A month passed by like a blur and it seemed to stretch longer than it really is. My daily routine was just going to work and going home but sometimes, I would eat out, either with Leal or with some of my colleagues.

Kahapon ang dating ni Iouis ngunit buong araw akong tambak sa trabaho. I worked myself out for the whole month so now I can go out freely without feeling guilty. It feels like I actually deserve this rest.

I hummed happily when I saw my final look for tonight. Dadalo kami ni Iouis sa art exhibit at tinulungan ako ni Leal sa pag-aayos at pati na rin sa pagpili ng susuotin. Iouis bought me a lot of cocktail dresses and I couldn't choose one for myself.

I eventually settled with a black corset dress. It had a revealing top and the cloth was sprinkled with glitters and it's a bit see-through. I paired it with a bloody red stilettos and Leal straightened my hair.

"Ang ganda!" Napangisi si Leal sabay halakhak. Tuwang-tuwa pa siya dahil siya ang pinapili ko ng mga susuotin ko. Pati hairstyle ko ay sa kaniya ko na ipinagkatiwala.

I feel odd seeing myself with straight, silky hair. Kadalasan kasi ay magulo ang buhok ko lalo na't wala akong masyadong oras para mag-ayos kapag nasa ospital. Pero ngayon... parang ibang tao.

The Caramel in front of me is sultry and more mature. Ngayon ko lang din napansin ang pag-mature ng katawan ko. I was never the skinny type, but now, my body's curves look more defined. From my breasts down to my hips and waist.

Or... maybe it's just the makeup and the dress? Kaya nagmukha akong ganito?

Inalis ko lang ang tingin sa salamin nang biglang nag-ring ang doorbell. Napatili si Leal at tumakbo sa pintuan. And as expected, it was Iouis.

He stood at the doorframe, looking taller and manlier. It may have only been a month but damn... bakit parang mas gumwapo siya?

He's wearing a simple yet sophisticated, black, double-breasted suit set with very thin stripes, giving the illusion of him being inches taller, which is unneeded because he's already towering enough.

A few buttons of his suit were close, the snug fit accentuating his chiseled physique. Like you know that in one look, beneath the suit lay a physique craftily sculpted.

"Uhm... Doc, alis na 'ko, ha? Enjoy kayo! Bye, Atty.!" Sabay kaming napatingin ni Iouis kay Leal na nakangisi sa gilid. Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay tumakbo na siya palabas, saka na lang napagtanto na hawak-hawak niya na pala ang kaniyang bag.

Iouis closed the door behind, a smirk slowly forming in his lips. I crossed my arms and waited for him to near me. I could see his gaze traveling down from my face. Ilang beses siyang napalunok at napaayos ng neck-tie, parang hindi mapakali.

"Is it uncomfortable?" Tanong ko at inisang hakbang ang pagitan namin. I held his tie, about to fix it, but he enclosed his hands on my wrist, making me still.

I slowly lifted my gaze, our eyes meeting as my chest thudded. Napasinghap ako, nagulat sa lapit naming dalawa. He tilted his head, then dipping down for a long kiss.

I let him take the lead while I chose to savor the all the exhilarating sensations. It was soft and gentle at first, like he was setting the pace and taking the time to memorize me, but his movements became rougher, like a man deprived of his primal needs.

Habol-habol ko ang hininga nang pinakawalan niya ako at ganoon din siya. But one look on his face, I immediately burst out laughing.

He frowned at me and gave me a confused look. Parang nadismaya siya ngunit may bahid din ng pag-alala.

"What is it? You don't like it?" Hindi makapaniwala niyang tanong. "Maybe it's because we weren't together for a month? Let's try again—"

Pabiro kong hinampas ang kaniyang balikat, hindi pa rin mapigilan ang mga tawa. Imbes na sumagot ay pumunta ako sa kusina at kumuha ng maliit na tuwalya. Binasa ko iyon bago bumalik kay Iouis na hanggang ngayon ay litong-lito pa rin, hindi talaga mabasa ang kaniyang mukha.

"You look clueless... but still adorable, especially with all the lipstick stains," I finally managed to speak without laughing. Kinagat ko ang labi para matigil sa kakatawa.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to mention about the non-kiss proof lipstick," I said with a cheeky smile while he only looked down at me with a serious expression and lips almost forming a frown. "Paano ba naman kasi? Sinunggaban mo kaagad..."

He rolled his eyes and looked away. I saw how his facial muscles move as he bit the insides of his cheeks. Nang masigurong wala nang stain ang kaniyang bibig, nanggigil kong pinisil ang magkabila niyang pisngi.

"And what do you mean by 'maybe it's because we weren't together for a month?'"

We were already in the car and he was driving with a serious look. Ako naman ay hindi mapigilang maging madaldal.

"I thought you weren't satisfied," he explained, his eyes still on the road, not even glancing at me. "I thought it's because we didn't get to kiss. You know, like someone needing to review before an exam... or to practice before a practical test."

"Ah... so you're implying that maybe you thought you didn't do well because you lacked practice? Because you didn't get to kiss anyone for a month?"

"Yeah," he said proudly and glanced at me. "I'm such a good boy, right?"

"Yeah..." tumango rin ako. "But when we kissed for the first time after our breakup, you still seemed... skilled... bakit kaya?"

He glanced at me again, but this time, with a pronounced frown. "That's because I never lost the skill. I was always great at it..." he trailed off with a sigh while shaking his head. "And here I thought you wouldn't mention that..."

I was teasing him the whole ride, which is why when we arrived at the venue, there was a slight frown in his lips. I would nudge his side and smile cheekily at him. He would then look down at me with his scornful look that eventually turns into a smile before he returns to his serious face.

The art exhibit was related to the medical field. Now it's not a surprise why Iouis invited me here. Akala ko noon ay para lang sa "publicity" ngunit dahil na rin alam niyang magugustuhan ko talaga 'to.

My friends love going to exhibits and museums, lalo na si Galaxy, kaya nahawaan na rin ako. But most of those exhibits and galleries showcased either contemporary art or anything from the past. Ito ang unang beses ko na dumalo sa exhibit na ganito ang tema. It's interesting.

May ilan kaming kakilala ni Iouis na kumausap sa amin kaya nagkahiwalay kami. I was dragged to one circle to another until I found a way out. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Iouis ngunit hindi ko siya mamataan.

Mas madami siyang kakilala kaya hindi na ako magugulat sa kung saan man siya napadpad. He's not the star of the show but people flocked to him like moths to the flame. Some wanted to talk business with him, while others were eager even for just a "hi".

Although I know that his status and prominence is no joke nor a secret, I still find it odd. Dapat hindi na ako magulat ngunit iba talaga siguro dahil may nakaraan kami. I guess I cannot fathom the idea that there are those who would kill just to be in his circle.

That was never the case for me. Iouis was accessible to me... and he was always available for me.

The idea that I have to "chase" him and fight for his attention and praise seems absurd.

I finally found him at the dimly-lit terrace of the building. The first floor was intended for the exhibit and the second for cocktail and drinks. May mga balcony na nakapalibot ngunit ang nasa pinakatagong parte ang inokupa ni Iouis.

He was leaning on the railing, his coat now folded neatly on his arms, while his other hand held a cigarette in between his fingers. Nakapikit siya, mukhang damang-dama ang kung ano man ang nararamdaman niya, kaya hindi niya ako napansin.

But maybe he felt my presence... he turned to me with dark eyes, the low light casting shadows on his face that made his already sharp features more defined.

"I'm not smoking as much," he said promptly. Nasa akin na ang mga mata niya ngunit hindi siya lumapit.

I stayed in my spot and so did he. He was still holding the cigarette and I didn't want to inhale any smoke.

"Do you want me to stop?" His head tilted, waiting for my reply, while his thumb was flicking the cigarette butt, causing some ash to scatter onto the tiled floor.

The last time I saw him smoke was when we first saw each other again in Greece. Who would've thought that that moment will lead to this?

"Huh?" Why is he asking me? "That's your choice, Yuwi." Medyo labag sa loob ko ang sagot pero wala naman ako sa posisyon para pagsabihan siya.

I might end up pressuring him or make him feel bad. Alam ko na hindi lahat ng tao ay naninigarilyo para pangkatuwaan lang. In most cases, there's a sensitive underlying reason. 

He shrugged and straightened up. He turned his head to the side, giving me a captivating view of his chiseled jawline. He's so damn attractive and I can't even pinpoint the why.

May tinatanong siya sa 'kin, seryoso, ngunit heto ako, kung ano-ano ang mga iniisip at inaatupag. He's damn serious yet I'm thirsting for him!

"But siyempre, as a doctor, I don't recommend it." There. I finally said it. Baka hindi ako makatulog mamaya dahil sa sagot.

He pursed his lips and nodded. His eyes dropped to the cigarette, studying it momentarily as if it was an intriguing object.

"How about as my girlfriend? What do you recommend?"

I looked away with a bitter smile. He's asking me as if we're the real deal. But instead of pointing it out, I thought for a moment. Klarong-klaro ang gusto kong isagot. But then, he's asking me to speak as his "girlfriend" and not his doctor.

"Kung... kung ano ang gusto mo, Yuwi."

He tilted his head again while giving me a curious look. His gaze was too intense that I had to look away. Napalunok ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Para kasing nababasa niya ang isipan ko.

I saw him move from my peripheral view. He turned to the side and brought the cigarette to his mouth. He puffed a smoke while closing his eyes, like feeling every sensation it brought.

Napalunok ako dahil sa nakita. Ayaw ko talaga sa mga naninigarilyo ngunit... napailing at napakagat-labi ako... it's unfair how something I dislike looks suddenly pleasing... and hot and so damn attractive... because it's him.

I was snapped back to reality when the dramatic climax and slow motion stopped. Mabilis niyang tinapon ang sigarilyo sa basurahan at may kinuha sa kaniyang coat. He sprayed something on his mouth before walking towards me.

"Don't worry, I'll stop," he said assuringly. I appreciate it. It's just that I didn't ask him to stop. "I've been trying to quit but damn... I only have one stick in every few months. That's a huge improvement, right?"

Tumango na lang ako at inangkla na ang braso sa kaniya. Nagpaalam na kami sa mga kakilala at nag-drive pabalik sa condo ko.

We talked about cigarette addiction the whole time. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon ang topiko namin ngunit nakakaaliw naman.

I really like it when he speaks. Namamangha ako sa paraan ng pagsalita niya at sa kaniyang bokabularyo. He can string words together effortlessly, like it's his second nature to say words that just make sense.

"Why did you stop?" I asked. Kanina pa kami nag-uusap ngunit ngayon ko lang naisipan.

"Riri... I still have a hard time, though," he said while twisting the key, turning the car off. Sabay kaming lumabas at tumungo sa elevator.

Gusto ko siyang ayain na rito na lang magpalipas ng gabi ngunit baka naghihintay si Riri sa kaniya. At isa pa, kailangan niyang magpahinga. Baka mas kumportable siya roon sa sarili niyang condo.

I already received Iouis' message that he got home. He also texted me when he's preparing for bed. And another message when when he's about to sleep. Tumigil na siya sa pagte-text kaya siguradong tulog na.

Ilang araw ulit kami hindi nagkita ni Iouis. We were supposed to meet each other during the weekend but we both had different emergencies. Siya, sa kliyente niya. Ako naman ay pinatawag sa hospital dahil nagka-emergency surgery ang isa kong pasyente.

I spent the my other rest day... resting. Sa pagkakaalam ko ay umalis ulit ng bansa si Iouis. We would only call and text each other... like real couples distanced because of work.

"Are you done with work?"

Tumango ako at pagod siyang niyakap. "Yes, tinapos ko na lahat ng paperworks pagkatapos namin sa ER."

Kumunot ang noo niya at napangiti naman ako. I held his hand and we walked towards the parking lot.

"I was in the ER the whole morning 'til noon... during lunchtime, I finished some paperworks. After that, I had a few more checkups, I did my rounds, then finished more paperworks."

Lalong kumunot ang noo niya, malapit nang sumimangot. Clearly, this isn't because he didn't understand.

"Did you even eat?"

I nodded. "Yes, nag-working lunch ako."

He nodded too, then opening the driver's seat for me. "Let's just drive to your condo so you can rest—"

"Huh?! But we're supposed to have dinner!"

He smiled, then dipping his head to level with the car window. Nakaupo na ako sa sasakyan at nakasara na rin ang pinto. It was through the open window that we got to face each other.

"Yeah, we can eat at your place. I'll cook for you," he said reassuringly but I frowned. Ang tagal naming hindi nagkita at ngayon na nga lang ako makakabawi pero mukhang mapapaso pa!

"But the dinner date..."

"Well, yeah, for publicity..." he shrugged with a smile. "But not at your expense. You really look like you need some rest."

Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako dahil sa narinig o ma-i-insulto. He just subtly noted that I look so stressed out. And that doesn't seem like a pretty picture to paint.

"Hey..." I called and leaned to the kitchen counter. Iouis was humming while sautéing the vegetables on the pan but lowered the heat when he turned to me.

"Yes?" He smiled.

Napangiti rin tuloy ako. Katatapos ko lang mag-shower habang si Iouis naman ay nagluluto. He's gonna cook some vegetables and meat. Aniya na kailangan ko raw ng mga iyon. As if hindi ko rin alam.

"I'm sorry." I shrugged, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "My schedule is not usually this hectic—"

I was cut off when he shook his head. Patuloy siya sa pagluluto at hindi na ako tinititigan. Sumusulyap-sulyap na lang siya sa 'kin.

"I can't demand a lot from you, Cara." Nakangiti man siya habang sinasambit ang mga salita ngunit nahihimigan ko pa rin ang pagkalungkot sa kaniyang tono.

I might be imagining it but... who knows? Maybe I am actually imagining it. Bakit naman siya malulungkot?

"I'll take whatever you can give, Cara." His smile widened but that tinge of sadness in his tone was harder to ignore. I don't think I can keep telling myself that I'm just imagining it.

"Do you want me to take a leave? Hindi naman ako pala-absent sa trabaho—"

"No. Take a leave for yourself and not for me." He shook his head as he turned the stove off. "Plus, I don't have the audacity to ask you to do that, Cara."

"Yes... you can..." mahina kong sambit, halos bulong, hindi rin sigurado kung gusto ko ba talagang marinig niya 'yon.

He started fixing the table while I was standing like an awkward statue. My eyes only moved to follow him as he gracefully moved around my kitchen. Para bang pamilyar na pamilyar na siya rito.

"You can ask me, Yuwi, and—"

"You'll reject me," he finished my sentence and only glanced at me before taking a pitcher of water from the fridge. "You'll reject me, Cara."

Tuwing nagtatama ang mga mata namin ay mabilis siyang nag-iiwas ng tingin.

And will it hurt you, Yuwi? If I say no to you? Or will it enrage you?

"And stop apologizing. You're only my pretend-girlfriend. There's not much to be expected from this." Again, he said those lines with a smile but I can tell that he is only forcing himself.

"You love your work and I don't want to be a hindrance," he said with finality of his tone, like it was his away of closing the topic.

He pulled out a chair for me and made me sit. We talked about something else but from time-to-time, some work topic would emerge.

Another weekend came and I rose up early to prepare. Hindi naman nanghihingi o nagde-demand si Iouis ngunit may parte sa akin na gustong bumawi sa kaniya.

I plan to surprise him by coming to his condo. Ang plan kasi ay susunduin niya 'ko ngunit gusto ko siyang ipagluto ng agahan. Ngunit ng nasa parking lot na ako ay nakasalubong ko si Leal.

"Doc, ready ka na? Gusto mong ako ang mag-drive? Baka inaantok ka pa!" Iyon ang pambati ni Leal habang hinihila ako papunta sa sasakyan ko.

Natigilan naman siya ng natigil ako sa paglalakad. He turned to me with a worried and confused look. I am equally confused as her. And surprised.

Anong ginagawa niya rito? Please don't tell me we have work?!

"Doc... diba may training kayo ngayon? At bukas may medical mission sa probinsya?" Nag-aalalang sambit ni Leal, mukhang natatakot sa 'kin.

"Na naman?" Sabay na nanlaki ang mga mata namin ni Leal. Ako mismo ay hindi makapaniwala na sinabi ko 'yon.

Dr. Garcia is fond of doing medical mission and volunteer works. Not all are required but I attended every single one of those programs. Hilig ko rin kasi at nakasanayan dahil palagi rin akong sumasama sa mga programa ng firm ni Papa.

But now... for the first time, I feel annoyed and frustrated.... And also ashamed that I feel this way. I shouldn't feel this way! I have the capability to help... 'wag dapat akong magreklamo... but damn it!

Napakagat-labi si Leal at mabilis na kinuha ang iPad niya. She opened her calendar app and showed my schedule for this week. I checked my phone but it wasn't the same as hers. Hindi updated 'yong akin.

"Hala!" Napamura si Leal at napatabon ng bibig. She looked up to me with teary eyes. "Doc... sorry... sa personal calendar ko nalagay."

Napayuko si Leal, hindi na makatingin sa 'kin. Hinilot ko ang sentido, hindi alam ang gagawi. I mean, it was evident. Alam ko na dapat ang gagawin ngunit... ayaw ko 'yong gawin... hindi ko alam kung paano.

How do I tell Iouis that I have to postpone again? Damn this! I'm not even his real girlfriend but I feel like I'm disappointing him again! And it feels like a dagger in my chest.

"Doc, I'm sorry... sorry talaga..."

Napapikit ako, pinipigilan lang na mag-alburoto. Surely, I can handle this calmly.

Should I call Iouis and disturb his sleep just to tell him that I, once again, can't go to the date we planned?

Nakakahiya at nakakainis lang dahil ako pa ang nag-aya. And damn... he was looking forward to this! Simula noong nagplano kami ay araw-araw siyang nagre-remind. He would ask me one question a day that's related to our supposedly date.

"What will you wear?"

"Can we wear matching colors? Not exactly the same. Just so our outfits look coherent when we take pictures?"

"I know that chef of the restau. Are you craving something that's not in the menu? I can request."

"Do you want to dine in their main restau or do you prefer the private gazebo?"

"They have a butterfly garden. Maybe we can visit it afterwards? It's just in the vicinity."

But I didn't have to worry about calling Iouis and waking him up because he's now walking towards us. No, he's already near us. Hindi na ako magugulat kung narinig niya ang pag-uusap namin ni Leal.

He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. May hawak siyang mga supot sa magkabilang kamay. I could see some vegetable leaves peeking out from one of the plastic bags.

"Surprise?" Iyon ang pambati niya.

Just look at his smile, I know that he knows. He heard. And he's trying to take it lightly.

"I brought these for you," aniya sabay taas ng dalawang kamay, pinapakita ang mga pinamili. "I was planning to surprise you with breakfast... but I guess I can drive you two?"

Napakagat-labi ako, hindi mapakali. I am nervously bouncing up my heel and Iouis noticed it. Bumaba ang tingin niya bago mabilis na tumabi sa akin.

He transferred all the bags to one hand and the other snaked on my waist. Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari pero nahanap ko na lang ang sarili na nasa shotgun seat at nasa likuran naman si Leal.

I would glance at Iouis from time-to-time and he would glance back with a smile, it was as if that's his way of consoling me... his way of assuring me that he understands.

"It's okay, Cara." He smiled at me and ran a hand through my hair. He kissed my forehead and unclasp my seatbelt. Nauna na si Leal at kami na lang ang naiwan sa loob ng sasakyan niya.

I was sighing the whole day. Required ang training at parang refresher course sa 'ming mga doctor at staffs. Iba-iba ang schedule namin at nagkataon na ngayon ang akin.

"Hey, Dr. Maldevaron," bati ni Dr. James sa akin at umupo sa tapat ko. Lunch break namin ngayon at may isang oras na pahinga. Kanina ko pa hinahanap si Leal ngunit hindi ko siya makita.

"Your secretary... I like her," diretsahan niyang sabi sabay subo ng kanin. He looked at me, waiting for my response.

Tumango ako at ngumiti. I want to tell him the I-support-you-but-please-don't-hurt-her kind of speech but he seemed to read my mind and assured me.

"Though, she's not talking to me nor replying to my texts." Wala nang may dinagdag si Dr. James ngunit mukha siyang nababahala.

Pagkatapos ng afternoon training ay pumunta ako sa clinic. Doon ko nahanap si Leal na naglilinis.

I let her finish and waited for her to sit down. Gusto ko siyang makausap. Hindi man kami masyadong nagkita ngayong araw ngunit alam kong may bumabagabag sa kaniya.

"Distracted ako, Doc," she answered when I told her about my conversation with Dr. James. Patago niyang pinahiran ang mga mata, ayaw ipakita sa 'kin ang mga luha.

"I'm sorry talaga kanina, Doc. I messaged Atty. Euro to explain. I know you didn't ask but I have to be accountable for my negligence. I'll do better, Doc... if you won't fire me."

Sunod-sunod ang mga salita ni Leal na hindi man lang ako nakasagot. I sighed, then wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Sandali pa siyang nagulat ngunit sumandal din kalaunan ngunit mas napahagulgol pa.

"Don't worry about it. Ako nang bahala sa kaniya," I said assuringly but she sobbed harder.

"Ano kasi, Doc, eh... mukhang sayang-saya ka talaga sa kaniya tapos kababalik niya lang. Nakikita kong nahihirapan kayong maghanap ng oras tapos ganito pa... baka nag-expect 'yon... ikaw rin, Doc..."

Everything she said was true but confirming it won't help. It'll only make her feel worse. Nang kumalma si Leal ay inaya ko siyang maghapunan. Nagpumilit pa siya na ilibre ako para raw pambawi. Nakapag-ipon na raw siya nang todo kaya kahit sa mamahaling restaurant kami ay kaya niya na.

Napangiti naman ako dahil sa narinig. Leal was in a significantly different financial position when she first worked for me. Masaya akong nakaahon na siya.

We ate at a famous steak house. Alam kong alam ni Leal na mamahaling restaurant iyon ngunit hindi naman siya umangal. I actually just wanted to tease her since she's the frugal type but... no reaction.

"Doc naman, eh! Bawasan mo na lang ang sweldo ko!" Natawa ako sa narinig. I paid for our bill when she went to the powder room so now she's negotiating.

My night ended with a quick video call with Iouis. Even though I have to rise early tomorrow, I was willing to stay up late for the call. Iyon na lang ang pambawi ko.

Ngunit tinapos din namin ang tawag dahil hinahanap ni Riri si Iouis. I said good night to the both of them before going to bed.

The following day, I was feeling drowsy. For the first time, hindi ako excited sa medical mission. Maybe it's because my mind is wandering off to somewhere else. And... I expected myself to be somewhere else.

Most of the medical missions are optional. But when I asked Dr. Garcia if I could take the day off, she straight up refused before walking away, which I found weird.

But all those reasons I came up with on why Dr. Garcia acted that way left my mind when I saw her conversing with Iouis. Nang namataan nila ako ay kumaway sila sa direksyon ko.

"I'm sorry for refusing. Atty. Euro bribed me to do so." Humalakhak si Dr. Garcia at tinapik ang braso namin ni Iouis. Pagkatapos mag-usap-usap ay nagpaalam din naman siya kaya naiwan kaming dalawa.

"You're here..." hindi makapaniwala kong sambit.

"Yes. Supportive boyfriend here!"

Napailing na lang ako ngunit hindi rin mapigilan na mapangiti. "For publicity?"

Instead of answering, he simply moved closer, his hands now on each side of my waist.

My eyes nervously scanned the surroundings. Buti na lang talaga at isa kami sa mga unang dumating. Ilang minuto pa bago ang call time namin kaya kaunti pa lang ang naririto. At wala ni isa ang nakatingin sa amin.

"I want to spend time with you," he whispered. "But if I can't do so outside your work, then I'll find a way to be part of your work."

Umawang ang labi ko dahil sa kaniyang sagot. My heart hammered vigorously inside my chest. There should be a warning sign before he speaks something like that. Nakakagulat at nakakatulala kasi.

He saw my reaction and chuckled because of it. Lumawak ang ngiti niya sabay gulo ng buhok ko.

"But yeah... for publicity too..."