Ella - 3 Years Ago—September 2015

***

I stare at the empty seat beside me and sigh. Is this going to become a theme? I can't smell bad because I sprayed perfume before I came into the lecture. It can't be that I'm a bitch because I haven't even met anyone else in this class yet. Plus, I made friends with the girls; Lily, Cate, and Hannah, in a different lecture yesterday, so there can't be rumours going around me already.

Nearly everyone else is sitting in small groups around the room, so why is no one taking a chance on me? Do people know about my family? Do they know I'm rich, and they think I'm a snob or something? I wonder if it's because I missed out on Fresher's Week because I was moving into my flat, and that meant I missed out on the chance to make friends like this.

"Is this seat taken?"

I glance up and take in the source of the husky, deep voice: tall, dark curls partially hidden by a black beanie hat and a smile that could knock me off my seat. Those dark eyes shine at me instantly, and I imagine how I could just melt into them. They remind me of the heaven that is chocolate. Chocolate is one of my favourite things in the world, but I think this guy might take over.

"No, not at all." I smile back and gesture for him to sit down beside me. I turn back to the front and try not to make it obvious that I'm watching him unpacking his notebook, pen, and phone from his backpack. He sits down and sighs – the awkward silence fills the small physical space between us like a sparkler on bonfire night.

"Hm, I haven't seen you around much... though I suppose it's the first couple of days of actual lectures. I've been here for a week already," he pipes up. I turn to look at him and smirk.

"Yeah, I don't live in accommodation, so that's probably why," I respond quietly. "It seems pretty much everyone else does. I missed out on Fresher's Week, so this is my second day!"

"I mean, I live in halls, but I live mainly with the film students or criminology students," he says. "Where do you live, at home?"

"No, luckily. I have a flat in Ocean Village," I answer, knowing where this is going. Any mention of a flat around Ocean Village in this city usually means you're rich or have a good job and landed a decent landlord. Usually, the former.

"Oh, that's cool. I'm Matt Davenport, by the way, short for Matthew, but I'm only that when I'm in trouble!" He reaches out a hand to shake.

"Ella, Ella Webb," I respond, and we shake hands. He, as my dad would say, has a firm handshake, which must mean he's a good person.

"You rent a student place?" he asks.

"No... my dad bought me a flat there," I say.

I see the cogs whirring in his mind. "Ah, that's cool. What's a wealthy girl like you doing at a university like this? Surely, you'd be studying medicine or studying to be a vet at Oxford?"

I laugh, hearing the light-heartedness in his voice as a sign that he doesn't actually care about my financial status. "Defying all possible parental demands of doing a decent degree like medicine, and choosing a sociology degree in a university close to home instead?"

He chuckles, and when he does, I notice everything around me suddenly gets a little brighter. My stomach does a tiny flutter when his eyes fall on me.

What are you doing, Ella? You're not here for boys, my head scolds.

"Fair enough," he says with a nod. "Hey, my flatmates are having a party tonight. You should come."

I smile in response. "That'd be lovely." Is this attraction? Is this what love at first sight feels like, like in the movies? I'm not sure, but whatever this is, it feels... overwhelming.

He smiles back and unlocks his phone before passing it to me. "Add your number. I'll message you the time and whatnot." I take the phone and tap in my number, marking myself as 'Ella Webb x' knowing it's cheeky to add a kiss on the end, but a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone, I suppose.

"Done." I hand it back. He takes it and smiles as he taps out the message.

"Sent you the details, Ella Webb x," he teases. I bring up the message and read the details of where the party is being held tonight. With an additional 'meet me by the department store on the high street and I'll walk you down. Matt Davenport x' he adds a wink emoji to the end and already I feel my heartbeat speeding up at the thought of spending time alone with him.

***

I find him almost immediately when I approach the shop's entrance. He's wearing a chequered shirt and black jeans and the hat is off, revealing the head of curls I'd had a sneak peek at earlier.

"Ella Webb, x," he greets. He looks nervous as his Adam's apple bobs and he fiddles with his watch strap. As I come to a stop beside him, he hands over a small, white bag. "For you."

"What's this?" I ask with a small chuckle. "I didn't bring anything. You don't have to buy me a gift."

"I told you not to bring anything, that's why," he retorts. "I even got a bottle of white wine for you, chilling in the fridge in my room so no one drinks it."

"You didn't have to do that!" I exclaim. "Why are you buying my gifts? We've only just met."

"My parents taught me once that when you like someone, you should show them. It's nothing big, I just saw these and thought of you. I have a good feeling about you."

I look down, hiding the beetroot red flush that must be showing through my makeup. How do you answer that? "I didn't get you anything, though. I don't want you thinking I'm a cheapskate!"

"Ha, you said you're rich! I could never think you're cheap!" he jokes, and I push his shoulder playfully. "I wanted to. Now open your gift. I'm glad to see you coordinated for it too!"

I arch an eyebrow at him and look down at my blue dress, unsure of what he could mean. There's a small packet inside, so I take it out, turn it over and see a picture of blue flowers.

"They are bluebell bulbs," he explains, and I smile in confusion. "Apparently in the language of flowers, they're a sign of everlasting love and constancy. It's said if you manage to turn a bluebell inside out without ripping it, you win the one you love, and if you wear a wreath of them, you'll only be able to speak the truth. I thought maybe we should give it a go when they, you know, grow."

I smile at him, unable to come up with words. I should walk away now before I get myself into trouble, but the way he smiles back at me with pride in his offering keeps me where I'm standing.

"That, and I renamed you on my phone when I saw the packet," he says and shows me his phone proudly. Ells Bells is written above our message history, and I laugh. "Bluebells for Ells Bells."

"Matt," I begin and chuckle, moving my hair from one shoulder to the other. "That's so lovely, thank you."

"No problem. Now I'll take you to the party." He crooks his arm and holds it out for me. I link my arm with his and follow his lead, knowing deep down that the path I'm treading, even after one day, will lead me into trouble.

***

The first bars of Centuries by Fall Out Boy start ringing out and without thinking, I stand up and jump along.

I stop to catch a breath when I catch Matt's eye, and everything slows down between us until it's just me and him. He takes a long sip of his beer as we look at each other and I stop dancing around. He smiles, and I simper back.

"I know what we could play," one of the other boys, I think Liam, pipes up, forcing the moment between Matt and me to finish. "Spin the bottle. There's enough of us."

I join Lily, Cate, and Hannah, who sit around the table giggling, high on a mix of rum, wine, and being around boys. Liam, Jase, Matt, and Luke sit around the other side of the table.

"Go!" Liam yells when Luke puts the bottle on the table. The deep green glass clinks as it spins, and I listen to Lily beside me clapping as if the glass were a magician.

Before I know it, I'm watching Liam and Cate making out on the bench – apparently, their kiss was too good to not finish – and everyone else apart from Matt, Jase, and I have been picked. I take Cate's large glass of wine and start drinking before she can realise it's missing. I watch Lily and Hannah half-cuddling on the floor while Jase drinks another beer. Matt's disappeared off somewhere; I wish he had stayed, then I could have had the chance to kiss those—

No, Ella. It doesn't matter how drunk you are, you're committed to this marriage pact, I tell myself.

No, Ella. Fuck that. What they don't know can't hurt them, the literal devil on my shoulder tells me.

"I'm bored," Lily whines. "I want to go home."

I roll my eyes and down the rest of the drink before setting out for the bathroom. Everything around me is feeling closer than it was when I arrived, so I put my hands out in front of me to navigate my way down the small corridor. One of these doors will be the entry to the toilet. I just know it.

The first door doesn't open, so I set my sights on the next one.

"Hurray!" I cheer to myself as I open it to find a bathroom. When I'm done, I steady myself, my just-washed hands slipping off the door handle twice before it opens.

"You okay in there?" Matt's face suddenly appears, an angel of messy brown curls in the overly white corridor. If anything at all could make everything bad in me come out, it is absolutely those eyes.

"Peachy," I manage.

"Come on, I think you need a lie-down, don't you?" He chuckles, taking my hand.

Ella, you are engaged—

Shut the fuck up and enjoy this. No one can tell you what to do here.

The devil and the angel are out in force tonight. Although, that could be the alcohol.

"I have a bed at home," I tell him as he leads me into his room. His student room is so tiny, and I instantly realise why my dad refused me one of these places – you can barely move! And who has a sink in their room with no other bathroom furniture?

"I don't think you'll make it home, do you? Plus, it's two in the morning, Ella, just sleep here and I'll walk you home when the sun comes up." He laughs and sits me down on the bed.

"Where will you sleep?" I question as I refuse to protest anymore; the pillow calls to me, willing me to relax and get some rest like a siren's song.

"The floor." He shrugs and passes me a glass of water. "Drink this." I watch him from the top of the glass as I gulp it down; he studies me back, a small smirk on his face.

"Why are you smirking at me?" I demand, placing the glass on the top of the tiny beer fridge.

"You're cute when you're drunk. Get some rest, Ells Bells."

I smile and give in to his command. When my head hits the pillow, I can smell the fresh scent of aftershave and I inhale it, burning it into my memory. I don't know whether it's the alcohol or whether it's me, but all I want to do is kiss him and never let go.

"You, okay?" he asks as he sits on the floor.

"You shouldn't be on the floor," I protest and move until I can feel the cool wall on my exposed back. "Come here."

He sighs but perches himself on the edge of the bed so he's looking down at me like the angel of brown curls coming to my rescue again.

Before I know what I'm doing, I pout at him. "I didn't get to play spin the bottle earlier."

"No?" He chuckles as I sit up. "Ella, maybe you should lie back and get some sleep."

"No, I didn't, and it upset me," I whine, the room around me is spinning but Matt stays in the same position so all I can see clearly is him.

"Why's that?"

"Because I wanted to get kissed," I admit before I can comprehend my words.

"Let me guess, you wanted to kiss Liam?" He scoffs as if he's offended.

"What? No!" I chortle. "I know you know that's wrong."

He grins at me. "Huh, you caught me out. Indulge me and say it."

"You're bold, Matthew Davenport, and I like it."

He chuckles. "Who did you want to kiss, Ella Webb?"

"I wanted to kiss you, silly." I gasp when the words escape my mouth.

Suddenly everything stops spinning, and I realise that I've gone down the path I told myself I wouldn't.

"Well, that's good, because I didn't get to play either and I was hoping if I did, the bottle would land on you," he mutters.

I stare at him, trying to work out if I should make a move. Everything inside me is magnetised to him, attracting me to his pull. My drunken mind fights the deep knowledge that once I kiss him, I know I'll want more.

I've only known him twenty-four hours, and though the alcohol has enhanced my confidence, I know there's something about him I need to explore. Maybe he could be my saviour, maybe he could be my literal angel in all of this.

Before I can make my choice, his face is within touching distance, his smooth fingers brush away a loose strand of hair from my face, and I give in to the attraction. When our lips gently meet, I can taste the bitter beer on his lips against the bland taste of the water I've just had. His lips are so soft that it's like kissing a cloud, his fingertips on my face fill me with a type of electricity I didn't think possible. He holds my face in his hands, keeping me steady and bringing me to life. Matt's tongue laps up everything I've left unsaid but delivers me with the answers I didn't know I needed.

This isn't just attraction, nor is this just one drunken mistake. This means something. The alcohol evaporates away as our bodies flush together.

He moves away just as quickly as our bodies touched. It feels like we've been kissing forever, but it doesn't feel long enough. I don't even register the soft whimper I give out when he moves until he smirks at me. His dark eyes fill with the possibility of more, but I know I'm still a bit too drunk for that. Plus, I've already started down this dangerous path. I should stop before I get too far.

"I think we should get some sleep," he whispers. I stare into his dark eyes, wanting more than anything to feel those luxurious lips on mine again, but I know the alcohol is clouding every judgement as my skin tingles.

"Okay." I lie down again, inhaling the woody scent of him on the pillow. To my surprise, he lies down beside me and as I feel him relax, I close my eyes and let the sleep take over. Everything about this feels how it should be in my life after eighteen years.