CHAPTER 28

NAGPAPASALAMAT SI HAPPY na hindi na siya panay ngiwi tuwing gumagalaw siya. Kahit nakahiga siya kahapon ay sumasakit ang pagkababae niya tuwing sinusubukan niyang igalaw ang mga hita. And she even had a fever yesterday! At ang rason lang naman ay dahil sa nangyari sa kanila ni Blaze.

She had small lacerations on her vagina walls, as her doctor, Dra. Czarina Stroam pointed out when she visited her, as per Blaze's request.

Why did Blaze had to be insatiable? And why did she let him? Now, she was in pain because of having sex! Who would have thought that sex could give her a fever?

Tiningnan niya nang masama si Blaze na nakasandal sa hamba ng pinto ng kuwarto nito.

"What are you looking at?" tanong niya. "You look guilty."

"Because I am. I'm sorry?" Then he showed her a box of cheese tart.

Napasimangot siya. "It's cheese tarts. Bina-blackmail mo ako."

"Again, I'm really sorry," sabi nito, saka naglakad palapit sa kanya at umupo sa gilid ng kama. "I should have known that this will happen because it was your first time, and I wasn't gentle and we did it a lot of times. I'm really guilty, baby. Hindi ko na uulitin."

Dahan-dahan siyang bumangon at agad siyang inalalayan paupo ni Blaze. "It's okay. Ginusto ko naman. Pero hindi mo na talaga uulitin? That's nice—"

"Only one sex a day," Blaze cut her off. "Okay na sa akin 'yon."

Natawa si Happy habang nakahilig sa headboard ng kama. "Big help naman 'yong gamot na inireseta sa akin ni Dra. Stroam. Hindi na masyadong painful ang katawan ko like yesterday and medyo kaya nang gumalaw ng mga hita ko na hindi ako nahu-hurt. But shit, every time I pee, I wanna kill you!"

Blaze looked really guilty. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

Inungusan niya ito. "That will not work on me."

"I know. But I'm still gonna say it. I love you." Blaze intertwined their hands together. "How are you feeling today?"

"Still sore," sagot niya. "A little." Then she opened her mouth. "Cheese tart please?"

Agad naman siyang sinubuan ni Blaze. Nang matapos niyang nguyain 'yon at lunukin ay nagtanong siya. "Ano pala ang sinabi mo kina Tita Beth and Lucky?"

"You have a flu." Tumaas ang sulok ng mga labi nito. "Hindi naman nila alam na may pumunta ritong doktor. Nasa labas sila lahat maliban kay King, pero hindi naman 'yon lumalabas sa kuwarto niya."

"That would be embarrassing if malaman nila."

Tumawa lang ang loko, saka nahiga sa gilid ng kama, sa tabi niya, at yumakap sa baywang niya.

"Happy?"

"Hmm?"

Tiningala siya ni Blaze dahil ang ulo nito ay ka-level lang ng baywang niya. "I love you."

He kissed his forehead. "I'm getting there."

Blaze just smiled and didn't demand anything from her. Humigpit lang ang hawak nito sa kamay niya at hinalikan ang likod niyon.

"Hindi na natuloy ang date natin," may paghihimutok na sabi ni Blaze. "Duty ko na sa makalawa. Mawawalan na naman ako ng oras sa iyo. I hate it."

"Okay naman na siguro ako tomorrow. I can walk na," sabi niya na umaasa. "Just no sex... please?"

"Of course. I'll give you one week to recover and then we'll make love again. Gently this time and not so many rounds."

Napailing siya. "One week? So kind of you, my big baby," puno ng sarkasmo niyang sabi.

Blaze chuckled. "I know, right? Kind is my middle name."

She shook her head and using her free hand, she started combing his hair. "How's Midnight cell phone by the way?" It had been two days now.

"Still on process. It's not just one encryption, baby, it has six." Blaze tsked. "Track is down to the last three. He's having a hard time cracking it but he'll get there."

Napatango-tango siya. "That's a good news."

"It is." He opened her eyes and looked up at her again. "Wanna hear another good news?"

"What?"

"I already made an appointment and it's all set. You'll have your whole-body scan next week."

That made her smile. "Sana wala akong sakit."

"Sana..." Blaze just couldn't help it, he kissed her thighs and belly before looking at her. "I'm sorry again. And I love you."

Hinalikan lang niya ito sa noo bilang sagot. Napangiti siya nang yakapin siya nito.

"Baby?"

"Hmm?" she replied.

"Mag-iisang linggo ka na rito, aalis ka ba? Hindi ba one week lang ang plano mong manatili rito?"

Umiling si Happy. "No. There's so much going on here that I need to know."

"So, if there's nothing going on here, you'll leave?"

She moved her body to lay on the bed and made Blaze's arm her pillow. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Hell, no," agad nitong sabi.

"Then I'm not leaving," sabi niya, saka isiniksik ang katawan sa katawan ni Blaze. "I actually like it here. My sister is here... you're here. I miss Dad though... but, ahm... leaving feels like it's not an option anymore."

"Then don't leave." Niyakap siya nang mahigpit ni Blaze. "Don't leave me. I know I'm asking a lot but I'll make it up to you."

Happy cupped his face and looked into his eyes. "Blazey, in our relationship right now, I'm not going anywhere without you. I mean, 'di ba nag-talk na tayo about this? Give and take? Susubukan natin, 'di ba? And this is it. Paano natin malalaman if we're meant to be kung aalis ako, 'di ba? You made it pretty clear to me that life is short not to risk it, remember?"

Blaze smiled. "I love you. That's all I can say."

Ngumiti siya, saka niyakap nangg mahigpit ang kasintahan. "I'm staying. For you."

"That's the closest thing to I love you too from you," wika ni Blaze, saka humigpit pa ang yakap sa kanya.

At sa paglipas ng mga minuto, namalayan niyang nakatulog na pala ito.

Hinayaan niyang matulog nang mahimbing ang kasintahan. Dahil sa lagnat niya, hindi maayos ang tulog nito dahil inaalagaan siya.

At dahil hindi naman siya inaantok, inabot niya ang cheese tart, saka inumpisahang kainin 'yon. Hanggang sa naisipan niyang subukan kung kaya na niyang maglakad nang hindi sumasakit ang pagkababae niya.

Maingat siyang bumangon at iniapak ang paa sa carpeted floor, saka dahan-dahang tumayo.

Napakagat-labi si Happy nang maramdaman na naroon pa rin ang kirot pero kaya na niya ang sakit. Sinubukan niya ang humakbang at medyo napangiwi siya.

Yes. There was definitely pain. But it was bearable now. Sa ngayon, magpapahinga na muna siya para agad siyang maka-recover at para matuloy na ang date nila ni Blaze bukas.

Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama at nilingon si Blaze. Masuyo siyang napangiti habang nakatingin sa lalaki. He had been patient with her. Not demanding I love you too from her. And he really took good care of her yesterday.

Napatigil si Happy sa pagtitig sa maamong mukha ni Blaze habang mahimbing na natutulog nang makitang umiilaw ang screen ng cell phone niya na nasa bedside table. Naka-silent 'yon kaya walang ingay.

Tumayo siya at tiniis ang kirot para kunin ang cell phone, saka tingnan kung bakit 'yon umiilaw.

It was an unregistered number.

Sinagot pa rin niya iyon kahit hindi kilala ang tumatawag.

"Hello? Who is this?" Bahagya siyang lumayo sa kama baka magising si Blaze sa boses niya.

"H-Happy? I-is that you?"

Napakunot ang noo niya sa parang nanginginig na boses ng babae sa kabilang linya. "Who's this?"

"I-It's me, baby. Don't you remember my voice?"

Lalong lumalim ang pagkakakunot ng noo niya. "I'm sorry but I don't know you. Could you please tell me who you are to jog my memory?"

Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago ito sumagot. "My name is Helena. Can we meet in a restaurant or café? I'm here in the Philippines. I just wanna see you and talk to you, Happy. Please?"

Umupo siya sa pang-isahang sofa. "I'm sorry but I don't know you."

"I know, but I know your father." May panginginig pa rin sa boses ng nasa kabilang linya na para bang nagpipigil itong huwag umiyak. "We'll meet in the open. With many people. You can even bring someone with you. Please... I just wanna see you."

The woman was really begging and for some reason, she wanted to agree to meet her.

But what if something bad happened? What if this woman wanted to hurt her? Ilang beses na siyang nabaril para malamang huwag magpadalos-dalos, lalo na sa mga taong hindi niya kilala.

"Please, Happy? I beg you. Please?" The woman was sobbing now. "If you can, I want to meet you now. I'm running out of time, baby. I'm running out of time."

Sa halip na sumagot, pinatay niya ang tawag at napatitig sa screen ng cell phone. And then she received a message from the same number containing an address and time.

First was Midnight's disappearance, that deleted file on Midnight's flash drive, the encrypted files on his phone, Blake and Blaze being part of something together with Midnight. Her dad keeping someone from her and now this.

What was going on? This woman seemed to know her and her dad. She even called her "baby."

She was confused while thinking deeply. Hinahalungkat niya ang isip niya kung ano ba ang nangyayari pero wala talaga siyang nakuhang sagot.

Kaya naman tinawagan niya ang ama. When he didn't answer, she texted him.

Do you know a woman named Helena? She wants to meet me. She said she knows you.

Ilang minuto ang hinintay niya pero walang sagot mula sa ama.

Kumuyom ang kamay ni Happy Alam niyang mahal siya ng daddy niya pero bakit parang pakiramdam niya inabandona siya nito? Dahil ba sanay siyang nasa tabi niya ito palagi?

She was dragged out from her reverie when she heard a loud groan coming from the bed.

Agad siyang napalingon sa kasintahan at nakita itong pabaling-baling habang pinagpapawisan. Kunot ang noo at nakakuyom ang kamay.

Nightmare!

Kahit masakit ang pagkababae niya, tinakbo niya ang distansiya mula sa sofa patungong kama para gisingin si Blaze.

"Blaze! Blazey!" sigaw niya habang niyuyugyog ang balikat nito. "Blazey!"

After calling his name five times more he finally opened his eyes that was filled with fear. And when he saw her, he immediately hugged her so tight.

"Don't leave me. Please don't," he whispered while catching his own breath.

Hinagod niya ang likod ng lalaki. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Pinakawalan siya ni Blaze sa mahigpit na yakap, saka may pag-aalala at may takot na hinilamos ang mga palad sa mukha bago tumingin sa kanya. "I had a bad dream. Nalaman mo raw ang nakaraan ko at iniwan mo ako. You left me," he whispered. "Fuck!"

Umangat ang kamay niya para masuyong haplusin ang pisngi ng kasintahan. "Blaze, look at me."

He did.

"It's just a dream," pagpapakalma niya rito. "I'm here. I'm not leaving you."

"Keeping my past from you is giving me nightmares. Kahit malaman mo ang nakaraan ko, hindi ka aalis?" may pagdududa nitong tanong. "You already left me once."

"Blazey, When I agree to commit, I also agreed to stay with you. To make this work. Pero if you don't want na sabihin sa akin ang nightmare mo, that's okay. Everyone is entitled to keep things to themselves. I understand and respect that. Pero kung like mo ng kausap, I'm just here."

Blaze's face fell. "Matatanggap mo pa rin kaya ako? Will you not look at me differently?"

She was confused but she didn't want to force Blaze to tell her his nightmares. "Blazey, you don't have to tell me."

He looked down. "But I hate keeping secrets from you, I'm serious about this relationship, Happy. I'm serious about you... but this one... I'm afraid to come clean to you. You'll leave. I'm sure of it."

"Try me," sabi niya sa malambing na boses. "But only if you want to."

Blaze looked at her in the eyes for a long minute before he spoke. "I've killed someone before."

Happy took a deep breath. What Blaze said didn't come as a shock because he was a doctor and sometimes patients died. "Who?"

"I forced myself to forget their names."

"Your patients?"

Blaze stilled before shaking his head. "Not patients, Happy. But bad people."

Her eyes widened as realization sunk in. "What are you telling me, Blaze?"

"I'm a doctor who save lives but the truth is, I end lives too. And I'm afraid to tell you that part of my past. Baka matakot ka sa akin at iwan mo ako. I'm not a good man, Happy, though I tried to be. And now, with you, I'm trying even harder to be one. My life was fucked up. When I lost Mom and Cassie, I wanted revenge and justice because the law couldn't give it to me. And that's what we did. Me and Blake. We let the organization use us to kill for them and be their spies. In return, they will help us get the justice we wanted.

"Remember when I told you that I was a drug dealer too, a killer, a pimp and more? It's all true, Happy. But I don't kill for fun. I kill for a reason and I know my reason doesn't justify what I've done but that's all I got. My reason and what I believe in. For Mom and Cassie's justice. I know I shouldn't have put justice in my hand but losing someone you love brutally." Napailing ito. "I just can't let them get away with it. I just can't. I have to make them pay."

"How many have you killed?" she asked.

"Hindi ko na mabilang sa dami," bulong ni Blaze at nagbaba ng tingin na parang kinakahiya nito ang ginawa. "They say that in each kill, you'll feel less conscience... it's true. Every life I took, it shredded away a small part of my soul and my humanity until it slowly broke me, together with losing Cassie, it really broke me apart. I joke around with people because that's my escape. Yes, I was not okay but I decided to be fine even when I'm not. For my brother, I promise to myself that I'll do it right, with a smile. But it's a fake smile.

"And then..." He looked at her and smile softly. "You came along, you made me happy again and I got addicted and lost at the same time. And I made some mistakes with you, I know. But you saved me from breaking down, Happy. You pulled me from my breaking point... And my exhaustion, it fades away when you're with me. You give me a reason to live longer and be happy."

This man... he was really on his breaking point when she met her. That was why he wanted her to stay before and now he was afraid that she might leave again.

Blaze smiled softly at her. "When I get to know Happy Quinn, you became the answer and a cure to my pain. It's like you give me my life back and it may not be right but my world revolves around you now and I can't stop for being crazy over you. And I don't know if I can take another pain again. I was only able to free myself from pain and anguish because of you... because you are the answer and the cure to this broken man's affliction."

Titig na titig si Happy Kay Blaze habang nagsasalita ito. Nakikita niya ang pag-aalala sa mga mata nito. Pag-aalala na baka umalis siya at iwan ito sa mga pinagtapat nito sa kanya.

Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga, saka pinagsalikop ang kamay nilang dalawa. Pinisil niya ang kamay nito. "Blazey, I won't judge what you did in the past. You have your reasons and it may not justify what you did but... for some reason, I don't really care. I don't even know why I don't care." Napapailing na natawa siya nang mahina. "Dapat nga tumakbo na ako ngayon palayo sa iyo sa mga nalaman ko pero... hindi ko magawa. Gusto kong mag-stay sa tabi mo kasi para sa akin, I know that you're a good man, Blazey. An amazing brother to Blake and Bailey, you are very good to Lucky and a good son to Tita Beth. My mind is still trying to wrap around the fact that you have killed before... but I'm not gonna leave you for that reason. Susubukan natin, 'di ba? And this is it. This is our relationship. Not perfect like both of us but we'll work it out."

Tumango si Blaze, saka niyakap siya nang mahigpit habang nakasubsob ang mukha nito sa leeg niya. "Thank you... thank you, Happy. For not leaving me."

Hinaplos niya ang buhok ng kasintahan nang maramdamang nabasa ang leeg niya.

He's crying.

"Sshh... kasasabi ko pa lang na I won't leave you bakit ka umiiyak?"

"Tears of relief, I guess." Blaze chuckled; his face was still buried on the hallow of her neck. "I feel like I can breathe now because you didn't judge me."

"Who am I to judge?" She kissed his shoulder while still caressing his back. "Only God gets to do that. And God forgives too, so, ahm, maybe we should go to church sometimes, let's both ask for forgiveness. We all made mistakes after all. And then mag-pray tayo na sana makaya natin itong commitment na pinasok natin."

Blaze pulled away while nodding. "Yes. Let's do that."

She smiled and dried his damp cheeks. "Stop being a big baby..." Napatigil siya sa pagsasalita, saka napailing. "No, you're not a big baby. I mean, knowing your past, I'm having a hard time na paniwalaan na big baby ka."

Blaze smiled before leaning in and kissing her lips, the tip of her nose, her cheeks and her jaw. "I'm still your big baby, Happy. And I'm only like this to my family so... when you see me with my friends and I'm all badass looking, don't worry about it. I'll be a big baby when I'm with you." Then he pouted at her. "Kiss me back?"

Mahina siyang natawa. "Yep. You're a big baby."

"I'm your big baby."

Happy rolled her eyes and was about to kiss Blaze when her phone's screen lit up.

It was the same unknown number.

"Hindi mo ba sasagutin?" tanong ni Blaze na nalukot ang mukha dahil nabitin ang halikan nilang dalawa.

"Nakausap ko na siya kanina noong tulog ka. Her name is Helena and she wants to meet with me. Sabi niya know niya ang daddy ko."

"And?"

Umiling si Happy. "I don't know. Baka mapahamak ako if we meet. I mean, I don't want to get shot at again."

"Gusto mo, samahan kita?"

"Okay lang sa iyo na makipag-meet ako kahit hindi ko kilala?"

Blaze nodded. "You look bothered and I can see it, you wanna meet her too. Don't worry, I can protect both of us."

Happy took a deep breath. "Like niya now na."

"Kaya mo na bang maglakad?"

"A little."

"Sige." Umalis sa kama si Blaze at tinungo ang closet nito. "What do you want to wear? Ako na ang kukuha."

"A simple dress will do," sagot niya.

Ilang minuto rin si Blaze sa closet at nang lumabas, nakapagbihis na ito ng itim na T-shirt at naka-rugged jeans. Lumapit ito sa kanya at napangiti siya nang ito ang naghubad sa damit niya at binihisan siya.

"Aww... my boyfriend is so sweet."

Kinindatan lang siya nito, saka isinuot ang flat shoes sa paa niya. Pagkatapos ay pinangko siya nito paupo sa harap ng vanity mirror para mag-ayos.

"You're already pretty to me but I know you wouldn't like to go out looking pale." He kissed his cheeks. "Do your girl thing."

Natatawang nag-ayos si Happy. Hinayaan niyang nakalugay ang buhok niya, kaunting lagay ng pressed powder sa mukha at tamang blush on, saka naglagay siya ng lipstick.

"Is that kiss proof?" Blaze asked while tying his shoelace. "I heard from the nurses in the hospital that there is something like that. Gusto kong walang pumipigil sa akin kapag gusto kitang halikan. So that better be kiss proof, baby."

Mahina siyang natawa.

Tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa sofa si Blaze, saka tumingin sa kanya. "Alis na tayo?"

Tumango si Happy, saka tumayo habang hawak ang clutch bag. Maglalakad sana siya pero pinangko siya ni Blaze palabas ng kuwato.

"Save your energy later outside," sabi nito.

She smiled. "Thank you."

Ngumiti lang si Blaze habang maingat na naglalakad patungo sa garahe. Maingat siya nitong isinakay sa sasakyan nito, saka umikot patungo sa driver's seat.

Ibinigay niya ang address ng restaurant kay Blaze bago sila umalis kaya nagtaka siya nang tumigil ang kotse nito sa Café Lila. Ang café kung saan siya nito binibilhan palagi ng cheese tart.

"Bakit dito?" tanong niya kay Blaze habang inaalis ang seat belt.

"Text or call her," utos nito sa kanya. "Sabihin mong makikipagkita ka lang sa café na napili mo. It's safer this way."

Agad niyang nakuha ang ibig sabihin ni Blaze. It was a bit safer because they were here first.

Nagpadala siya ng mensahe kay Helena bago sila pumasok sa café at nag-order.

They waited for an hour before a woman walked into the café and went to her and Blaze's table.

Pinakatitigan niya ang babae. She looked familiar... she even felt familiar.

"Are you Helena?"

Tumango ang babae.

"Have a seat," sabi ni Blaze na pinaghugot ng upuan ang ginang.

"Why do you want to see me?" agad niyang tanong nang makaupo ito.

Her teary eyes looked at her. "I was hoping that you'll remember me once you see me. I know it's been a long time and you were so little back then."

Happy frowned. "You look familiar but I can't tell who you are."

A tear fell from her eyes. "Don't you really remember me, Happy? Not even my name? We used to play together, remember?"

Umiling siya. "I don't. I'm sorry."

Helena smiled while tears are streaming down her face. "Happy, it's Mommy... I'm your mom."

CECELIB | C.C.