"Yuwi!" I called after him.

Pagkatapos kunin ni Ate Bree si Nash mula sa akin ay hinabol ko si Iouis. He's only walking and yet I still can't catch up. Malayo-layo na siya at ang laki pa ng mga hakbang.

Nang makarating siya sa garden ay agad siyang napaupo sa maliit na bench. He covered his face with his hands and bent down.

"Yuwi..." I called weakly. I was surprised when he turned to me. Mamula-mula ang kaniyang mukha at may mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo. "I... I didn't cheat... I—"

He scoffed and shook his head. Natigil ako roon. Sandali siyang napahilamos ng mukha gamit ang mga kamay bago ako tinitigan muli. He gave me a look of disbelief... with also a hint of disappointment.

Parang bumagsak naman ang kalooban ko. I know I said that I'll gladly accept his reaction. I meant that, okay? But it's still unavoidable for me to feel this sharp pain on my chest just because of the way he's looking at me.

"Cheat?!" Napapikit ulit siya at naging tensyonado ang mukha. "Of course that was my child! Our child! You're seriously thinking that..." he trailed off with a sigh.

In a blink, he closed the space between us. Kumurap lang ako, nasa harapan ko na siya kaagad. Hindi ko man lang napansin ang mabilis niyang paggalaw.

"Don't you fucking run away again," may galit at diin sa kaniyang boses. His eyes are threatening and his steely gaze made me nervous. "This is the last secret you're keeping from me, do you understand?"

I always thought that Iouis only looks rough but he's a small bean deep inside. Someone this tall, robust, and manly should be dominating... intimidating and commanding. Powerful in every move and word.

But he's not. His demeanor is a contrast—gentle and soft-spoken, patient and sweet—a paradox to the stereotypical image of men like him.

Except now.

The Iouis in front of me is imposing and intimidating. He's livid. It's like his patience ran out and finally had enough.

"I will tie you down if I have to... if that's what it takes for you to stay," may banta sa kaniyang tono pero agad ding napasinghal. He weakly dropped himself to me and leaned for a hug. Most of his weight are on me, like he's in dire need of support.

"I'm sorry I walked out on you," he whispered weakly. Mahigpit ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin ngunit ramdam na ramdam ko ang panghihina niya. "I'm feeling... a lot... and it feels too much, Cara mia."

My heart ached as I heard him sob. Pilit niyang siniksik ang mukha sa balikat ko, para siguro hindi ko marinig ang hikbi niya, pero hindi niya 'yon maitago.

"I'm so damn mad, Cara... I'm mad at you for keeping it from me. You took away my chance to take care of you! But I can't really get mad because I know it wasn't easy for you too!"

It's amusing how my decision led to this. Hearing him cry breaks my heart. But I'm also the reason why he's crying.

And damn... I want to blame myself. I want to go back to that pity-party era. But I can't. I shouldn't. Dahil kung ganoon ay tiyak na babalik ako sa dating gawi.

"It's just so damn heartbreaking... who's been helping you? Who bought your cravings? Who's by your side when the morning sickness kicks in? Who went with you during your checkups? I should've been there!"

He lifted his head from my shoulders to wipe his face. Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya, sinusubukang hanapin ang kaniyang tingin ngunit patuloy ang pag-iwas niya.

Napapikit siya muli at kasabay niyon ay ang pagtulo ng ilan pang mga luha. Napalunok ako, nanghihina na rin.

"And I feel so bad," he whispered as he wiped his face again. Sandali siyang tumingala, habol-habol ang hininga, habang patuloy ang pagdaloy ng mga luha sa kaniyng pisngi.

"I was harsh when you left... I was an asshole! Paano kung... wala na akong babalikan? I—"

Mabilis akong umiling bago siya niyakap ulit. "No, Yuwi..." his words were understandable. Naiintindihan ko ang pinanggalingan niya. And I'm never gonna hold that incident against him.

"You have every right to be mad at me. Yes, it wasn't easy for me but it was also my decision to hide—"

"No..." he shook his head as he let go of the hug. Kahit namumula ay hinarap niya na ako. "This has to stop. You have to stop thinking that you deserve to suffer alone. That you deserve the pain because it was your decision that led to it... no!"

Tahimik akong nakinig sa kaniya. Even after everything, he's still unselfish. Ako pa rin ang inuuna niya. Even after all, he still harbors no hate nor grudge against me.

"You think that hurting me makes you deserving of the pain. It's so fucked up. You break my heart with your decision-making and as an aftermath, it breaks your heart too. And you taking the pain on your own is hurting me even more."

Tinipon niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok na nakatabon sa mukha ko. I didn't bother fixing my hair nor wiping my tears. Kaunti na lang ang lakas na natitira sa akin at mukhang ganoon din kay Iouis.

Tumango ako bago sinandal ang ulo sa kaniyang dibdib. He held on to me tightly as if seeking for support. Sumandal kami sa isa't isa at nanatili sa ganoong posisyon hanggang sa tumahan kami.

We sat at the bench for a few more minutes before we decided to go back inside.

"Are you ready?" Napalunok si Iouis dahil sa tanong ko. He looks scared and nervous for someone who's only meeting a baby that's not even one-fourth of his size.

This is surely not the date night he planned nor hoped for. But I'm hoping that Nash will compensate for the turn of events.

Nang makarating kami sa nursery ay patay na ang ilaw. Wala na rin sina Papa at ang mga kapatid. Akala ko ay tulog na si Nash ngunit nang tiningnan ko siya sa crib ay mulat na mulat siya. Hindi siya umiiyak pero gising.

"Hey..." I smiled at him and he did the same. I carefully took him from the crib while he was giggling on my arms.

He should really be asleep by now. But maybe he sensed that today's an important day for him?

When I turned to Iouis, his already-dry face is, once again, damp with tears. Napatabon siya ng bibig at saka ako tinalikuran.

Ako na lang ang pumunta sa harapan niya. I used my other hand to lift his chin. Alam kong sinusubukang niyang pigilan ang mga luha ngunit nahihirapan.

"I don't know how..." nag-aalinlangan niyang sabi. I want to hand Nash to him but he looks really scared and nervous. "Baka mabitawan ko."

"You won't, Yuwi..." I gave him an assuring smile.

He nodded and tapped his chest, like he's silently motivating himself. Nanginginig ang kaniyang kamay ngunit nang nahawakan niya si Nash ay tumigil ang panginginig niya.

"See? You're doing great!" Hindi ko na rin napigilan ang sarili at naluha ulit. I turned my back from them to wipe my face. Nakakapagod umiyak pero hindi ko rin mapigilan ang sarili.

The scene in front of me is so heartwarming. I'd be lying if I say that I never once hoped nor imagined this to happen... but it's happening now! Iouis finally met Nash! He's carrying our son!

"Cara!" Binalot ng kaba ang dibdib ko nang biglang nagsalita si Iouis. He turned to me with wide eyes.

"What is it?" Inisang-hakbang ko ang espasyo sa pagitan namin.

"He smiled at me! Our baby fuc—" his eyes widened more. "I mean... he smiled at me!"

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag dahil sa narinig. I want to tease him about it but chose not to. Ganoon din ang reaksyon ko nang una kong nakitang ngumiti si Nash.

Iouis is now humming while slightly bouncing on his feet. Hindi na ako magugulat na may kaunting alam siya tungkol sa mga ganito dahil isa rin siya sa mga nagpalaki kay Riri.

I hugged him from the side while I watched Nash slowly close his eyes. This is his first time being held by Iouis yet he already looks so comfortable. Hindi man lang umiyak o ano!

"Look at his cheeks!" Puna ko at pinalandas ang likod ng daliri ko sa pisngi ni Nash. "Nakakagigil! The doctor said he might be overweight so we're adjusting his intakes."

Hindi nagsalita si Iouis kaya patuloy akong nagsalita. Alam kong maigi niyang pinagmamasdan si Nash.

"He got your pretty eyes, Yuwi! Same kayo nina Riri!" I said lightly. I'm trying to lift the mood because if not, I'm gonna start crying again. "But I think he inherited my curls. Look, it's visible na, diba?"

Tumango-tango naman si Iouis. And while he still couldn't lift his eyes off our son, I took my phone and took some photos. I told him to lift Nash near his face but he didn't do it. Aniya na natatakot siyang gumalaw dahil baka mabitawan niya.

Dahil sa sinabi niya ay saka ko lang napagtanto na hindi niya nga masyadong ginagalaw ang mga braso.

"What's... our son's name?"

Napakagat-labi ako. Our son. Our son. Finally, it's no longer just my son in my head.

"Ignatius Augustine," I answered, secretly waiting for his reaction. Kahit ano pa ang reaksyon niya ay hindi na namin mapapalitan ang pangalan ni Nash. But even so, I'm hoping that he'll like our son's name.

"Ignatius Augustine," he whispered as his eyes never left Nash. "You're so precious, my Ignatius Augustine. I think I'm in love again..."

Napahawak ako sa dibdib dahil sa narinig. It's not only because I feel relieved that he has no violent reaction about our son's name... but also because of what he said.

"I wanted him to have the same initial as yours... Iouis Alexiares and Ignatius Augustine."

I also considered Cairo Ignatius. I think it's a pretty name. I want my initial to be part of our son's name too. But Cairo reminds me of Carlo. I don't want to hear our son's name and be reminded of that guy.

When I turned to Iouis, he was already looking at me. I couldn't decipher his expression but... damn! It's making me feel things!

Maingat niyang binalik si Nash sa crib bago ako niyakap. "Thank you, Cara mia..." he whispered with a contented sigh.

We stayed at the nursery room, looking like obsessed parents who can't get enough of their child. Finally, wala nang may umiiyak sa amin.

Iouis' bent arms are at the edge of the crib as his chin is resting on his arms. His eyes never left Nash and I would catch him smiling from time-to-time.

"So it's Ignatius. Like the saint?" He finally lifted his gaze to me. Akala ko pa naman ay sa kay Nash na lang ang buong atensyon niya.

And damn, Caramel! Ang sariling anak mo pa ang kaagaw mo ng atensyon ni Iouis!

Tumango ako, hindi mapigilang mapangiti nang matandaan ang dahilan kung bakit iyon ang napili kong pangalan.

It was random, actually. I visited the hospital's chapel after my checkup and I stumbled upon a prayer booklet with several quotes from saints.

Isa sa mga tumatak sa akin ay ang quote ni St. Ignatius. It was something about how love can be seen more in deeds than in words.

Iouis and I never exchanged those three words. But even so, I know that he does love me. Despite my doubtful mind and paranoid heart, his actions are enough to tell me how much he cares about me.

And that's where we differ—since then, he was ready and willing to commit to me. But I wasn't. Hindi ko siya kayang panindigan. And maybe that's another subconscious thought that prompted me to leave. Kasi ako ang problema. Kasi alam ko noon na hindi ko masusuklian ang binibigay niya sa akin.

He has so much love to give and yet all I gave him were headaches. Doubts. Worries.

Just like everyone, he has his fair share of imperfections. And doubts. And worries. But he's stronger than those. He chose—and keeps on choosing—me over and over again.

Nang sinabi niyang ako lang, ako lang talaga.

And I want our son to be like him. Palaging handang magmahal. Hindi umuurong. Hindi takot magmahal.

"Yes, just for a year... don't worry about them..." it was Iouis' voice that I heard first when I woke up. Gusto ko pang matulog ngunit naintriga ako sa narinig.

Kaya kahit masakit ang ulo ay pinilit kong bumangon para makinig. I was left alone on the bed while Iouis was standing in front of the glass window.

Maganda ang tanawin mula sa kwarto ko dahil kitang-kita ang malawak na karagatan at dalampasigan. Iouis probably felt my stares that he ended the call quickly and went back to bed.

"Did I wake you up?" He asked in his gentle morning voice while caressing my hair. "Sleep again."

I shook my head and hugged him instead of answering. Siguradong nakatulog ako sa nursery room kahapon at siya lang ang bumuhat sa akin papunta sa kwarto.

"I'm taking a year off work—"

"What?!" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili at agad nang nag-react. "I'm sorry for interrupting but..."

"I want to spend time with you and our son," he reasoned.

I pursed my lips and thought for a moment. I know that he wants to make it up for the time he wasn't with us. I also know that he wants to spend more time with Nash.

But what about his firm? Their clients? Even if he continues working, he can still spend time with Nash! Hindi niya naman kailangang tumigil.

"Why a year?"

He shrugged. "Don't worry. I can still extend it—"

"No!" I even raised both hands as if I'm trying to stop him. "I mean... you can still spend time with us even if you work. Won't you miss practicing law?"

He shrugged again, like he finds my questions silly and unimportant. "I won't be personally handling other cases but I'm still the head of the legal team of all Euro corporations."

We spent the whole day by the beach. Kaming lima lang muna dahil papunta pa lang ang ibang mga kamag-anak ni Iouis. Napagdesisyunan na rin kasi namin na 'wag nang patagalin at ipakilala na lang si Nash sa mga Euro.

"Where's my baby sibling? Where is he!" Si Riri ang una kong nakita. She grew taller over the year and became prettier. She now looks like the girl version of Iouis.

Nang magtama ang mga mata namin ay tinakbo niya ang distansya namin para mayakap ako. "Auntie Doc!"

I turned to Iouis with teary eyes yet he only nodded at me with a smile. Hindi ko na pinigilan ang sarili at mahigpit nang niyakap si Riri at kasabay niyon ay ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.

"I'm so sorry, Riri... I'm sorry..."

Riri sobbed on my shoulders but when she heard me speak, she lifted her gaze to face me. She cupped both my cheeks while shaking her head. For someone as young as her, I can tell that she's really mature when it comes to these things. Naiintindihan niya talaga ang mga nangyayari.

"I'm glad to see you again, Auntie Doc!" She said in between sobs and yet she chose to wipe my tears instead of her own. "That's... all I want to say... I'm happy I have you again."

The innocence and gentleness of children is really something else. Niyakap ko muli si Riri bago siya iginiya papunta sa nursery room.

It was only Tita Elena Euro, her husband, Euxine, and Riri who arrived first. Anila na susunod lang daw ang ibang mga Euro.

"Is that my grandson?" Anang ama ni Iouis at ipinalibot pa ang tingin na para bang hindi makapaniwala at gusto munang tingnan ang reaksyon ng iba.

He held out his arms, ready to take Nash from Iouis, but Tita Elena was swifter. She was in tears as she held Nash. Ganoon din ang kaniyang asawa ngunit may dalang simangot.

The Euros spent a month with us and I got to know his cousins more. Some of them had children and they all couldn't stop pinching Nash. Pinapabayaan ko na lang dahil alam kong hindi naman sila agresibo ngunit si Iouis ang panay suway sa kanila.

Pati ang sarili niyang mga magulang at mga pinsan ay hindi niya pinalampas. Aniya na 'wag daw dapat kurutin si Nash dahil baka umiyak.

And every night, the Euro kids with Riri as their leader, would come knocking at the nursery room. They would read bedtime stories for Nash, saying that it would make him recognize their voice.

Bago umalis ang mga Euro ay nag-picnic by the beach ulit kami. Iouis plans on staying behind with Riri and Euxine while the rest are going back. Babalik din ang mga magulang ni Iouis ngunit may aasikasuhin muna.

Even before I told Iouis about Nash, I barely held my son unless I'm feeding him. Sina Papa at ang mga kapatid ang kaagaw ko. Nang nalaman ni Iouis ay hindi niya rin mabita-bitawan si Nash. Ano pa kaya ngayong sobrang dami na ng tagabantay? Even the wives of his cousins are willing volunteers.

Pagkatapos ng mga Euro ay ang mga kaibigan ko naman ang bumisita kaya sila naman ang todo bantay kay Nash.

They're all telling me to rest and chill. Anila na 'wag daw dapat ako magpapagod. Pero ano ang ipapahinga ko gayong wala nga akong may ginagawa?

But despite that, my heart is full. I'm happy that we decided to tell the Euros about Nash. I'm happy that Iouis now knows about our son. I'm... happy... and I feel like the emotions in my chest are too much that they transcend happiness so now I don't know what exactly to call it.

Ang alam ko lang ay magaan ang pakiramdam ko. I'm happy that it's not only me who loves Nash. I'm happy that he's showered with love and affection. That even though he won't remember any of these, he's already loved and cherished by so many people.

"Riri! Nash isn't your teddy bear!" Saway ni Iouis nang makitang kinagat ni Riri ang pisngi ni Nash.

Iouis gave her a reprimanding look but I don't think Riri's affected. Iouis probably spoiled her too much that she won't be budged by his intimidating stare.

Nasa beach ulit kami at nagsa-sunbathing kami ni Iouis. We're sharing a sun lounger while Euxine and Riri are at the shore. Nash is lying on the chunky beach foam we brought for him.

"I used my lips! It didn't hurt, I'm sure! I didn't bite him with my teeth!" Pagdadahilan pa nito sabay simangot.

Patuloy na tinitigan ni Riri si Nash, na para bang ang lalim-lalim ng iniisip niya. And as someone who works with children, I know that look very well.

"Riri!" Saway ulit ni Iouis at napatayo na. He turned to me as if asking for my help but I only laughed. "She's squeezing him too much!"

Just like what I thought, Riri actually did what most kids do to their younger siblings.

She hugged Nash and squished his cheeks with her hands. Pinagpagan niya iyon ng halik bago tumakbo paalis. Hindi naman umiyak si Nash kaya okay lang. He even giggled because of that.

Alam kong gigil na gigil si Riri kay Nash. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil ang laki nga ng pisngi nito at ang sarap kurutin.

"I'm sorry, okay! I won't do it again!" Riri gave Iouis the puppy eyes with a matching frown. Kahit pa hindi na siya magsalita ay alam kong madadala na niya si Iouis.

Tama nga ako at napasinghal na lang si Iouis at hindi na pinagsabihan si Riri. Si Euxine naman ngayon at tinitigan niya. She now has the same look Riri had a while ago.

"Don't do it! You're not a kid, Maia!" Mukhang nakita rin iyon ni Iouis at sinuway na ang kapatid.

Napasimangot na lang si Euxine at saka sinamaan ng tingin si Iouis. "Ang damot! It's not like he's gonna remember me squishing his cheeks! Isa lang, please?! Parang hindi kapatid, ah! Hanggang sa umiyak lang siya, please?"

Iouis had enough and just took Nash from the foam, away from his sister. Sabay na napasimangot sina Euxine at Riri. Parang mga batang inagawan ng kendi ng mga kalaro.

Supladong inismiran ni Iouis si Euxine pero nang tumalikod siya ay nakita ko ang pasimple niyang pagkurot sa pisngi ni Nash.

"Auntie Doc, let's swim!" Riri pulled my hand and stuck her tounge out to Iouis.

Bago kami makalayo ay narinig ko ang pagsinghal ni Iouis. "I can  never really have some alone time with my babies, can I?"

I gave him a flying kiss and it was enough to remove the frown on his face.

Nakapulupot ang mga braso ni Riri sa akin at ayaw akong pakawalan. Alam kong marunong siyang mag-swimming pero gusto talagang kumapit sa akin. And from time-to-time, she would kiss my face and giggle.

"Papi said Nash's name is from St. Ignatius," aniya habang binabasa ang buhok ko. "Isn't there a St. Augustine too? Or is it just a coincidence?"

Napangiti ako dahil sa narinig at agad na umiling. The Augustine in Nash's name is, in fact, from the saint too.

Riri's eyes widened, as if surprised that she got it right. "Why?"

It's the same reason why I chose Ignatius to be part of Nash's name. I got the idea from the same booklet.

"Because... when St. Augustine asked what love looks like, it was your Papi's name and image that came to my mind."

I can still remember that moment... how I cried at the hospital's chapel—happy that I have a name for my son... but heartbroken because I was reminded of Iouis again.

"Oh! I know that!" Pumalakpak pa si Riri at napatango-tango. I would gladly tell her about that quote but I don't think I have too. "But yeah, my Papi is the image of love for me too! And also you!"

My eyes widened because of her words. Napangiti ako at binasa na rin ang kaniyang buhok. She finally let go of me and started swimming.

Her words rang in my ears and I instinctively shook my head again.

As much as it warms my heart that Riri sees me that way, I don't think I deserve that honor. I feel giddy because of that compliment, but I also can't claim to be the image of love. Because I know I'm not. I still have a lot to learn.

I admit, I haven't been the best and most loving person. Especially to Iouis. I've been selfish and inconsiderate. But for Iouis, it seems so easy to him.

He's the reason why we're together again. Why the things that are happening right now are happening. When we met at the restaurant, it was him who approached me. It was him who initiated. Imbes na magalit sa akin o pahirapan ako ay hindi niya 'yon ginawa.

He chose me again the moment we met.

I am still leaning how to love properly. So I'll learn from Iouis. I'll learn with him. And I'll learn through him.

He has given me so many chances... it's time for me to give him his chance too.