NO ONE'S POV:

(We see Y/N in a bar, watching tv.)

Anchor: The Seven's Queen Maeve and Homelander made another heroic save today, stopping a hijacked armored truck on the streets of Brooklyn, then staying behind for a photo op with some very lucky fans.

(Y/N): What a crock of shit.

(He finishes his drink & leaves some money on the counter.)

(Y/N): Keep the change.

Bartender: Thanks.

(He walks out of the bar & into an alleyway. After doing a quick scan around the alleyway he's in & doesn't see anyone, he says...)

(Y/N): SHAZAM!

(After changing into his superpowered self, flies into the air & away he goes.)

Shazam: I suppose it's a good thing that there aren't any crimes being committed while I'm on patrol, of course it's a good thing! I'm just bored and honestly cracking some skulls could cheer me up a bit.

(As he's flying, he notices some kids calling his name & waving in the hopes of getting his attention and luckily for them, it works. He lands in front of them.)

Shazam: What can I do for you kids?

Kid 1: You're really him, right?

Kid 2: Of course it's him! The Shazam!

Shazam: Just "Shazam" actually. Heh. So what can I help you two with? Need me to get a cat out of a tree? [chuckles]

Kid 1: Can we have a selfie?

Kid 2: Yeah!

Shazam: You're fans?

Kids: Yes!

Shazam: What kind of hero would I be if I said no?

(He proceeds to take numerous selfies with the kids.)

Shazam: I hope that's enough.

Kid 2: More than enough! Thanks!

Kid 1: Yeah, thanks!

Shazam: No problem.

Kid 1: Is it true that you're Homelander's brother?

Shazam: What?

Kid 2: Are you the younger or older brother?

Shazam: Sorry to burst your bubbles but no I am not Homelander's brother.

Kid 1: *sadly* Really?

Kid 2: So you have no affiliation with Homelander? Like, none at all?

Shazam: No. I'm my own man and superhero.

(With that info, the kids delete all the selfies they took with him.)

Kid 1: Thanks for nothing.

Kid 2: Homelander wannabe.

(The kids turn around & start walking away. Y/N thinks about lifting them by their scrawny necks & calling down some lightning to watch them burn or throw each of them in opposite directions, fly to the South Pole, and watch them crash into each other. Reducing them to mush and tiny bits of bone.)

Shazam: [begrudgingly sighs]

(But he knows better and flies away.)

Vought Headquarters

(We see Y/N hovering towards the roof.)

Shazam: Why'd I even accept this security job? Oh, yeah. To see who the new member of The Seven will be. God, I'm pathetic.

(Cut down to the stage.)

Madelyn: Ladies and gentlemen, it is without a doubt a good time to be in the Superhero business. Our net income is up 14%. Our latest film, G-Men: World War, just grossed shy of $1.7 billion world-wide.

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

Shazam: Holy shit.

Madelyn: And this fall, we break ground on our newest theme park outside of Paris. The branding opportunities are limitless.

[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

Madelyn: But, you know, none of that really matters. Because job one is managing, supporting, and advising the brave heroes who put themselves in harm's way each and every day for us. Let's take a look.

(She plays the promotional video.)

Madelyn: I have a very exciting surprise for you. Both a member of The Seven, and Lord of the Seven Seas, live and in person, the Deep.

Deep: Thank you. Thank you, everybody. After a long, distinguished career with The Seven, my good friend, the Lamplighter, has retired. Let's give him a big "thank you." What do you say?

(The crowd applauds.)

Deep: But now, as we turn towards the future, I'd like to introduce someone very special. And I, for one, can't wait to work with her. Please welcome Starlight.

Shazam: Wow, she made it. Good for her.

Madelyn: Ladies and gentlemen, Starlight and the Deep.

Hours Later

(Starlight is "proving" just how much she wants to be in The Seven & we cut to Y/N on his way to a bar. As he's walking...)

*BUMP*

(A man bumps into him.)

(Y/N): [groans] My bad.

Man: I should be the one saying that, don't you think? I am the one that bumped into you.

(Y/N): Right. If you're not going to say it and if that's it...I'm gon-

Man: What's that magic word you say?

(Y/N): Huh?

Man: Don't tell me it's please.

(Y/N): It's not--I have no...

Man: Mazahs? Was I close?

(Y/N): ...

Man: I don't have all night, Batson.

(Y/N): Do I know you?

Man: No. But you clearly know Homelander.

(Y/N): Tch.

Man: The same look. Practically the same powers.

(Having enough, he turns around and starts walking away.)

Man: I guess there's one difference though. He's in The Seven and you're not.

(Y/N stops in his tracks.)

(Y/N): SHAZAM!

*LIGHTNING STRIKE*

(Lightning strikes down where Y/N was standing & dust surrounds the man.)

Man: Here we go.

*WHOOSH*

(Y/N appears in front of the man & lifts him by his throat.)

Shazam: Let's get this straight; I am nothing like Homelander! Hear me? Nothing! He's-

Man: [strains] A monster.

Shazam: Not the word I was going to use. What makes him a monster?

Man: [strains] Knew that would strike a nerve. What kind of word is "Shazam" any-

(He tightens his grip.)

Shazam: Who are you and how do you know so much about me? I don't have any fans.

Man: Sad. If you don't mind being a dear and letting me go so I can explain?

Shazam: [deep breath]

(He lets go of the man.)

Man: *rubs his neck* The name's Billy Butcher and I know a lot of things.

Shazam: Clearly.

Butcher: Like how you should be in The Seven but you're always told "You're too much like Homelander."

Shazam: Yeah, well...

Butcher: Homelander would've killed me already but not you.

Shazam: Thought about it.

Butcher: Luckily for me, thinking and doing are two different things. How would you like to take Homelander's spot on The Seven? Of course, you'd have to take him out first.

Shazam: Take him out?

Butcher: You know. Fight him, go toe-to-toe, kill him if it came down to it.

(He mulls it over.)

Shazam: If it came down to it? Yes.

Butcher: Grand. Follow me.

Shazam: Where?

A Computer Hardware Store

(Butcher and a now back to normal Y/N walk inside where Butcher inspects a nanny cam teddy bear.)

Hughie: You two interested in a nanny cam? 'Cause we're actually running a special on that. Um, it's a pretty popular bear. There's cameras in the eyes.

Butcher: Tell me, how many nannies shake their babies?

Hughie: Uh, I'm sorry?

Butcher: You know, a good...hard shake, like...like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle. One percent? Less?

(Y/N): I'll say less.

Hughie: I-I don't really know.

Burcher: Funny, that. They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide. Goes to show you, doesn't it? The bollocks people will believe if you get them scared enough.

Hughie: [scoffs] Cool. Cool, cool. Um...Is there anything I can help you two with today, or...?
Butcher: We're not gonna piss you about, Hughie. We heard what happened to Robin.

(Y/N): My condolences.

Hughie: I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Who are you?

Butcher: She wasn't in the street. She was one step off the fucking curb. And you didn't take the pay-off.

(Y/N): Hardened resolve. I like that.

Hughie: Yeah. I said, who the hell are you? How do you know that?

Butcher: Name's Butcher. Billy Butcher.

(He shows Hughie his FBI badge.)

Butcher: And this is my partner, (Y/N) Batson.

(Y/N): Pleasure.

Butcher: What are you waiting on?

(Y/N): What?

Butcher: Show him your badge.

(Y/N): I don't-

(He puts his hand in his jacket pocket & feels a FBI badge.)

(Y/N's thoughts): When did he...?

(He shows his badge to Hughie.)

Butcher: Listen, I was thinking that, uh, the three of us should have a little bit of a chat.

(Cut to the trio walking down the street.)

Hughie: Y-You're Feds? I mean, your partner sounds like a Fed but you don't.

Butcher: What, I can't immigrate? There's a giant green slapper with her ass in the harbor that says different.

Hughie: You don't really look like one, either.

Butcher: No? What do I look like?

Hughie: Like you're starring in a porn version of The Matrix.

(Y/N): We're not going to offer you any pills.

Butcher: Well, it's all right there in black and white.

Hughie: Okay. Uh, what exactly can I do for you?

Butcher: No, you got it all wrong, Hughie. It's what we can do for you. You see, you ain't alone, son. It happens a lot more than you think. Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage. You know about that first hand, right, Batson?

(Y/N): Not really.

Highie: No. Come on, that'd be all over the news. People would be screaming bloody murder.

Butcher: Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention of it now and again, like with Robin, but there's a fuck-sight more that happens that just gets swept right under the rug.

Hughie: Why?

Butcher: Ain't it obvious? Movie tickets, merchandising, theme parks, video games. A multi-billion dollar global industry supported by corporate lobbyists and politicians on both sides. But the main reason that you won't hear about it is 'cause the public don't want to hear about it. See, the people love that cozy feeling that Supes give them.

(Y/N): Ignorance is bliss.

Butcher: Some golden cunt to swoop out of the sky and save the day so you don't got to do it yourself. But if you knew the half the shit they get up to...Ooh...[clicks tongue] Fuckin' diabolical. But then...that's where (Y/N) and I come in.

Hughie: Come in to...to do what?

Butcher: Spank the bastards when they get out of line.

Hughie: How do you spank a Supe?

Butcher: That is (Y/N)'s job.

Hughie: And how do you do it?

(Y/N): Let's hope you never see it. It can get messy.

Butcher: Come on, son.

Hughie: Uh, where?

Butcher: You'll love it.

Hughie: Uh, not likely. Listen, I think this is good; I'm good. Thank you for an extremely weird conversation, but, uh, I don't want to go to a second location with either of you. So, I'm gonna get back to work. Thank you.

(Y/N): Just like that?

Butcher: Hughie! Hughie.

Hughie: [sighs]

Butcher: This is your one and only, mate. Once we go...

(Y/N): We're gone.

Butcher: We're offering you the opportunity to get them that got your girl.

(Y/N): I'd be itching for some revenge.

Butcher: What do you have to lose that ain't already lost?

(Cut to the trio in an alleyway.)

Hughie: Where are we?

Butcher: Keep your mouth shut.

(He knocks on a door as a hole on the door slides open.)

Butcher: Harry. Got your message. Thank you for being an upstanding citizen.

Harry: You know this is fucking police brutality, man. You know what they'll do to me, they catch me letting you in?

Butcher: Not half of what I'll do if you don't.

Hughie: Did he just say you were police?

Butcher: Yeah, you know, cop, Fed, all the same to twats like that.

(They walk in to see...)

Hughie: Holy shit.

Butcher: Pick your jaw up off the floor and try to blend in.

(Y/N): [chuckles] I love it here.

Butcher: This is the only place where the Supes can scratch their filthy little itch without the paps taking snaps.

Hughie: Wait, wait, wait. That's Ezekiel.

(Ezekiel's getting a blowjob while he stretches himself between two other men.)

Hughie: The "Capes for Christ" guy...preaches all that..."pray the gay away" shit.

Butcher: And now he's the meat in the Manwich.

(Y/N): Fucking hypocrite.

Butcher: Right you are, Batson. Right you are.

(Cut to them in the security office where they see a recording of A-Train from last night talking about running through Robin and how he swallowed one of her molars. Like a bug on the fucking highway. A-Train and another hero laugh about it.)

Hughie: They're laughing. Just...Like she's a joke. They're fucking laughing.

Butcher: So what are you gonna do about it?

(Cut to the trio in a booth.)

Hughie: They're all like that? All of them? Even Homelander?

Butcher: Homelander's the exception. He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke. Man's a saint.

(Y/N): Of course he is.

Butcher: But the rest of 'em, yeah. Pardon my French, fuck those fuckers. Here. Have a shufti of that.

(He hands Hughie a police log the day Robin was murdered. What's missing is the bank robbery A-Train supposedly stopped.)

Butcher: Someone's fucking hiding something.

Hughie: Hiding what?

Butcher: Well, we don't know, whatever dodgy shit he was up to that night. Why couldn't he stop? I mean, what was in that bag?

(Y/N): Who was he running from?

Hughie: Or where was he running to?

Butcher: Bingo. Work that out, and we'll have the fucker, I can smell it.

Hughie: Okay. Okay, so, um...what can I do to help?

Butcher: Here's what you do. Ring Vought, tell 'em you'll take the money, sign the NDA, but only if A-Train's there in person when you do it.

Hughie: Why does A-Train have to be there?

Butcher: Then they'll take you into The Seven Tower, through security mate, and then you're gonna plant a bug.

Hughie: A bug?

(Y/N): You know what it is.

Butcher: A bug. And we'll have a little listen. See what's really going on.

Hughie: Okay, let me just...sorry, let me just get this straight. You want me to...you want me to go to Seven Tower by myself, and-and you want me to plant a bug, like I'm...what, like I'm fuckin' James Bond?

Butcher: Yeah, exactly. You got it.

Hughie: You're FBI. If you're FBI, then get a warrant. Why do you...why do you even need me?

Butcher: Hughie, Hughie, look, mate, we got a warrant, all right? But that place is firewalled, untappable, and locked up tighter than a nun's knickers. We couldn't get ourselves in there in a million years. But you, son, you could do it.

(Y/N): Slip it right under their noses. They'd be none the wiser.

Hughie: No, no, I can't, okay?

Butcher: Yeah.

Hughie: I can't. No. You didn't see A-Train covered in...And-and I'm, what, I'm just supposed to go in there, and I'm supposed to...I'm supposed to shake his hand? And smile?

Butcher: Yeah.

Hughie: I'm not...Do you know who my favorite musician is?

Butcher: Who?

Hughie: James Taylor. Number two, Simon & Garfunkel. Number three, Billy Joel.

(Y/N): I'm into way harder music but they're still good.

Hughie: Any of those guys, they don't infiltrate. Okay? I'm not an infiltrator.

Butcher: Hughie, Hughie, fucking grow a pair. You heard that cunt laughing at your girl.

(Y/N): Your dead girl. Which he murdered.

Hughie: No. No. No. No, I can't. I can't do that. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna fuck it up, and you're not gonna have your bug...[panting] and I'll be dead. I'm not...I'm not like you.

(Hughie gets up from the booth & leaves.)

The Next Day

(We see Starlight sitting on a park bench & talking to her mom on the phone. She doesn't tell her what happened between her & the Deep.)

Annie: Everything's great. Just how we dreamed. Um...Mom, actually, you know what? I have to go.

(She hangs up as the camera pans back revealing Y/N sitting next to her.)

Annie: [sniffles]

(He notices this.)

(Y/N): [whispers] I should've said something sooner.

Annie: [takes deep, shuddering, breath]

(Y/N): Um...excuse me. I'm sorry, a-are you okay? Just seemed like a...tough call. Sorry. I don't mean to bother you.

Annie: No, no, it's okay. Uh...I'm fine. I'm just...I'm having a bad day.

(Y/N): Yeah, me too. [softly] More like a couple of years. [clears throat] Uh...is it, like, a-a work thing, or...a-a life thing?

Annie: [smacks lips] It's a work thing. You?

(Y/N): Uh...a little bit of both.

Annie: You know how you have this...image of yourself? Like, I thought I was strong. You know? Like, made of steel. A fighter. And...then I was faced with this horrible situation with this asshole...and...I just heard my mom's voice in my head, "Keep smiling, the show must go on," and...I didn't fight. And now I just feel sick. Partly because I did it, but...mostly because...turns out I'm not who I thought I was. [sighs] Oh. Oh, I'm, um, sorry.

(Y/N): It's okay.

Annie: I-I didn't mean to just dump all of that onto you.

(Y/N): Like I said, it's okay. No need to apologize for dumping. Um...do you like your job?

Annie: Oh. It's the only thing I've ever wanted.

(Y/N): And it's a good job? Like, you're not selling kids smack?

Annie: No, it's a great job. I could help a lot of people.

(Y/N): Thing is, I, um...I'm not good at a lot of things. But my job, I'm really good at it. And no matter how hard I try or improve the following, day, week, month, year...I never get the credit or acknowledgement. I'm starting to realize it's not about that.

Annie: You love what you do.

(Y/N): [chuckles] Yeah. After a hard day and I feel like giving up, I tell myself my favorite quote. "Why do we fall? So we learn to pick ourselves up." So you fell? You gonna pick yourself up?

Annie: I am. Because I'm a fighter. I'm gonna fight. Yeah.

(Y/N): Atta girl.

Annie: I'm gonna take that son of a bitch's head clean off his body.

(Y/N): Okay. Wow, that was...cool. Little scary, but cool. Ah, before I forget...

Annie: Hm?

(Y/N): Congrats on making it into The Seven.

Annie: What?

(Y/N): Before you understandably freak out over me knowing that, it's (Y/N) Batson. It's been awhile. We--

Annie: (Y/N) Batson!

(She hugs him.)

Annie: It has been awhile. Wow! I hardly recognize you. You're a lot bigger than I remember.

(Y/N): [chuckles] That's thanks to my superpower.

Annie: Of course. I kinda figured. Am I going to see the real you?

(Y/N): Not today. I'm not that courageous.

Annie: But you have the courage of Achilles.

(Y/N): You remember.

Annie: Yes, I remember.

(Y/N): Huh.

(The two look out across the park before cutting to Y/N sitting next to Butcher at a bar.)

Butcher: What took you so long?

(Y/N): Ran into an ex.

Butcher: Gotcha. And how'd it go?

(Y/N): Extremely well I'd say.

(Hughie walks into the bar they're in and sits next to Butcher as well.)

Hughie: Okay, man. I'm in.

(Cut to the trio in Butcher's car, outside of Vought, telling Hughie the plan.)

Hughie: That's that? That was--that was a lot. Th--I've--Hold on, can you just--can you repeat it again? Just a little bit slower? Because I...

Butcher: Shh. Listen.

Hughie: Fuck. [exhales]

Butcher: Hughie, calm down, all right?

(Y/N): Tranquillo, Hughie.

Butcher: This is like that scene in The Matrix. Now, you could take the fucking red pill, right? Spend the rest of your life jacking off, crying into your chai tea green latte, what the fuck. Or...you could take the blue pill. Or is it the red pill?

(Y/N): Did you even watch the movie?

Butcher: Anyway, take the other pill and quit being a cunt.

Hughie: Which pill do you want me to take?

Butcher: Just quit being a cunt. That's what I'm saying.

Hughie: [quietly] Fuck me. Okay.

(He exits the car & walks towards Vought Headquarters.)

(Y/N): You have a way with words.

Butcher: Shut it.

(Hughie's able to go through with the plan but he drops the bug in the restroom. He gets it back but not without Translucent seeing him. Cut to Butcher driving Hughie back to work.)

Hughie: And I look him right in the eye, and I smile. And that was awesome, man, just getting to stare that asshole down.

(Y/N): Haha, I bet.

Hughie: I get why you two dig this job.

Butcher: Yeah, you know, it has its moments, doesn't it?

Hughie: You were right. Fuck A-Train. Fuck A-Train. Fuck-fuck The Seven. Fuck all...Seven. What are we, uh...what are we doing here?

Butcher: Well, you gotta go to work, don't you?

Hughie: Yeah, but, um, I don't, uh...

Butcher: Well, I mean, that's all we need you for right now, yeah?

Hughie: Yeah, I mean, but I-I can...I can help with other stuff, you know? I could--I could be, like, your tech guy. You know? Like, I could be in the van with the thing and, like, you know, "He's down the hall to the left."

(Y/N): Stop while you're ahead.

Butcher: I think it's best if (Y/N) and I take it from here.

Hughie: Yeah, but I-I can--I can really help.

Butcher: I know you can help.

(Y/N): We got it.

(He exits the car & tears up his 45k "hush" check. Sometime later, Translucent confronts Hughie about the bug & throws him around the store. Just as he's about to crush Hughie with a tv, Butcher crashes his car into Translucent.)

Butcher: Sorry about the mess. You should fuck off, Hughie. Hughie, run!

(They fight each other as Hughie's about to leave but turns back.)

(Translucent is able to get Butcher down as there's a lightning strike heard in the background.)

Translucent: So who are you? Fucking spy? For who? Huh? You're gonna fucking tell me or I'm gonna smash your fucking scalp off! Who the fuck are you?!

Butcher: I'll tell you who you are.

(Hughie crawls towards an exposed wire.)

Butcher: A fucking moron. "Translucent" doesn't even mean "invisible." It means "semi-transparent."

(Hughie attempts to shock him but the wire isn't long enough.)

*CRACK*

(A lightning bolt is thrown & hits Translucent in the chest, shocking him.)

Translucent: [yells]

(Y/N, as Shazam, walks into the store.)

Butcher: *spits blood* Took you long enough. Speed of Mercury my arse.

Shazam: I don't know this area of the city, okay?

(He looks at Translucent.)

Shazam: Still up are we?

Translucent: [groans]

(He walks up to him & pushes him into the exposed wire.)

(Translucent drops after that.)

Hughie: Is he...is he dead? Is he...

(Butcher kicks Translucent.)

Butcher: Well, he ain't moving.

Hughie: Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Butcher: How'd you know the electric could do the job?

Hughie: Skin's carbon. Highly conductive. Saw it on, uh, Jimmy Fallon.

Shazam: Hm, explains why my lightning bolt worked.

Butcher: Would've taken me forever to work that one out. Good job. Let's get him in the boot.

Hughie: Wait, wait, wait, what?

Butcher: [groans] The trunk.

Shazam: Let me.

Hughie: What are we--what are we doing with him?

Butcher: Well, Hughie, you just offed one of The Seven, mate.

Hughie: Me? I--You-you hit him with a fucking car! Then (Y/N) threw a goddamn lightning bolt at him!

Shazam: It all ends with the same result.

Butcher: Look, potato, fucking po-tah-to. We're all in a shitload of trouble.

Hughie: No, no, we're not! He-he attacked us, okay? And you're a federal officer who happens to have a Supe for a partner, you know? Just-just call the fucking FBI.

Butcher: Yeah, o-okay, so, look, technically I'm not a fed.

Shazam: Same here. Still a Supe though. Name's Shazam.

(Lightning strikes down on Y/N.)

(Y/N): So...

Hughie: What?! Then who the fuck are you?!