Manda snickered and turned to look out the window, and I did the same, heart pounding in my chest. It was ridiculous, really. A stupid time to be thinking about this sort of thing. But when Jai shed his t-shirt and I could see a flash of bare skin out of the corner of my eye, I badly wanted to look.

I kept my gaze fixed on the outside, staring at the forest that hemmed the edge of the road. Think about trees. Think about cool, green forests.

I could hear Jai squirming around on the seat, trying to pull his pants on. Suddenly I was seized by a fit of giggles, and I had to press my hand over my mouth. Still, my shoulders were shaking, and Manda must have caught sight of me out of the corner of her eye.

“What’s your problem, kid?”

I shrugged helplessly, still muffling giggles, and ended up snorting, which only made me giggle harder. In the front seat Manda began to snicker, and her breath fogged up the window as she pressed her forehead to the glass. “You want to look, don’t you?”

I shook my head in denial, but I was still laughing too hard to answer, and Manda cackled with obvious glee. “You want to look! You little pervert! Hey boys, you’re in danger of being ogled at.”

I looked up and pulled a face at her, just on time to see her turn her head slightly, stealing a look at the driver’s seat.

“You’re looking!” I gasped between fits of laughter. “Horace! She’s looking!”

Manda reached over the seat and smacked me on the shoulder. “I was not.”

Horace’s deep voice was amused. “We’re both decent now. You can look. Though apparently you’ve both been doing that already.”

I chanced a peek at Jai, and was startled to find his cheeks were slightly flushed, though he was fighting a smile. He cleared his throat. “Well, I guess we should…um, go over the plan again?”

“Right,” I said hastily. “The plan.”

Horace was fishing in the duffle bag again, and this time he pulled out a length of thick rope. Manda’s amused expression was gone instantly. “Great, I forgot about that part.”

“You know you’ll be able to slip free the second you need to,” Horace said. He turned to me. “And I’ll have the hourglass in my bag with me. If anything goes badly wrong, we can freeze them and it will give us some time.”

Jai added, “Keep in mind. The soldiers will freeze, the soul suckers will freeze, Thanatos won’t, at least…not as effectively.”

My stomach sank. “What? He isn’t effected by it?”

“He’s powerful,” Jai said. “So he’s able to fight it.”

“And who knows how much more powerful he’s grown,” Manda added. “He’s older now, and he’s living high on the hog, pain and suffering is all around him and it only makes him stronger.”

“Hopefully we can avoid him,” Horace said.

Jai frowned at him. “But if we can get to that necklace we have to get it. It’s important.”

Horace and Manda exchanged a look. It seemed to be the one thing they agreed on. They obviously weren’t eager to get the necklace back. The thought occurred to me, that maybe they didn’t want me to get my memories back. Maybe they hadn’t liked the old me, and they knew the necklace would bring that version of me back. I was almost inclined to be on their side. I wasn’t sure if I liked the idea of becoming someone else either.

Jai looked at both of them sternly, until Manda shrugged, looking sullen, and Horace nodded and said, “Alright, yeah.”

“Alright,” Jai looked from me to Manda. “Ready?”

“Hands in front, I think.” Horace held the rope out towards Manda. For a minute she just stared at him, and I thought maybe she was going to be stubborn and refuse to go through with it. But then she jerked her head at the window and said hoarsely. “Outside. I’d rather have more room. I’ll try slipping in and out of it…to be sure.”

Horace only shrugged, and the two of them exited the jeep. I watched as Manda held up both hands and Horace looped the rope around her wrists. Manda angled away from us, so we could only see her back from the inside of the jeep. Horace was standing very close to her, saying something too low for us to hear. Jai glanced over at me, as if I might object, but I only shrugged. My stomach felt like it was full of rats, scrambling around inside me, poking me with their claws. I was nervous enough to feel sick.

“Kali, it’ll be fine. I’ll make it so you can slip right out of them, okay?”

I took a deep breath and nodded, holding my hands out, palms pressed together, as I’d seen Manda do.

“Tell me if it’s too tight,” Jai murmured.

I nodded, chewing on my lower lips as he looped the rope around my wrists. The rope itself was course, scratching my skin a little bit, but Jai was gentle, and he grimaced when he tightened the last knot. “Okay? It’ll slide easily if you push it. Is that alright?” His dark eyes searched my face anxiously, as if he was petrified I might take this personally. Like I thought he really was the bad guy here or something.

“It’s fine.” I gave him a shaky smile. It was weird that I was reassuring him, when I was the one with my hands tied in front of me. It felt weird, the ropes were constrictive and scratchy, and I had to breathe deep and keep telling myself I could slip out of them any time I wanted. Jai insisted that I try, and I wiggled my wrists a bit until the knot slid forward and the ropes became loose enough to slip over my hands.

“See?” He said. “Easy. Okay?”

“It’s easy.” I agreed. “No problem.”

It was still weird, and awkward, but I couldn’t help noticing when his hands made contact with mine, when his fingers curled around my arm. His fingers were gentle, and it gave me goosebumps, which immediately made me feel weird, considering the circumstances.

For a moment his fingers curled around mine, staying frozen that way. The scratching rats in my stomach were replaced by butterflies. A very different set of nerves was coming into play now. I could feel my face burning. Jai leaned forward, and we were only inches apart.

His bright eyes flickered from me, to the window, then back to my face. He was clearly nervous, and when I shifted in my seat he pulled back abruptly.

When he pulled away his hands I could feel my face fall. I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t. Bitter disappointment was choking me.

Jai sighed and looked down at my hands. “It is forbidden.”

I jerked upright in my seat, hot anger washing through me. “Forbidden by me, right?”

He shrugged, eyes still glued to my hands. “By the old you, yes.”

“The old me isn’t here! This is the new me.” I glared at him. “And the new me wants…”

“You’re not yourself.” Jai turned away from me. “You will be when we reach the castle. I cannot take advantage of your loss of knowledge. And I cannot be sure how the old you will...react.” He still wouldn't look at me, and I had a stab of horrible realization.

He was afraid of me. Of what some weird, future version of myself would do to him.

Frustration was making me barely coherent, and before I could say anything else, Horace was yanking his door open and sliding into the driver’s seat. “You two ready?”

“Okay, we go in, we get the Kronos portal, we get the hell out of there.” Manda pushed the door of the jeep open with her foot. “And then we go home, finally.”

Home. Where was home for me? It wasn’t my house anymore, it hadn’t been for quite some time. The minute mom and dad had staggered out into the darkness it had ceased being home. I guess mom and dad had been home, family was home.

I suddenly found myself blinking furiously as my eyes prickled. Now would not be the time to burst into tears. “What’s it like?” I said hastily, and Jai blinked at me in confusion. “The place beyond the veil.”

“It’s beautiful.” Manda’s voice was hoarse. It was the one of the first times I’d seen another emotion besides frustration or anger from her. Longing was written plainly on her face. “The sands of time stretch out forever, and every grain is the color of pure gold. There’s a river that runs around the palace, the most crystal clear waters you’ve ever seen.” She swung her legs out of the jeep and stood up, looking up the hill at the towering castle above us. “It’s nothing like this place. This dimension is nothing like home.”