-ˋˏ ༻ ʚїɞ ༺ ˎˊ-

Quick Note: This book is being made in dedication to myself, the former self I used to be. It is a way for me to have closure with my past self so I can heal and grow into the new version of myself. There will be a lot of trial and error, I expect this, but I am committed to embracing this new change as I need it for not just myself, but people around me. Both online and in the real world.

I plan to talk about my experiences and express them here within this book. I also will describe my emotions, thoughts, and feelings which will be nothing, but raw and pure.

As for the butterflies being portrayed in this book, they are symbolizing my path of healing. I picked blue butterflies because they are pretty, but they mostly express my one true feeling, sadness. Sadness in bottling up these emotions for far too long and only now being able to express them. But the same time the butterfly is also bright, and colorful. Showing lightness is stronger than darkness even if the color being used is a sign of sadness. Sadness doesn't have to be negative, it's showing a sign of progressing to healing the open wounds that refused to heal, until now. Or the beginning to healing.

I hope with time the butterflies will change their colors and show that they have fully healed and have found closure by the end of it all. That I have found closure by the end of it all.

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Healing is one of the most challenging journeys we can embark on. It can be easier to suppress our feelings, ignore them, and move forward as if nothing has happened. However, I've chosen to embrace my emotions and share what I've been experiencing. 

What better way to channel my feelings than through writing? 

This book will offer a glimpse into my personal emotions, thoughts, and experiences. It carries depth, filled with heartfelt emotions and meaningful moments.I will share my encounters to highlight the contrast between my immature and more mature ways of dealing with toxic individuals. Through these stories and memories, I want to clarify that this isn't a "how-to" guide. Instead, I aim to create a space for sharing my experiences and, in turn, discover more about myself.

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As I transitioned into young adulthood, I found myself driven by an insatiable need to succeed, pushing myself to reach new heights and prove my worth. Yet, despite my outward confidence, an undercurrent of doubt flowed beneath the surface, leaving me feeling adrift and unsure of my true potential in a vast, unpredictable world. Each day was a battle against the gnawing fear of failure and the paralyzing grip of uncertainty that loomed over me, making me question whether I measured up in the eyes of others and whether I would ever uncover my true purpose in life.

Throughout this journey, I had to navigate relationships with individuals who thrived on manipulation, taking advantage of my vulnerabilities, and harboring deep-seated insecurities that manifested as jealousy or envy over time. These encounters, though painful, served as invaluable lessons, helping me to sharpen my instincts in identifying toxic individuals in the future. However, along with these lessons came the heartache of betrayal and the disheartening loss of friendships. I faced moments where betrayal struck like a dagger, inflicted not just to hurt, but also for revenge, control, or the misguided pursuit of popularity at my expense. 

It was these harrowing experiences that compelled me to open the floodgates of my emotions out into the vast ocean. For far too long, I had buried my feelings deep within, allowing them to fester and impact my life in unhealthy ways. To free myself from the chains of toxicity, I began taking definitive steps to expel the negativity that had weighed me down for so long. I intend to explore these methods in greater detail in the subsequent chapters as we journey deeper into this narrative about myself.

So, I invite you to join me on this voyage of self-discovery and personal growth as I grapple with the complexities of my young adulthood—confronting those who have inflicted pain while acknowledging the lessons they inadvertently imparted. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and unwavering honesty, I'll share my story of overcoming paralyzing fear, leaning into the unknown, and discovering the innate power of my potential and self-control. Along the way, I learned a crucial truth: some people no longer deserve a place in my life, and letting them go is essential for my well-being. (Disclaimer: Those individuals have already been removed from my life.)

Through my journey, you'll learn the fundamental actions in how to:

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- Face your fears and taking the appropriate first steps towards your dreams

- Letting go of perfectionism and embracing your authentic self

- Cultivate resilience and self-compassion in the face of uncertainty

- Learning to let go of certain individuals who only have hurt, betrayed, got revenge, jealous, manipulated..etc, you in order to gain power, control, and or popularity

- Taking the appropriate steps to know when to walk away from a negative situation between interactions of yourself and an individual who's known for being toxic

- Finding ways to think more positively about removing toxic individuals from your life

- Thinking more positively in general

- Learning to stay silent when toxic individuals try to tear you down, speaking up does you more harm than good

- Practicing mindfulness

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As a person, I've been doing everything I can to embark on the journey of learning to heal, diving into a realm of empathy, knowledge, and self-discovery. Healing is not just about mending physical wounds, but also about tending to emotional scars and nurturing the damaged spirit. It requires patience, compassion, and a deep understanding of one's self and others around them (me). Learning to heal involves honing skills, gaining wisdom from experiences, and embracing the complexities of human nature. It is a profound process that can bring both challenges and rewards, shaping a person into a compassionate healer who can make a positive impact on the lives of others around them.

I want to acknowledge my faults and learn from them over time. I want to be able to understand that my actions hurt people, put people down, belittled, and made people even uncomfortable to engage with me.

I need to understand that my actions were not the best actions I choose. I want to acknowledge this so I can help myself improve as a person. This understanding has taught me valuable lessons that will help shape a new version of myself—someone who is calm, collected, understanding, guiding, helpful, and genuinely engaging with others in a positive manner. 

In this book, I will delve deeper into my past self and describe how I am overcoming it. I have decided to write this book as a way to find closure regarding my past. Writing serves as both an escape from reality and a coping mechanism for me and I hope this helps me as well as anyone else who is struggling themselves.

I want to share my personal experiences in hopes that people can better understand who I am today. I have made significant changes in my life and achieved various accomplishments, and I want others to recognize that I am not the same person I was in the past. 

As I like to say, "The past doesn't define who you are in the present or future. Only the present and future can determine the type of person you are as of now."

I want people to see that I am making an effort to better myself as a person. And for people to understand just because someone acted a certain way in their past, doesn't mean that's actually who they are as a person now. People can change. People grow and we learn from our own mistakes. People need to start realizing this and stop being stuck in this rut of "you did this in the past so that's who you are now (even if said thing was done 1-2 years ago) you must be the same from then and couldn't possibly change. Change doesn't exist even though we ask people to change their ways."

It's called being an manipulator and a hypocrite at the same time. And unfortunately a lot of people will act this type of way. For what reason? To have control over the other person making them feel helpless and feeling like their efforts wasn't good enough. I think we need to just stop trying to tell others what to do, and just focus only on ourselves and our own actions. Too many times people will try and tell others what to do, but honestly you don't have the power or authority to tell anyone, but yourself, on what to do. Period.

And that's what I've been doing. I simply just been living my life and those that try to tell me what to do, I just ignore. I'm trying to find my own path to healing as I go through this quest on finding out my true self.

I'm just a person learning to heal as I navigate through this transformative journey filled with challenges, growth, and self-discovery. I don't need cheerleaders on the sidelines trying to dictate how I should live my life. I don't have to listen to anyone, but myself on what's best for myself. It requires not only knowledge and skills, but also developing empathy, resilience, and a deep understanding of human nature. Healing is an art that encompasses physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects, demanding patience, compassion, and dedication. As one navigates the path of healing, they learn to listen attentively, offer solace without judgment, and provide comfort in times of distress. It is a profound process that not only benefits others, but also enriches the healer's own soul, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment in making a positive difference in the lives of those in need.

I am determined to heal and make a positive impact along the way. As I progress on this journey, I will continue to achieve my goals with confidence. I take pride in my accomplishments so far, and I am excited to see what I will achieve next. 

First I must start with accomplishing a few factors before I can achieve other future goals. I need to confined in self-discovery, healing, and overcoming my own demons. I have started down this path of this courageous journey towards inner growth and transformation as I began to discovery myself more. In doing so, I must face my own past traumas and insecurities head-on, seeking to understand themselves on a deeper level. Through introspection, and self-reflection, I work towards healing emotional wounds and breaking free from destructive patterns. By confronting my inner demons with bravery and resilience, I have began to pave the way for personal empowerment and a renewed sense of self-worth. This path of self-discovery may be challenging, but the rewards of inner peace, emotional resilience, and self-acceptance are invaluable and rewarding.

As the weight of the past finally begins to lift, a profound sense of clarity and purpose emerged deep within me. The long and arduous journey toward healing had presented immense challenges and opportunities for personal growth. Now, standing at this pivotal juncture, I could finally see the fruits of my own labor. The turbulent emotions that had once threatened to consume me were slowly, painstakingly tamed, the sharp edges of my soul worn down by a steady rhythm of introspection and self-compassion. 

What had once been a chaotic maelstrom of hurt and anguish had given way to a deep understanding—an acceptance of the scars that marked my soul as not burdens to be hidden, but as testaments to my resilience. In this moment, I felt a stir of hope and a quiet determination to continue moving forward, nurturing the fragile seedlings of peace that had taken root within. 

The path ahead was not without any obstacles. For that would have been too easy. I knew with unwavering certainty that I possessed the strength to navigate the challenging obstacles. I would emerge stronger and more whole than before. This was not an ending, but a beginning—a chance to write a new chapter, one guided by self-compassion, vulnerability, and the unshakeable belief that healing, though understanding my faults, was indeed possible for myself.