A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf, who was a huge help with this chapter.

The scene opens with an exterior shot of I.M.P. Headquarters. Cut to a Scene inside the office with Moxxie sitting with Dani eating lunch, and Loona sitting in your lap as you both look at her phone. Moxxie looks around.

Moxxie: You know, I checked the scale today. (inhales) And it said I lost two pounds this week.

Y/N: (unenthusiastic) Woo.

Loona looks at Moxxie, then rolls her eyes back to her phone, indicating what little interest she has in Moxxie's comment, much to his annoyance.

Moxxie: I. Am not. FAT!

Dani pulls Moxxie onto her lap and hugs him tightly.

Dani: Don't let it get to you, Mox Mox.

Moxxie calms down crossing his arms and snuggling into the hug then Dani whispers in his ear.

Dani: Besides I like that bit of junk in your trunk.

She kisses Moxxie and then nuzzles him, making Moxxie smile.

Moxxie: How was your first week working with Verosika?

Dani: Pretty good, haven't gone to a show yet.

Moxxie: It'll happen soon.

Dani: Although it pales in comparison to this.

She holds up her hand showing an engagement ring.

Moxxie: I saved quite a bit for something like this.

He discreetly gives you a thumbs up for helping him pay for the ring.

Loona: Here I thought you'd die alone.

You flick her nose.

Loona: Ouch!

Y/N: The exact same shit was said about me and look where I am.

Loona: (sheepish) Sorry.

Y/N: You're lucky you're cute.

You nuzzle snoots together with you licking Loona's cheek.

Cut to the front door kicked open by a furious Millie as she stomps around the office, mumbling angrily, making Loona jump into your arms as she passes and hits a button entitled, "Nut button!" that summons a cardboard cutout of a human saying, "Hi I'm a Hooman!" then throws a knife and lunges at said cutout. Everyone looks at her, disturbed.

You stand up and approach Millie.

Y/N: Millie, Southern Belle, what's wrong?

Millie hisses back at you.

Y/N: (sternly) Millie!

Brought back to reality she calms down.

Moxxie: I've never seen anyone calm her down that quick.

Millie: Nothing's wrong. I just bumped into an ex.

Moxxie: Oh! Oh...

Y/N: Babe, just give me a fucking name and I'll take care of them.

Millie: Don't bother, he's less than not worth it. He just kept going on about how he has money now, and "a bright future," and "a bigger cock."

Y/N: O_o

Moxxie: Wait, what?

Millie: (yelling) Every time I see his stupid face, I can't help it! I just need to--

Millie punches a filing cabinet in frustration. Blitzo enters the room shortly after.

Blitzo: What the fuck is all this noise?! I got a client!

Moxxie: Sorry, sir. I'll get this all cleaned-- (holds a photo of two imps in horse suits) what is this?

Y/N: (looking at the photo) I wish I could say this shocks me.

Blitzo: Uh... it's research! For science! Just put it back correctly, okay, I alphabetized them. (walks back into his office) Okay, so let me get this straight, you don't want us going to Earth at all for this job?

Cut to the inside of a mansion, with a businessman holding a lit cigar, and his chair facing a green fireplace.

Client: Correct. That will not be necessary. I'd like to meet you and your whole crew at my estate.

Blitzo: Uh, you want us killing someone in hell, 'cause I gotta tell ya, that ain't exactly our business no more.

Client: I'll tell ya all about it when you get here. (smokes cigar) It's in regards to a business venture I'm sure will be very worth (through the phone) your time.

Blitzo: Ooh, how ominous. (chuckles) Fine, whatever, what's the address?

Client: Transportation has already (through the phone) been taken care of.

Blitzo notices a helicopter in front of his building. He runs to the office you, Loona, Millie, Moxxie and Dani are in to find the helicopter before the main window.

Blitzo: What the fuck is that?

Y/N: Fucking seriously?!

The helicopter shoots a grappling hook under the window, breaking the wall. Loona looks on without a word.

Blitzo: Satan's ass crack! Enough with the walls shit, we have a door!

With the damaged walls, a wind gusts all the photos Blitzo had been saving.

Blitzo: My research!!

Two imp children grab one of the photos and are visibly disgusted; one is crying, and the other is vomiting from the result.

Y/N: Those kids are gonna grow up with ALL the problems, kinda like the kids who saw the Cats movie.

The helicopter approaches the building, creating a bridge for them to walk upon, and the pilot steps out.

Pilot: I.M.P.? Right this way, please!

Moxxie points a gun toward him, while Millie holds a knife and you draw your sawed off shotgun.

Moxxie: Uh, sir? What's going on?

Blitzo: Now, don't worry! It's just some fancy schmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us.

Blitzo, Moxxie, and Millie walk toward the helicopter.

Moxxie: Uh, sir, I don't think this is a good idea.

Blitzo: It'll be fine. Now get your asses moving.

Blitzo Looks back at Dani.

Blitzo: Oh no you don't! Moxxie bring your ho with!

Moxxie: What, why?

Blitzo: I don't trust any of Verosika's whores alone in the office.

You backhand Blitzo as Loona puts her hands up and gives a "bruh" look.

Dani: It's alright, Mox Mox. I'll go anywhere with you.

Dani and Moxxie hold hands and enter the helicopter as the others follow suit with Loona grabbing your hand, stopping you.

Loona: One more kiss, please?

You smile and give Loona a passionate kiss before entering the helicopter where Millie tries to buckle herself in only to notice her seatbelt is broken and your seat collapses.

Y/N: Dafuq?!

Millie: Is this thing safe?!

Pilot: Don't worry, we are professionals!

However, they were NOT careful as they then took out a huge chunk of a wall as they flew off. Later, the very same helicopter is seen flying out of a hanger in the Greed Ring as they fly over Loo Loo Land, which is going under reconstruction, along with other carnage as they fly over a sign reading, "Welcome to Notamafia Town; No mafia here! We're Mafia-free!"

Moxxie: (disdained groan) I hate this place.

Blitzo: Oh yeah, this is your old stomping ground, isn't it, Mox?

Y/N: You lived in Greed?

Moxxie: Yeah, unfortunately. I grew up just over there, swore I'd never come back, and-- uh... uh-- what-- what, where are we going?

Dani: Moxxie, what's wrong?

The helicopter starts changing direction, as Moxxie grows more and more anxious.

Moxxie: What-- Blitz... who did you say this meeting was with?

Blitzo: I'm not sure, just some rich somebody or other who wants to do biz at his place.

Y/N: That doesn't sound sketchy at all.

The helicopter finally lands, and Moxxie grows heavily worried after realizing where he's landed.

Moxxie: Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!

Dani: Moxxie, what's wrong?

The place in question is revealed to be a huge mansion, dark smoke fuming through both chimneys. Moxxie shivers in fear of the place, as Blitzo shoves him to move forward.

Client: (off-screen) There he is!

The client moves out the doorway, being visible on screen with you going wide-eyed upon recognizing him.

Client: There's my boy! Get over here and give your daddy a hug!

Blitzo, Millie, and Dani: "Daddy?!"

Y/N: Crimson is your father?!

Crim: I only let Moxxie call me that... unless you pay me! (laughs)

Moxxie: Guys, (clears throat) this is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz, my coworkers Y/N and Millie, and my--

Dani: Danielle, I'm his fiance. Everyone calls me Dani.

Dani holds her hand to greet Crimson as he accepts.

Crimson: And what a beautiful fiance you are. (he kisses Dani's hand) Mox, where have you been hiding this pretty little thang?

Dani: Oh, I'm sure he would've introduced us... eventually.

Crimson: Oh, I'm sure. You gotta be Blitz, with the silent "o", right? I've heard a lot of good things about you and your work.

Blitzo: Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I'll fucking kill you Moxxie, don't you fucking test me!

Y/N: Shut the fuck up, you whiney bitch.

You light a cigarette and take a drag.

Crimson: No, no! From all over. Looks like you're building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.

Blitzo: Really? (chuckles) Well, I guess it's about time folks recognized my talent.

Y/N: Or lack thereof.

Crimson: (laughs) (to Blitz-O) I like your attitude. (to you) Y/N Ulfhednar. Last time I saw you you weren't much taller than Moxxie here. You look so much like your father. He was my best hitman, a real attack dog.

You raise an eyebrow at the statement.

Y/N: I know, it's why you tried to suck up to him when I was eight.

Your  coworkers are surprised to hear this while Moxxie gets hit with sudden realization.

Moxxie: (thinking) That was his father I saw all those years ago!

Crim: I never could find a replacement, and to this day I'm surprised he completed my supposed impossible task. Well, I hope you're all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for you.

Dani: Hey Mox Mox, why haven't I met your Pa before?

Moxxie: (nervously) Well uh, y'know, i-it's just, never been a--

Crim: Hey! You two, move it before it gets cold.

Moxxie: Look, look, Dani, we can talk about it later.

Dani takes Moxxie's hand, and both enter the house with you, Millie, and Blitzo. Crimson's smile fades before he snaps his fingers and enters the house. The two men standing at the door follow him inside, closing the door behind them.

Inside, you feel somewhat uncomfortable seeing the mounted trophies of imp horns, succubus/incubus wings and tails, shark teeth, and even hellhound collars on the walls as Crimson prepares drinks for you and Blitzo.

Crimson: So, have you two always been hitmen?

Y/N: Yes. (takes the drink)

Blitzo: No, no, not always. Yeah, (takes the drink from Crimson) I was in the circus for a long time.

Crimson: Show business! (sits down) Good money in that.

Everyone sits in the room in an awkward silence.

Moxxie: What are we doing here, sir?

Crimson: Moxxie, I raised you better than that. (lights cigar) Ya know there's no business before dinner. Besides, we're still waitin' on one more.

Suddenly, the last guest kicks his way into the house, making an entrance.

Guest: Woo-hoo-hoo, what is up, party people?!

Millie and Moxxie: Chaz?! (to each other) Wait... What?!

Moxxie: You know him?!

Millie: (she groans and slaps her forehead) You remember that "ex" I was talking about?

Y/N: This is your ex?! Shit, and I thought my exes were bad. I mean, they are, but still.

Chaz walks over and hugs Moxxie and Millie.

Chaz: Looks like I got two big sex reunions today. (singing) How lucky am I?!

Millie: (surprised) Did you date him too?!

Y/N: Did you two have no standards back then?

Chaz: Ha, yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I'm in--

Blitzo: (angrily) Are you fucking kidding me?! There's someone who's fucked both of you?!

Moxxie pushes Chaz's arms off of himself and Millie as Dani gives the shark a death glare.

Moxxie: (bitterly) It was a long time ago.

Chaz: But I still remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso! Me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle!

Y/N: HA! You, the muscle? HAHA!

Chaz: Heh, yeah. It was like (fondly) it was written in the stars.

Blitzo: Ha! Moxxie in the mafia, that's fucking rich.

Y/N: Look around, shithead.

Blitzo then notices all of the items in the room to back up Chaz's story: A photo of Crimson and a mob boss, the many trophies of hellbeasts hanging on the wall, and a framed family painting of Crimson, a younger Moxxie, and Moxxie's mother, as if posing like a mob family, hanging over the fireplace. Blitzo hears a knock on the door and looks, just in time for Crimson's goons to enter carrying a body bag.

Blitzo: Oh shit.

Dani: (concerned) You've never told me this before.

Millie: Or me.

Moxxie: I don't like to talk about this part of my life. But, (dramatically) I first saw Chaz at my induction...

Flashback to Moxxie's time in the mob. Moxxie gets a handshake and a kiss from Crimson, welcoming him into the business. Moxxie looks around the room and stops upon seeing Chaz grinning and applauding at him. Moxxie blushes at the attention Chaz is giving him.

Moxxie: (voiceover) ...in the family. Our eyes met from across the room. And there was just something about him... something that was... magnetic!

Moxxie finds himself hiding behind a car in the middle of a mob turf war. He throws away the Tommy gun and pulls out a grenade, but it slips out of his hands before he can pull the pin. Moxxie runs after it and catches it the same moment that Chaz grabs it, touching his hand. Both share a smile before Moxxie picks up the grenade, pulls the pin, and throws it away. Chaz and Moxxie stare fondly at each other as the grenade explodes in the distance, the smoke forming the shape of a heart. 

The scene switches over to Moxxie greeting Chaz at the door. Chaz is holding signs that he lets fall from his hands. The signs say "TELL YOUR DAD IT'S A SALESMAN" "I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU" and "MOKSIE, WILL YOU BONE WITH ME?" Moxxie blushes fondly and lets Chaz in. Another scene has Moxxie polishing a rifle when Chaz comes up from behind and assists. Moxxie grows aroused by the interaction. In another scene, Moxxie poses nude, except for a necklace and his socks, on the couch while Chaz paints him before the flashback fades back to the present.

Moxxie: It's been 84 years...

Blitzo: (confused) Isn't that from that "boat" movie?

Y/N: I'm surprised you remember there's a boat in that movie.

Millie: Did any of that stuff happen?

Chaz: Oh yeah! (licks lips) But he skipped over the jizz-covered parts.

Moxxie: Anyway. Things changed when we went on a heist together.

Flashback to the heist, Moxxie, carrying the money, is running with Chaz to the exit as the security gate begins to drop. Moxxie throws the money out of the bank and catches the gate with his shoulders to give Chaz time to slide under. Moxxie tries to escape but his leg and tail are caught under the gate when it drops to the floor. After struggling to get out he turns to Chaz for help. 

Chaz suddenly hears the police sirens and grabs the money, giving Moxxie a final look before running off, leaving Moxxie devastated. Moxxie is thrown inside a jail cell. He sadly climbs into the bottom bunk of the bed.

Cellmate: So what're you in for?

Moxxie quietly pulls his tail closer to him. His cellmate, Blitzo, is lying on the top bunk.

Blitzo: Okay, not much of a talker, are you? (hops down and shakes Moxxie's hand) I'm Blitzo, the "o" is silent. I'm sure we're gonna get along just fine. So, what's your deal? What'd you do? Who'd you diddle? You look like someone good with a gun. You look like someone who could shoot up an office (Moxxie attempts to speak) and I hope you are 'cuz I got a plan to get us out of this dump but I'm gonna need some help, you think you can give me a hand? I need to get out to my daughter. The babysitter will kill me if I don't get back soon...

Moxxie tearfully smiles as Blitzo continues talking about his escape plan. The scene returns to the present day.

Moxxie: Once I got out, I never looked back.

Blitzo sits worryingly as Dani glares and growls viciously toward a nervous-looking Chaz. Crimson frowns in his chair.

Chaz: Well, heh, as you said, it was a long time ago. (chuckles nervously)

Dani: (foaming at the mouth, furiously) I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!

Dani pulls out a stiletto and leaps onto the top of the couch, missing Chaz as her knife pierces through the fabric. Chaz hides behind Crimson's chair.

Chaz: Whoa, the fuck?! Crazy bitch.

Dani tries to lunge at Chaz again but is intercepted by Moxxie and Blitzo.

Blitzo: Y/N, come on!

Y/N: Nah, I wanna see where this goes.

Crimson stands in between I.M.P and Chaz as Dani holds up her knife.

Crimson: Hey, hey hey, hey hey! Hey, hey hold it!

Dani: (to Chaz) You're gonna die, bitch!

The maid enters the room

Maid: (French accent) Dinner is served.

Everyone is seated in the dining room. Millie and Dani are viciously cutting through their food but the room is completely silent.

Blitzo: So, this is aggressively uncomfortable.

Crimson: I suppose you wanna know why you're here.

Blitzo: Yeah, so what gives? You know we kill people on Earth, right? We don't normally do contracts for locals so, if you wanna do business with us, you gotta-

Crimson: I don't wanna do business with I.M.P, I wanna do business with Moxxie.

Moxxie stops cutting his food.

Moxxie: ME?!

Crimson: Yeah, kid. I summoned I.M.P. to be sure you'd show. Because, well, we're bringin' Chaz into the family.

Chaz smirks while raising his eyebrows.

Moxxie: What? Since when can just anyone join the family?

Crimson: Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that (bitterly) I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.

Y/N: And out of everyone you could've chosen, you trust knockoff Angel Dust to be responsible? I bet he's penniless and lives in his car.

Chaz looks really nervous about that statement.

Moxxie: Wait, I thought you always hated his guts.

Crimson: (Chaz looks confused) Well, I don't know if I exactly 'hated' him.

Moxxie: You called him a "friendless horse-fucker".

Y/N: HA! (to Blitzo) That's my new name for you.

Blitzo groans and rolls his eyes.

Moxxie: And said we lived a "sissy lifestyle".

Crimson: Yeah, well I was wrong. You've been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change. And so has Chaz.

Chaz: Yeah. I've grown, matured, and, recently, came into millions! (shifty eyes) But, y'know, mostly the "mature" thing.

Y/N: (hushed) I can fertilize a lawn with this crap.

Blitzo: Ohh okay, okay. So the "horseless friend-fucker" over here gets a little moolah and suddenly, it's worth wasting our time over?

Chaz: Well, I'm the whole "package" if you know what I mean.

IMP:

A/N: I threw a rock at him! ...It was a big rock.

Chaz: I got a big dick.

Millie: It's a toothpick compared to Y/N's oak tree.

You smirk.

Chaz: (surprised) You two are dating?

Millie: And he's got a big fat knot too.

Your smirk becomes a smug toothy grin.

Chaz: (nervous) He does?

Millie: All the other girls are satisfied too.

Chaz: O_O

You can't help but let a chuckle out as Chaz just slumps in his seat.

Dani: (annoyed) But what does any of this hafta do with Moxxie?

Crimson: (sets down utensils) There's gonna be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to (bitterly) ignoring your family to your heart's content.

Dani: (stands up) Maybe he wouldn't "ignore his family" if they didn't force him to rub elbows with a no-good, shark-toothed FUCK FACE!

Chaz grins at Dani who points a knife at his neck, threateningly.

Crimson: Ey, look, everybody, relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don't you stay here and get some rest? We'll have the ceremony tomorrow and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared.

Dani is about to protest.

Moxxie: Yes sir.

Dani: Mox?

I.M.P and Chaz begin to leave the room.

Crimson: A moment, Moxxie.

Moxxie: Just give me a minute, Dani. I'll be there.

Dani looks on with worry as Moxxie steps back inside the dining room. Chaz tries to lean into Millie but jumps back when Millie growls and tries to bite him. The goons close the door behind them as they leave, leaving Moxxie alone with Crimson.

Crimson: So, you think you're too good for this family now?

Moxxie: What?

Crimson: C'mere.

Moxxie approaches Crimson

Moxxie: I-I don't understand.

Crimson stands up and backhands Moxxie in the face, knocking him down.

Crimson: (angrily) You think you're gonna just get to walk away from this family and never come back?! You're dead wrong, Mox! (he grabs Moxxie) As a matter of fact, the only thing you're right about is that obnoxious piss-stain can't get made. Not unless he marries in!

Moxxie: "Marries?" But, who would he--?

Crimson: Who do you think?! (he lets go of Moxxie and sits back down) This family needs that money and it's about time your pathetic ass was useful for something!

Moxxie: Sir, I'm already engaged. I-I can't-

Crimson: You think I give a shit about your stupid beard?! C'mon Mox, I even went through the trouble of makin' the house more to your kind's liking.

Crimson presses a button on the table and bouncing dildos appear from the dining chairs, the walls, vases, and even behind a potted plant in the corner. A party ball hanging from the ceiling opens, pouring out confetti, revealing a banner that says "CONGRATS, GAY" and a trumpet fanfare.

Moxxie: Wait... What? What do you think I'm into?

Crimson: What? This is the kind of shit gays like, right?

Moxxie: Ok, first off, Dad: I'm Bisexual.

Crimson: Yeah. Gay.

Moxxie: Oh, for fuck sake! Secondly (he holds out a hand to block a dildo from hitting his face) I don't know a single person of any sexuality who would enjoy this.

Blitzo: (from the other room) Ha! There's dicks in the walls! (Moxxie frowns) Oh, that's fucking hilarious!

Dani: (from the other room) You would like this shit.

Y/N: (from the other room) You fucking fruitcake.

Crimson: (he grabs Moxxie by the face) Look at me, kid. One way or another, you're gonna do what I fucking say. Don't cross me.

Moxxie reflects on his childhood. A child Moxxie was struggling to cut his steak at the dinner table. His mother gently takes the plate and cuts the steak for him. She smiles sweetly at Moxxie and he smiles back at her. Crimson glares at Moxxie. Moxxie takes the plate and begins eating his dinner. Crimson tries to rub his leg against his wife's. She quickly pulls her leg away from Crimson. Crimson stomps his leg in frustration.

Another memory shows Moxxie shooting three bullseyes in the shooting range. His mother ruffles his head proudly. Suddenly a goon grabs Moxxie and rushes him away from his mother and toward another shooting range. Two goons prep a live target as Crimson hands Moxxie a gun and points to it. Moxxie slowly takes aim but his mother takes the gun out of his hands and pushes it into Crimson's hands before grabbing her son and walking away. Crimson glares at the disrespect.

Moxxie now hides underneath the bed as his parents argue. A slap is heard and his mother walks out of the room. Later, only Crimson and Moxxie are at the dinner table. Moxxie struggles to cut his steak and then looks at his father. Crimson glares at Moxxie, who then goes back to trying to cut his food. Crimson takes a drag from his cigar and blows the smoke in Moxxie's face.

Later on, Crimson and Moxxie take a boat ride on the lake with a passenger. Crimson places a cinder block that the passenger's tail is tied to on the side of the boat over the edge and gestures for Moxxie to push it. Moxxie looks at the cinderblock, then the pleading passenger, and backs away only for Crimson to push him back into the cinderblock. Teary-eyed, Moxxie takes one last look at the passenger while pushing the cinderblock overboard, sending the victim into the lake with it. Moxxie watches as the air bubbles fade. Crimson preps another body over the side of the boat.

A/N: Putting this in all the stories because I'm not sure how many people read what; that wasn't his mother

Crimson: (flashback) Let this be a lesson, Moxxie.

Crimson gestures to the lake, filled with hats, bags, shoes, and light articles that belonged to previous victims thrown into the water.

Crimson: (flashback) This is what happens when you cross me.

A high heel that resembles the ones Moxxie's mother wore floats to the surface. The scene returns to the present day.

Crimson: Now get to bed, Moxxie. You have a big day tomorrow.

Crimson lets go of Moxxie

Moxxie: (fearfully) Yes, sir.

Crimson: Oh, and Mox, you ever talk back to me again, (Moxxie backs up to the door) you and that half breed whore you brought here are goin' home in boxes. Capeesh?

Moxxie: Yes, sir.

Moxxie quickly finds the doorknob and steps out of the room, leaving Crimson alone in the dining room covered with bouncing dildos. Moxxie walks up the stairs, shaken and Dani is standing at her bedroom door. A goon gestures to Moxxie to go into a different room.

Dani: Wait, how come we aren't in...

Goon: Crimson wants you all to stay in separate rooms

Dani: But why? Moxxie?

Dani grabs Moxxie's hand.

Moxxie: It's just one night Dani, it's ok.

Dani: Mox Mox, are you ok?

Moxxie: I'm fine. Please don't worry, sweetie.

Dani: You know you can tell me anything... right?

Moxxie: Yes... everything's fine.

Dani: We're partners, Mox

Moxxie: It's just my dad, it's ok really (kisses her hand) it'll be over tomorrow.

Dani: Ok. I love you. (kisses Moxxie on the lips)

Moxxie: I love you too... goodnight

Moxxie opens his bedroom to see many pictures of Chaz on the wall

Moxxie: What the? (Face palms) Fucking why?!

He snarls, walks into the bathroom and washes his face with cold water. He glumly leaves the bathroom and goes to turn off the lights. When he hits the switch Chaz pops up on a heart-shaped bed.

Chaz: Like what I've done with the place?

Moxxie: Ugh...Just get out of here!

Chaz: Come on Mox (pulls on a switch which lights up the words "Cum Zone") We used to have so much fun here. Remember? (Puts his arm around Moxxie)

Moxxie: (Pushes Chaz off) I'm engaged, Chaz. And even if I weren't, I would never...

Chaz: Never what? Let me take you to cum town again?

Moxxie: You are so gross! Just leave me alone!

Chaz: I know what you want most Moxxie Poxxie (spins Moxxie around). How about a sexually charged musical number HEY! You always loved those.

https://youtu.be/xNMm_QJlX3A

A/N: Not putting the effort to copy or write down the lyrics, this was a genuinely terrible song. And I enjoy most of the Hazbin/Helluva songs.

Chaz then steps out of the room just in time for Moxxie to slam the door on him. Moxxie then crouches down on the floor behind the door and starts to heavily sob. We cut to Dani's room where she is anxiously pacing the floor. There is a knock on the door.

Dani: (relieved) Moxxie? (Opens the door and sees it's Chaz)

Before Chaz can say anything Dani pulls out her stiletto and tries to stab him causing Chaz to back off and Dani to slam the door in his face.

Chaz then knocks on Millie's door.

Millie: (angrily) What do you want?!

Chaz starts to sing to Millie only for her to growl at him and puts her knife to his throat

Millie: Don't make me get Y/N out here.

Chaz: Damnit, this usually works.

Millie drops Chaz to the floor and angrily closes the door on him.

Meanwhile You were in your room talking to Loona on your phone.

Y/N: Hey, Loonie. You're not gonna believe this but the client is Moxxie's father. No, I'm not shitting you and on top of that he's a mob boss. Yeah and here's the real kicker, my father used to work for him. But that's a story for another day. We have to stay the night for some fucking reason and probably the worst part is this sleazy piece of shit; Chaz. Total fucking fruit loop, it's like if Angel Dust had less shame and was more obnoxious. Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you too.

You both make kissing sounds to each other before hanging up then you hear a knock at the door, which you open to reveal Chaz leaning on the doorframe seductively.

Chaz: Hey, studly. How about you show me what has Millie so impressed?

Chaz tries to saunter over only for your hand to wrap around his scrawny neck, strangling him, and pick him up off the floor with no effort and hold him at eye level.

Y/N: I don't like you. I would NEVER have sex with you, not even if my life depended on it. If you don't leave me, Millie, Dani, and Moxxie alone I will rip off your supposed "big dick" and make you choke on it.

You toss Chaz across the room where he looks up at your hateful glare before the door is slammed shut.

Y/N: Now for the hard part. (holds up his phone) Hey, Mom. I'm calling to let you know my current job is going to be an all nighter. Just wait till I tell you who our host is.

Back in the hall Chaz coughs as he regains his breath then stands up, dusts himself off and knocks on Blitzo's door.

Chaz: Hey there, good looking.

Blitzo: Oh I was wondering how long it would take you to make a pass.

Chaz: Oh does that mean you're... down to clown?

Blitzo: Ew... what the...you think I would violate my friend's trust by sleeping with their ex, especially one who fucked them over the way you did?

Chaz: I'll show you all of the things they liked in the sack.

Blitzo: Deal! (pulls Chaz in)

We cut to Moxxie where he is lying on his side in bed, awake, his eyes wide open

Blitz: (off screen) Ew.. the fuck... ew. Chill the fuck out!!!

Moxxie turns onto his stomach and pulls out his phone. He goes on to his social media and looks at pictures of himself and Millie when they were roommates then he looks at pictures of himself and Dani on a date, Moxxie and Dani in bed, Moxxie and Dani at the theater holding up Phantom of the Opera programmes, Moxxie has tears in his eyes indicating how much he loved the performance, and a picture of Moxxie and Dani kissing after proposing. Moxxie starts to cry again, he then growls knowing that he must stand up to his father. 

We cut back to Blitzo and Chaz in bed. Chaz is asleep and snoring.

Chaz: (whispering in his sleep) Oh I got a big dick

Blitzo tiptoes out of bed, picks up Chaz's jacket and puts it on.

Blitzo: Ok, fucker, nobody whose that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily, I know you gotta be hiding something.

Blitzo checks Chaz's clothing until he finds his car keys. He smiles and sneaks out into the hall where your door opens.

Y/N: That was probably the most pathetic sex I've ever heard.

Blitzo: Don't get me started. He's asleep now and clearly up to something so I'm gonna rummage through his car.

Blitzo holds up Chaz's keys.

Y/N: Smart little imbecile.

Blitzo: I have my moments. Wait, hey!

Y/N: Keep your voice down. Search Chaz's car, I'll keep an eye on everyone here.

Blitzo: Right.

Blitzo sneaks outside the mansion and clicks the car keys until he locates Chaz's car. He looks in the dashboard and finds an eviction notice, showing that Chaz is broke and has lied to Crim about his millions. Blitz then looks in the trunk and finds a to-do list 1. Rent suit. 2. Convince Crim I'm rich. 3. Marry Moxxie to get into family. 4.??? 5. Profit $$$

Blitzo: Oh fuck that, no-one fucks with my employees' love life but me!

Blitzo is injected in the neck. He groans and falls unconscious into the trunk as Chaz shuts him in.

Chaz: Sorry, babe. You're not the only "junk in my trunk"! Dammit!That was not a good one! What is wrong with me?

We cut to the next day. A goon is filling Crim's mug with coffee. Chaz goes to sit in a seat with another filled mug of coffee but Crim signals him to sit at the other side of the table. Moxxie and Dani walk in followed by you and Millie.

Crim: Hey hey, the man of the hour. You ready to get started?

Millie: Wait, where's Blitzo?

Chaz: I think I saw him head outside, he said something about (trying and failing to mimic Blitz's voice) needing some fresh air. (Back to normal) Or something.

Crim: Why don't you grab him so we can get moving?

Millie: Be right back Moxxie.

Millie, You, and Dani head out to find Blitzo while you put a hand on their shoulders and talks to them in a hushed tone.

Y/N: There's something seriously wrong, Blitzo snuck out last night to figure out what Chaz is up to and hasn't returned.

Crim: What ya looking so glum for, kid? It's your wedding day, best day of ya life.

Moxxie: (sits down) I'm not doing it

Crim: What was that? I couldn't make it out over the sound of you being a whiny bitch!

Moxxie: (Slams the table with both hands) I said I'm not doing it, sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not letting you take the one good thing I've ever had so you can keep your fragile sense of control over everything. Dani is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve ,and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her. Not even you. I'm leaving Dad, and if you or Herpes the Clown over here-

Chaz: Hey!

Moxxie: Try and stop me, you'll learn first hand just how good I've gotten at my job.

Moxxie is face-to-face with Crim now. A goon comes from behind him and tasers him in the neck. Moxxie groans and falls forward unconscious. He hits his head off the table and then falls to the floor.

Crim: Now take care of the others.

We cut to you, Millie, and Dani searching the car park outside Crim's mansion. They hear a bang coming from Chaz's trunk and you tear it open with your claws to see Blitzo dazed inside, still a little out-of-it.

Blitzo: Oh Y/N and everyone, you found me, who's your friend?

Millie: Friend?

You sense three goons sneaking up on you. Millie draws her knife pouncing on one of them stabbing them, Dani stabs another in the knee with her stiletto and shoots them in the face with a handgun, and you grapple with the third, kicking them in the nuts and slamming the trunk on his neck so hard it decapitates him.

We cut to the back garden where a make-shift wedding is set up. Crim has Moxxie in a wedding dress with his hands bound behind his back with rope and his mouth gagged with duct tape.

Elder Jaw: Is everyone here?

Crim: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry about it let's get this thing rolling ey?

Moxxie: Mmmph...

Chaz: (whining) Awww... you told me all the chairs would be filled.

A/N: Thank fucking Lucifer this sack of puss died.

Crim sighs and presses a button which causes dildos with tuxedos and smiley faces to pop out of all of the empty seats, as well as the ones occupied by Crim's goons

Crim: Satisfied?

Chaz: Oh fuck yes.

We cut back to the car park. Millie pulls Blitzo out of the trunk.

Millie: What's going on?

Blitzo: That seductive dick-hole is trying to marry Moxxie and he's not even rich!

Y/N: Fucking called it!

Dani: (panicked) Moxxie!

Millie runs to the front door. Suddenly metal shutters block off all doors and exits to the house, including the front gate to the estate. We cut back to the wedding.

Elder Jaw: Do you Chazwick Thurman take Moxxie.... Knolastname to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Moxxie: (muffled behind the gag) No! No! No! Let me go! Please let me go!

Chaz: Oh yeah.

Priest: And do you Moxxie whatever take Chazwick Thurman to be your lawfully wedded...

Moxxie: (muffled behind the gag) Dani! Dani! (tries to pull away and almost escapes until Crim pulls him back)

Crim: (forces Moxxie to face the priest and forcibly nods his head) Look at that, he's just so fucking happy to be here.

Back outside.

Millie: Everything's locked down, how are we going to get in?

Blitz feels around the jacket until he finds Chaz's keys which you take.

Y/N: I'm driving.

You get into the driver's seat and Millie gets in the passenger seat with Dani and Blitzo in the backseat.

Blitzo: Buckle up, everyone. We're doing a Shrek.

You floor it and plow through the wall, figuratively and literally crashing the wedding, with Blitzo stepping in a daze.

Blitzo: I object!

Dani: You want my fiance, you're going to have to fucking kill me!

Crimson groans and snaps his fingers, summoning his goons to kill them. You hit the car radio, making the display say "movie reference" making this play.

https://youtu.be/eJsdwIoFlig

Then You tear off the driver's side door and step out staring down the goons.

Y/N: Time to dance on your graves!

You snarl and lunge forward with your claws extended and fights like you're cossack dancing.

https://youtu.be/gDm_8fcyywY

You slash and tear multiple sharks in one swing. As you spin, you then grab two sharks by their upper jaws and simultaneously rip the tops of both their heads off and continue to spin, using their teeth as weapons, lacerating and gutting more goons. When the teeth are all lost, you toss the jaws aside as a shark jumps at you.

You catch the shark midair by his horns, then twist and rip his head off with the spine still attached which you swing around to bludgeon more goons.

Meanwhile Millie lunges toward another group of goons. She begins slaughtering the goons with ease, tearing out the skull, jaw, and spinal column of different goons, and spits out the still-beating heart of another. Millie then begins fighting off four other goons with her knife while Dani takes out smaller sharks with her handgun and even gets into a knife fight with one of them

Both land cuts on the other but Dani manages to cut the shark's tendons, making her arms go limp and fall to her knees, and finished her off with a shot to the head.

Crimson: (angrily) What the FUCK? They're a dame, a whore, and a mutt! (spots a goon hanging from the altar in a noose made from another's intestines and throws him towards Millie) They're  BROADS AND A FLEABAG! Kill them! (sees the goon he just threw at Millie get chopped into bits of sushi before another goon thrown by her lands on top of him.)

You and Millie continue your rampage and impale several goons on the dildo poles while Dani continues to blow off heads.

Crimson: You frigging goons! What the fuck is the matter with you? Why do I pay you!? Get them! You stupid idiots...Go get them!!!

You kick a dildo into a goon's gun, blocking the barrel and causing it to explode while Millie impales another goon but she gets knocked with a chair and goes flying into the cracked windshield of Chaz's car. 

Blitzo yells and takes a poor swing at hitting the goon before Millie recovers and beats a goon with a gas can. She then uses Blitzo as a saber, slicing an incoming goon apart with the latter's horns and takes the goon's pistol, and detonates the goon holding the gas can. You and Millie make eye contact with big smiles and are covered in bloodstains.

Y/N & Millie: We are so fucking later.

Elder Jaw quickly leaves, flipping off everyone still alive.

One of the few surviving goons gets elbow dropped in the skull by you, killing the goon who was placed inside the former's jaws by Millie. Then Millie ties the goon up behind Chaz's car which Dani drives, dragging him throughout the venue.

You are confronted by two final sharks, Nickel and Cleo.

They both attack, with you continuing your cossack dance fighting, getting a few slashes on them. Cleo swings one of the dildo poles, which you catch with your right hand, but Nickel manages to stab you in the left shoulder. 

You fight through the pain and pull Nickel's knife and disarm Cleo of the rod, hitting Nickel across the face with it, then stab him in the shoulder with the knife and kick him in the jaw. 

Cleo lunges at you and the you start grappling with you slashing Cleo with you claws then grab her coat and pull her in.

Y/N: Nom nom.

You bite off and eat Cleo's head while tossing her body just as Nickel gets back up and tackles you, pressing the dildo pole against your throat and pushes you across the ground and into a fountain where Nickel holds you head underwater. You eventually stop thrashing and slump into the water as Nickel stands up and turns triumphantly.

Millie: Y/N!

Nickel approaches Millie while, unbeknownst to him, you silently emerge from the fountain and sneaks up on him with the dildo pole.

Nickel: I'm gon- AH!

You impale him through the ass and out the mouth with the dildo pole as Dani stops and exits the car and angrily approaches the altar, a goon tries to sucker punch her, but Millie knocks him out. She grabs Moxxie and hoists him over her shoulder & Crimson begrudgingly allows her to take him.

Chaz: Hey! What about my—!

You use your sawed off shotgun to blow off Chaz's cock and balls and Millie shoves a dildo down his throat as he screams.

Dani: This ass is MINE!

She slaps Moxxie's rear, causing him to blush while you light a cigar you stole from Crim's dining room.

Blitzo: By the way, all of you should probably know, Chaz isn't even rich okay? Check his car. Later losers!

Blitzo gives Crim the double middle finger salute as he leaves and you get in his face.

Y/N: HA, he played you like a fucking rube.

You blow cigar smoke in Crim's face before turning to join the rest of I.M.P as they hop the destroyed fence and take a waiting helicopter while throwing Chaz's car keys on the ground. The helicopter flies away with a banner saying "WE'RE Married BITCH" over the original words "Just Got Married" using blood and extra fabric.

Chaz coughs out the dildo out of his mouth and looks fearfully at an angry Crim glaring at him.

We cut back to I.M.P where the helicopter arrives; Loona is still sitting in her chair, quickly glances at the camera, and gives an angry shrug.

Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, Dani, and you disembark the helicopter, which quickly crashes as Loona embraces You.

Loona: Y/N, what happened?!

Y/N: Nothing I couldn't handle, now come here.

You pull Loona into a passionate kiss.

Moxxie: Dani? Thank you for saving me; you're amazing.

Dani: Next time, just tell me if your daddy is a psychopath: I can handle it. You know, you look pretty cute in that dress.

Blitzo: Well, I'm glad everything ended up okay. Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox. Also, I got to plow your ex-boyfriend; isn't that great? (wraps his arms around Moxxie and Millie) Now we ALL fucked the same guy.

You pull Blitzo off of Millie and pick her up under your arm.

Millie: Y/N!

Y/N: Bond about degrading yourselves later.

You pick Loona up over your shoulder.

Y/N: I still have a lot of pent up aggression and you two are gonna help me.

You grope Millie's breast and and smack Loona's ass, making them yelp with arousal as you carry them to a bedroom.

Scene cuts back to Crim's house. Crim goes into the dining room where his trophy wall is located and places the torn-out jaw of Chaz

Crim then growls and throws a dagger at his family portrait, the knife landing squarely on Moxxie's forehead.

End of Chapter. Good riddance, Chaz.