That's how it is for a Soldier


A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf, who was a huge help with this chapter.


Scene opens on an undisclosed military base where two guards are pulled into the shadows. After a few seconds you and Loona step out in your human disguises and wearing the guards' uniforms. You take glances at each other.

Y/N: (thinking) That uniform hugs her curves nicely and is snug in all the right places.

Loona: (thinking) Got DAYUM, his muscles look sexy in that camo!

You two notice a couple Humvees pulling in and out of them steps a senator and a few generals, your targets.

Loona: That's them.

You two, playing the part of the guards, approach and introduce yourselves.

Y/N: Senator Legweak, generals, welcome to base.

Legweak: Whatever, let's get this shit over with. I have to address the public and weave one of my lies for them. (to Loona) Hey there, good looking.

He goes to smack her on the ass but Loona grabs and twists his arm.

Loona: Look with your eyes, not with your hands.

She lets go and Legweak rubs his arm.

Legweak: Crazy bitch!

The generals make lewd comments, which pisses you off.

General 1: Wouldn't mind her giving me orders.

General 2: Or giving her orders, in the bedroom,

Legweak: (to you) Keep this bitch on a tighter leash!

You lead them to a private room where the senator and generals converse, delegate, and scheme about extending pointless wars and conflicts and how much money they can make off of it, they even laugh about all the people being sent to the proverbial meat grinder. However what they don't notice is you and Loona locking all the exits but they do notice when you two start singing the opening of War Pigs by Black Sabbath

Y/N: ♪Generals gathered in their masses.

Loona: ♪Just like witches at black masses.

Y/N: ♪Evil minds that plot destruction.

Loona: ♪Sorcerer of death's construction.

Legweak: What the fuck are you two doing?!

Y/N: ♪In the fields, the bodies burning.

Loona: ♪As the war machine keeps turning.

Y/N: ♪Death and hatred to mankind.

Loona: ♪Poisoning their brainwashed minds.

Y/N & Loona: ♪Oh lord, yeah!

You draw your handgun and shoot two of the generals in the head while Loona uses her kusarigama and swings the sickle end ripping the throat out of another general. Legweak cowers under the table while the three remaining generals draw their own handgun and fire with you managing to dodge the shots. 

You fire off a few more shots but they unfortunately miss. One of the generals takes aim at you but fortunately Loona uses the chain of her kusarigama to wrap around the generals hands and pulls making him shoot and kill one of the other generals then you use your last two shots to shoot the guns from the generals' hands.

With guns no longer available you and the two remaining generals draw Bowie knives. One of the generals, a woman, squares up with Loona while the other one squares up with you. Loona deflects her opponent's knife and ties her up with the chain of her kusarigama. She's on the ground and fearfully looks up at Loona who kneels down and smirks as she slits her throat with the sickle. 

Meanwhile you're in a knife fight with the last general. You dodge his swings and get a few slashes in then he goes to stab you but you manage to grab his wrist and twist his arm to the side and cut off his hand making him scream in pain while gripping his bloody stump. You approach him wielding both his knife and your own and make rapid slashes at his neck and midsection causing his head to fall off immediately followed by his torso then his legs.

Y/N: I like this knife, I'm keeping it.

Legweak makes a run for it but you throw your knife into his back and Loona swings the sickle of her kusarigama into his leg and pulls him back.

Legweak: You don't understand! It's necessary for us to be involved in these conflicts!

Y/N: Nice argument, Senator. Why don't you back it up with a source?

Legweak: My source is that I made it the fuck up. Wait...shit!

A/N: Twitter in a nutshell.

He looks at you two as you start singing again.

Y/N: ♪Now in darkness, world stops turning.

Loona: ♪Ashes where their bodies burning.

Y/N: ♪No more war pigs have the power.

Loona: ♪Hand of God has struck the hour.

Y/N: ♪Day of judgment, God is calling.

Loona: ♪On their knees, the war pigs crawling.

Legweak: (fearful) Please, I can give you anything you want.

Y/N: ♪Begging mercy for their sins.

Loona: ♪Satan laughing, spreads his wings.

Y/N & Loona: ♪Oh lord, yeah!

You take one of your knives and slowly cut off Legweak's head and leave his body hunched over on the floor with his face pressed against his own ass.

You and Loona assume your true forms and call for the portal to be opened back to the IMP office. 

Millie: Hey, Hun. (notices you in the camo) Have I ever mentioned how much I love a man in uniform?

She runs her hands over your muscles.

Millie: Please tell me you're keeping this.

Y/N: Of course, if you like it that much. (to Loona) Let's get cleaned up, Loona.

You turn and see Loona already took the top of the outfit off. Needless to say, you're awestruck.



Loona: Let's wash this blood off, soldier.

She grabs your collar and leads you to the showers.

Y/N: Ma'am, yes ma'am.

As you two walk past Verosika's studio, she catches a glimpse and fans herself with her hand as her wings flutter slightly.

Tex: (Andrealphus style groan)

After getting cleaned and dressed, along with some hot shower sex, you are visited in the office by the client who called the hit. He's a sinner wearing a navy seal uniform, an eye patch and has canine features having been turned into a literal dog of war.

Y/N: Commander Crenshaw.

Crenshaw: I trust you were successful.

Y/N: By now, they should be discovering six dead generals and Legweak's severed head pressed face first against his own ass.

Crenshaw: Excellent. Those bastards got me, my squad, and countless others killed in pointless conflicts for their own self interest. You've done a greater service than you can possibly imagine.

Y/N: We were just doing our jobs, Commander. Are you going to the 4th of July celebration tomorrow?

Crenshaw: I did hear about that.

Y/N: Princess Charlie is holding the celebration to lift some spirits and drum up business for her redemption hotel. Anyone is welcomed but it's meant to honor those who were in the US armed forces.

Crenshaw: Sounds interesting.

Y/N: There's gonna be food, drink, and a concert.

Crenshaw: In that case I'm definitely going.

You two laugh and part ways with a handshake.

Y/N: See you tomorrow.

The next day at the 4th of July celebration there's several US armed forces members from all throughout history gathered as the stage for the concert is having the final touches as Millie, Sallie May, and their brothers roast hogs on spits and serve them up to the attendants, Charlie over sees everything, and Tex just finished setting up several kegs.

Y/N: Thanks for setting this up, Tex.

Tex: No problem, bro. My girl is always looking to spread good vibes.

Beelzebub comes up and wraps her arms around both yours and Tex's shoulders.

Bee: Got that right, babe. Besides I can tell these guys need it.

Y/N: That's a definite understatement. Thanks again, Bee.

Bee: Think nothing of it, it's basically my job. (notices your outfit) Woah, looking good there, stud.

You have red warpaint on the left side of your face in the shape of a handprint that covers your eye and are wearing this 


Y/N: Thanks, it was Loona and Verosika's idea.

Just then Loona wraps her arms around your shoulders, hugging you from behind.

Loona: We mostly had you wear this because the girls and I thought you look sexy in it.

She licks your cheek and nuzzles you.

Bee: Well you definitely got that right. Hey, Loona.

Loona: (still nuzzling you) Hey, Bee.

Bee: Aw, you two are so sweet together.

Tex: You should see what happens with the rest of his girls.

Bee: Really? (to you) Maybe you can elaborate for me over drinks.

Loona: (playfully) Hey, this is my man! You've got yours! 

Bee: Come on, you know I don't mean anything by it, mostly. But seriously, Y/N, we should get drinks sometime.

Tex: Hey, Bee, you should probably get ready. Verosika's almost done on stage.

Verosika is finishing her set with Vacay to BoneTown.

Bee: You're right. You should get ready too, Y/N.

Beelzebub performs her set, finishing it with Cotton Candy. Shortly after, Tex sits at a drum set, Beelzebub has a bass guitar, both you and Loona have guitars, and you step up to the microphone then start performing, getting everyone hyped up.

https://youtu.be/X-2yuGgp_U8


https://youtu.be/0sdx4MT0kRs


You then address the crowd.

Y/N: Happy 4th of July, US military!

The crowd cheers.

Y/N: I hope you're all enjoying yourselves. We have hogs straight from Wrath and booze courtesy of Beelzebub herself! Now, are there any Devil Dogs out there?!

The US marines in the crowd cheer.

Y/N: Any of you original Devil Dogs?

WW1 US marines cheer.

Y/N: How about Devil Dogs from Harlem New York?

More cheering.

Y/N: These next two are for you.

https://youtu.be/EVCtCWXB2W4


https://youtu.be/QoFy6mNtdpo



Y/N: Anyone ever served in a panzer battalion?

The crowd cheers.

https://youtu.be/Zag-XnwLLpo


Y/N: Now we go from the ground to the sky.

https://youtu.be/S5FkX_WNHio


https://youtu.be/rOKT0VrfXMU


Y/N: Now for two soldiers in particular.

https://youtu.be/ZgfCUxFE7XA


https://youtu.be/FBz7MX2bLcM


Y/N: This individual may not have been born in the United States but he fought and bled alongside you just the same.

https://youtu.be/QD-sLewK22o


The crowd is cheering more than ever.

https://youtu.be/Uw4qGfUJWSM


https://youtu.be/vRlBgFF3NGc


The crowd cheers as you finish the final song of your set. When you and the others get together, you have a few drinks, and are approached by someone.

Y/N: Commander Crenshaw, glad you could make it.

Crenshaw: Glad I decided to come. You did great up there.

Y/N: Just doing my part.

Just then Charlie jumps in and hugs you.

Charlie: You were awesome, Puppy!

She gives you a kiss.

Crenshaw: This your girlfriend?

Y/N: Yes, she is. This is my girlfriend, Princess Charlie, she runs the Happy Hotel and wants to rehabilitate sinners.

Crenshaw: Really?

Charlie: Yes, I believe the sinners have good in them and deserve a second chance. Would you like to join us?

Crenshaw: (unsure) This'll take quite a bit of time consideration.

Charlie: I won't force you to join but I highly recommend it.

Crenshaw: I'll think about it.

Charlie: That's all I ask.

Crenshaw goes to rejoin the festivities as Charlie continues to nuzzle you then Beelzebub flies by and lands next to you.

Bee: That was fucking awesome, Y/N!

Y/N: Couldn't have done it without you.

Charlie: Thanks for helping out, Bee.

Bee: Think nothing of it, Charlie, it's my pleasure.

She looks at you and Charlie.

Bee: You two look so cute together. What's it like when he pins you down and rails you?

Y/N: Bee?!

Charlie: Oh no, when we make love I'm his dommy mommy and he's my good little Puppy.

Y/N: Charlie?!

Bee: Really? Give me ALL the details.

Y/N: Kill me now.

Charlie: Well he's usually wearing nothing but a dog collar and a leash and walks up to me on all fours.

Bee: Woah! You really are a good little Puppy.

They continue the conversation while you just stare off looking dead inside.

Later you, your family, your friends, and the harem have a massive dinner and finish off the night with a spectacular fireworks show courtesy of Cherri Bomb.


End of chapter. Happy late 4th of July.

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