Comment of Chapter Eleven is by misunderstoodgenius 🧡🧡

I watched as Sebastian stepped towards me, filling my glass with glittering gold champagne. I looked out of place here in my denim overall dress, but none of that compared to how uncomfortable I felt on the inside. I'd told Sebastian I was bringing a boy in a last minute text to even confirm my attendance—I'd really pulled a one-eighty on the poor guy. I was sure he wasn't even expecting me to show, and then I'd arrived in Felix's sporty car. With Felix.

"So you guys met in class, how sweet," Remy said, a hand on his chin as he devoured Felix. He was probably glad there was someone to give his attention to other than me. I was okay with that, though. I needed a buffer for a reason.

"Psst," Seb hissed, pinching my arm.

"Ouch!"

"Come into the kitchen and help with the entrée."

I cast a secret disgruntled look towards Felix, who seemed to be oddly amused under Remy's scrutiny.

"Why did you suddenly conjure up a boyfriend tonight?" Seb asked in a quiet tone, carefully ensuring his voice wouldn't carry.

"You never said I couldn't bring a plus one," I pointed out, leaning over to take a swab at the cake he'd ordered for dessert. He swatted my hand away.

"Not my question, Josie. And this situation isn't funny. Things are serious. Have you even been dating him that long? You've told me nothing about him."

"That's because you hate everything I do, anyway," I muttered, but I knew that wasn't true. Sebastian was the last person left in my family that I could talk to, after all.

I narrowed my eyes as he started setting out china plates on the kitchen island, ready to be filled with food. "Seb, why are there five—"

The doorbell rang, and a high-octave 'I'll get it!' from Remy had me stiffen.

"Sebastian." My voice was a haunting pitch of warning.

Seb didn't meet my eyes, he just averted his gaze and continued to pour vegetable soup into five different bowls to sit atop the plates.

I wanted to threaten him, to swear at him and make him admit this wasn't real, but I couldn't. I was frozen still.

"Mrs. Crawford!" Remy's voice in the kitchen sounded pleasantly surprised, but the way it faltered towards the end told me all I needed to know.

            "This is it, you know," I hissed. "You're dead to me."

            I wish I didn't bring Felix. If I hadn't, it'd be easier to—quite literally—throw Sebastian's dinner in his face and storm off, erasing him just like everyone else in my family. The betrayal stung more than the fact I had to face my mother. I trusted him.

            I crossed the threshold to the dining room in time to see Eleanor Crawford in all her glory—a fur sheath over her shoulders and golden earrings sparkling with diamonds dangling inches from her earlobes. I could already smell the stench of sour perfume, enough to have me gagging at the memories of her I kept locked away.

            "Joselyn." She said my voice the way she might speak to a street cat, kind and sweet, but an underlying disgust ruining any good intentions.

            I didn't reply, my jaw cemented shut.

            "And this is Felix!" Sebastian said from over my shoulder with too much enthusiasm. Poor Felix. He really was being used as the Crawford family scapegoat.

            "Um, hi Mrs.—"

            "Call me Eleanor," Mom said, offering a hand covered in gemstones.

            "Felix and I were just leaving," I said quickly, glaring at Sebastian and Remy as I made my way to his side. Mom darted from me as I approached, and I reveled in that small amount of power. I used to feel so powerless.

            Felix gave a small smile. I'd never seen him absent of his confidence, and it made my stomach drop. There was a chance he'd forget any infatuation he had with me after this.

            "Joselyn." Sebastian's voice cracked, and for a moment I paused. "Please."

            I caught Remy purse his lips in a sneer in my peripheral vision, and I could almost feel him soaking up this power struggle. He never understood me. He took my rebellion as acts of a spoiled teenager, not for what it really was. Fear.

            "I haven't seen you in a year," Mom said. I almost believed the thickness in her tone, but I'd been fooled by it so many times. She loved to make me the bad guy.

            I almost gave her a smart remark, but then I felt Felix's fingers loop between mine, squeezing. Then I saw what he saw—what was clearly a family ambush. He didn't know what was really happening here. What I had gone through to escaper her—how Sebastian had betrayed me.

            Thank you, I wanted to say to him. I looked at him gratefully as I led us to the door. There was no way in hell that I was staying for this.

            "Wait."

            I didn't want to, but something about Mom's tone had my heels frozen to Sebastian's marble tiles.

            "Don't you want to make things right between us, Joselyn? All things considered?"

            My stomach turned. There were many things that could fall under the umbrella of 'all things', and I was certain I didn't want any of them spoken in front of Felix. But, I didn't have to think for long to know what she meant. The letter. It was her newest—cruelest—form of blackmail. Of tethering me closer to her side. To Dad's side. To the Crawfords.

            Mom's voice cracked and her brown eyes—the ones that I'd inherited along with my thick curls—shimmered. It wasn't often she appeared weak, but when she did I knew it was because she wanted to make someone feel guilty.

            Sebastian slumped against the wall across the room, and Remy's face looked disgusted. Like I'd forced my mother to beg before me.

            "I'm not falling for this bullshit," I said calmly, making sure to armor each word with enough malice to stop any vulnerability shining through. I didn't want her to think this was working.

            "I just wanted to see you, alone, I didn't bring your father here—"

            I snorted, I didn't think my father would even want to be here. He couldn't look at me anymore. As far as he was concerned, the moment I dropped the family name and ran away to a non-Ivy college, I was dead to the family. Really, I'd written Joselyn Crawford off long before then. She'd done things I couldn't forgive.

            "Mom," Sebastian said, once my mother had resorted to burying her face in her hands. I could practically feel the confusion seeping from Felix beside me. "Josie, please, can we just sit together and have a meal—"

            "Stop trying to pretend nothing changed," I said stiffly. "We were never a happy family, Seb. We never will be. Not after what she made me do."

            I looked to my mom, who was now crying. Great. Remy was running over to her with a napkin and Sebastian had thrown his arms up in defeat.

            I knew she wasn't a victim, not after what she'd sent me in that envelope. It was just another ploy to try and trap me—that's what all of this was. I knew how my mother worked, how everything was a sick game designed to catch me off guard, to harness the emotions I was trained not to have. To mess with me.

            "Let's go," Felix said, finally breaking the silence. I was so grateful.

            I didn't even realize I was waiting for his approval, but for some reason once he started leading me towards the door, I clicked into motion, not wanting to look into any of their eyes. But I did, just before crossing the threshold. I caught site of Sebastian.

            "I never want you to contact me again."

            Once the car door was closed behind me, I folded my hands in my lap and stared at the darkness out of the window.

            "I'm sorry, that was... awful," Felix said quietly. The murmur of the radio wasn't enough to silence the screaming thoughts in my mind. Why had I invited Felix? Some part of me was hoping it'd be fine. It'd help stop me from feeling the tension between me and Remy and give me an excuse to deflect Sebastian's questions. Maybe it'd even be a nice time.

            I couldn't believe my brother would do this.

            "I'm sorry if that's messed everything up," I said. The windows were fogging up, and Felix moved to put the heat on. What would it even be messing up? This whole thing between us was weird. Penelope had already warned me he was just using me.

            "It hasn't, Josie." He reached his hand out so it took my own, rubbing the tip of his thumb over my knuckles. "I had no idea."

            I smiled softly out of the window. I'd done a lot to erase my past life. It wasn't just them—my evil parents and the world they'd created for me—it was me too. Joselyn Crawford.

            "It's complicated. But I don't want to talk about it."

            He patted the top of my hand before moving to change gears. "Well, are you still hungry?"

            I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was eat. Or pretend to go back to Penelope's like it was my own apartment. "But I don't want to go home, either."

            "Let's go find food, then."

            As soon as the aroma of Taco Bell hit me through the car window at the Drive-Thru, I definitely knew I was hungry. Felix ordered for us and paid without a word, and then drove further down the road to a deserted parking lot.

            "Thank you," I said, shoving a taco into my mouth and internally dying at the taste. It had been so long since I'd had fast food, or someone to eat it with.

            "You know, I've always had the strong belief that parents don't know anything these days. There's such a gap, you know? Internet, social media, this insane exponential increase in technology. We're basically a different species."

            "Who, millennials?" I asked, laughing into my food.

            "Well, yeah," he said. "I never thought my parents understood me. I still don't. And I think they're good parents."

            I got what he was trying to do, but for some reason humoring him made me feel a little better. "What about bad parents then?"

            "More than not understanding. Not even comprehending. Imagine feeling like you don't comprehend your kid? It makes you do stupid—even terrible—things to control them."

            "You're pretty wise for someone with good parents," I said. He didn't really understand, though. Because my parents could control me, they still could if they really wanted to.

            "I'm one of the lucky ones," he said, wiping his lips on a napkin. Somehow, he made the action look sexy, and I found myself looking away. I didn't want my thoughts clouded again—I already felt too vulnerable. "But my friends... Cole and Poppy... they've gone through a lot."

            My ears pricked at that. "What do you mean?"

            He sighed and leaned backward in his seat, tucking a stray coil of hair behind his ear. "It's complicated."

            He didn't say anything else, which was fair enough. It was personal. I knew Cole and Poppy's family were high profile, but I didn't know much more than that. Penelope would.

            "It always is," I said, casting my eyes to the empty parking lot before us.

            "Do you want to go home?"

            I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was to retreat to my shabby little falling-apart apartment where Sebastian could find me. Where any of them could find me. I'd made a huge mistake trusting Sebastian. I guess I could go to Penelope's place. She wouldn't know if I spent the night again, curled on her plush sofa.

            "Why don't we go to mine for a bit? I can make you some tea."

            I scrutinized him for a moment, wondering if there was still a chance he was testing me. I didn't understand him.

            "Why?" I asked. "I mean, not why do you want to make tea, but why do you like me at all? I'm some girl who stole your seat in class and I know—I've heard stories—it's not like we're going to—"

            "Josie," he said, thankfully stopping me from my humiliating ramble. "You really think that?"

            "I don't know what to think," I muttered. Ever since the night he cooked for me, or the night we spent in the Kensington Beach house, I'd been confused. I know I was doing this to earn enough to stay on my feet, but I was tied to this in so many ways now. He'd seen the worst of me.

            "I think you're sweet," he said. I still couldn't look at him. "I think you're incredibly beautiful and funny and smart. A fucking trifecta. And, for what it's worth, my intentions have never been to take this anything but seriously."

            My heart probably couldn't take much more tonight, but still, it accelerated heavily as I finally met Felix's eyes. He'd adjusted himself so one of his elbows was on the top of the steering wheel and he was completely facing me.

            "I promise," he said. His eyes burned into mine, his expression so transparent I felt like I could see through to his soul, to the very matter than created him. "You can trust me."

            Shit. Here he was laying it on the line and I couldn't even say the same. He couldn't trust me. He shouldn't. I was just an undercover boyfriend spy doing Penelope's dirty work.

            So I just kissed him.