ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴜʀɴ

Two weeks.

That was how long Eddie and Soleil had hung out together whenever Eddie didn't have anything else to do like school. The girl continued to sneak out for quick arcade sessions, surprise visits to the Hideout to see Eddie's band, late-night snack runs before watching movies on VHS, guitar lessons, and anything fun that could happen in Hawkins, they did.

Soleil kept something to remember every moment, whether it was the guitar pick Eddie gave her, the simple drawing of her D&D character Eddie did, or the napkin she kept from first watching Corroded Coffin perform. It was a little strange but, it was her way of immortalizing the memory.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" Sol turned her back, away from Eddie and his van. She started running towards the iron fences like she always did to get back to her trailer undetected still, she couldn't believe that Eddie had managed to sneak them into the nearby drive-in, it had just made watching movies that much more fun. Usually, the girl would be able to get into her home without much trouble.

But tonight, that was different.

Soleil's fast pace came to a halt when she looked around at the other trailers. There, some of the other performers stood outside of their mobile homes, their faces reading worry. The girl felt a lump in her throat grow when she saw that her trailer door was wide open, lights on, as the sound of her father rumbling through her things, screaming, echoed in her mind. He was gonna be unbearable at this level.

With every step toward her trailer, Soleil felt her body wobbling, she developed a slight headache—the stress of what would happen when she saw her father made it feel like a thousand pounds sat on her head. Her heart might as well have been the ground, ripped out of her chest.

With any strength she had left, she walked up the few steps to her open front door. In the living room all her music, the colorful clothes she loved, the boring ones were probably left in the closet, and anything that could cheer her up was in a heap. Cassandra stood in the living room also, she rubbed her temples and only looked at Soleil for a second, somehow communicating that she was sorry.

"SOLEIL ADELINE ALASTAIR!" Her father's voice boomed, he came out of her room with one of her skirts, throwing it into the pile he had made.

"Dad—I-"

"Do you care to know what Kelly told me?" He got in her face, and the volume in his voice never went down. "She tells me you've been sneaking out under my nose and of course, I come to your trailer to prove her wrong and you're not here. Can you explain that to me Soleil?!"

She cowered, hanging her head. "I just wanted to have fun."

"Look at me. You're risking your life for fun? FUN? Have you forgotten who you are? You damn well know that any and everything is a danger to you. I do everything in my power to keep you happy, to keep you safe, I ask you to follow simple rules and you then disrespect that!"

She couldn't stand to look at him, to tell him how wrong he was. Soleil hated that she couldn't look him in the eyes to tell him that she wasn't some fragile vase, that she was a person like everyone else and not a prisoner.

Then, the Ringmaster said one of the worse things he could've done to her.

"Ryder died at age six from frostbite. Elowen, ten from the bear attack. Jamie was barely a year old when she couldn't fly anymore."

"Stop it." She backed away from him.

"Flynn couldn't hold his weight anymore, Cole lost himself by merely shapeshifting."

"Stop!" Tears started to flow heavily, and she cupped her ears, begging him to stop. Some say you couldn't mourn people you've never met but it wasn't true for her. Her father didn't let up.

"Don't you see? You're one of the lucky ones, you got this far and they didn't. I can see my child die again Soleil."

Her voice shook, it was barely above a murmur. "I feel like I'm dying every day..."

"What?"

"I feel like I've died a hundred deaths, maybe a thousand! This isn't any way to live, can't you see that?" She tasted salt, her headache was worse than before. "You forget I'm the one who has to die! You have no idea how it feels to wake up knowing that day could be your last—you have no idea."

Soleil's arms wrapped around her, and she slowly crouched to the ground. Pathetic, she thought that was the only way to describe how she must've looked. Pathetic in the eyes of her father who still stared her down, the same father who claimed to care but now beat her down with his words that stung like a million wasps.

She didn't look at him anymore as he still scolded her, she instead stared at Cassandra. Cassie broke into quiet tears, ones her father tried to ignore.

How did he get so cold?

Whatever happened to bedtime stories, to the photos, to the proud smiles on his face? What made his heart shrivel up into a dark mass, a burden to carry inside of him? Soleil now knew the answer, it was grief.

She saw her father's shoes in front of her. She didn't stand up even though all the performers were sure to be watching her.

"You're just like Adelaide, I let Adelaide have her freedom, listen to her music, go out, play her instruments, go to school. I let her out of my sight and she wound up missing, dead. In this very town. I thought she was one of the lucky ones. At least she died at eighteen, not at ten or six months." He got down to her level. "Listen to me girl, I will not let you end up like Adelaide. You've already gotten this far, and that's dangerous."

Adelaide died in Hawkins.

No wonder her father was so up in arms. For him, it was like history was repeating itself. But something was weird with that, he said she went missing. Nobody had ever gone missing before, they all just died.

Her father's feet shuffled back and forth to the pile of her stuff and outside. He threw all of her things, the things that meant a lot to her outside like they were trash. Soleil went numb, she was just a crying mess made to feel guilty over something she couldn't control.

She was her father's verbal punching bag.

"I tried and tried, and tried again to destroy that damn bassinet. I burned it, it came back to me, I left it in the middle of nowhere, and the next morning it was in the middle of my bedroom. I sent it halfway across the world and it just came back! So now, this is my only option." He started to bolt down all the windows.

Soleil managed to lift her head a little, but she was met with that same icy gaze, that almost indifferent attitude.

"You're grounded Soleil." He pulled keys out of his pocket, she instantly knew what that meant.

"What—no, no, no. Dad no, you can't lock me in here—"

"It seems you've forced my hand. Blame yourself."

"No Dad, stop this isn't right. I'll—I'll be good I promise, I'll train extra hard, I—won't mess up a single performance." She got up, digging her nails into her palm. "Please don't lock me in here, don't!"

"Cassandra let's go." He turned when the woman didn't answer him, only to be met with a loud slap across his face. Soleil's mouth hung and so did her dad's, he was met with the red-hot glare of Cassandra.

"You—you are a coward who can't admit his own mistakes. You treat your daughter like some puppet, like a robot! You're not the man I loved, you're a damn fool."

Cassie ran out of the room, so mortified by her former lover's actions, repulsed by them even. She was sorry she couldn't defend Soleil, not even in the girl's weakest moment. But, it was like none of it mattered to the cold-hearted Ringmaster who was now rubbing his cheek, searching for the key to Soleil's trailer. When he found the right one, he started for the door.

"Please don't, I can't, I can't stay here, I can't stay locked up in here." She tugged at his jacket and something fell out, the Ringmaster didn't notice. The man shook her off and went outside to lock the door. Soleil banged on the metal, yelling for him to let her out. It felt like the room was closing in on her, everything was overwhelming for her mind, and it all made her feel that burning sensation deep inside her body.

Eventually, Sol gave up, her body tired. She quietly sobbed to herself, hugging her knees. She looked up once to see that on the floor, was an engraved, blue and gold, flask.

The girl debated in her head, one part of her wanted to down the whole thing, and the other part of her wanted to throw it through the window.

"Screw it." She snatched the flask off the floor and removed its cover, downing its contents. Whatever liquor her father had poured in it burned the back of her throat, her whole body felt hot. Her shoulders slumped and her stomach stirred. The drink quickly disagreed with her.

She sat on the floor for a few minutes, out of it. Her vision split in two and every moment felt like she was gonna fall over. Then, a thought struck her.

The box she had under her bed. Soleil felt like she barely could move but something pushed her in the right direction. She reached under her bed and felt—fabric. She pulled whatever it was under the bed. Her eyes now took in the sight of sequins, denim, and four pairs of shoes as she kept pulling stuff out. Cassie had managed to hide some of her things.

Soleil couldn't express how grateful she was for the tightrope walker.

She sifted through her clothes till she found her shoebox full of memories underneath one of her dresses, along with her walkie-talkie. Soleil collapsed on the floor, while her discovery soothed some of her worries she was still very much affected by her predicament.

She spiraled down a wormhole and stumbled into a deeper, darker part of herself. She was stuck living a life that barely felt like she was living. Sol thought she had no one to turn to, till she did.

"Soleil? Did you get home alright? I...I saw that some people were out of their trailers."

Eddie was her saving grace. She wasn't alone anymore, it was so uncommon for her to have a friend to turn to. Sol immediately picked the walkie-talkie up, the alcohol made her speech slurred.

"Eddie, you there? God, my-my head." Soleil felt her eyes spring water again, drunkenly sobbing. "Horrible Eddie, just horrible."

She heard him shifting like he was switching from laying down to sitting up. "Soleil, are you drunk? What happened?"

"I got cau-caught. My dad found me sneaking back in, I'm on the floor. I cried a lot Eddie, why can't I stop crying?"

"Hey, hey. It's alright, you can talk about it if you want."

"Don't leave Eddie, don't."

"I'm right here. I'm not gonna leave you alone okay?"

"Okay." She hiccupped. "My dad took all my stuff, my tapes. He's horrible. Eddie, do you ever feel like running away?"

"...Sometimes."

"I do too, I hate when I get yelled at. I hate that I'm not strong enough to stand up to my dad."

"Don't say that, you're very strong."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, if I was in your shoes I would've left a long time ago. You don't care about what others think, you hang out with me. Other people would rather eat, I don't know, roaches before they would hang out with me."

"I think you're strong too Eddie."

He went quiet over the radio for a bit. "You do?"

"Yeah, you're like my sister."

"Didn't know you had a sister."

"She died, I had a lot of other siblings too but they also died. It's just another thing, my dad just uses to guilt-trip me—" She ran a hand over her face. "I'm sorry, I'm talking too much."

"It's okay, I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you but, what was I saying? Oh right, you're like my sister Eddie. She got teased a lot because she was in the Circus, she went to a regular school so they called her a Circus Freak. You're like her because that didn't stop you two from being yourself."

"Really? You-you think that?" The surprise in his voice was very noticeable even in Sol's intoxicated state.

"Yes, and you're pretty like her...very pretty." She laughed, Eddie thought it was the most precious thing he had ever heard. Soleil's drunk laughter.

"You're very pretty too."

"H—" Soleil's words were interrupted by retching noises, she tasted bile in the back of her throat.

"Soleil? Are you throwing up?" She booked it to the toilet, expelling whatever was in her stomach, she was too gone to even remember what she had eaten for lunch. Instantly, throwing up made her feel better, and think a little clearer. She crawled back to the walkie-talkie.

"Sol?"

"I'm back, threw up."

"I figured, feel any better?"

"A little, hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing."

"Mhmm, maybe you did."

"No! Eddie, did I?"

"I made a promise to drunk you that I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Did you really?"

"You'll never know." Hearing Soleil groaning over the phone made him smile.

"Y'know, don't even bother telling me. My head is killing me right now, keep your secrets, Munson. I should probably sleep."

"Alright, I'll leave you alone. And remember to drink some water, you'll thank yourself later."

"And Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for hanging out with me—and dealing with my crap."

"It's been a pleasure Madame Soleil."

                                        —㋛—

After he put down the walkie-talkie, Eddie laid back in his bed, his mind thinking of so many things like what Soleil would tell him when they met up again, his campaign, passing the final that was coming up in the next few weeks.

Amid his thoughts, he heard a knock on his door. His uncle was standing in the door frame, home earlier than usual.

"Unc', you're home early." Eddie got up from his bed, crossing his arms.

"Job let me off early. Sounded like you were talking to someone." He looked around. "Nobody's hidin' right?"

"No." Eddie chuckled nervously. "Well—I was talking to a girl I know—"

"Oh, there's a girl. There's never a girl."

"She, uh, she works for that Circus, her dad's the Ringmaster."

"And the girl makes you nervous."

"Unc!"

His uncle held his hands up. "Sorry, go on."

"She just needed to talk to someone so, we talked."

"And she's genuine? Doesn't make fun of you or anything?"

"No, she isn't like that. I'm pretty sure that she likes me for me, she's been hanging out with me for this long so..."

"Well, ain't this some shit." His uncle went to the kitchen fridge, and Eddie followed him. "This reminds me of—"

"Oh no, I know where you're going with this. Not—"

"This reminds me of me and my dear Betty." He grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it, gesturing for Eddie to sit down.

"How does this remind you of Aunt Betty now?"

He held his finger up while he took a sip of his drink. "You've heard the story a thousand times I know but, not this part. Your aunt came from a rich family."

"Aunt Betty was rich?"

"Yep, now I didn't have the best of jobs but I tried my best to provide for her. She didn't care about the money or having a big wedding, she loved me just as I was. She was quick to shut up anyone, including her parents who said a lot of nasty things to me. I wanted to give her the world."

Eddie sat, quietly thinking about how he felt. Soleil never made fun of him, she always knew what to say. She was like Aunt Betty.

"You get what I'm tryin' to say here?"

"Yeah."

He patted his nephew's shoulder. "That's my boy. Those are the type of people you keep around."

Eddie smiled to himself. "I know what to do."