this book is super dialogue heavy
for a reason, of course (;

"Today's going to be a good day," Taehyung beamed as he a dragged a pissy Jeongguk to the hospital parking lot with an unnatural pep in his step.

Today was the first day they were going to pursue Jeongguk's bucketlist, and instead of listening to Jeongguk's pleads to start sometime during the afternoon like reasonable people, Taehyung insisted they start fresh!

And unfortunately, Jeongguk had to go to the hospital with Sae at five in the morning since she had an early surgery. He had a solid plan to sleep in one of the on-call rooms, but somehow the world just fucking aligned for Taehyung to be there with Dr. Kim at the same time.

Basically, they ran into each other in the lobby, he couldn't reject him in front of their guardians, and now Jeongguk's stuck with an annoying morning person at ass o'clock.

"To think I could be sleeping right now," Jeongguk grumbled, practically dragging his feet against the pavement as they approached Taehyung's car.

"Well cheer up," Taehyung said, joining him inside. "As a thanks for getting up and joining me, I'll feed you, how does that sound?"

"Why are you making it sound like I'm some caged animal?" Jeongguk frowned, watching as Taehyung started the engine, already reversing. Someone was in an enthusiastic mood.

"Do you want food or not?" Taehyung glanced over at him only to be met with a deep scowl.

"Well, duh. You're dragging me out against my will!" He rolled his eyes. "Where are you even taking me anyway?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay technically you consented, so I'm not taking you out against your will," Taehyung said in a matter of fact way. "Also, it's a secret. You'll see if you stay patient."

"'You'll see if you stay patient',"Jeongguk mimicked him in a high-pitched voice, his nose scrunching.

Taehyung gave him a 'really' look. Jeongguk shrugged, pretending he didn't do anything wrong. "Oh come on now stop being a kid. It's part of your bucketlist if that makes you feel better."

"I still feel like I'm being kidnapped," Jeongguk shook his head, glancing out the window and really considering to barrel roll out of here. If it kills him, it would be a bummer, but hey, he would go out with a bang at least.

"Would it change anything if I say I'm taking you to a dinner?"

"Just say we're getting smoothies again, you fucking health freak," He mumbled, jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder to the backseat.

"Fuck you. It's actually real food and I'm not a—,"

"—And before you argue, don't think I haven't already noticed your gear back there. It smells like man musk."

"Is it a good man musk?" Taehyung wiggled his bushy brows at him. Jeongguk grimaced.

"It smells like fucking elephant ass." He shot back. "Like elephant ass smothered with sweat."

"Ouch," Taehyung clutched over his heart, suddenly sniffling loudly from his side, "You're hurting my masculinity. Y'know I pull women with that smell."

"Well they probably have like some type of nasal issue because bro, it fucking reeks," Jeongguk said as he rolled down the window, not wanting to be suffocated any further by shit that smelled too much like Kim Taehyung. It made his eyes burn, water even, to just look back there.

"What do you even play?"

"I'm a hockey player," Taehyung said smugly. God, it was so smug Jeongguk wanted to gag. "And I run track. I also play baseball so you can say I'm good with handling sticks."

Jeongguk snorted, "You know how ridiculous that sounds?"

"It sounded impressive," He corrected him. Of course he missed the innuendo, but Jeongguk could piss him off with that later. "But yeah, I play a lot of hockey mostly. I couldn't dump my shit at my mom's place so—,"

"You live with your parents?" He raised an eyebrow at him. When they stopped at a light, Taehyung turned toward him, staring at him as if he said the most stupidest thing ever.

"No, I don't. I'm twenty, I live in a dorm," Taehyung cracked a grin. "I just keep my hockey crap at her place 'coz it doesn't fit in my dorm. Plus Namjoon doesn't like my stuff laying around his apartment."

"I see," Jeongguk hummed, nodding his head a little when they started moving again.

"Why? Do you live with your parents?" Taehyung asked. At that, Jeongguk tried not to wince. He pressed his lips together, clenching his fingers into fists over his lap, watching his veins ease and protude beneath his pale skin.

"We're not there yet," Jeongguk settled with, and thankfully, Taehyung didn't pry any further.

It wasn't really awkward when the car fell silent, mostly because Taehyung decided to crank up the radio, and that was enough for Jeongguk to find a reason to remain quiet. However, that shit didn't last too long when Jeongguk realized this radio wasn't any normal kind of radio—

"Fuck you," Jeongguk shot up in his seat, shaking his head as he tried to reach for the radio to change it. "Shut the fuck up, you're so stupid. I hate you."

Taehyung slapped his hand away, unaware of how much pain he was causing him. "What?" He didn't look bothered.

"Oh my god, I fucking hate you," Jeongguk cried, itching to change the radio. Taehyung merely shrugged like it wasn't some big deal. God, how much more unlikeable could this guy get?

"Dude, who the fuck listens to country music willingly?" He managed to get out right as lyrics about a fucking tractor, whiskey, and some southern fling started to destroy his eardrums.

"What?" Taehyung asked innocently, cranking it up more. "Don't you like it?"

Jeongguk shook the side handle desperately, groaning when it wouldn't budge. "Someone please. Please, help me."

"It's country music!" He tried to reason, but he wasn't having any of it. "C'mon, it's Luke Combs. You don't like Jason Aldean or Tim Mcgraw?"

"No!" Jeongguk nearly wailed. "Please, change the radio. Change. The. Radio."

"Jeez okay," Taehyung said defensively, switching it off. "You don't like country?" Jeongguk shook his head, staring at him like he was some mad man.

"It's not even good country," Jeongguk spat, "Like, I'll deal with old Taylor Swift or Kacey Musgraves. They're icons, but actual country music? Man, I don't wanna be your friend."

"You're mean," Taehyung pouted, "And to think I'm gonna buy you pancakes."

"Pancakes can't make me forget this atrocity," He slumped in his seat, ears ringing with that horrible, horrible music choice. "We can't be friends, dude."

"Well too bad," Taehyung smirked, reaching over and flicking the side of his head. Jeongguk shot up in his seat, shoving his hand away much to the other's amusement.

"We're gonna be the bestest of friends."

"That'll never happen," Jeongguk stressed. "Never. You tried to murder me. I'm already dying, bro. No need to shave off more of my time."

"God you're dramatic," Taehyung rolled his eyes, "To think I thought I already knew how dramatic a person could get until you."

"I hate you," Jeongguk turned his entire body to face the window, not daring to associate himself with someone who willingly likes country music.

"You'll learn to love me, and you'll forgive me too," He mused. Jeongguk shook his head, scoffing, wishing this day could be over already.

"That's never going to happen. In your dreams, tractor boy."

Okay, maybe Jeongguk did forgive Taehyung a little bit.

The pancakes at this diner he brought him to were fucking heavenly, like if Jeongguk were to ascend into heaven, he wanted to pass onto the afterlife with these pancakes by his side. How could he not? It was the perfect ratio of cakey, fluffiness, and sweetinezs with the divine addition of whipped cream, bananas, and chocolate.

This diner was pretty cool, too. In all the years he lived here, he didn't realize this place existed, and to be honest, he was enlightened. It was a small building, but it was really cozy with all the neutral colors and brick walls. There were a lot of plants around, soft music playing in the background, and honestly, it looked straight out of some pinterest aesthetic moodboard.

Jeongguk hated Taehyung a little less for this, but he was never ever going to admit that out loud. Pancakes were great, he loved them, but jokes on Taehyung! He also loved his dignity too.

"You happy?" Taehyung had his arm draped over the booth, watching Jeongguk with a smug smile as he forked more into his mouth. He was basically on cloud-fucking-nine.

"Shut up," Jeongguk said after swallowing, quick to wipe his mouth with a napkin as the older let out a gentle laugh. "I'll let you off with this one."

"Really? Well, now I know. To cheer you up, we get pancakes," He smiled softly, taking a sip of the coffee he ordered. "I've never seen you like this. Usually you're like always on fight mode."

"If I were in fight mode, I wouldn't be able to enjoy these," Jeongguk gestured at his half empty plate.

"Right," Taehyung propped his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his palm. Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him while he took a sip of water.

"Can you stop staring at me like that?" He said, jutting his chin at him. Taehyung pointed at himself.

"Me? I'm not staring, I'm watching."

"That's the same thing," Jeongguk said, nose scrunching. "Are you psychoanalyzing me?" At that, Taehyung chuckled lowly.

"Nah, but I noticed another thing. You don't complain about a lot of things," He pointed out, tipping the edge of his mug toward him. The skin between Jeongguk's brows furrowed.

"Have you met me?" He frowned.

"No, I mean, like, you don't complain about food."

"Why would I complain about this?" Jeongguk asked, chuckling incredulously. "Whoever thinks this shit isn't good has issues. Like, this is godly."

Taehyung glanced down at the table, the smile he wore straining a little over his lips. Perhaps if Jeongguk were somebody else, he would ignore it, or miss it, but he wasn't. He knew when a topic strayed too close to home, or rather, hit a nerve.

Unfortunately, he couldn't really see his expression very well, for his silver fringe toppled over his eyes. Taehyung traced shapes around the rim of his cup, while Jeongguk on the otherhand, wasn't so sure what to say. If there even was anything he should say.

"You're right," He ended up saying, though his words were stiff. Taehyung's head whipped up, making Jeongguk flinch at the suddenness, but before he could speak he was smiling like a lunatic again. 

"I like this place, so I'm glad you do too," Taehyung said, voice wavering a little. Jeongguk's gaze narrowed, though he said nothing. He shouldn't question it. 

"How did you find out this diner exists?" He tried to change the topic. Taehyung shrugged once more, again refusing to meet his eye.

"Came here a few times. Fun fact," It did not sound like a fun fact, "this is the first time I've been here in a while."

"Oh," Jeongguk said, his fork freezing above his food. He glanced up at Taehyung, trying to study his features only to come up with nothing. He sounded bothered, and yet, he was smiling normally.

"I just thought you'd like it here," Taehyung quickly added.

"Well I do," Jeongguk nodded slowly, "Thank you."

"You thanked me? Man, I'm touched," He said, batting his eyelashes at him. "You like me now, Jeon?"

"Nope," Jeongguk shook his head, thankful he wasn't acting weird anymore. He didn't know how to really deal with that anyway, "But I like these pancakes though."

"Of course you do," Taehyung chuckled curtly.

With that, neither of them said anything else, eating their breakfast in silence. Jeongguk didn't mind, but he couldn't ignore the fact Taehyung whipped his phone out. He caught him from the corner of his eye, watching him discreetly as Taehyung's expression blanked as his thumb scrolled through his phone.

He wasn't sure what that was all about. Taehyung was confusing, a bit too confusing for Jeongguk's liking. Never in his life had he met someone whose mood switched as frequently as his. One second he was smiling and cracking jokes, and the other time he would be frowning and uncharacteristically quiet.

Not that Jeongguk really cared since they barely knew each other. If Taehyung had problems, so be it. Everyone had problems. Jeongguk didn't want to hear about it. Call him rude or inconsiderate, but he had his own shit to deal with.

Plus if he were to give advice, he wouldn't know to say. And even if he did, he doubted Taehyung would listen.

That was the thing about people Jeongguk noticed. Whenever they were troubled, they'd get stuck, and of course, he understood why. When shit happened, his life just stopped, like everything else in the world came to an abrupt halt and he was the last person to shut down.

Shutting down sucked, but that was how it worked. How life worked. Eventually he got himself going again, things stayed shitty, but that was how it was. The thing was, people were so easily caught up in the shitty things, they never really tried to find a way out.

Sure, there were things that couldn't be avoided. People got severely depressed, or suicidal. Others dealt with shit way differently than he did. But when it came to other things, to the people who were lucky to even have some way out, they just expected things to magically get better. And in turn, when people offered help, they'd ignore the advice.

People only wanted to listen what they wanted to hear, but Jeongguk just couldn't get behind that anymore.

If you wanted things to change, make the change. Force yourself to make the change because in the end, that was better than suffering long term and never getting better because you were waiting for something that you had to initiate.

Nobody was going to fix your issues for you. Life wasn't a cliche. There wasn't going to be some lover who'd whisk you off your feet and make your problems go away. You wouldn't just wake up and things would magically disappear.

He didn't mean to ignore everything. That wasn't the way to go. It was acceptance, really. Accepting that everything sucked. But just because the world sucked and everything seemed to be against you, didn't mean things wouldn't get slightly better if you just tried to accept things and move on.

What mattered was to try. Jeongguk was trying. Sae was trying. Even if the situation sucked, it wasn't impossible to turn something bad into something good, even if it was just by a little bit.

It was either to do nothing and hurt more later, or to try and find a way to hurt less now.

Either way, Jeongguk didn't say that out loud. He could just be reading too much into this. It wasn't his business anyway. When they were done, the two of them got up to pay at the front. Unfortunately, Taehyung still wasn't talking to him, but Jeongguk didn't mind that.

Or well, he didn't speak for too long because when they approached the cashier, Taehyung's expression bloomed into another smile, "Seokjin hyung!"

"Tae! It's been a bit!" The broad-shouldered guy named Jin exclaimed, a smile mirroring Taehyung's appearing on his big lips.

"Seokjin hyung?" Jeongguk murmured to himself, watching as Taehyung leaned over the counter to give the worker a bro-hug. The two instantly started to catch up, leaving Jeongguk there, standing awkwardly on his own.

"I was wondering if you guys would come back!" Seokjin said brightly from what he chose to hear, but before Jeongguk could come up with an escape plan—

"Who are you? I've never seen you with Tae before," Seokjin asked, pressing a finger to his chin, and suddenly the two of them were staring at him.

Great.

His shoulders slumped as Jeongguk gave him them a blank look, his lips pressed into a tight line. "Hi?" He said, barely waving at the cashier dude.

"This is Jeongguk," Taehyung answered cooly, saving the situation from getting anymore awkward.

Seokjin hummed, scanning Jeongguk over, "Well, I see. It's nice to meet you. It's refreshing to see new people." Jeongguk mumbled it back, averting his gaze to the floor, his hand finding its way on the nape of his warm neck.

"So," He turned back to Taehyung, thankfully. "When are you guys going to visit me again?"

"Dunno. We've been busy," Taehyung replied. When he caught that, Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him, wondering why he said it when that wasn't the case. Jin, however, didn't question it.

"Oh, well, that's fine," Seokjin waved him off. "Hope you two are doing good. Food's on the house." This time he was looking at him, but even so, it didn't ease the confusion spurring in his chest.

"Thanks my guy," Taehyung patted Seokjin's shoulder. "I'll let 'em know you said hi." He didn't smile when he said that, instead he was facing Jeongguk and gesturing him to come with him.

Joining his side, Jeongguk tried not to question the weirdness of the situation. Why would he do that when he was standing right here? Taehyung refused to meet his eyes so there was no way he could get an answer from him. Even so, the two of them waved goodbye to Seokjin and exited the diner.

"Did you used to come here with someone else or something?" Jeongguk asked, holding the door open for him. Taehyung said nothing, instead, he ignored him and walked ahead.

If this were a different case, he would call him an asshole, but now wasn't the time.

"No," He eventually said, fishing his keys from his pocket. "I didn't. Seokjin's just stupid."

"Well alrighty then," Jeongguk replied dryly, matching his energy with ease, but he couldn't deny how weird it felt to have Taehyung so moody.

"Yeah," Taehyung coughed into his fist. "Ignore him. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Oh does he now?" Jeongguk snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. The two of them came to a stop in front of the diner, and for once, Taehyung was looking at him again.

"I'm serious," Taehyung shrugged, "Come on, stop with the dumb questions. You wanna see where I'm gonna take you, or not?"

"Sure but—," Jeongguk's voice drifted off when he made the mistake of glancing over Taehyung's shoulder. In the second he regretted, Jeongguk's body stifenned, his hands turning into clenched fists at his sides as his gaze met another unfortunate pair of curious eyes.

It was a group of people, but that wasn't who Jeongguk was concerned with. It was the person standing in the center— the douchebags of all douchebags but the thing was,  nobody would know because he pretended he was the shit, with that stupid smile and big, "caring eyes" that fooled people.

And god, a horrible chill rippled through his spine. Seeing him again was like a punch to the fucking gut, knocking all the wind out of his already weak lungs. He wanted to get out. Now.

"Jeongguk? You good? You look pale," Taehyung said, worry washing over his tanned features. "Are you sick? Is something wrong I—,"

"—It's nothing. Just walk. Now," Jeongguk said through gritted teeth, nudging Taehyung to go but it was too late.

"Jeongguk? Is that really you?" He inhaled sharply, a wave of nausea washing over him when he heard his artificially sweet voice.

"Who are you?" He willed his eyes shut the moment Taehyung started to speak, begging for him to just catch the hint and fucking go.

"An old friend of Jeongguk's. I'm Eunwoo. Cha Eunwoo," Eunwoo said. Jeongguk could feel his eyes on him. "Who are you?"

"I'm Kim Taehyung," He said, his voice sounding deeper than usual. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," He could hear the smirk in his words. "Man, it's been a long time Jeongguk. Last time I saw you, you weren't looking so great. Chemo, was it?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk forced out, digging his nails into his palm as his lungs squeezed painfully tight. "Can we please get going," He whispered to Taehyung who stepped closer to him.

"Well, cool we had a great little reunion, but I think we should get going," Taehyung grinned, reaching down to grab Jeongguk's sleeve. He whipped his head to see his face, only to see that Taehyung was staring back at him, concern in his dark eyes.

It was concern, but for once, it wasn't accompanied with pity.

"C'mon, we can catch up, Gguk. Like the good old days." There were no good old days.

"Nah, we're good! See you!" Taehyung said, tugging Jeongguk along. He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to stare straight ahead, hating how weak he felt. If this were some other world, he'd punch him, but god, he was too physically weak. So, so fucking weak.

Taehyung was strong, though. He managed to drag him to the care and get him inside all in one go. He was fast when he wanted to be, not hesitating to get in and start the car so they could get as far away from them possible. Neither of them said anything, and for a while, Jeongguk covered his face, leaning againd the window while he drove.

For once, Jeongguk couldn't help but feel grateful. It was a small gesture, but it didn't mean it meant nothing. Helll, it was something. It wasn't everything it was something he never thought anyone would do for him, and yet, Taehyung stood up for him.

Of all people, Kim Taehyung stood up for him. Fuck. He wished he could laugh at that right now.

Of all people, it was him. Kim fucking Taehyung.

"Who was that douche?" Taehyung asked when they were on the freeway, after Jeongguk finally sat up, finally able to breathe properly.

"A dickhead," Jeongguk replied, throat hoarse. He didn't want to explain, but he couldn't help but feel he owed this to Taehyung. "We were friends before I got sick. We were close-ish, but when I got sick, he ditched me."

"He ditched you?" Taehyung breathed out.

"Yeah," He nodded stiffly, the truth spilling out of him before he could shove it back down. "When people at school spread rumors and talked shit, he never defended me. He just left me, and when I confronted him. . ." He took a deep breath, sinking back into the chair with his hands through his hair.

"He said I shouldn't never gotten sick, as if I could control it. As if I deserved it."

"That's so fucking fucked," Taehyung whispered. He shook his head, jaw clenching. "I hate that. I hate people like that."

"He probably thought I was an attention seeker," Jeongguk whispered softly, running his palm down his neck. "It looked like it, I guess. When I got sick, I had it easier than—,"

"— Never say that. You did not have it easy. Don't let inconsiderate motherfuckers downplay your struggles, Jeon," Taehyung cut him off sharply.

"You had a hard time, and he didn't help you. Fuck, he didn't even stay for you."

"It's not a problem," Jeongguk muttered, not wanting to think about it anymore. At that, Taehyung scoffed bitterly.

"It is," Taehyung said, and for a second his voice softened, "You don't deserve that."

"You don't know what I deserve," He finally found his voice, his shoulders squaring as he regained control. He might have been weak physically, but there was no way he'd let that motherfucker fuck his head over anymore than it already was.

Taehyung didn't say anything. Jeongguk guessed it was better this way. It wasn't Taehyung's problem, so he wasn't obligated to worry for him. Plus it wasn't a big deal, he was just overreacting. It hurt then, but it wasn't that bad—

"Where does Eunwoo live?" Taehyung asked out of nowhere.

"What?" Jeongguk blinked.

"You heard me," He said gruffly. "Where does he live?"

"In Seoul. It's in a neighborhood by the highschool I went to," Jeongguk said slowly.

"You can tell me where it is, yeah?" He nodded.

Suddenly, Taehyung aggressively flicked his turn-signal, glanced over his shoulder, and merged to the road leading them away from where the hospital was. Jeongguk sat up, glancing back at the exit they missed, his eyes widening.

"Hey where are you going?" Jeongguk asked, shoving his shoulder. Taehyung merely turned his head to flash him a stupid smirk, one that didn't make Jeongguk feel eased at all.

"You wanted to get revenge on someone, yeah?" Taehyung said. Jeongguk nodded, about to open his mouth but—

"— Then let's get revenge on Eunwoo!"

ah yes there's more to them hehe
what do you think tae's hiding? how
do you feel about jeongguk's past?
or just the chapter in general, hehe i'd
love to hear your feedback.

anyway, i hope you enjoyed the chapter!
i appreciate every single one of you
so much. love you guys!! 💛 hope
you're taking care (: