His hands wrapped around her thin waist and he breathed deeply her sweet floral scent. Mark's lips brushed against the soft skin on the back of her neck.

"Hey, where you hold up at work?" she asked Mark, leaning into his touch.

"Yeah, sort of. Do you need help?" he replied, looking over her shoulder at the vegetables she was cutting.

"Yes, can you stir the pasta for me?" she asked with a smile. "Do you have anything planned this afternoon? We could watch a movie..." she went on as Mark started stirring the pasta.

"I don't think I have –"

His phone went off and he sighed. Mark gave Sarah an apologetic look and looked at the caller ID, immediately smiling as he saw the name on display.

"So, you haven't forgotten me, huh?" he said with a broad smile. Sarah looked at him amused, not knowing who the person on the other line was but guessing it was a friend.

"Are you being serious? How could I ever forget you?"

"How are you, supermodel?" Mark asked and looked over at Sarah.

"Ashton?" she mouthed and Mark nodded.

"Fine. Busy. I actually just arrived at Portland," Ashton said with a laugh.

"Really? How come?"

"I got a photo-shoot and an interview".

"You wanna meet up? Could you squeeze me in?" Mark asked and listened to Ashton laugh deeply.

"Squeezing you in is my specialty," he mused. "But I'm leaving tomorrow right after the shoot. And I'll be done with the interview in a couple of hours. Maybe tonight for a drink? Sarah should come!"

"Are you up for drinks with Ashton tonight?" Mark asked her over his shoulder.

"Got a shift," she replied, finishing up with cutting the orange bell peppers.

"She can't," Mark said to Ashton. "But I'm down".

"Great. We'll talk right after my interview..." he said and hung up.

"So Ashton's in town," Sarah started.

"For a day," Mark told her.

"Are you going to be okay? I mean, with work and now Ashton... you're not stressing yourself out too much, right? I'm here if you want to talk about anything," she said and rested against the counter next to him.

"I'm not stressing myself out. I'm fine. I'd tell you if I wasn't," he said, his tone sharper than he had wanted. Now she was definitely not convinced.

"I think they're ready..." she said, changing the subject and looking at the boiling pasta.

***

"Jesus Christ, how are you handling that?" Ashton asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I do my thing. I focus on taking pictures. I ignore him, which is fucking ridiculous cause I need to photograph their star striker. We talked today..." Mark said, his voice at last fading. Ashton waited for him to go on but instead, Mark took a bit gulp of his beer.

"You can't leave me at that..." he said, running a hand through his white buzz cut.

"He told me again that he didn't have a choice and that he hasn't moved on and then he– then he tried to kiss me," Mark replied and stared at Ashton.

"Okay, wait... rewind. He told you that he didn't have a choice. He said he still has feelings for you –go figure. And... and he tried to kiss you. Is that all?" he joked, not sure how to process those facts.

"Yeah, just that."

"Just that," Ashton repeated sarcastically. "Are you high or something? How can you be this calm about everything you just told me?!"

"You think I'm calm?" Mark started, voice low and dangerous. "I'm losing my mind. I'm constantly thinking about him and what he told me. I can't stop overanalyzing even the smallest movement he makes. He's driving me mad. And when I'm trying to fall asleep it gets worse because I keep thinking... I keep remembering that time".

"What does your therapist say about all this?" Ashton asked.

"He doesn't know much about the thing with Thomas. He knows I used to date a guy with whom it ended badly... but I didn't say a name or many details about him," Mark said.

"Are you angry with Thomas?"

"I wouldn't say angry. I'm..."

"Still in love with him," a voice growled from behind Mark and both turned to Reese, who was towering over him with a dangerous glare. "Got your text. He tried to kiss you?" he said and sat down next to Mark.

"Hey, Reese," Ashton said over Mark's shoulder smiling at Reese.

"Hey Ash, long time no see," Reese replied with a smile and then stared at Mark again. "Please tell me you stopped him".

"I did. I pushed him away, but I didn't want to..." Mark admitted.

"Mark..." Reese whined placing his head in his palms.

"I know, okay? I know. I have to get over it. Over him. But I can't".

"You can't? It's been seven years. You had so much time to get over him. Why didn't you? Come on, man..."

"Not everyone's like you Reese. Some people find it harder to move on when they get screwed over by the people they love," Mark snapped at him.

"Angela cheated on me two years ago. I don't waste a minute on her anymore. Thomas broke your heart seven whole years ago and you still think you have feelings for him? At this point it's a choice on your part," Reese said.

"I get it..." Ashton spoke up. Both Mark and Reese turned to look at him. "He's your first love. The first person who loved you back. And the reason why you broke up is not because either of you stopped having feelings for each other. It's not because one was unfaithful or because you drifted apart. I get why you're still thinking about him. And I get why you still love him..."

"When are you going to see him again?" Reese asked with a heavy exhale a few moments later. The muscles in his tattooed forearm flexed and he ran a finger down the length of the cold beer glass.

"In two days..." Mark said with a sigh. "But it doesn't matter. I'm with Sarah now. A–and I'm happy. I can't go back to being with him. I don't even know if I want that. I actually don't know what I want..."

"You should figure that out," Reese said and Ashton nodded along. "Sooner rather than later".

***

It was around 4 a.m. when Mark heard the front door open. He had been trying to fall asleep for two hours but eventually, he gave up and sat in his bed looking at that godforsaken picture. Seven fucking years...

"What are you doing still up?" Sarah asked while walking in dragging her feet. She looked exhausted, which was expected as she had just finished a shift at the hospital.

"I'm not fine," Mark told her, letting go of the picture, and looked up at her with sad eyes.

"Mark... what are you talking about?"

A sob broke through him and he covered his face with his palms. Sarah was quick to be at his side, but she refrained from reaching out and touching him. She knew he had a problem with people being physical with him when he was crying. For all, she knew this could have been a panic attack.

"I'm not supposed to love him anymore!" he yelled out. She pulled back, not sitting up from her crouching position. "It's been seven years. I'm with you. I'm not supposed to –" his voice was cut off by a louder sob and a whimper.

"Oh, Mark... you don't love him anymore..." Mark sniffled and looked up at her. "You just love the idea of him. In these past seven years, you've made this image in your head of how great your time with him was".

"It was..." Mark muttered.

"Yes, but it was also a dark time for you. Mark, just before you started dating him you survived two attempts on your life. Your panic disorder was at its worst. You –"

"You think I don't remember that? After Hal and William, I was a mess. Hell, I was a mess from when Ashton left! The only reason that I'm sitting here right now is that that guy was there by my side through that mess," Mark cleared up.

"Yeah and he left you even worse a few months later," Sarah replied, getting tired of having the same conversation with him once again.

"You know it was more complicated than that," he growled and stood up. Sarah sighed and looked at him as he paced.

"We've been through this over and over Mark. I don't know what else to tell you".

"You're right... I'm sorry," Mark muttered and came to a halt. "I think we need to talk..."