AN: Trigger warning. Didn't feel like putting an art cover up due to the serious topic addressed in this chapter.

Catastrophes came in different shapes and sizes to people, whether it was in the form of a drunken text to an ex, death, overdue bills, or a toxic one night stand.

No matter what, the outcome was always the same, always detrimental.

Polly's catastrophe however, came in the form of Claire Dugan.

And the outcome, was more than detrimental.

"Yeah, Kenny told me he really liked you. He thinks you're super cute." Claire whispered in Polly's ear over the noise of the party as Polly took a drink of her red plastic cup in her hand, blinking at Harry's girlfriend with wide, gullible eyes.

"Really? He thinks I'm cute? That's so nice, he was really nice." Polly bashfully admitted with a small nod, ultimately not knowing what to say since she was still not used to having the boys who used to bully her for wearing skirts now lustfully fall for her with said skirt on after two years.

"I know right, he actually sent me down here to talk to you. Thought it would be nice to chat more upstairs, you know, away from all the noise." Claire slyly whispered, as if sharing an inside secret with Polly who paused, giving her a hesitant look as she nervously played with a strand of her long blonde hair.

"No- no thank you. Maybe he can come down and we can talk here." Polly politely offered instead, knowing what people did upstairs away from the rest of the crowd in parties before Claire pursed her full lips knowingly with a look of understanding.

"Don't worry, he won't touch you, I'll even be right there with you guys to make sure he keeps his hands to himself, promise." Claire proposed with a sickly sweet smile that made Polly rethink her decision at such a friendly face.

"Come on, we see each other all the time, do you think I'd do anything bad." Claire pouted her lips, batting her long lashes for emphasis as Polly smiled, taking in a shaky inhale.

"No." Polly admitted, and she believed it, because if this was the girl Harry gave his heart too, how bad could she be.

Claire gave her a subtle once over, the cogs in her mind turning as she gracefully flipped her hair over one smooth shoulder, realizing she needed a different approach.

"You know, me and the girls were actually just talking about you joining the team upstairs. We like your spunk and even when tempted with one of the hottest jocks at our school, aka Kenny just right now, you still have a strong mindset." Claire said with narrowed eyes and a cat like smile as Polly blinked at her in surprise.

"Me? In the school cheerleading team?" Polly perked up, almost everyone knowing that was her dream as Claire beamed at her.

"Why of course, we've been watching you closely and now that I know you've got some strong resistance, I think it's time for the next step in your initiation." She lowly whispered the last word as if it was some top secret, causing Polly's bubbles excitement to grow.

This was Polly's chance, to really be like one of the girls and even as Harry's girlfriend stood in front of her in her blue and gold cute cheerleading outfit it only made Polly want to join even more.

"Alright, what do I have to do?" Polly curiously wondered.

Claire smirked.

"Oh just a small small task. Follow me, all the girls are upstairs waiting." She winked at the naive blonde who trailed after her like an eager puppy, through the crowd, up the staircase, and down the hall until they reached a secluded bedroom where Polly was greeted with the entire cheer team inside, lounging on the ground and furniture in their prepped hair and peppy cheerleading skirts.

"Everyone, you remember Polly, the famous girl who auditioned for a spot on the team this year with those impressive flips and cart wheels, right?" Claire's melodic, light tone held a hint of mischief as the girls around the room let out secretive giggles, waving and smirking at Polly who innocently smiled and timidly waved back.

"Here is your very own customized cheerleading outfit. Go ahead, open it." Claire insisted, handing Polly a neat, large decorative box that Polly happily took with a grateful smile once she placed her cup down, opening the lid to reveal her outfit, only to stare down at it with a confused expression at the sight of the more larger sized cheer shirt and the matching navy pants that were folded with it.

"Those are the cheerleading uniforms for the males. Only females get to wear the skirts." Claire pointed out when she noticed Polly's distraught reaction, panic taking over her soft features as she felt all the cheerleaders around her slowly near her before the box fell from her hand, dropping to the floor.

"I think- I think I should go-" Polly began in alarm, blinking nervously and turning to leave only for two girls closest to the door locked it shut, keeping her in and blocking the exit as Polly's breathing became ragged.

"Go? But you just got here. And we haven't even started the initiation yet." Claire pouted, mockingly tilting her head to the side before two cheerleaders grabbed Polly's wrists from behind, causing her to scream and flail in fear, her yells for help drowned by the loud music of the party downstairs as she was forcefully dragged and pinned to the bed, four cheerleaders holding her down on each limb.

"Why are you doing this? Please, please just let me go! Let me go! Please!" Polly begged, tears streaming down her face as her small fists desperately jerked, her arms and legs held down by giggling cheerleaders who dug their sharp, manicured nails into her skin if she struggled too much.

"Don't you want to be like us Polly? Or maybe I should just call you Peter instead." Claire mused as Polly stopped her futile flailing to stare at Claire with wide, fearful eyes, her heart dropping to her stomach at that name.

"You are trying to be like a girl right? Wearing all those clothes and make up. Even growing out your pretty long hair." She continued in a cynical tone before nodding at someone besides the bed that Polly was pinned too, causing Polly to turn her head at the sound of buzzing, finding a smirking girl holding a shaver near her before Polly screamed in terror.

"No please! Don't do this please! I don't know what I did but I'm sorry! I'm sorry don't- please no." Polly couldn't even yell that loud as her throat began to close up and she couldn't do anything but try and lower her head, tears blurring her vision and falling down her nose bridge onto her clothes as she heard the shaver get closer, right until the razors touched her scalp.

There was nothing Polly could do but sob, weakly mumbling out desperate, heart broken "please's" as she was held down while the girl shaved off her blonde hair, the hair that had taken forever for her to grow just the length she wanted, the hair that she made sure to shampoo and condition and take care of fell in thick locks around her.

"See, that's the hairstyle a boy should have." Claire said in approval when Polly's head was shaved, only small uneven patches of what was left of her hair over her scalp as she hung her head, sobbing silently to herself.

"Why are you doing this." Polly choked out, genuinely not knowing what on earth she did to deserve this.

"Hey, don't you think we're going a little too far here." She heard a girl speak up but didn't bother to look and see who it was.

"Yeah, what if she's not even... you know-"

"A transgender?" Claire said the word with a mixture of disgust and humor.

"Well I guess we'll have to see for ourselves won't we?" She malevolently drawled out as Polly snapped her head up in alarm at the feel of hands grabbing the waist band of her skirt.

"No! No more! Please no!" Polly was back to screaming and panicking, now struggling ten times harder as more cheerleaders went over to help pin her down and keep her still while Claire dragged her skirt and underwear down her restrained legs.

The whole room of girls gasped and stared in awe and even Claire became silent, eyes wide and lips pressed firmly together while Polly cried.

"So it was true..." Claire trailed off under her breath.

"She has a dick!" One girl laughed causing everyone to erupt in hysteria, throwing out sick jokes that made Polly want to curl up into a ball to shrivel and die.

"What a freak."

"That's fucked up, do you blow yourself when you don't have any other guys to trick and fuck over?"

Polly winced at each insult as if they were actual, physical hits to her face before Claire forcefully gripped her chin.

"Stop fighting who you are, you're only upsetting everyone around you, your family, friends, God. You were created to be a boy, what you're doing is wrong." Claire told her, her eyes boring into Polly's teary ones as Polly simply shook her head with a quivering lip, trying to hold back her tears.

"No, no," Polly heaved.

"Yes. We're just trying to help you be normal, let us help you. You just need someone to bring out your inner male sweetheart." Claire said in a chillingly calm voice, making Polly stare at her in horror, realizing that the deranged girl was actually serious.

Claire then straightened, smirking slightly before slipping her cheerleading top over her head, standing at the foot of the bed Polly was trapped onto as she unclipped her bra.

"Do you like what you see? It's male instinct to enjoy a woman's body." Claire said, her bare chest showing as Polly cried, furiously shaking her head and crying harder when Claire began to drag her own thong down her legs, leaving her skirt on before she neared Polly.

"Stop! No please! I'll do anything just don't do this!" Polly was shaking as Claire crawled on top of her, fully sitting on her lap as a seductive grin spread across her face.

"Don't worry, you'll be hard soon. There's no need to be scared, I'm just trying to help you embrace who you really are." Claire whispered as the cheerleaders held Polly down while Claire lifted her skirt and there was nothing Polly could do but continue to struggle and scream for help that would never come.

"In tv shows, or books, the guy would come in just in time before any real damage happened. I would have gotten there in time and stopped her before she could do anything to Polly." Harry said, as if talking to himself with a sorrowful look that seemed to be permanently etched across his face.

"But what the books and shows don't show, is that that doesn't always happen in real life." He breathed out, his eyes watery as he tugged at the roots of his hair, looking up at the ceiling and taking a short pause to collect himself before continuing.

"I got there only after it was all over. I busted into the room and found Polly crying, curled up on a bed, sobbing into a mattress with her underwear around her ankles. I came in right as Claire was putting her skirt back on too and it didn't take a genius to put two and two together." His jaw was locked and he grit his teeth at the memory.

"What did you do! What did you fucking do Claire!" Harry had snapped, face red with rage after he had checked up on Polly who was pale and shaking, eyes blank and expression stoic of any emotion on the bed before he angrily strode over to Claire who stumbled back.

"Harry- I- it's not-" Claire began before Harry pushed her against the wall making her blink up at him in shock.

"I trusted you! I fucking trusted you! What did you do!" Harry yelled in her face as her friends tried to hold him back while she cowered under his towering height.

"Harry just calm down." One of the cheerleaders nervously said, only for him to violently shrug off their prying hands.

"Baby please-" Claire attempted to defend herself but Harry just backed away, shaking his head with clenched fists.

"Don't ever call me that Claire. We're over, you hear me! We're done, I don't want you ever bothering me or Polly again." Harry warned her with a threatening glare as he carried a limp, hyperventilating Polly into his arms after putting her skirt back on.

"What- Harry you can't just- you can't just break up with me." Claire had panicked as Harry turned his back to her.

"Finding out my highschool girlfriend had just raped my best friend was a big hit. But I was the one who had told her about Polly's secret in the first place, I thought I could trust her, she was so nice to me and always so understanding I didn't think she'd ever be capable of doing something like that to someone." Harry said, rubbing his face with an evident, dark look settling over his tired features as I stared at him with a creased brow.

"We were together for two years- I really thought I knew her. She kept wondering why Polly never worried about getting any STD's or getting pregnant with how many guys that asked her out. I told her Polly didn't ever need to worry about that and then she just kept asking all these questions. One because Polly was a virgin and it's physically impossible for her to be pregnant. I thought she genuinely cared so I just- I told her, I told her and made her swear she wouldn't tell anyone." Harry shook his head with regret, releasing a heavy sigh.

"That's why you kept pushing the condoms and rose petals for Polly and Ethan?" I finally spoke up after a few moments, the first time I had said anything after that entire story, turning my body on the bed and propping my head up with my elbow to look at him as he glanced over at me before nodding.

"I just didn't want you to suspect anything if I showed no interest or worry because that's exactly what happened with Claire. I may have gone a bit overboard but I didn't want to make the same mistake I made before." His heartfelt green eyes met mine and he swallowed, trying to compose himself.

"Fuck, fuck fuck. God, I don't know why but looking at you makes me just want to fucking cry." Harry placed his palms over his closed eyes as he looked away while I blinked at him.

"Oh... thank you?" I slowly said in a hushed voice.

"No it's- it's cause I just wish I knew you back then. I wish you were there to tell me from right and wrong- I wish-" He released a shaky breath and that was what made me shuffle closer to him on the mattress, bringing my arms around him as he immediately rested his head on my chest, silently crying and wrapping his arms around me as we laid facing each other on or sides, hugging as I comforted him.

"I was supposed to be the one who never hurt her and it was because of me the worst thing that could have ever happened to her happened." He said, his lips at my neck, warm tears trailing down his face to my own skin as I placed my lips against his head of hair, running my hands across his scalp and holding him close while he sniffled.

"I know hun, I know." I hushed him in a soft, caring tone that I only used on Gus when ever he needed comforting, feeling Harry's breathing calm and goosebumps form over his arms before he held me closer, snuggling his face against my neck and collecting himself as our chests rose and fell together.

After hearing what happened to sorry I really didn't know what to say.

What was there left to say.

I just never would have guessed someone as cheerful and perky as Polly would have gone through so much.

I don't know how long Harry and I laid in his bed in each other's arms, but at some point we had both fallen asleep.

It was only when the sound of the doorbell at the front door echoed through Harry's large mansion did we jerk awake, Harry's immediate reaction to hold me tighter, more protectively before he raised his sleepy head from my chest and looked around in a drowsy daze, the doorbell ringing once again.

Still tired I closed my eyes again and I felt Harry slowly drift away from me, grabbing my limp hand that had fallen from his hair to his face when I fell asleep and kissing it, his soft lips against the palm of my hand before he rose from the mattress and put a blanket over me, exiting the room to answer the door.

I heard a few familiar voices but was too tired to open my eyes to see who it was, right until my phone buzzed in my pocket, fully waking me up this time as I sighed and slowly sat myself up.

Checking my phone, it took a minute for my sleepy brain to realize that all the missed texts and calls were from none other than Ethan himself.

My eyes flickered over the texts he sent as I grit my teeth before I called him, already getting up from the bed.

I crept over to the balcony of the large marble staircase of Harry's place, the overly extravagant glass chandelier hanging just a few feet away from my face while I waited for Ethan to pick up, staring down and finding Polly and Harry hugging on the first floor near the front door, a distraught expression on her face.

Then Ethan picked up.

"Can I just say you take like, fucking forever to answer your phone..." He slurred out, and by the drastic ups and downs in his unsteadily slow voice, I knew he was drunk.

"Where the hell were you. You never miss trick or treating with Gus, and why are you drunk?" I harshly said into the device, keeping my voice down and watching Harry comfort Polly as they spoke.

"Get off my back-" Ethan paused to hiccup.

"-woman. I'll make it up to him but I've had a real poopy day. I was with Polly and she told me this big fucking secret she had. Huge." He tried to explain, his drunken words fumbling together as I furrowed my brows at what he was saying, still staring at Harry who rubbed the sides of Polly's arms, her shoulders slumped.

An upset Polly, a drunk Ethan, and a big secret.

She told him.

"Are you at home?" I asked, turning and heading back into Harry's room towards the window.

"Where else would I be. Not with Polly that's for sure." He snorted, making me roll my eyes, forgetting how much of an ass he could be when he's drunk as I slipped out of Harry's room by the window, landing on the roof and making my way down.

"Don't do anything stupid. I'll be there soon." I simply said before ending the call, not even waiting for a response.

Ethan ultimately had a big soft heart despite his rough, sharp, tattooed demeanor.

And when that big heart broke and all that love poured out, he refilled it with something that was instantaneous and at his fingertips in that moment.

Alcohol.

"I feel like my whole life is a lie, just everything is a lie." Ethan drawled out as I grabbed the half empty liquor bottle from his grasp while he threw his head back on his couch.

"Is this even my place, am I even Ethan?" He squinted up at the ceiling before slowly turning his intoxicated eyes to me.

"Are you even a lesbian?" He wondered, pointing at me.

"I'm not." I responded with a straight face.

"Everyone's lying to me!" He freaked out, burying his face in his hands as I rubbed my forehead, trying to calm myself down.

"She never told me- and then she got mad at me for having a kid. Oh yeah, well she lied about having a vagina. So, so goodbye to her!" He childishly pouted, scrunching his large, muscular body into a ball, bringing his knees to his chest with a frown before I kneeled down besides him on the sofa.

"What happened to you two, when did this all happen?" I interrogated as he gazed down at the floor.

"During Halloween party. Got cut from breaking cup. She bandaged me. We talk. I kiss her. Then she drops bricks on me, tell me she was slowly remembering, all this time, she remembered every time she looked at me." Ethan murmured against his knees.

"Remembered? Remembered you and her?" I asked as he nodded in confirmation.

"And then she tells me her secret, and then when I'm to speechless to say anything she leaves. She fucking runs away. I tried chasing her, looking for her all night- god! Fuck her!" Ethan complained in obvious irritation, grabbing his skull as if experiencing some major migraine before I rose back to my feet.

"It's still Polly Ethan. It's still her, she's still the same person you fell in love with." I reasoned, rubbing the taut muscles of his back as he shook his head, shoving his face down into the cushions, muttering a repetitive "I don't know, I don't know" chant under his breath.

At this point I was already making a big speech in my mind on why Polly and him were meant to be together -which was a big thing for me since I rarely talked a lot.

I jumped slightly at the feel of Ethan's hand over mine on his back, holding it tenderly in a way much too familiar as he skimmed the pad of his calloused thumb across my skin, raising his head to look up at me.

"Do you ever wish things were just easier..." He breathed out as I gave him a cautious look, speculating where this conversation was going.

"What are you-"

"If you and I stayed together, if we just kept Gus and had our own family." He elaborated, his eyes imploring mine before he sat himself up, keeping my tatted hand in his.

"Ethan, not this again come on-"

He suddenly rose, placing his large hand over mine before bringing them up to frame my face as I gave him a look, grabbing his wrists.

"Don't you ever think about what would have happened if we stayed together. If we chose a different path." His voice was soft and low, his blue eyes falling to my lips before he made the first move to lower his head, our noses brushing as I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"You can't do this." I said in a slightly irritated voice, stopping him before our lips could meet as I opened my eyes so he could see the fierce look in them.

"You can't keep stringing me along, you can't just try and crawl back to me after every heart break when you're drunk and use my feelings against me. I like someone else now." I brought his hands down away from myself as he gave me a sad, boyish puppy dog look.

"Someone new, you're seeing someone?" Ethan asked, blinking at me with a slightly stunned expression as I held my ground.

"Yes," I confidently said.

He raised his brow at my enthusiasm.

"Kind of," I rethought, remembering Harry and I's little love triangle set back with Polly.

Ethan smirked.

"Okay it's complicated but frankly it is none of your business." I angrily jabbed at his broad chest, not making him move a muscle before he gently grabbed my wrist.

"I care about you, you are my business. Especially if the guy's an asshole who doesn't deserve you." Ethan protested with the occasional slur, reminding me how drunk he was as he peered down at me.

"No, you don't get to do this Ethan." I pushed him away from me in disgust, this time causing him to back away to give me some space.

"Do what Ron?" He gave me a look, genuinely confused in his intoxicated state.

"You don't get to go and move on and I can't. You can't stop me from finding someone else okay, you were the one who decided we keep our relationship completely platonic after having Gus together. I was right by your side with every girl, every relationship you got in. I had to stand there and watch you fall in and out of love with every pretty face while I was on the side still in love with you!" The passionate, heart felt words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, pouring what seemed to be almost a decade of suppressed feelings as Ethan stared at me with a slackened jaw.

By the end of my rant the only sound in the room was that of my heavy breathing as I blinked, realizing what I had just confessed before I swallowed and straightened my posture, trying to seem bigger than how I truly felt at that moment.

"Granted, Polly isn't just a pretty face and I'm telling you, if you let her go because of this you will regret it for the rest of your life. And the guy I'm into, he is a really sweet, amazing person and I care about him-"

"Do you love him." Ethan cut me off, stepping closer as my eyes met his.

"I- I don't know. But I know he means a lot to me." I truthfully admitted, never having thought about it before as I defensively crossed my arms over my chest.

Harry did make me happy, made me feel things I haven't felt in a long time.

"Let me reiterate then." Ethan closed the space between us, our chests almost touching as I looked up at him with slightly wide eyes, feeling his gaze flicker over my body before settling back on my face.

"Do you still love me." He inquired, surprisingly more stable in his drunk state than I currently was in my sober one as I stood there, looking up at him.

The tension between us was almost suffocating and I opened my mouth to respond before I was interrupted.

"Yeah Vee," Another voice suddenly joined in, snapping both Ethan and I out of our dazes as we turned our heads to find Harry standing at the opened entrance of Ethan's flat, his green, serious eyes solely on me as our gazes locked.

Harry's jaw was locked and he leaned his broad shoulder against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his cashmere sweater covered chest as he stared at me intensely while I felt the walls begin to close in on me.

"Do you still love him?"

AN: