The last few weeks sucked all my energy, I felt more like a zombie than a werewolf. And the worst part was that I couldn't go unnoticed anymore.

The gazes followed me no matter where I was in the mansion. It was like being a celebrity but without the glamour.

Zaziel stopped trying to hide our relationship, making me the new hot topic among the rogues. It's not that I was angry with his decision, after all we had made it together, but it turned out that I wasn't prepared for the kind of attention it would attract to me.

One more conversation about the weather and I was going to explode. With so many things to do inside the mansion, why were they wasting their time trying to engage in meaningless chats with me? Zaziel told me that I could ignore them if I wanted. As if it were so easy to ignore ninety percent of the mansion's residents.

He should have tried to go to the training room without being intercepted by the curious mob.

The more I interacted with the members, the more I doubted if I was the best option to be Zaziel's mate. As the alpha of the group, he generated a level of admiration from the rogues that I had never seen before. And then there was me, trying to escape from them.

No matter from what angle I analyzed the situation, I was not up to the task of taking the place of Zaziel's mate. What was I going to do if he decided to make me his Luna?

I couldn't even maintain the connection to my wolf. It was lost at the beginning of that week, three days had already passed since the last time I had heard my wolf, and I didn't know what to do to solve it.

The absence of my wolf came along with episodes of searing pain. It was debilitating to feel so exhausted all the time and having to pretend everything was fine to not scare the people around me.

"What the fuck is happening to me?" I asked Xara, throwing myself onto one of the empty infirmary beds.

"I don't think you're going to like my answer." She sat next to me.

"But you didn't even check me." I raised an eyebrow.

"There's no need for me to check you, the answer is very obvious, so I can't believe you haven't realized it yet."

"I like to pretend I'm stupid to give you a job, I know you'd be bored otherwise," I told her, putting my hands in my pockets. "Are you going to tell me what it is or are we going to play a guessing game?"

"It's the mate bond. From what you told me and from what I saw, you and Zaziel are closer than ever, and yet, you still haven't sealed the mate bond. Your wolf is taking it as if you had rejected the bond."

"That doesn't make sense, we're closer, why is that a sign that I'm rejecting the bond?"

Xara sighed. "The closer you are, the greater the desire of the wolves to consummate the bond. You are giving her signals that you have already accepted Zaziel as your mate but at the same time you are not taking the last step, which only adds more tension for your wolf side "

"But it's a delicate issue, she should understand that, I can't take my decision as if it weighed nothing." I started playing with my fingers. "I thought that as my wolf she would understand my feelings."

Xara took my hands and looked me straight in the eyes.

Oh no. I thought. She must have been about to tell me something I wasn't going to like.

"That is exactly the point. Your wolf knows your true desires, most times they know even what we try to deny to ourselves. If she is suffering because the bond is not sealed yet that is because you also want to consummate it. She is letting you know that you are harming yourself by not accepting your true feelings."

"I don't—"

The excuse stuck in my throat, it was impossible for me to continue denying my desires after they were exposed in front of my face.

Zaziel was my mate, the only one I would ever want.

It had already reached the point where I couldn't imagine my life with anyone other than Zaziel. I knew that I wanted him, I also knew that I didn't believe I deserved that.

"What do I do?" I asked Xara. It sounded more like a plea than a question. "I don't want to feel this emptiness anymore."

She wrapped me in her arms, giving me the support I needed. As my anguish flowed out of my body, Xara gave me a simple answer.

"Follow your heart. I know it sounds cliché, but following your desires is what will allow you to reconnect with your wolf. I imagine that there must be something that is preventing you from taking the next step, but let me remind you that Zaziel cares deeply for you."

"Thanks."

Accepting my feelings and knowing what to do with them were two totally different things. They were easier to carry when I kept them hidden, taking them outside was a new level that I didn't know how to get to. The scariest thing was that I had no way of knowing if Zaziel had reached the same level as me.

What if by confronting him I ruined our relationship? Perhaps it was best for me to hide from him until I found my answer.

×

I couldn't hide from Zaziel.

His hunting instincts peaked every time he looked for me. I had even bribed Klaus not to tell him anything about my whereabouts. After being almost caught by him for the fourth time I started to think that Zaziel had placed a tracker somewhere on my body.

Between him and my wolf they had me trapped, the only possible way out seemed to be to admit my feelings. But I was not a quitter, if there were no more paths, I was going to break everything around me until I created a new one.

"Kitten, can you stop running away from me?" Zaziel screamed at me as I ran towards my room.

"Can't you stop following me?" I spat back.

Luckily the hallway was empty or else we would have already attracted a crowd with our discussion.

"Why are you running? Did I do something?" Zaziel stopped following my steps.

"You're existing, that's what you did." I stood in front of the door to my room.

"That makes no sense."

"Yes, it does, because it's making me feel all these feelings and I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, besides, do I seem like someone who wants to discuss feelings?" Zaziel took a couple of steps towards me, slowly, as if he were testing my reaction. "I just want to show you something, I have a surprise for you. If you come with me I promise I won't ask you anything."

"Will I like the surprise?"

He smirked. "You're gonna love it."

I did love it, in fact, it was the best gift I received in my life. The smile present on my face could not be erased by anything, and would probably remain that way for a long time.

Moon Goddess, how I had waited for that glorious moment. So many nights I dreamed of having them like that, at my mercy, wearing an expression that told me that they already knew what they were about to suffer.

But they had no idea.

Whatever they imagined didn't come close to what I had planned. That small lonely house in the middle of the forest would be the scene of my revenge, and my dear cousin and her mate would be the main actors.

They looked perfect tied to the chairs and with their eyes closed. I walked around them, paying attention to every detail and I was surprised to notice that they did not have a single wound.

"They are yours to play with, I didn't want to ruin your toys before giving them to you," Zaziel told me, answering the question I hadn't even voiced out.

"You really know how to please a lady." I put my arms around his neck and gave him a short kiss. "This is the best surprise ever."

"I'm glad you liked it, kitten." He hugged my waist and kissed my neck. "You can wake them up whenever you want, I left you a bucket filled with water ready for that."

"Can I use anything I want to play with them?"

"Of course." Zaziel walked away and sat in a chair looking at me. "I'm just going to stay here, enjoying the show, but if you need any help, don't hesitate to ask me."

His look of pride made the monster that lived inside me resurface. I had warned my family many years ago that if I ever managed to escape they would have to face the worst part of me, and I was about to keep that promise.

"It's time to wake up," I sang as I threw the water on my victims.

They opened their eyes, startled, and their faces filled with terror when they saw me in front of them.

"Long time no see," I told them, smiling.

"You stupid bitch, let go of me!" Violet shouted, struggling against the chains. "I'm going to kill you."

"Don't be like that, dear cousin. Shouldn't you be glad to see me?"

"Why should we be glad to see trash?" Norman spat in my direction. "You should have stayed hidden among the savages, that was the only chance you had to survive."

"Those are very stupid words for someone who is tied to a chair." I walked to the table and grabbed the whip. "But I understand, sometimes you can lose your sanity when you're about to die."

"What are you going to do with us?" my cousin asked.

I smiled. "I'm just going to repay you for what they did to me. Zaziel, dear, can you help me hang them there?" I asked him pointing to some chains hanging from the ceiling. "I can't do what I want if they're sitting down."

"Whatever you want, kitten."

I watched as Zaziel placed them where I had asked. They tried to hit him to defend themselves, the image was hilarious to me, seeing them wriggling like worms without being able to free themselves from the strong grip of my mate.

"All done," Zaziel told me, returning to the chair.

"Let's start with the main show." I stood behind them and raised the whip. "This is going to help me blow some steam."

The sound of the whip coming into contact with his back was music to my ears. His yelling, mostly insults at me, only made me put more energy into what I was doing.

"Don't you have enough of this?" my cousin yelled at me.

"This is just the beginning." I approached them and poured alcohol on the wounds on their backs. "We have several years to catch up."

"You're a fucking psycho," she shook her body. "I don't know how we can be family."

I left the whip on the ground and walked until I was in front of her. "I've been wondering the same thing for a long time, but I realized that we are the same kind of monsters."

I had no problem accepting the truth, I was rotten inside, and there was no turning back. The torture I subjected Violet and Norman to was wrong, it was an act of evil that no good person could commit.

The desire to be a nice girl had abandoned me before my adolescence. I wasn't going to excuse my actions like they did, I didn't need anyone's forgiveness either, because there wasn't even a shred of regret within me.

I enjoyed every single second of my revenge. No matter how much they begged for mercy I continued to hurt them until their bodies were covered in their own blood.

"I'm bored," I told them, taking out of my pocket the knife that Zaziel had given me. "I think it's time to say goodbye."

"You can't." Violet's words were barely audible. "My father will find out."

I approached her and placed the knife at her throat. "I already know that he's going to find out, I'll take care of sending him your head as a gift."

"No-"

She didn't finish her sentence before I slit her throat. Her blood soaked part of my shirt and my hands, it was so hypnotic that I didn't notice that Norman wanted to attack me with his legs until it was too late.

Still, I wasn't in danger, not with Zaziel covering my back. He stopped him immediately with a bullet to the head.

"Sorry, kitten, I acted on instinct."

"It's okay, I didn't want to play with him anymore."

Zaziel approached me and put his hands on my waist. "You did a great job, I'm proud of you."

I put my hand on his cheek, staining it with my cousin's blood. The way he looked at me sent a wave of warmth through my body. It was then that I understood that my fears were not important, he was the perfect man for me, and I couldn't lose him because of my hesitation.

Without thinking further, I closed our distance with a passionate kiss. All the excitement that still remained in my body after having taken revenge had a new objective.

"I need you. Now," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I can see that, kitten." Zaziel lifted my body so I could wrap my legs around his waist.

The small house had a room with a king-sized bed. Zaziel took me there, showering my neck and collarbones with kisses along the way.

He threw me on the bed and took off his shirt. There was something about the combination of his bare torso and his blood-stained skin that turned me on. I was so hypnotized by him that Zaziel had already taken off his pants too and I still hadn't moved even a millimeter.

"Do you need some help with your clothes?" He teased me, climbing onto the bed on top of me.

I showed him my middle finger before taking off my shirt. Zaziel chuckled and grabbed my face tightly to press his lips against mine.

He shoved his other hand into the front of my pants, pressing it against my panties. The moan that escaped me was absorbed by his mouth. My mind went blank and I began to rub against his hand.

"Easy, kitten," Zaziel told me after breaking the kiss. "We have plenty of time."

"I want to seal the bond." I dropped the bomb.

"Are you sure?"

"I was never more sure of anything in my entire life."

None of us needed to profess our love with words, actions were more than enough. We let ourselves be consumed by passion that afternoon and began a new bond that could never be broken.

There were no longer any doubts: he was mine and I was his.