35. Holding On and Letting Go
--POE--
Snap Wexley's final shout of terror and defiance pierces my ears. Time slows to a crawl as I watch helplessly from a distance, unable to look away from the explosion of my friend's X-Wing colliding with a Star Destroyer. The cry that tears from my throat leaves my chest feeling ragged and hollow. I hear my name in the screams of my comrades, but their voices sound muffled. Distant.
This is it. This is the end.
"Poe, what now?!"
Mara's voice snaps me out of my horrified daze. I look around, feeling hot tears mix with the sweat on my face, wishing for just an ounce of Leia's bravery and wisdom. Panic seizes my chest and each breath feels like a thousand nails in my lungs.
"My friends, I'm sorry," I choke, voice breaking. My mind goes numb as more explosions send remnants of our fleet careening through the air. Fire consumes my vision. "I thought we had a shot...but there's just too many of them." I'm sorry, Leia. I let you down. I let everyone down. The war is lost and it's my fault.
I hear static again, followed by a familiar and welcome voice.
"But there are more of us, Poe," General Calrissian says. "There are more of us."
Relief courses through me and I push my X-Wing into a wingover maneuver, lifting it over a Star Destroyer to come face-to-face with the largest fleet of non-military craft I've ever seen. Transport ships, freighters, and everything in-between, with more coming out of lightspeed, all formed up behind the Millennium Falcon.
"Look at this," I whisper in awe. "Look at this!"
Lando's triumphant laugh crackles through the comm link, and I hear Finn's cry of joy and relief. "Lando, you did it. You did it!" He cheers, the first of many hopeful voices to fill the comms with shouts of triumph. Renewed determination surges within me as the Falcon passes my ship with a roar. I drop in behind it, heading back into the fray.
"Hit those underbelly cannons with everything you've got! Every one we take out is a world saved!"
The fleet responds to my command with battle cries as they pummel the enemy, taking down one destroyer after another. The Emperor's forces, once appearing indomitable, nearly disappear from view in a swarm of civilian ships and the rapid-fire explosions that engulf the destroyers, one by one, in plumes of smoke that seem to reach into the stars.
Mara's ship appears out of nowhere, cutting me off and firing a final shot at the cannon I'd nearly destroyed, blowing it to smithereens. I can't help but laugh as she drops in beside me and salutes me with a cheeky grin.
"That's another one for me, Dameron. Try to keep up!" She peels away before I have the chance to give a proper middle finger salute in response.
I watch her maneuver around a TIE fighter and take it out like it's nothing. "Nobody likes a show-off, Lieutenant Vali!" I call after her, hearing an amused chuckle through the comms.
I look away when I notice the smaller fireballs that litter the air around me, the broken hulls of ships that float to the ground like dead leaves off a tree. Ordinary people who came to my rescue, our rescue, who will never see their families again. A bitter taste fills my mouth, invisible hands gripping my throat, but Finn's voice pulls me out of my guilt.
"They knew the risks, Poe," Finn reminds me, as if somehow he knew what I was thinking. "They made their choice believing in us wholeheartedly. Don't let their sacrifice be for nothing."
Don't let their sacrifices be for nothing. We have to win. For us, for them, for everyone in the galaxy and for their children, and their children's children.
This stops here and now. It has to.
--BEN--
The Emperor lifts his hands to attack, eyes wide, and we're seized in an invisible grip that yanks me to my knees and sends our lightsabers skittering across the stone floor and out of sight. I brace myself to fight the onslaught of lightning I know is coming.
What hits us instead is far worse.
It lasts only an instant, but the pain is unbearable. Fire races through every nerve in my body, starting in the center of my chest and spreading quickly until it feels as if I've been submerged in the lava seas of Mustafar. Then the fire turns to lead and the only thing holding my body upright is the Force, my weight of limbs suddenly more than I can bear.
The attack stops as quickly as it'd started and the Emperor withdraws as if he'd been hit by a blaster shot. He stares at his hands in wonder, bending each bony finger one by one as they stitch themselves back together.
Impossible. I don't believe what I'm watching, and it appears the Emperor doesn't, either. Severed fingers lengthen as new bone grows and knuckles form, muscle and skin extending and tightening until both hands are healed and whole. He raises them in front of his face.
"The life-force of your bond," he rasps, voice unusually soft, "a dyad in the Force." The healing doesn't stop at his hands, I realize, as what once appeared as paper-thin skin draped over a skull begins to resemble an actual face. "A power like life itself. Unseen for generations. And now..." His gaze moves from his hands to Rey, then to me, with an expression of crazed giddiness. "...the power of two restores the one true Emperor."
Palpatine raises his hands against us once again and the fire resumes, licking a fever through my body while simultaneously draining every ounce of strength I have left. It feels as if an icy fist has dug into my chest and is slowly tugging my beating heart out of my body, pulling every vein with it.
I can see it now, my life force and Rey's, yanked from our individual bodies and joining, weaving around one another like a thread being pulled into the Emperor's outstretched fingertips. I fight to stay conscious, the edges of my vision now black. Rey's sudden shriek of agony consumes me with a different pain and I can no longer tell the difference between sweat and tears tracking down my face. All I can hear is her scream, and the cacophonous laughter of her grandfather.
Blackened, rotting lips fill and regain normal color. Milky-white eyes emerge from sunken sockets, now glowing vivid red. How is it possible, I wonder, that the very thing we thought would destroy him...is actually making him stronger?
I'm so tired...
I need to rest. Just for a moment.
The thread snaps and I fall to the ground in a painful heap. Rey's cries cease immediately. Good. She's unconscious.
My body can't handle any more. My eyes close, unable to find the strength to stay open. I'm completely numb. At last, sleep drifts close enough for me to reach out and grasp it. I drift off, desperate for rest, and the last thing before I slip into sweet nothingness is the Emperor rasping:
"Look what you have made."
The sun beams down on me as I wake, warming my body from a chill I can't recall. Grass billows all around, a gentle breeze whispering softly across the meadow as I take in my surroundings. A short distance away I spot a small crowd, figures whose faces I can't quite make out at this distance.
"Ben," my mother calls, and her face is revealed. On her right stands Uncle Luke, looking more serene than I've seen in years. "Ben, it's almost time."
"Time for what?" I ask, suddenly standing before her.
"What was always meant to be. The fulfillment of the prophecy," Luke explains in a vague manner. "You will see soon enough. It will all make sense."
My mother steps forward and takes my hands in a gentle hold. "Sacrifices are necessary when it comes to matters such as these. Your father knew that. It is something you must also understand if we are to win this war."
"What sacrifice?" I ask, trying to make out the faces around us. They're standing in sunlight, yet something is keeping me from seeing them fully. "Mom, what's happening?"
"We're so proud of you, Ben," Luke whispers with a smile. "You've come so far, and now it's up to you. The galaxy is counting on you to finish what Anakin Skywalker began."
Everything comes back to me. The pain, the Emperor, the bond.
Rey.
"But how? How can we defeat him at full strength?" Desperation laces each word. A silvery haze settles over the meadow and my mother's face begins to fade.
"You will know. Let the Force guide you," Luke says, voice sounding far away.
"What about Rey?"
My mother regards me with a knowing smile. "Rey is on her own journey, my son. Trust her to find her way. I love you."
I close my eyes and the vision fades into nothing.
Awareness creeps back in as I slowly come out of the black fog. My fingers and toes twitch, but I am unable to move much else. The sharp taste of metal fills my mouth. Blood, I realize after a moment. I come back to reality as I try to figure out where Rey is. My head is throbbing as if I'd taken a beating from the inside. There's something else, deeper. A nagging feeling that skirts just out of reach.
My eyes open and I see the ceiling of the cavernous throne room, flashes of cannon fire from the sky above visible through cracks in the jagged rock. With much effort and pain I'm able to turn, ever so slightly, and find Rey still unconscious on the stone floor beside me. I look around and the Emperor is standing over me, gleaming scarlet eyes watching my every move like a predator, lips twisted in a snarl.
My body protests as I shove myself first onto one knee, then the other, finally standing as tall as I can manage before Palpatine. His sneer deepens as he regards me.
"So much like your father," he chuckles, his voice sending a chill down my spine. "Always too stubborn to know when he's lost. Such stupidiy; such wasted potential. You were strong, Kylo Ren, but you were too stupid to wield your strength properly."
One hand reaches out as if extending for a hand shake. My body rises in the air once more. I don't have the strength to suffer through another soul-sucking attack. Panic grips my heart in ice when I realize I won't be able to protect Rey after Palpatine finishes me off. I can't let it end here. It can't. I have to atone.
The Emperor brings my body closer to his, rotting breath hitting my face as he speaks. "As once I fell," he hisses, "so falls the last Skywalker!" With a flick of his hand I'm tossed through the air, scrambling desperately for something to stop my descent toward the enormous opening in the floor. My back slams against a rock and I cry out, the pain bringing tears to my eyes as I fall helplessly into the abyss.
Rey, I'm sorry.
--LUKE--
The pull is stronger than ever now. I feel it: the Force calling me home. I don't feel fear, or grief, or an ounce of hesitation. I'm ready, and when I glance over at my sister, I can tell she is, too. She holds out her hand and I take it, squeezing, conveying all my love to her in that one touch. The tears in her eyes glisten when she looks at me. She thinks of Ben, but also of her duty. She accepts her fate.
"It's time," she whispers. I nod.
We close our eyes.
--REY--
Consciousness comes back to me slowly and quite painfully. I'm aware first of a vibration in the stone beneath me, like a herd of animals moving across the floor. My grandfather's voice rattles in my head but I can't make out the words he's speaking. Above, the sounds of battle rage on, accompanied by frequent flashes of light.
"Do not fear that feeble attack, my faithful," I hear the Emperor rasp. "Nothing will stop the return of the Sith!"
Intense electricity fills the air, raising every hair on my body. I muster enough strength to open my eyes, immediately wishing I hadn't. My vision is consumed by lightning, travelling from Palaptine's upward-reaching hands, through the open ceiling, and out into the air above. I watch in horror as it strikes my friends' ships, sending them into uncontrolled, rapid descents toward the planet's surface.
I can't move. Ben is nowhere to be seen and I can only pray he got away safely. My ears are ringing painfully, my body still aching from the pain it endured only a short time ago. A single tear escapes my eye, leaving a cold path down my face. One by one our ships fall, crashing in explosions that rock the planet. All I can do is watch as the future we'd all worked so hard for goes up in flames.
Then I hear Luke's voice through the chaos of battle, over the shrieks of the Sith.
I stare out into the stars, beyond the war, and everything else fades away. I reach out. I can almost see them now, and their voices are growing near.
"Be with me," I whisper, pleading, over and over. "Be with me."
Then they're with me, and I know them. Their presence is comforting and invigorating all at once. My strength begins to return as they speak through the Force.
"These are your final steps, Rey. Rise and take them."
"Rey."
"Rey."
"Rey."
"Bring back the balance, Rey, as I did."
"In the night, find the light, Rey."
"You're not alone, Rey."
"Alone, never have you been."
"Every Jedi who ever lived, lives in you."
"The Force surrounds you, Rey."
"Let it guide you."
"As it guided us."
"Feel the Force flowing through you, Rey."
"Let it lift you."
"Rise, Rey."
"We stand behind you, Rey."
"Rey."
"Rise in the Force."
Their voices and strength flow into me and I roll over, grunting with the effort, finally pushing my body off the ground.
"In the heart of a Jedi lies her strength."
I grit my teeth and shove myself onto my knees, crying out against the pain.
"Rise."
"Rise."
I'm panting, sweating, struggling to stand, then I hear Luke's voice ring out louder and clearer than all the rest.
"Rey, the Force will be with you, always."
I can't feel any pain now. Strength fills my veins as the Force surges within me, and I feel all the Jedi within me. I'm not alone. I stand without faltering and face the Emperor, steeling my resolve, summoning my lightsaber with ease. It ignites, bathing my enemy's face in its light. Anger and fear surge within me, but I control them, maintaining a balance of my emotions. I know who I am now, and what I'm capable of without tapping into my hatred and rage.
The lighting ceases and Palpatine watches me, an amused sneer on his twisted face. After a moment, however, the amusement fades and leaves nothing but contempt in its wake.
"Such a shame," he hisses, "to waste a perfect gift like the one I offered. You could have ruled the galaxy, if you'd only said yes." He stands from his throne, glowing eyes narrowed at me. "Let your death be the final word in the story of rebellion."
He lifts his hand and some instinct that isn't my own lifts my lightsaber to deflect the lightning. I struggle against the power, using every muscle in my body to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Sparks fly, stinging painfully against my skin, but I don't give in. I'm able to keep his attack at bay, but I'm not sure how long I can keep it up.
Palpatine steps forward, teeth gritted, and increases the pressure on me. "You are nothing!" He shrieks. "A scavenger girl is no match for the power in me." Another step forward and I falter, the heat of the lightning searing the fingers wrapped around my hilt. "I am all the Sith!"He cries, voice piercing my ears.
I grunt, adjusting my grip on my lightsaber, tasting blood in my mouth, feeling it drip into my eyes.
Then Ben is there, beaten and bloodied but alive and whole, and I feel I could cry with relief.
"And we," Ben growls, summoning his own lightsaber, "are all the Jedi."
His saber ignites and our blades meet in a cross before us, and for the first time I see fear in the molten red eyes of the Emperor. The Dyad flows around us, weakened but thrumming with energy, and we take a step toward Palpatine together.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn, locking eyes with a smiling Anakin Skywalker. Behind him and all around us appear one Jedi after another until Ben and I are surrounded by blue figures, their hands outstretched toward us, lending their strength. Their voices echo in my mind, urging me on. I don't have to ask; I can feel Ben listening to them, too.
Another step forward, slowly, then another, and another. We push on, fighting against the pain, the exhaustion, the utter power we are up against, until Palpatine's hood is blown backward and his lightning is turned on him. Bit by bit he's destroyed, and we don't let up. His pained howls claw at my ears, but still we press on, fighting until at last his body is consumed by flashes of eletricity and he vanishes in an explosion of light. Strikes rain down from the ceiling, the aftermath of such a violent end, and the very planet shudders around us.
Jagged rocks fall from the ceiling as it caves in, crushing the hooded figures before they can make their escape. The cavern falls into silence as the last of their cries fade into nothing.
I look at Ben and he looks at me, both unsure of what to think. I turn in a slow circle, watching as the Jedi disappear one by one with expressions of pride and acknowledgement on their faces. As they depart, so does their strength, and I feel my consciousness slipping away. A new feeling replaces the relief I'd just felt. It feels...I can't pinpoint it.
"The Force," Ben coughs, swaying beside me. I reach out to steady him but my hands drop to my side instead, my lightsaber clattering to the ground. "It's calling us home," he finishes.
"I see," is my only reply. Acceptance of my fate. I've done my duty. My body feels light now. The pain is gone. "We can let go now," I realize aloud.
I'm not sure how it happens but I find myself lying on the ground once more, staring into the sky, watching as my friends finish off the ruined fleet of the Emperor as the world fades into white. Ben is beside me. I feel him, sense him slipping away.
"It's okay," he whispers through the bond. He sounds far away now. "I love you."
"I know."
--LEIA--
I reach out through the Force, feeling the moment Ben begins to fade. He brought balance to the Force, just as I knew he would. I close my eyes and when they open again I'm standing in the ruins of a cavern, my boy's broken body lying beside Rey's on the ground, wearing the most serene expression I've seen on his face since he was a child. He's finally at peace.
Luke kneels beside Rey, placing his hand on her stomach. Her eyes are shut, body still save for a shallow breath every few moments. "I'm proud of you, kid," he whispers, tears falling onto Rey's shirt. "I hope you find happiness in your new life."
Little by little the wounds on her body stitch themselves shut. Her breathing returns to normal, and my brother's form begins to fade.
I place my hand on Ben's cheek, wishing I could really touch him once more. "I love you, son. Let yourself heal. Be happy." I lean over him and press a kiss to his bloodied forehead, closing my eyes as the cuts start to heal.
Luke and I stand together and look up into the stars, then at each other once more. "See you on the other side?" Luke asks, winking at me.
I smile and squeeze his hand, satisfied with the life I've lived. Stars swirl around us in the room, a myriad of lights and colors dancing through my vision. The Force welcomes me and I feel nothing, then everything at once.
I'm home.
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