Chapter Eight

Horus took his fill and left in a matter of minutes. Upon his departure, he was looking healthy and glowing as if he'd just come back from some kind of spa retreat. Meanwhile, I had crumpled to the floor, leaning on the wall for support as I sucked in slow, deep breaths. I felt sick to my stomach, like I was going to vomit. The abrupt and forceful feeding left me weak and queasy.

I curled up on the floor and pressed my head against the cold marble of the floor, trying to talk myself through getting up and going back to the event hall. Except everything was spinning and why did the floor suddenly seem so far away, yet cold to my touch?

No...

If I went in there now, Theo would know. He would know instantly something was wrong. He may have been oblivious to the way my people treated me, but there was no way to miss the sick on my face or the muscle weakness. And if mother thought for one second I was unwell, she would definitely make a scene of it. Not on purpose, but that was how she was.

The last thing I needed was someone finding out what Horus was doing.

As if my pantheon would honestly believe I was tricked into this. They were just looking for an excuse to send me out of here again, and this time, I would have nowhere else to go. There was no Greek god waiting to scrape me up off the floor and take me home.

I took another deep breath and used the wall to pull myself up to my feet. I wobbled for a moment, then steadied myself enough to make it to the nearest bathroom. I shut myself inside and went to the mirror, grimacing. Sure enough, my skin was ghostly pale, my eyes missing the little veins, even my gums were pale when I pulled my lip back for a peek. Sighing, I bent over and splashed my face a few times.

A knock at the door startled me and I looked up.

"Occupied," I responded shakily.

"Sept, are you alright?"

Tupac.

I closed my eyes and sought some level of control over my voice.

"Yes." Okay, that was short and sweet and convincing, I thought sarcastically.

"You were gone for quite a while. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Do you need anything?" Tupac asked softly against the door. I closed my eyes and touched my forehead to the door.

There was this... ache. This little ache to open the door, to melt into his arms again, even if all he did was hold me, hold me against him, make me feel like I wasn't falling apart. I wanted to know that someone was there for me.

What a strange desperation.

"No," I answered, my voice under control now, "I'm fine. Just feeling a bit unwell. Perhaps I'll retreat to my room for the day." There was a short pause, almost like Tupac was listening for something, like he was waiting for me to say more, but eventually I heard him sigh.

"Alright, if you're sure. Get some rest... Goodnight." I waited until I heard his footsteps retreat before I finished washing up and left the bathroom. I moved as quickly and silently as I could to my room to avoid being stopped by anyone, not that the servants would stop me.

I finally made it to my room.

"Alright, what the fuck is going on?" I stiffened when I saw Theo sitting inside on my bed. He sat with one leg folded over the other, his arms folded over his chest, an eyebrow raised. I sighed deeply, reaching up to pinch the bridge of my nose before I shut the door behind me.

"And Adonis," I asked, "Won't he need your protection?"

"Trust me, he can kick ass and take names without me," Theo assured, and at my probing stare, he rolled his eyes, "He's safe and sound in our room with the door enchanted. Now quit deflecting. What's going on? Your people are acting weird, your mom's acting weird, that Tupac guy is acting weird. Everything is weird right now and I want to know what's up." I shook my head as I walked over to my wardrobe to dig out something more comfortable to sleep in once I got Theo out of here.

"It's just a family situation. We're sorting it out," I answered casually.

The sound of bottles rattling around inside my drawer had me going still. I turned to see Theo standing by the nightstand now, leaning on it and gesturing to the six or seven bottles inside.

Or was it eight? I lost count.

"Something to do with this?" He asked. I glared at him.

"That is none of your business."

"Hey," Theo said, looking surprisingly hurt by my comment and I quickly looked away to avoid those sad puppy dog eyes, pretending to have a reason to walk to the balcony doors, only to draw the sheers closed instead, "Sept, look at me."

"I don't appreciate you going through my things."

"Yeah, well, I hated it when you dug up my shit too," Theo said, making me grimace, lowering my arms to my sides and Theo sighed, "Can you just come over here and sit down?"

"I would think it's inappropriate for me to sit on a bed with you given that you're seeing someone—"

"Oh. My. God," Theo said slowly, making me roll my eyes as he smirked, "Are you serious? Sept, that's so cute."

"Shut up," I snapped, but Theo was all smiles now as he just patted the bed beside him and I grimaced, glancing at my bedroom door. I was anxious. It was getting late, and I could feel exhaustion creeping in. It was making it hard to focus, making it hard to control my feelings, and it was so much worse with Theo and I alone.

But it was so hard to resist those dazzling sparkling red eyes.

I dropped myself on the edge of the bed beside Theo, who bounced a little and looked at me in surprise for a moment before he frowned.

"Jesus," he said, making me reach up to rub at my face, "Sept, you look like shit."

"I appreciate that."

"No, I mean, you look exhausted," Theo said with his head cocked, "The second I saw you, I thought, when was the last time this fucker took a nap? I never thought I'd say this, but you look pale as shit. I didn't say anything before because I didn't want you to feel like you had to talk with Adonis around. It's just us two now. So. What the fuck is going on? What's with the alcohol? I thought that stopped after you left Hades?" I could feel the flush creeping into my face, embarrassment at being chastised, at not hiding myself better, and for having lied to Theo...

I didn't even know how to answer that. I didn't trust myself, not with my head swimming from Horus's feeding. I blinked a few times, but the room tilted a little and I just pretended to look down at my fingernails, only I was mostly checking to make sure they were all there.

"Is this about us," Theo asked after a moment, making me blink and look up to see him looking down at his hands nervously, "I didn't... I didn't make you do this, did I? Should I not have come?" An abrupt piercing pain cut my chest. I opened my mouth, then closed it because I didn't want my voice to crack when I answered. I started by shaking my head quickly, grabbing Theo's hand and making him look at me with a grimace.

"No, Theo, no, absolutely not— that has nothing to do with this," I assured, but it didn't seem to be making him feel better and I felt an odd renewed sense of panic at that. I immediately let go of Theo's hands, making him look at me with a frown now.

I sat there stiffly, combating that onset of panic that I hadn't felt in ages. That immediate desperation to make things better, the fear of what would happen if I didn't fix it, that Theo didn't deserve to feel unsure, scared, or hurt. I recognized it for what it was, but it was so hard to recall the physical trembles once they started.

"No, it's not us," I said, getting up before Theo could notice. I glanced back at him and he was looking at the floor now. He didn't believe me for a second. That kicked my heart into overdrive.

"It's withdrawals," I blurted, and Theo blinked, then looked up in surprise, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want you to worry, it was stupid—"

"Oh, fuck, that was insensitive," Theo said with a grimace, "Shit, Sept, no, if I triggered some shit—"

"No, no, no, definitely not," I assured, reaching up to rake a hand through my hair as a memory occurred to me as my heart raced with anxiety, "Ah, earlier... I had a drink of whiskey. It must have caught up with me faster than I expected. I'm trying to... avoid it, but I don't want to bother anyone in the kitchen." Theo scowled at that.

"What? Fuck 'em, is that why they're acting like you're the new kid in school? Fuckin' assholes, it's not hard to be a decent person," he said, making me avert my eyes uncomfortably and just nod, "Well. Sorry I opened that can of worms. I get that kinda shit isn't an easy conversation, but I still want you to at least keep me in the loop, okay? I had no idea you were like, detoxing and shit. And don't touch the stuff at all, man, not even a little. Just the tiniest bit can fuck up the whole system. If you want me to like, swoop in and start karate-chopping the servers with those little trays, I am absolutely game. I've always wanted to throw one like a frisbee."

Leave it to Theo to make me laugh in the most serious moments.

"Finally," Theo sighed, making me look at him as I sobered, "I haven't heard a real laugh out of you all day." I cleared my throat and Theo wrinkled his nose.

"Ugh, bet Tupac down there gets to hear you laugh all day long," he said, making me look at him curiously, "What? I love your laugh. It reminds me there's still a person living under all of that stoicism. So, do you spend all day with Tupac?" I wanted to tease him, wanted to ask him if he was being jealous, but the words crumbled up like powder in my mouth and left my tongue dry.

Because even if we teased and joked, I was still the loser walking away with hurt feelings and the cold bald truth that Theo wasn't jealous.

"Of course not," I said, making Theo snort and roll his eyes, "I do not. We've only just met and don't have anything in common anyway."

"How do you know if you've only just met?"

"Because I just do," I replied. Theo snorted again and elbowed me and I elbowed him back. He laughed a little, then leaned his head to the side and rested it on my shoulder. I froze at his affectionate touch, froze at the feelings that erupted from such an innocent gesture. I had never gotten used to Theo being affectionate, because it happened very, very rarely. We didn't often cuddle when we were together, because we weren't entirely sure what that entailed.

Plus, before we established our relationship, Theo wouldn't let me do anything that didn't require harm to him.

Weirdly, it reminded me of Tupac. Despite the rude awakening in the morning, I still had found myself in Tupac's embrace. His face cuddled against me, his arms around me, his leg tucked between mine.

What are you doing?

Giving you a welcome back kiss.

Like it was no big deal.

I was confused.

"Well, all I'm saying is," Theo said at last, lifting his head off me and looking at me, surprising me when he took my hand and gave it a squeeze, "Don't burn any bridges before you've built them, alright? He doesn't seem like a bad guy..." I bit my tongue to keep from answering and just gave Theo the best fake smile I could muster. He didn't look at me too hard, and I wondered briefly if he knew, if he knew it was fake, but he was smiling before I could panic.

"Alright, I'm gonna let you sleep as much detox off as possible, but don't leave me alone with your dad again, cuz he's starting to piss me off. Is it just me or does he have a stick up his ass about Hades? Whatever," Theo shook his head, then surprised me when he came back to my side to give me a firm kiss on the cheek and a rough pat on the other.

"Oh, and I don't know what cologne you're wearing, but it reeks, man," he said, making me blink, then scowl at him, "I smelled it earlier all over the hall and in here too. I know you think it covers up the alcohol smell, but I assure you, it's just stinking up the place." I didn't know what to say to that as Theo departed from the room, closing my door behind him.

Alone in silence, I let myself collapse into bed, gathering the blankets around me as I tried to hide from the cold that was creeping back into my bones.

When Theo left, he took with him what little warmth, what little comfort, remained in my room. Now I was alone in bed, staring at the sheers that gently fluttered in the wind at the balcony. I could feel that creeping feeling up the back of my neck as I tried to focus on the wind, focus on the soft hushed whisper of it against the curtains. I could faintly hear voices in the hallway, the sound of someone arguing, but no words.

Just the mounting frustration I felt myself falling prey to.

Another moment of silence and I couldn't take it anymore. I lunged over the side of the bed and yanked open the drawer, digging out a bottle and rolling back over. I didn't open it, not right away, just held it in my arms as I stared at my bedroom door now.

I didn't need it. I just wanted it to be there, just in case. In case things got too loud, too chaotic, too... painful. I drummed my fingers on the glass bottle, pretending to go for the top, then stroking over the raised gold label to the puckered bottom.

Like foreplay for alcoholics, I thought grimly as I tapped at the gold top that sat snugly over a fat cork. It would only take a second to pop it off, maybe a minute to finish the whole bottle. It was going to taste sweet, because it was wine, not whiskey. Not my usual drink, but the red color attracted me this time around.

So red.

A knock at my door startled me and I gasped, shooting upright and causing the bottle to roll over the side of the bed and crash to the floor, shattering to pieces and red liquid spilling on the floor.

"Shit," I cursed, throwing the covers back and diving to the floor to clean up the mess, "One second!" I threw my drawer closed, the bottles inside clattering, and tore my blanket off the bed, sopping up the mess and shoving it under the bed. There was a frantic panic to my method, not helped by the fact that I couldn't just use magic to make it go away when Horus had taken off with the last of said magic after his last feeding.

I quickly went to the door, expecting it to be Anubis, because who else was going to knock at my door at five in the afternoon?

Except when I opened it, I was surprised to see Tupac standing there, with an arched brow. I was taken aback for a moment seeing him there, briefly remembering Theo's commentary about Tupac seeming like a nice guy. And my heart ached again.

"Hi," Tupac said after a moment as I stared at him in silence, "Theo mentioned you needed help?" I scowled.

"Help?" I asked. Tupac smiled.

"He said something about changing your sheets?" He offered. I felt heat rush to my face as I gripped the door handle hard, fantasizing briefly about throwing Theo into my dad's crocodile pond. I should've known Theo wouldn't show up without causing some kind of drama, and while I appreciated where it was coming from, I wished to gods people would stop meddling in my private life.

"I-I'm fine," I told him, and Tupac just arched a brow, still smiling, like he found the whole thing amusing, "He's just being an ass. Classic Theo." Tupac studied me for a moment, and I watched a frown work onto his face. I looked at him curiously, then froze as he reached out and brushed his knuckles against my cheek.

"Your skin looks pale. Have you eaten today?" He asked. I moved my face away, clearing my throat to try and find some kind of deflection. For some reason, my body moved away from the door, almost as an invitation that Tupac took soon after.

"I'm fine," I said, moving away to give him space to come in. I wasn't sure why I was doing that. This was a stupid idea. No doubt he smelled the spilled wine. No doubt he sensed weakness in my magic, thanks to Horus. I had no idea what incredible stupidity possessed me to let Tupac into my room at that moment.

Glancing at him, I expected commentary about the stink in the room, perhaps something about my appearance, but he was just looking at me and not the room.

"Sept, you keep saying you're fine," Tupac said, making me frown, then stiffen as he approached me, "And I don't want to impose, but I don't think you're fine." I stared at him, confused because how could he possibly know that? I was careful to watch my expressions, my tone of voice, and perhaps my appearance gave away a lot, but surely if I repeated I'm fine enough times, he would get the message and leave, much like everyone else.

And it wasn't that I hated Tupac and didn't want him around.

No, it was quite the opposite, actually, and that scared me.

It had been a very long time since I'd wanted something, someone, in such a way. It was the same little floaty sensation I had gotten in my stomach when I met Theo. The urge to just melt into Tupac's arms, to seek comfort there, to tell him everything that weighed on my shoulders. It was so hard not to feel that way with those dark eyes staring at me intently, his lips parted ever so slightly—

Was he getting closer?

"Uh," I mumbled, watching those lips grow nearer, those hooded dark eyes searching my face. I was trying to remember what my excuse was for his comment, but my mind was drawing a blank as he dipped his head down and captured my lips.

It wasn't rough or demanding. No nipping with fangs.

Just a strangely tender kiss that I wanted more of, and I didn't realize it until Tupac had pulled away to look at me and I blinked my eyes open to stare at him. He smiled, that charming sweet smile that had my heart pooling into a puddle of goo in my chest.

I found myself reaching my arms up around his neck, stepping closer and Tupac had no problem returning the gesture around my waist, drawing me up against him.

This time, I kissed Tupac first.

I had no idea what was possessing me now.

Maybe it was the exhaustion of being drained, socially and magically. Maybe it was that pathetic desperation to be comforted. Maybe I wanted to pretend there wasn't a bunch of bottles of whiskey and wine clattering around in my nightstand every time I sat down beside it.

It suddenly didn't matter.

Horus didn't matter. New Year's didn't matter. Theo didn't matter.

Nothing else mattered.

I sighed against Tupac's lips as he parted them, taking my tongue into his mouth as he swept a hand down to the small of my back, reaching down to cup me, hauling me against his body until I could feel him through our pants. Hard, throbbing, hungry. I felt our teeth clack as the feverish hunger increased, adrenaline pumping. I felt myself backing up toward the bed, my arms still locked around Tupac's neck as he guided me to the bed.

It felt like falling on a cloud as I stared up at Tupac, who hovered over me, his muscular arms propping him up above me, those dark eyes gazing down at me with a look I couldn't quite decipher. A dumb silly part of me hoped it was attraction.

No, maybe that wasn't enough.

Maybe I wanted someone to care, to touch me, to hold me, to comfort me, to...

Love me.

"Sept," Tupac murmured, leaning down so our noses brushed together, his lips hovering just above mine almost teasingly, "What do you want from me?" I parted my lips against his, tasted chocolate and oranges on his breath, tasted the sweet words that bled into every fiber of my being.

Somewhere, in the back of my mind, logic told me this was a bad idea. A very bad idea. A desperation to remind me of my situation; my standing with my father, with my pantheon, with Horus. My inability to let go of a certain redheaded demon. The wine soaked sheets stuffed under my bed. Another dirty secret to hide away.

But once again, I felt like I was being swept away.

Each kiss against my cheek, against my nose, my lips, my temples. Each stroke of his fingers along my jaw, my shoulders, my chest. His breath warm against my face as he kissed me on the cheek, cradling my face against his.

"Tell me what you want, Sept," he whispered.

Love me.

I kissed him instead, and while he accepted that gently, there was an odd hesitation to him now that made my heart sink as he kissed my cheek again.

No, I reminded myself with a sigh as he kissed a trail down my throat.

No. What we had right now was good enough. A good enough distraction for a shitty, shitty beginning to a new year...