I felt like I was floating away in a distant reality. But in a snap, I was falling off from a building. And to make things more dramatic, the fall ended with a loud roar of the thunder.

"Ah!" Napatili ako at napabangon. Nang iminulat ko ang mga mata ay nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makita na nasa kama lang pala ako... at hindi nahuhulog sa building.

Sapo-sapo ko ang dibdib at napayuko na lang. Antok na antok pa ako kaya ngayong nagising ako sa gitna ng mahimbing kong tulog ay unti-unti nang sumasakit ang ulo ko.

"Cara? What is it?" I heard Iouis' worried tone. "Are you okay? Anong nangyari? Are you uncomfortable?" Sunod-sunod niyang tanong at bumangon na para makalapit sa akin.

And although I appreciate his concern, all I could focus on was how alluring his husky voice sounds like. Breathless and whispery, halatang pagod at naistorbo ang tulog.

And there's also his scent! Damn it! Bakit ito ang inuuna ko?

"I'm... okay." I turned to him with an assuring smile but quickly looked away. "Nagulat lang sa kidlat."

I don't like the way my body reacts when I look at him in this setting... nasa kwarto, madilim ang paligid at nasa-iisang kama lang kami... it all seems so... intimate... it was as if we're back in time wherein I could just lay back on the bed and cuddle with him until I fall back to sleep.

"I'm sorry. Matulog ka na ulit," mahina kong sambit at nahiga na ulit sa kama.

Akala ko ay makakatulog ulit ako dahil sa pagod ngunit hindi 'yon ang nangyari. I kept on tossing and turning, but I couldn't find a comfortable position.

I turned to the other side—Iouis' side. Kanina ko pa 'to gustong gawin ngunit nako-conscious ako kung magkaharap kami.

"Can't sleep?" Iouis asked as he pulled the comforter upwards until I was covered until my shoulders. Bumaba yata ito kanina nang paikot-ikot ako sa kama.

Tumango ako at ngumiti na lang. Kahit pa ayaw kong tingnan siya nang diretso sa mata, hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili. At isa pa, kumportable ang ganitong posisyon... or maybe it's just the fact that I get to look at him before I fall asleep.

"How many girls have you brought here?" I blurted out of nowhere. My eyes widened, but Iouis only chuckled.

Gusto kong bawiin ang sarili ngunit alam kong wala nang silbi 'yon. Iouis may be tired and sleepy, but he's not deaf and stupid. Kung magpapalusot ako ay ako pa ang magmumukhang defensive at tanga.

"Hmm..." anito at parang nagbibilang pa!

"Ilan?" I urged. Ilang segundo na rin ngunit nag-iisip pa rin siya. Ganoon ba kadami ang mga babae niya?

Napasimangot ako dahil sa naisip ngunit pinisil ko ang sarili para bumalik sa tamang pag-iisip. Ano naman ngayon kung madami siyang naging karelasyon pagkatapos namin? Sa kaniya na 'yon. Tapos hindi naman kasi maipagkakaila na iba ang kamandag niya.

It's only understandable for him to have... other women...

"Wala..." he finally answered, but it only made my brow raise with suspicion.

Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako sigurado kung ano ba talaga ang namamagitan kina Iouis at Izarra... o kung may iba nga si Iouis... the last time we talked about this, we were interrupted. Hanggang ngayon ay hanggang assumptions lang ako.

It's either he just doesn't want to tell me about it... but I also know that he's not the type to lie. Maybe I should ask?

Sinimangutan ko siya. I want to fish for information, but I also want to be discreet about it.

"Fine... " aniya na parang napipilitan pa. "Meron... isa..."

"Isa lang?" Gulat kong sambit. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o ano... isa lang kasi ang babaeng 'yon pa rin ang gusto niya... o isa lang kasi ayaw niya na sumubok pa?

Baka ito ang tinutukoy niyang ka-long-term, serious relationship niya? Ngunit naghiwalay sila kaya hindi niya na ulit nadala rito?

He nodded with a small, sly smile. "Yeah... isa lang... and she's questioning me now..."

If Cupid was real, then I can claim that it's his arrow that hit my chest. A warm and familiar sensation enveloped my insides, but it was more vehement in my chest and stomach.

Damn this Euro! Pinapakaba ako nang walang sabi-sabi.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my satisfied smile.

"I don't bring just any woman here," dagdag pa niya. Hindi ko alam kung seryoso ba siya o gusto lang akong tuksuhin.

I wanted to retort, "So I'm your woman, huh?" But it might backfire so I kept my mouth shut instead.

"So, you have women, huh?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at napailing-iling naman siya na parang hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.

"You and your selective hearing," he said, copying my words from the last time.

"I thought it was implied?" I asked in an innocent tone, like a clueless child who's trying to fool her caretaker.

"And so was my statement last time... about you reading things about me." Aba! Ni-remind pa talaga ako! "Should I accept more interviews so you'd have more articles to read and videos to watch?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Ang sarap tapunan ng unan! Pasalamat siya at nakikitulog lang ako rito at may kaunting hiya pang natitira sa akin... dahil kung hindi ay baka...

I hissed at him but he only chuckled. Mukhang tuwang-tuwa talaga siya!

"I hate you!" I said in a playful tone.

I expected for a witty and amusing come back from him. But instead of hearing a tease, all I got was an intense yet earnest look. Naglaho na ang mapaglaro niyang tingin.

"You could say you hate me too," I spoke again. My words were barely a whisper... but obviously he heard it because of this deafening silence between us.

He forced a smile while shaking his head. He lifted himself a bit to adjust his position. "We both know you didn't mean it... and you know I don't hate you... and that I don't like lying..."

Tumango ako, gusto na lang makatulog sa isang iglap. I'd rather have him tease me or have a shallow conversation with him... than this... hindi ko yata 'to kakayanin!

"You could say you hate lying too."

I scoffed and shook my head. As much as I want to, I'd be a hypocrite... and a liar... if I say it.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at napailing ulit. I turned to the other side and moved nearer to the edge of the bed. Kagat-kagat ko ang labi, umaasang makakatulog na ako. The tension and the turmoil within the room and within me is unbearable.

"Did we really have to break up like that, Cara?"

And there it goes, the byproduct of being in the same bed with my ex in the middle of the night while the rain is pouring hard while we're enveloped by a long stretch of silence.

I sighed. Maybe this is the reason why we're stuck here, huh? We have to have this conversation... for the both us... so we can climb our way out this dark pit that we have been stuck in for years now...

Against my better judgment, I turned to his side. He was already looking at me when I faced him. I wanted to speak. But maybe it's the cold weather... or maybe I'm just nervous, but my throat suddenly felt dry.

"I'm sorry." Napalunok ako. Those two words were a decade late.

I have always imagined myself apologizing to Iouis... and here we are now. But no imagination can imitate the relief after saying out those words. Like a weight suddenly lifting off from my chest, I feel lighter.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

All the things I've buried are slowly creeping out. Like the waves crashing to the shore, they are forceful and inevitable. I have no other option but to just... let them flow... and welcome them wholeheartedly.

Iouis shook his head. I'm not sure if he's disappointed or dejected or anguished... but either way, I don't like the look in his face... it's making me feel things... not the good ones... it's like the pain I've been accustomed to intensified and doubled now that I'm seeing him like this.

"I'm not asking for your apology," he said with a lingering seriousness, his gaze fixed on me. "I'm asking if we had to end things... like that," he uttered the last word intently.

For him to ask this, he might know something... maybe he wasn't fooled... or maybe he saw through my lies and found out. Because if he really did believe that I broke up with him because of the reason I used, he won't ask me this.

And as if he thought of something amusing, a rueful smile played on his lips as his head dropped in a slow shake.

"My sister is right, I am marupok when it comes to you. I can't even pretend that I hate you, Cara... nor can I lie about it..." he said the last words in a longing whisper, na para bang gustong-gusto niyang magsinungaling at sabihin sa akin na kinamumuihan niya nga ako.

Mariin ko siyang tinitigan, nakikinig lang. What am I supposed to say? Na kinailangan kong makipaghiwalay sa kaniya para sa firms ng mga magulang namin? Maiintindihan kaya niya?

"You owe me the truth, Cara," he asked, then pressing his lips together as if suppressing something within him. "Was that really the reason? Or is there something else?"

Sandaling umawang ang mga labi ko. Tama nga ang hinala ko at may alam siya! He knows that... I lied... if this is the case, he might already have an idea!

What if he thinks it's a petty reason? I mean... he's a lawyer... maiintindihan niya naman siguro, 'yon, diba?

Patuloy ko lang siyang tinitigan, gustong magsalita pero hindi rin makahanap ng lakas. Maybe he can't stand the silence... or maybe he can no longer contain himself, but he spoke again.

"I found out about the terms of the partnership of our parents' firms," panimula niya. It should be me who's explaining yet the tables turned. "I had a hunch that maybe that's the real reason why you broke up with me."

I'm the one who owes him an explanation yet he's the one doing all the explaining.

"I held on to that hunch for years... because I can't accept the fact that you simply didn't want to be with me because of something I did." His voice was weak and fragile, like his strength diminishes after every word.

"If that hunch is right, then you broke up with me because you had no other better option. You did what you thought was best... and not because you despise me," he continued, his eyes not leaving me for one bit.

"And although whatever reason you might've had, it won't change the fact that it broke me. But at least, if it's because of the partnership, then... I have a chance with you..."

Napasinghap ako dahil sa narinig. He may not have said it explicitly but... does he still have feelings for me? Because... why is he saying all of these? What's with the "I have a chance with you"?

"Because after all, you did it not because you despised me. In some ways, that was the lesser evil. It was more comforting than thinking that the woman whom I cherish... dislikes me," he uttered the last word in a whisper. It was as if he didn't like saying it.

Nakikita kong nanghihina siya. He's showing me his vulnerabilities and I feel like everything he said were all just thoughts and laments until now. Until he opened up to me. And him putting down his defenses... weakens him.

"That's true," I finally found the strength to speak. "Tama... lahat, Iouis. I lied to you."

I saw how his jaw tightened. The angular shape of his face was more defined because of the tension. But even so, I saw how a glimmer of something else appeared in his eyes... but it only lasted for a second.

"I'm sorry, Iouis. But I had to do it."

Kahit madilim ang mga mata, tumango pa rin siya. Alam kong naiintindihan niya ngunit kahit ganoon ay hindi niya pa rin nagustuhan ang ginawa ko. And it's understandable. And I'm grateful enough that he never once treated me with resentment.

"I'm sorry too, Cara."

My eyes widened. "What?!"

"Because I allowed you to do that. I know I could've stopped you... but the guilt got me, Cara," he said as his piercing gaze didn't waver. "I was against you breaking up with me. But deep down, I felt guilty and undeserving... so, I let you go."

Gusto kong maiyak dahil sa narinig. If there's anyone who's undeserving, that would be me. Ako lang dapat ang nagso-sorry, eh!

"Why are you like this?" Nanghihina kong tanong, hindi siya maintindihan. "Shouldn't you be mad?"

He sighed and shook his head while shrugging. "You did what you had to. Though, I just wish you were more honest with me... but it's done, right? I don't have a grudge against you, Cara."

It's amusing how he can say all this yet I feel worse. Mas mapapanatag ang loob ko dahil alam kong hindi ganitong pagtrato ang karapat-dapat sa akin...

Pero anong magagawa ko dahil ganito si Iouis? He doesn't hold grudges and he knows how to forgive... kahit ako mismo ay hindi pa sigurado kung napatawad ko na ang sarili.

"But I hurt you..." bulong ko sa sarili at napayuko na lang, hindi na nakayanan ang titig niya.

"Yeah, you did. You broke my heart." I looked up to him with watery gaze. Tanginang mga luha! "But I also know that it wasn't easy for you. You carried the burden of knowing and deciding. And I know that you loved me, too... and doing that... broke your heart too."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga hikbi. I hate how understanding he is. Hearing him say all of this is like a free out for me... he's forgiving me, but I can't do the same for myself.

I covered my face with my hands. He has seen me cry before. And he definitely saw worse. Pero ngayon, nakakahiya na nakikita niya ako sa ganitong estado.

I felt the mattress move. Maybe he's leaving the bed. Maybe he forgives but still doesn't want to involve himself in my dramas.

"I forgive you, Cara... I forgive you..."

Lalo akong napahagulgol nang maramdaman ang kaniyang yakap. He's so warm and comfortable. Iouis feels like home.

I never considered myself as lost when we broke up. I'm not that dramatic. But now that I'm in his arms again, it feels like I found my way home.

My face was buried on his chest as he caressed my back. Nararamdaman ko rin ang kaniyang hininga sa tuktok ng ulo ko. And I just want to hug him tight and stick myself to him for the whole night.

I shook my head. This is unfair. Really, really unfair.

I pushed him lightly. Despite knowing that I look like a mess, I raised my head, trying to get away from his hold.

"I'm alright. I'm sorry... for this," nahihiya kong sambit. I turned to the side, looking away, but he hooked a finger on my chin and made me turn back to him. "I know that just because we talked, it doesn't mean that we're okay again. You don't have to comfort me."

His jaw tensed again as his stern gaze bore into me. Tumango rin naman siya at bumalik na sa side niya. Katulad kanina ay malayo na ulit kami sa isa't isa ngunit magkaharap pa rin.

"Alright. But if you'd like, just know that you have the option to... you know... cry on my shoulder," he quickly said the last words in a whisper before looking away. Mukha siyang nahihiya.

I chuckled at his reaction to his own words. "Ang kapal-kapal na talaga siguro ng mukha ko..."

The corner of his lips rose, still not looking at me. "Still pretty, though," I heard him whisper.

It's really amusing how he can make me feel a myriad of emotions in a short span of time. I used to think that his mood and emotions changes quickly. At first, seryoso siya pero bigla-bigla na lang manunukso. And now... it's happening to me too.

Sigurado akong hindi kilig ang nararamdaman ko bago-bago lang!

"Bolero," I whispered back. Napatingin na ulit siya sa akin, nakahalukipkip kahit nakahiga. "Sigurado ka na sa dilang 'yan, wala kang napaibig?"

"Meron," mabilis niyang sagot, may tinatagong ngiti. "Pero iniwan niya 'ko."

Maling tanong, Caramel! Maling tanong! Okay na sana, eh! Sana natulog ka na lang!

I frowned when I heard his answer but immediately remembered that he's looking at me. I forced a smile and looked away. I mean... what am I supposed to do? Ano ba dapat ang isagot ko ngayong alam naming pareho na ako ang tinutukoy niya?

"Now, see? Stop asking questions like that because you're the one who gets affected," aniya.

I wanted to laugh. Nakakatawa na ako nga ang affected! Tangina, Caramel!

Napailing ako sa sarili. "Deserve ko naman 'to—"

"You did what you had to, Cara. Can we please let it go?" He cut me off, now sounding annoyed and frustrated.

Napasimangot ako ngunit tumango rin. I envy his ability to forgive. And how he can remain kind and understanding despite what happened.

"Ang bait mo, Iouis. Hindi mo deserve 'yong sakit na dinulot ko."

I admit, my first impression of him was that he's a heartbreaker. A playboy. A flirt. A tease. Paasa, ganon. And maybe he is, in some ways. But his other traits prevail.

"Hindi naman sa assuming ako pero feeling ko wala kang girlfriend ngayon kasi either nasaktan ka nang todo kaya may trust issues ka..." I trailed off.

"And what?" He raised a brow. "You used either, which means there's another one."

I looked away. Tama nga siya at may isa pa ngunit ngayon ko lang napagtanto na assumera talaga ang labas ko kapag sinabi ko 'yon.

Bilib din ako sa pandinig niya. He could've missed it. Or he could've just disregarded it. But he's so attentive that he even noticed that one word.

"Na baka hindi ka pa naka-move on," mabilis kong sabi na parang nagra-rap, umaasang hindi niya naintindihan. "But either way, I think you deserve a second chance in love, Iouis. And I'm not saying with me, Iouis..."

"What are you saying then?" Now he looks intrigued and amused. Alam kong nakikinig siya ngunit hindi ako sigurado kung sineseryo niya ba ako ngayon.

I sighed and continued, "You're more than what meets the eyes, Iouis. Mukha kang nambababae pero hindi ka ganoon. You deserve to love and to be loved, Iouis. And I'm sorry... again... that I tainted that image love for you."

He pursed his lips and looked away. He looked deep in thought. I wanted to ask what he's thinking about, but I also don't want to pry.

If he's gonna ask me what's going on inside my mind, I would surely not answer too!

"I'll keep that in mind, Cara." 'Yon lang ang sinagot niya.

I waited for him to speak, but he only continued looking at me. Ganoon din ako sa kaniya. Maybe we're both waiting for each other to speak? Pero wala na akong may maisip! Maybe I should just tell him to sleep.

"Though... I thought you read my interview? Didn't I say I'm in a long-term serious relationship? What made you think—"

I scrunched my nose and frowned. Did he really have to bring that topic again? Tangina! Litong-lito na 'ko, Iouis!

"Tss! Fine! Edi ikaw na ang naka-move on at nakahanap ng bago!" I turned to the other side and covered myself with the comforter. Pati mukha ko ay tinabunan ko na rin.

I felt the mattress move again. Next thing I know, I felt a heavy set of arms around me.

"I was kidding. I'm sorry. I don't have a girlfriend. I already told you this, remember?"

Hindi na lang ako sumagot. Oo nga at sinabi niya na 'to noong nasa Palawan kami.

At isa pa, paano ako makakpag-isip nang maayos ngayong dikit na dikit ang mga katawan namin?

"Is this okay? Can we stay like this for now? Just now, Cara."

Napalunok ako at tumango. Siyempre, gusto ko. Pero may isa pa akong gusto... gusto kong malaman kung bakit niya 'to ginagawa?

I miss cuddling with Iouis. Does he feel the same way? Na-miss niya ba 'ko? Pero... pwede ring kailangan niya lang ng init. Umuulan pa naman ngayon kaya mas malamig.

Kahit napasimangot dahil sa mga naisip ay pinikit ko na lang ang mga mata, sinusubukang matulog. Ngunit kahit anong subok ko pa, hindi talaga ako makatulog.

"Iouis," I called.

Hindi kaagad siya sumagot kaya inakala kong nakatulog na siya.

"Yes, Cara?"

"Should I... distance myself from you? Or should I make it up to you?" Napakagat-labi ako habang hinihintay ang sagot niya. My chest fluttered and it's either because of our close proximity or the long stretch of silence. Or maybe both.

"Is your conscience haunting you that much?" He asked back with a sigh.

Imbes na sumagot ay hinarap ko siya. But I realized that I shouldn't have done so because now, our faces are only a few inches away from each other. Alam ko namang nakayakap siya sa akin ngunit ngayon ko lang napagtanto na ganito kami kalapit sa isa't isa.

Tumango ako at ganoon din siya. Sandali kaming binalot ng kahimikan bago siya nagsalita ulit.

"I don't want you to avoid me... and if you'd really like to help, help me with this one," he said.

"With what?" I asked eagerly. His eyes look sleepy and tired but they lit up when he heard my sudden enthusiasm.

"This issue, Cara." Hindi ko pa rin naiintindihan. "My Mom wants me to settle down, but I don't. She's setting me up on dates and I want it to stop."

I feel like I know where this is heading. Hindi niya man sinasabi pa pero malakas ang kutob ko sa kung ano ang gusto niyang mangyari.

"Do you want me to be your pretend girlfriend? 'Yong ka-long-term, serious relationship mo?" Inunahan ko na lang siya dahil mukhang hirap na hirap siya.

He literally looked like he's struggling with his words. 'Yong tipo na dudugtungan niya na lang ang unang sinabi ngunit patuloy lang sa paglunok habang nakatitig sa akin.

He swallowed, his jaw clenching again. I brought my hand to his face, caressing the tensed parts. He was looking at me like a hawk while I did it. And although we're facing each other, I still avoided his gaze.

"I'll do it, Iouis. I'll help you."

Damn... sana hindi ko 'to pagsisisihan.

He nodded. "Alright."

What's next, though?

And as if he read my mind, he spoke, "Let's sleep for now. We'll talk tomorrow."

Tumango ako at saka siya nginitian.

I can't believe how the day went. Pumunta ako ritong single ngunit bukas ay lalabas akong may boyfriend na ulit... or at least, fake boyfriend.

I thought this only happens in the movies where the characters end up together. But truth be told, I'm not worried on how this will turn out. Because one thing is for sure, my agenda is to help Iouis.

If we end up as close friends, I don't mind. Dahil sa ngayon, ang gusto ko lang talaga ay makabawi sa kaniya.