When Robinear came to, she wasn't sure what she had dreamed and what was real.

She knew the wounds hadn't been a dream, for they burned like fire when she shifted ever so slightly. But anything beyond that- the screams and scents of battle- had shifted seamlessly into her dream of pain that she'd just woken from.

But as she squinted at the wall of what she assumed was the healing den (it was the only place that made sense considering the pain currently clouding her thoughts) she was almost completely certain that she'd seen Lightning. And that- no, she must have dreamt it.

Because how, how, could Brownkit be the leader of the Fire? The leader of the group that Robinear was now in?

How could Brownkit be...good?

It had to have been a dream.

But the scents that surrounded her were hauntingly familiar. There were the stale scents of Amber, Volethroat, Dove, and the healer whose name she could not recall, along with the fresher scents of Fawnfur, Greyfur, Thrushnose, and...someone else. Because it couldn't be them, couldn't be.

There was the sound of claws scraping against the floor of the den for somewhere to Robinear's right. The scent of the white she-cat that Robinear knew and loved overwhelmed her senses, and the worries Robinear had felt melted away into nothing.

"You're awake!" Thrushnose breathed out. "I mean, Nimbus said you would be fine, but..." Her voice trailed off weakly, and Robinear nodded slightly in understanding.

"I'm awake," she agreed, voice a bit rough. The silver tabby's tail twitched slightly. "Sorry about that...I didn't mean to worry you..."

Thrushnose hissed slightly. "Don't be ridiculous. This isn't your fault." Her voice lowered a bit at the end, and Robinear got the impression that she blamed herself.

"It's not your fault," she mewed, ignoring Thrushnose's angry swish of her tail. Robinear opened her mouth to continue, but then her ears pricked at the sudden flurry of activity and noise outside of the den.

"Lightning! Please, don't go in! She probably not awake, and if she is, stress is the last thing she should feel--"

"I'm her littermate, Nimbus. Besides, you let that white she-cat in! Let me in this instant!"

"She's her mate, idiot! And I don't care that you're her blasted littermate. I am the healer, and you're leaving right now, Lightning, leader or not!"

Robinear's mind had been almost numb as she heard this exchange, her tired brain tring its hardest to make sense of this situation, but now it finally snapped the bits of information together.

It wasn't a dream...Lightning was Brownkit.

Something inside of her mind shuddered, as if on the point of cracking open.

"Lightning!" Robinear called, her voice catching as it snagged the jagged edge of hurt and fear in her mind. She blinked, not knowing why the name had escaped her mouth, because she didn't want to know if Brownkit was Lightning. She just wanted to pretend that good was good and bad was bad without thinking about what others felt, because it was easier that way. Without empathy, you could do what you wanted, as long as you labeled cats as good or evil.

Brownkit was evil.

Lightning was good.

They couldn't...they couldn't be the same.

Thrushnose's eyes showed a moment of panic, but it was too late. Robinear could hear a flurry of activity outside of the den, mostly consisting of a lot of hisses and scurrying of paws. There was a cry of pain, probably from Nimbus, and then Lightning was standing before Robinear, eyes brimming with worry and something that seemed like guilt.

"You're awake," the brown cat breathed. Something shut down in Robinear's brain, and for a brief moment she couldn't feel anything at all.

Emotions returned to her, slowly, through a small hole in the wall that had suddenly sprung up, and Robinear blinked once, twice, and the face that had haunted her for seasons was still there before her. It was mischievous, happy, excited, yet troubled in a way, haunted by something from when they were too young to understand what they had done. Robinear understood, now, why Brownkit was neither tom nor she-cat all the time, because they appeared to be both, somehow. Even their scent was confusing, because it was still distinctly Brownkit, but without that extra bit that told Robinear what gender she was looking at. If she concentrated, she though it smelled a bit male, but she couldn't know.

How had she not noticed that before?

Robinear could almost trust that face, too, because with that happiness and completeness alight on it, it bore almost no resemblance to the one that had haunted her dreams and her fueled her terror. It was different, but yet...the hair on Robinear's pelt stood on end, and her body instinctively moved into a defensive position.

Brownkit's-- no, it was Lightning's, now-- tail drooped slightly at Robinear's resignation, but their yellow eyes told Robinear that they weren't surprised.

A random memory suddenly came to the front of Robinear's mind. "Greyfur didn't tell me that he had another sister."

Clearly Dove hadn't been speaking of Lightning, but...

"Does Greyfur know?" The accusation shot out of her mouth before she could even think it through properly, the venom in her voice making even her wince.

The brown cat's ears flattened. "Yes," Lightning breathed out, a sound of defeat in their voice.

Those two words broke open the wall holding back her emotions, her feelings, the small hole they'd been trickling though shattering into a thousand pieces as the cat that Robinear had both feared as a kit and trusted as a rebel were made into one cat. The two sides of the character met in her head and fought for a quick moment, and it was Brownkit, not Lightning, that Robinear saw standing there.

A sort of fury, long-buried beneath seasons and seasons of terror, suddenly rose to the surface like bubbles in a stream. Her voice shook with anger, and for the second time in her life, her claws unsheathed with the desire to draw blood. "You...you..."

Brownkit's tail dropped to the ground as they sank ever so slightly, as if in a defensive position. "I'm sorry, Robinear. I never meant...I never wanted..." Their voice trailed off like a dying wind, but Robinear's fury only roared brighter, higher, like the fires she'd heard tell of as a kit from the healer.

"You killed him!" she hissed. "You killed him, and you didn't care, you hurt us all and held us all back, you're mad, insane, and, and..." Suddenly the fury crashed into something, some sort of barrier that she'd built long ago to hold back the visions, and it shattered. Waves of grief and fear and hopelessness crashed down upon her and quenched the fire.

Robinear wasn't aware of crumpling to the ground, but she must have, surely, because now she lay there with her eyes shut and tail wrapped around her body tightly, body shaking and chest heaving for breath. A warm body was suddenly there, by her side, and Robinear dimly heard someone roaring in fury and the panicked yowls of a calmer, peaceful voice. Robinear's breath came quickly, yet no air entered her lungs as she inhaled.

Am I dying?

A voice was suddenly in her ear, though still almost blurry, and she heard someone say, "Deep breaths, Robinear."

I can't, she wanted to say, but her voice didn't work. She felt a sudden thump on her chest and she inhaled deeply, and the world spun in and out of focus before her eyes focused on the tom seated before her, a look of worry and concentration in his eyes.

He took one glance at Robinear's face before spinning and hissing at Lightning. "You idiot! I told you not to come in!"

Lightning shuffled their paws. "I...I heard her call for me."

"Out!" hissed Nimbus, his tail whipping violently towards the exit. Lightning glanced at him, then started to move.

No! I still need to...to understand...

"Wait," Robinear choked out. Thrushnose, who Robinear noticed was glaring vehemently at Lightning, tensed slightly at the silver tabby's words.

Lightning stopped and turned to face the shivering she-cat, gaze overwhelmed by guilt and regret and something Robinear felt was self-hatred.

Nimbus turned around to glare at Robinear before flicking his tail. "Fine, then," he muttered, voice raised in irritation. "Ignore the healer. Don't blame me when she dies." He stalked out of the den in annoyance.

Lightning and Robinear stared each other for a long moment, two siblings long separated and with a tension so thick it made Robinear's fur stand on end. Robinear could almost feel it on her fur, weighing her down like slight dew, and she felt she could slice through it with and unsheathed claw. Lightning's eyes met hers, fierce yet gentle, brave yet regretful.

Lightning mouthed something that might have been I'm sorry, but it Robinear didn't care enough to tell for sure. She just stared, meeting her littermate's yellow eyes with her own of the same shade, a yellow that shone like the sun at midday.

Brownkit.

Brownkit stood before her, and then she bit down and bit into Tankit's neck, and the blood reached Robinear's paws in a fraction of an instant. Robinear knew, knew it was fake, but it didn't matter, because all it did was fuel the fire that burned bright for a brief moment before being smothered by the grief and hopelessness that engulfed her.

Thrushnose stood protectively by Robinear, yet the silver tabby tapped Thrushnose's shoulder slightly, asking her silently to leave this herself.

She had to confront her fear alone, or she'd never overcome it.

Thrushnose seemed to understand, but if her tense muscles as she sat quietly were anything to judge by, she was ready to jump up and attack Lightning at a moment's notice.

"Tell me why," Robinear breathed out, her voice weak. She felt strangely serene, for though fury and grief and horror battled each other within her and snuffed each other out, she was in some sort of equilibrium, an inbetween, and she couldn't even fathom where the anger had come from.

LIghtning blinked, once, twice. "Tankit...I didn't know. They didn't tell me what it did. And I needed to get out, I had to escape, so..."

Thrushnose's tail suddenly wrapped around Robinear's own. "You feigned insanity," the white she-cat said dully. "You pretended to have gone mad and you hurt Robinear in the process! I remember seeing her that first day, and her wounds were still there, fresh and bleeding, and it's because of you." She took a deep breath and continued. "It's because of you that she breaks down when she sees blood, that she passed out when she had to fight, that she couldn't fight back against Willowbranch when he claimed her for his own. It's all your fault!"

Lightning looked sick, ashen. "I-It was that bad?" she managed.

Thrushnose stood up, her claws unsheathing in the moment of emotion. "Worse."

Now it was Robinear who stepped forward, but her claws were sheathed and she gently pushed Thrushnose aside. "You've done good things," Robinear mewed. "I-I understand why you had to leave. But please tell me, why me?"

Lightning hesitated. "You were already so...so scared of me. I knew that you...that you'd get me kicked out." The brown cat paused, shuffling their paws. "I heard them talking, too, that I would become a Leader, and I felt like I needed to get out before my mind was smothered by the cats there..."

Thrushnose shot to her feet. "You attacked her because she was the most fragile?!" The white she-cat's fur bristled, and she looked like she was struggling to hold herself back.

Lightning sighed. "I'm not proud of it...and I didn't think it would hurt her so much..."

Thrushnose bristled. "How dare you!"

"It's alright, Thrushnose," Robinear comforted her, but there was an edge in her voice that sounded more like a warning. "Let's go,"

She shoved past Lightning a bit rougher than she intended, the den suddenly feeling completely suffocating. She could hear Thrushnose follow her, and as she breathed in the fresh air once more, she glanced back to see Thrushnose looking at her with comfort and pity. Robinear forced her ears up and her tail to swish a bit more. She didn't want Thrushnose to know how much Lightning had truly hurt her, or to know how much of a blatant lie her last statement was.

Because it wasn't alright, not really.

She was broken forever, and nothing, no one, would be able to fix her.

Special thanks to RavenFeather_TC for helping me edit this chapter!

...it's been a while, hasn't it...

I suck xD

To try to make up for this really long (I think 2 months yeesh) hiatus thing from Bloom, I'm also going to be releasing a chapter around Wednesday every week as well as Saturday.

There's also an art competition and a writing competition right now! See the details in the FloraClan Fanart book on FloraClanCharacters! 

What were your general thoughts on this exchange? Do you feel like Robinear was being over-dramatic, this was a fair reaction, or that she should've been more rattled? And what do you think about Lightning in general?

I hope you liked this long-awaited chapter! :)

~Ember