Silence.
That's all we need, me and Austin, we just need complete
Silence.
We don't even have to talk to each other to make our selves comfortable, I mean I put my head on his shoulder, he puts his head on my head. And we just sit in a very comfortable silence and it feels amazing. But when we think the silence is to much we start talking, and it's STILL comfortable. Even on the touchy subjects, I mean we are VERY careful on what we are saying but, it seems like we have known each-other for years, and I know his secrets, he knows some of mine. He doesn't know I get abused but I think he has an idea about me getting bullied, I could tell he wants to talk about it but I always skip the question. I don't want to tell him about me being bullied and I DEFIANTLY don't want to talk about me getting abused! I mean I know I have to talk about it soon! But I know I can't, he means so much to me, I've just got him as a friend and I don't want to scare him away with all my troubles and stuff, I don't want him to go hating me too. Bloody hell it would KILL me if he started hating me I would probably kill myself, I mean he's my friend and when someone is my friend during my depression I don't let them go, as much as it sounds weird and creepy but you don't know HOW desperate! I am to at least have 1 friend, I mean I would even accept a half friend. You know a person who comes in and out of your life? I would even kill to have one of them! That's how desperate I am! I mean I was like this with Izzy, I loved Izzy and when I mean I loved her, I mean I LOVED her. Yes, I was kinda gay for her, I told her eventually and it turned out she liked me! Oh how happy I was I didn't even know! Until she dumped me and left me for Sally (Not in a relationship way!) it hurt so, so bad I hung myself. Sadly, the rope snapped, and then my Dad found me and that's when the "You're Fat!" Business started. I wished my Mom never died, my Dad wouldn't be drinking and he wouldn't be hitting me! I sometimes blame my Mom, but when I wake up in the morning I feel so, so, so bad for what I say about her so I purposely get myself into trouble at school and I would purposely get bullied, as stupid and restarted as it sounds. I would tell myself that I deserved it for what I said about my Mom, but now I have Austin, and I am never letting him go. I would tie him in my basement if he was gonna leave me....okay that's a little far but I think you get my point. All I'm saying is, I like Austin! There! It's been 3 months since me and him have been friends and I like like him! And I feel so fucking scared! I stutter every time we talk about love or boyfriends, girlfriends, valentines day! And when I spend time with him I get dizzy and my stomach does fricken front flips man! And when he looks at me, I just wanna grab his face and kiss him! Ohhh I like him so much! That's why i would tie him in a basement if he tried to leave me, I don't want to let him go, I don't want him to leave me like Izzy and my Mom did...cause if he did...I would just be a Broken Girl who only knows how to walk on this stupid planet.