Power changes everything 'til it is difficult to say who are the heroes and who are the villains.

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BREAK

Charlotte's POV

When people have money and power, they could do anything they want.

They could buy everything. Material things, friends, entertainment, sometimes even short-lived happiness.

But love was definitely not on the list.

And that what happened to me.

Long ago, I fell in love so hard, and I promised myself I would get the love that I knew I deserved to have. I would do anything to get it even if I break things up. Even if I destroy people's lives. People's love.

I did that. I got what I wanted.

But in the end, I was like this.

A fucking miserable lonely woman.

Mabilis kong pinahid ang ang mga luha ko habang nagba-browse ng mga wedding photos namin ni Carlo sa Facebook. I remembered I was the happiest woman when I got married to him. It was one of the talked of the town weddings that every wedding magazine wanted to cover. Our faces and wedding were all over the broadsheets. Congratulating the most expensive and the perfect union of couple in the Chinese community. Many were jealous of me. Imagine me, being married to the most sought rich Chinese businessman in our society. What more could I wish for?

Everyone thought that it was perfect. Well, it was in my own world that I thought it was perfect. I got the man that I loved for years. But little did I know, the perfect world that I built upon myself was going to shatter right in front me.

At dahil din iyon sa kagagawan ko.

I used everyone one around me to manipulate Carlo. Me, being the brat, the only daughter my rich parents have, could never be denied whatever I wanted. And I wanted him very badly. Like a commodity that I always get whenever I desired. But life doesn't go like that. There's the reality. The truth that even if I loved him, even if I gave everything to him, he would never love me back.

Isa-isa kong dini-delete ang mga litrato ng kasal namin sa Facebook. Well, I already called some friends who could help to remove some articles about our wedding. I wanted everything to be erased. No memory of that. Especially now that our marriage was over. Our annulment was granted. He was already free. A single guy who could get and marry the real woman that he wanted.

And so am I.

I am also free. But how come I still feel that I am imprisoned with the nightmares that I built for myself?

Napasubsob ako sa mga palad ko at doon napahagulgol. Wala akong pakialam kahit na nga maingay ang paligid ko. Wala akong pakialam kung nagkakasayahan ang mga tao sa bar na ito samantalang ako ay narito sa isang sulok at nagpapakalunod sa alak para makalimutan ko lang ang lahat. Masama ba akong tao? All I ever wanted was to be happy. To be with the man that I love but how come I ended up like this? I was the monster that everyone hates. I knew to myself that I am not like this. I am a good person. People loved me. I influence people through my social media. Telling them to go do whatever they want. Be happy and contented. But how come I cannot do that myself?

Napahinga ako ng malalim at instead na burahin isa-isa ang mga wedding pictures namin ni Carlo na ini-upload ko noon sa social media, I decided to delete my account. Sa lahat ng social media accounts ko. I suspended them all. I don't want to explain to people what the hell happened. Well, there were rumors in our society. Some people knew the truth why Carlo left me. The fake pregnancy that his evil mother told me to do. Napabuga ako ng hangin nang maalala iyon. That was the last straw. The last evil thing that I did for him. Siguro nga, deserve ko talaga ang maging ganito ka-miserable dahil talaga namang sinira ko ang buhay niya. Imagine ripping him away from the woman that he loves. The woman that was carrying his child.

A thing that I can never do. Not to him. Not to any man.

Wala sa loob na hinawakan ko ang tiyan ko. I can never a bear a child in my lifetime. Dinampot ko ang bourbon na nasa harap ko at inisang lagukan iyon. I wanted to drown the pain that I was feeling. Ilang gabi ko na bang ginagawa ito? Wala na nga akong kuwentang ina sa batang inampon ko. God. Theo. I missed him. I missed his giggles. His laugh. His piercing cries in the middle of the night. But how can I be a mother to him if I am a miserable like this? So, I decided to let my parents to take care of him for now. I am not in good shape to be a good mother. To be a good person.

Because right now, I was in pain. I was angry. I felt the whole world betrayed me.

Was this my fucking karma for ruining Carlo and Amy's lives? Fuck them. Fuck me. Fuck everyone around me. Bakit sila masaya? Bakit ako kailangang malunod sa lungkot nang ganito? Bakit sila nagtatawanan? Bakit sila may may mga kayakapan? May kahalikan? Bakit sila kuntento? Bakit ako hindi?

Dinampot ko ang bote ng alak at doon na ako mismo tumungga. Who cares kung wala na akong poise uminom ng alak? Wala namang iintindi kung anong hitsura ko ngayong gabi. Wala namang iintindi kung maganda pa ako o sabog ang make-up ko o kung mabango ako. Wala namang iintindi sa akin. Wala akong kadamay. I resent everyone who allowed me to be a monster like this. My parents. Carlo's mom. Why did they allow me to be like this? They should tell me from the start that love cannot be taken just like that.

Napailing ako. Tumawa kahit walang nakakatawa. I was blaming others for my misery, but in fact there was no one to blame but me. I did this for myself. I deserve to be in this kind of pain.

My phone rang. It was Xander who was calling me. I laughed faintly. Ilang araw na din siyang tumatawag sa akin. Ilang araw nagpupunta sa bahay ko pero hindi ko hinaharap. Hindi ko rin sinasagot ang mga tawag niya. I ignored his call. Instead, I searched for the hospital where he was working and looked at his photo in there. I smiled a little. At least looking at him made me smile a bit. Xander was good looking. Renowned cardiologist. People love him. And he told me that he likes me.

Inis kong tiningnan ang telepono ko. No. Imposibleng magustuhan niya ako. Walang lalaking magkakagusto sa babaeng katulad ko. He was a doctor and he practiced on how to heal people. Saving them. And I knew that what he sees in me. A patient. A person that needed saving from this fucking misery I was in. And I don't need his saving. I don't him. I don't need anyone to save me because I deserve this. I fucking deserve this.

Napabuga ako ng hangin at tiningnan ang bote ng alak na nasa harap ko. Nilalaro-laro ang bibig noon. What if I decided to end this all now? May iiyak kaya kapag nawala ako? O mas maraming magiging masaya kasi mababawasan ang mga walanghiyang katulad ko sa mundo. A bullet to the mouth? Shit. No. No. That would hurt. And I don't want to die with my face distorted like that. I knew I was beautiful, and I intend to die beautiful.

What about a slash to the wrist? I looked at my wrist and I sighed. It would still hurt too. Jumping on the building could ruin my body. Jumping on the rail tracks with an on coming train would hurt badly. I don't like that. I don't want to be ugly. Pangit na nga ang image ko sa mga tao, papapangitin ko pa ang hitsura ko?

Mahigpit kong niyakap ang bag kong dala at may nakapa ako doon kaya binuksan ko. Nakita ko ang bote ng sleeping pills na ginagamit ko para makatulog ako tuwing gabi. Ang tagal kong tinitigan iyon. Maybe this would help. All of these pills could help me to escape from the hell that I was in right now. I opened the little bottle and put those pills on my hand. Those little pills were like glistening to my sight. I closed my eyes. Images of my parents, Theo simultaneously popping in my head. But I cannot bear the pain. I wanted to end this. I wanted to end everything.

I consumed all the pills from my hand then drank from bourbon bottle. I took my phone and Xander was calling me again. I answered this time. At least when I go, I knew I was not alone.

"Where are you? I heard what happened." Damang-dama ko ang pag-aalala sa boses niya. Alam kong alam na niya na na-grant na ang annulment namin ni Carlo.

"In a bar." I looked around and I was smiling when I saw the people smiling around me.

"Where? Charlotte, where?"

"The usual. You know where." Sigurado akong alam niya ito. Alam niya kung saan ako nagbababad na bar malapit sa bahay ko.

"Wait for me. I'll go there." Bago pa ako makasagot ay wala na akong narinig mula kay Xander. Just the busy beep from the phone.

I shoved my phone on the table. I could feel something different from my body. My head was getting heavy. I kept on drinking the bottle of bourbon until I felt it was difficult for me to breathe. Everything was becoming hazy.

Was this it? The feeling of ending everything? There won't be no more pain after this? I would be happy after this.

Everything around me was loud. People were dancing around. And I was smiling at them. Smiling but I knew I needed to close my eyes and gave in.

And I did.

From the darkness that enveloped me, for the first time after everything that happened to me, I felt at peace.

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Louise's POV

Napa-aray pa ako nang hawakan ko ang pisngi ko habang nakatingin sa salamin. Medyo maga pa rin. It's been days at hindi pa rin talaga nagsa-subside. God damn Edward. Ang daddy ko never akong pinagbuhatan ng kamay tapos siya pala ang mananakit sa akin? Hindi ko ma-imagine na magagawa niya iyon. Demonyo talaga ang walanghiya.

Tumingin ako sa paligid ko. At ano ang gagawin ko dito sa bahay niya? Ilang araw na siyang hindi umuuwi at hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya. Hindi man lang ako makalabas dito dahil siguradong magsusumbong ang mga maids niya. Hindi ko naman masabi sa pamilya ko ang totoong nangyayari dahil tiyak na magkakagulo at baka magkaroon pa ng problema ang company ng pamilya namin.

I hate this life. Bakit kailangang kaming mga anak ang mag-suffer sa nangyayari sa buhay-negosyo ng pamilya namin?

Napatingin ako sa pinto ng kuwarto ko dahil may kumatok doon. Binuksan ko nakita kong maid iyon ni Edward at sinabing may bisita daw na dumating. Kumunot ang noo ko. At sino ang magiging bisita niya? Napasimangot ako. Maybe his mom just wanted to check things if everything was still okay between us.

Dinampot ko ang foundation at naglagay ng make-up sa mukha. Kailangan kong matakpan ang pamamaga ng pisngi ko. Napangiwi ako at kinapa ng dila ang gilid ng bibig. Naroon pa rin ang putok. Ito ang mahihirapan akong takpan pero sinubukan ko na rin. Kapag tinanong kung napaano sasabihin kong nabangga ako sa kung ano.

Inayos ko pa ang sarili ko at bumaba na sa sala. Si Kuya Hans ang nakita kong nakatayo doon at mukhang inip na. Dali-dali akong bumaba at tumakbo sa kanya at yumakap ng mahigpit.

"Whoa! And someone misses me," natatawang sabi niya at yumakap din sa akin.

"You never how I missed you. How I missed being with you and our family," pinigil kong mapaiyak habang nanatiling nakayakap sa kanya.

Natawa si Kuya Hans. "Ganyan ba kapag naikasal na? Nagiging emotional?" Natatawa pa rin siya at marahan akong inilayo sa kanya. "Well, I missed you too."

"What are you doing here? Edward is not here. He is in his office." Sabi ko.

"He is not there, and he is not answering our calls. That's why we decided to drop here to personally meet him." Ngayon ay seryoso na si Kuya Hans.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "We?"

Nagliwanag ang mukha niya. "Oh, I am with Carlo. I know you remember him. My boy who is good in contracts," tonong nagpapaalala siya.

Ang tindi ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Kasama ni Kuya Hans si Olie dito?

Nasagot ang tanong ko nang pumapasok sa bahay si Olie at seryosong nakatingin sa akin. Hindi ngumingiti pero alam kong napakarami niyang gustong sabihin. At doon ako lalong kinakabahan. He could spill everything about us, and my marriage will be doomed.

"Carlo, you remember Louise, right? Edward's wife?" Si Kuya Hans.

Ngumiti ng nakakaloko si Olie. "Of course. I remember everything about her." Alam kong may ibig sabihin siya doon.

Napalunok ako at ngumiti ng pilit. "E-Edward is not here."

"Strange. He is not in this office too. It's been days and we need to talk to him about these contracts. Hindi mo alam kung nasaan ang asawa mo?"

Hindi ko tiningnan si Olie kahit siya ang nagsalita noon. Pilit akong ngumiti kay Kuya Hans.

"Well, he told me he could leave for a while to attend to some things." Pagsisinungaling ko.

Ngayon ay seryoso na si Kuya Hans. "This is not good, Louise. These contracts are important, and he need to see this. Can you call him? Tell him that we need to talk to him."

Tatawagan ko si Edward? Hindi nga kami nag-uusap at siguradong hindi naman niya sasagutin ang tawag ko. Pero magtatanong si kuya Hans at magtataka siya na akong asawa, hindi ko alam saan nagsusuot ang asawa ko.

Napilitan akong ngumiti at nag-dial sa telepono ko. Tinawag ko ang number ni Edward at matagal bago may sumagot. At pakiramdam ko ay nanlamig ako nang boses babae ang sumagot sa telepono niya. I knew Edward wanted another woman, but I never met this one yet. Masyadong magaling magtago ng baho niya ang lalaking iyon.

"C-can I speak to Edward?" Napatingin ako sa gawi ni Olie at gusto kong pagsisihan ang nagawa ko dahil tahimik lang siyang nakatitig sa akin.

"Who the hell is this?" Halatang iritable ang babae sa pagsagot sa akin.

"His wife."

"Oh. The bitch. Wait. He is still sleeping." Mataray na sagot ng babae.

"Tell him it's important." Tumalikod na ako para hindi na marinig pa nila Kuya Hans ang mga sinasabi ko.

"He is still sleeping. Ano ba? Huwag kang makulit. I know your set-up with him kaya huwag kang umasta na asawa ka. Uuwian ka niya kung kailan niya gusto, and right now he wanted to be with me kaya maghintay ka ng turn mo. Don't call him anymore."

Wala na akong narinig na sagot pa mula kausap ko. Napahinga na lang ako ng malalim pilit na kinalma ang sarili ko tapos ay pilit na pilit ang ngiti na humarap kina kuya Hans.

"Well, h-he is in..." napakamot ako ng leeg sa sobrang pagkataranta kung anong sasabihin ko. "H-he is in a vacation? Somewhere in the South. I remember he told me he will attend a client there. Business proposal." Pagsisinungaling ko.

"And he cannot answer our calls?" Dama kong naiirita na si Kuya Hans.

"Sobrang busy daw. Hindi ako makausap ng matagal." Sagot ko pa.

Napailing ang pinsan ko at halatang dismayado. "What the hell is happening to him? We worked so hard for these contracts. Hindi ba niya naiisip na baka maka-apekto ito sa business deal with LES Constructions? Damay ang company 'nyo dito."

"I'm sorry, Kuya. I'll try to call him again and tell him what is happening."

Napaihnga ng malalim si Kuya Hans. "Fine. Tell him to call us. This is important."

"Can I use your bathroom?"

Pareho kaming napatingin ni Kuya Hans kay Olie. Nagpapaalam siyang gumamit sa banyo. At ayaw ko sana. Ayaw kong magtagal siya dito pero siguradong magtatanong si Kuya Hans kapag umarte ako ng ganoon.

"Straight ahead. First door to the left," sagot ko sa kanya.

Tumango lang siya at tinungo ang silid na sinabi ko. Nagpaalam naman si Kuya Hans sa akin at lumabas na. Hindi mawala-wala ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Nandito si Olie sa bahay namin ni Edward. Now he knows where I live. Shit. No. Napabuga ako ng hangin at naglakad patungo sa bar room at kinuha ang bote ng vodka at tumungga doon. I needed to calm down.

"Well, your house is nice."

Mahina akong napatili at agad na humarap sa nagsalita. Nakita ko si Olie na nakatayo sa may pinto ng bar room. Agad kong pinahid ang bibig ko at tinakpan ang bote ng vodka.

"Please get out." Pagtataboy ko sa kanya.

Hindi siya sumagot at nakatingin lang sa mukha ko.

"Please. Olie. Get out." Naiiyak na ako.

"He's hurting you. Right?" Ngayon ay kita ko ang galit na lumatay sa mata niya.

Umiling lang ako. Napaatras ako nang lumapit siya sa akin.

"I never laid a hand on you. Not even the tip your finger. You know I cared for you and you'll never experience this kind of hell with me." Ngayon ay malambot na ang anyo ni Olie habang nakatingin sa akin.

Doon na tuluyang nahulog ang mga luha ko.

"I am married." Iyon na lang ang nasabi ko. Dahil iyon ang totoo. Kahit siya ang itinitibok ng puso ko, hindi puwedeng maging kami.

Umiling siya. "He doesn't love you. I know because he told me. He is just using you. I know that. I can feel that. You're married to each other because of your families. Trust me. I've been there. At kahit kailan, hinding-hindi ka magiging masaya." Hinawakan ni Olie ang kamay ko at hinalikan iyon. "Tayo. Tayo ang dapat. Alam mo iyan."

Agad akong lumayo sa kanya at umiling. "Please. Get out."

"LA, itatapon mo na lang ba ng ganoon ang nangyari sa atin sa isla? I know you love me. Still love me."

"Iba na nga ang sitwasyon ngayon. Kasal na ako. May-asawa na. Please. Huwag mo naman akong pahirapan." Umiiyak na sagot ko.

"You will never be happy."

"Regardless. This is for my family."

Sumimangot ang mukha niya sa narinig at napailing.

"Fine. But trust me, the next time I know that he hurt you again, I will kill that son of a bitch." Banta niya.

"He didn't hurt me." Pagsisinungaling ko.

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "And who did that to your cheek? May putok ka pa sa labi. The LA that I knew in the island won't allow other men to hurt her. LA was tough. She would never allow people to walk on over her. What happened to her?" Titig na titig siya sa mukha ko nang sabihin iyon.

"Reality happened, Olie. What happened between us in the island was a dream. A dream that we needed to wake up. This. This miserable life is the reality, and we have to face that."

Napahinga siya ng malalim at tumango-tango tapos ay ngumiti.

"Okay. But I told you, I will take you back. I won't lose again this time. I am going to take what was mine." Pagkasabi noon ay walang sabi-sabing hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at hinalikan ako sa labi.

And I missed his kiss. Every part of his lips. But this was wrong. Kaya mabilis ko siyang itinulak palayo.

"In case you forgot how my kiss feels like." Ngumiti siya sa akin at tumalikod na. Habol ko ang hininga ko habang sinisundan siyang umalis.

Wala sa loob na hinawakan ko ang mga labi habang nanatiling nakatingin sa dinaanan ni Olie. And I missed his kiss so badly.

Damn. I missed him so badly but I would never, never going to break my marriage for him.