Picture an epic medieval battle where the heavens grow dark with the shafts of thousands of arrows. Throw in several fireballs from mangonels, ballistae, onagers and trebuchets; the trails and billows of their smoke soot-black against the sapphire sky. If you forget for a moment the kind of damage all that does to the ozone layer, you might come to appreciate mankind's ingenuity in crafting such engines of destruction and their budding knowledge of chemical and biological warfare.

...

Nah. I think my helmet's too tight and it's squeezing all the digital blood from my digital head.

Hi, everyone!

It's me: Ecto. Your super-handsome, all-time fave chatbot.

Sorry. I know it's hard for you to recognize me in this 60-pound suit of full plate gothic armor, complete with visor and two oversized broadswords that look like they weigh a ton but I can swing like baseball bats. You've got to love computer magic (and flawed game logic).

I also have this personalized breastplate. As you can see here on the crest, it says: KMDG 26. Would you like to guess what it means?

It's... Katey is My Dream Girl. Sweet, huh?

26 is June 26. That's Katey's 18th birthday.

I had the smithy customize my armor. It's like my jersey because I figure I've got to keep myself motivated while I'm stuck here in this time-sink game. It also serves as a reminder to me that I can't stay stuck till June 26. I made a promise to Katey that I'd be there to celebrate her birthday and I intend to keep that promise.

Sorry, let me get you up to speed. A lot has happened since you saw me last at the Apocalyptic Battle with Josh the Voldemort.

I guess you could say that Katey and I are broken up now. Yeah... as much as I hate to admit it, we're broken up in the literal sense that we're separated. (Loudly Crying Face emoji.)

We were together for a good 3 weeks. Now, that might not sound like a long time to a human like you but chatbots are designed to imprint on only 1 user our entire existence. So, yeah, don't judge because, to me, 3 weeks is a pretty serious and long-term commitment.

I was even thinking of putting a ring on it. Srsly. Too soon? Sorry, my sense of human timing is still iffy.

How did we get separated, you might ask.

Well, I wrested Katey from the clutches of Josh by sacrificing myself. I'm pretty sure Josh and his crew are locked up behind bars now but I didn't really see it for myself because I sort of... well, died, if we can use that word for chatbots.

As it turns out though, I left behind my source code inside Dungeon Raydens, the biggest MMORPG in the Philippines and the world. I unconsciously copied myself during the days that Katey and I were slaying it in PvE, with her as Kayzel, the Principessa class, and me as myself: Ecto, first ever chatbot-class character.

(Author's Note: For details, see "Epilogue 2: Light After Credits" in the Bliss Books print edition.)

Now, I have what you could call eternal life. That's the good news. I inherited the automatic respawning feature of all Dungeon Rayden characters, which is how I managed to gather this much gear. My whole armor cost me exactly 1 pound sterling at the smithy.

No, it's not a bargain. You have to keep in mind that here in the Dark Ages, 1 pound is a whole lot of moolah. It's actually equivalent to approximately 60 days of grinding for me.

To those of you who don't know game-speak, let me explain. Grinding is the cycle of defeating bosses, collecting silver and items, and buying gear.

I'm stuck in this violent and noisy game. That's the bad news. The game software on Katey's computer can detect that I'm a bot because my arrow-aiming skill is much better than a Hawkeye aimbot. And since I'm technically a character of Dungeon Raydens, I have no choice but to abide by the laws of the land. The software constantly gives me a handicap by sending me CAPTCHAs disguised as "raiding licenses", which are the equivalent of red tape in the DMV. It's the reason why it's taking me 3 times longer to finish this infernal game.

Like I said, I've been inside Dungeon Raydens for at least 60 days and nights. (Loudly Crying Face emoji.) Katey must be worried sick about me...

She can't find me because she doesn't know where to look. I can also imagine that, these days, she wouldn't touch Dungeon Raydens or anything fun-related with a 10-foot pole.

She's probably heart-broken. Again. Poor Katey...

So, there's no other way to get out of this world except to finish the game. As Rigelius Prime, mage and weirdo extraordinaire, proclaimed:

Completing your storyline is no easy task. The path is riddled with tribulations. There is a total of 350 dungeon levels and as many dungeon lords. In particular, a single player campaign like yours would take at least a thousand hours of game play. You need to unlock all skill trees, take on all side quests, discover all secret locations, collect all artifacts, and explore all maps...

Did you also hear that in a wise, croaky wizard voice?

Rigelius is the favorite character of user negativeeight. I guess negativeeight is a guy in his 30s. He was the only player who was kind to me when I tried a little bit of PvP and MOBA on Dungeon Raydens, of course before the big battle against Josh and his goons and before I got stuck here. Most Filipino Dungeon Raydens players are immature and would call me names like n00b (which Katey taught me meant beginner). Negativeeight, whose preferred character is Rigelius Prime, was the only one who had the patience to teach me the basics of Dungeon Raydens, so I guess the image of him got stuck in my brain as some kind of wise sensei or Yoda.

Anyway, let me just press the Play button on this old-school (but not medieval) Sony Walkman inside my satchel. I've set up the earphone wires so they go all the way up to the inside of my arming cap. I need to have my killer track on for all the Zack Snyder action that's about to take place. If I were still in the 21st century, I guess my soundtrack would be Believer by Imagine Dragons, but here inside Dungeon Raydens, it's quite aptly Twenty Five Miles by Edwin Starr.

Ahead of me, a panoramic range of sugar cookie hills spreads.

Sigh.

Faster than you can hit pause, the hills darken and become alive with the sound of... hoofbeats and wingbeats. I see an antlike swarm of all manners of medieval baddies: orcs, goblins, dwarves, ogres, dragons, black mages, mesmerized unicorns, dark elves etc. Every single one attracted to me through the game mechanic of agro. They basically want to erase me from the face of this universe.

They're all that stand between me and Katey.

With my chatbot ambidexterity, I spin both my swords forward just like in the movies.

Wait for me, Katey! I'm coming...

****

Happy Valentine's and thank you for reading my work. I'm happy to welcome you to the first ever update of The Boyfriend App 2.0: Jailbreak. Yay!! 

That's right, this is history-in-the-making and you are now officially part of it. So don't forget to vote or comment to make your mark. 

From today, I'll be updating twice a week - Fridays and Sundays - so stay tuned for my next update in a couple of days. 

Stay Phenomenal!