. Deal.

ACT V: The finals schedule is accusing me of being a lunatic. Again.

So. Who thought it a good idea to smush together 5 subjects in 5 days?! Come out. I just want to have a conversation. The gun I'm holding is irrelevant right now.

No, because seriously. Calculus right at the start?! Followed by a useless general subject that will still force you to memorise 400 slides?! Then that wretched IT?

P&P: Oi. Watch your mouth. I may only be worth one credit hour, but I cost more than you ever will.

IT: Yeah! Who are you calling wretched?! You've been insulting me this whole time!

Alcestis: You're the one who threw both programming and software design at me! And in such a short period of time, too! Two weeks?! Do I look like a Revit prodigy to you?!

IT: Grow a pair, softie. The world is less forgiving than I am.

Alcestis: You're the one who'll be begging for forgiveness when I'm done with you! Now, stop interrupting my inner monologue! Killjoy.

IT: I SWEAR, ALCESTIS-

Alcestis: BLA BLA BLA, CAN'T HEAR YOU! ~

Anyway. Back to my outrageous schedule. SOMEONE thought it was a good idea to put Engineering Drawing right after that and Physics 2 (Electricity and Magnetism) right after that.

D: But Al! Did we not agree that I shall lead you to a glory of old? The glory that once belonged to kings?!

Alcestis: You broke my back enough! This will be the last time I put up with you.

D: But-

P 2.0: So, how are ya gonna face me after 5 sleepless nights and stressful days?

Alcestis: GOD, don't remind me. I am dreading you more than I dread whenever that calculator opens its mouth.

Calc: HAHAHA! SO, I AM NOT LIKE BIRDS CHIRPING, EH?

Alcestis: I lied; you don't sound like birds chirping.

Calc: YOU ADMIT TO IT AT LAST!

Alcestis: Rude, let me finish. You don't sound like birds chirping. You sound like an ignorant monkey.

Calc: ...

Calc: I WILL BEHEAD YOU, HEATHEN! BEGONE!

I simply grab the calculator and walk towards the bathroom. Then I open the tap at the sink. The little coward suddenly shuts up.

Calc: Ahaha, come now, Al. Aren't we comrades-in-arms?

I hold it closer to the running water. Hehehe, playing the villain is so fun! Wait, calm down, Alcestis. It can't show on your face!

Calc: I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! I'LL SHUT UP, OKAY? JUST PLEASE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS BEHEMOTH OF DAMNATION!

ACT VI: Final boss, the bald Abdeen! Also, why was there no AC in the drawing hall?

I always thought I was strong. Getting into this university was my own decision, even when everyone told me it would be deathly hard. But noooo! Alcestis said, "I can handle hard academia. I've always done it."

Oh, me and my big mouth!

My last final is tomorrow. It is the dynamics final. It is the dreaded arena. The bald Abdeen is out there, waiting to strike. He has struck before. He has struck twice thus far.

I shall not let him fell me once again!

M-D: You let the lack AC during the drawing final fell you, child.

Who goes there?!

M-D: No need to panic, friend. It is I... Mechanics – Dynamics!

Alcestis: No... No, it can't be! Do not call me your friend! I will never be your friend!

M-D: Oh, just wait until you meet my brother, M-S. You will kiss the dirt at my feet when you do!

Alcestis: But I thought Statics was supposed to be easier than you!

M-D: You have been warned, warrior...

The voice fades away. I am left alone with my thoughts. That bald Abdeen... He's done it once again! I shall not forgive him! Not in this lifetime or the next!

Penny: You're so dramatic. Grow up, please.

Alcestis: How about you grow a brain?! Mind your business!

ACT VII: Help! Results are out!

The dreaded day is here. My results... they are out. My heart is currently beating out of my chest as I am opening my laptop. My mom stands behind me with bated breaths. My dad, meanwhile, is on his phone by the doorframe. He really cannot be bothered.

Comp: What's wrong, McFly? Chicken?

I clench my jaw and don't answer. Not with my parents here! They'd send me to an asylum! ...In retrospect, they should've sent me long ago, actually. Soon, I'd opened the college website. The stupid laptop has been running its mouth since.

Oh, when I catch you, comp!

Comp: I know what you're thinking, and I just wanna say: you wouldn't dare. I'm too expensive- WHOA, LOOK AT THAT! A C in P 2.0? How stupid, haha!

I roughly grab the computer, wanting to yell at it to shut up. My mom hurriedly puts a hand on my shoulder.

Mavis: Easy, there! Al, I know you're upset, but don't break that computer. It's just a grade, alright?

Layth: You'll be the one dealing with the consequences anyway. Shoulda done more, kiddo.

My dad hadn't even raised his eyes from his phone as he spoke. It simply made my blood boil more and more. The laptop kept taunting me, practically sticking its tongue out.

Alcestis: All of you will see! I'll make it in!

ACT VIII: I have peaked and will never be brought to heel.

Aaand I was right. I did make it into Computer Engineering. Woohoo! I have indeed peaked, and I shan't be brought to heel!

I look around at the stationary lying all over my desk. Then I look to the notebooks and laptop. A smug smile stretches on my face.

Alcestis: What did I tell you?

All: Fine. You win. You're not stupid. We bow down to the master or whatever.

I can't help cackling like a witch. Those suckers shall be my coven now! Together, we shall conquer the bald Abdeen and his likes!

The valiant Alcestis prevails yet again!

Penny: Get your head out of the clouds.

Calc: YEAH! I STILL HAVEN'T DUELLED YOU FAIR AND SQUARE!

...I guess those guys won't change, though.

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