Ouma's POV:

'I'm not strong, because I kept trying to die' I told her out of the blue, 'I wanted to see them again, so I tried to die' I said ignoring the small tears.

"I don't think that's true...you're strong because you're still here," Maiko told me.

I didn't respond.

"Strength is a weird thing, it doesn't just mean physical, but emotional strength...this strength that comes from despite the world pounding into you, swirling you into such a deep and hopeless despair that you don't even know what's the point in trying to fight against the current...but doing so anyway for that small hope something...something is waiting.

"You're still here, so never call yourself weak. What you tried to do in the past is in the past, the way you might have tortured yourself is also there. So scream as loud as you want, and cry, cry so much that not even the ocean could compare to the amount of tears you have shed, while you're in here, break everything in order to ket out those frustrations and curse the world for all your mifortunes. No one will know except the two of us...but once you leave this room you're in the present, you move forward to wherever life may take you. Because you're still alive, and man was made to move forward, not backwards." Maiko told me.

....

"There you go...it may not be fine for you right now, and you may not feel okay...but one day...one day you will look back on yourself and be content that you lived..." she said gently.

Without even registering my own tears, I felt them swarming from my eyes and pushed down sobs as I covered my mouth with my hands, my back hutched over as I screamed.

~-~-~

Saihara's POV:

We were in the room for about three hours, Ouma's meeting was actually supposed to be just one but knowing Maiko she wouldn't ever let someone go who needed her just because they over extended their time. Especially with how he was the last of the day.

When the door finally opened, Ouma had red puffy eyes and was silent. Maiko said something to him I couldn't hear and handed him a giant bar of chocolate, I walked over hesitantly.

"It was nice meeting you Ouma" Maiko told him, "have a nice day" she said getting up brushing off her skirt.

I nodded a silent thank you to her and she continued to smile and walked back into her office leaving me alone with Ouma who had yet to sign anything since he had left the room. He was hesitantly circling the chocolate bar in his hands.

"Hey...how was it?" I asked. He shrugged. I took a deep breath, "yeah...the first time is always the hardest...sorry I lied to you when I brought you here but...please...please try and give this a chance ok?" I pleaded.

This time Ouma did raise his head towards me, his dull and tired looking eyes despite me knowing better seemed to search me before he hesitantly nodded for me. I released a massive sigh of relief.

"Thank you Ouma...I promise you won't regret this" I told him. 'Wait' Ouma said, I raised an eyebrow, "what?" I asked confused, 'I want something out of this, and don't say I'm getting a better understanding of myself as a reward ok?' he told me.

Well...that's understandable "ok, sure, what do you want? Within reason, I can't sadly give you the world even if I wanted to" I told him jokingly, he almost smiled a little at this before returning to the serious and stoic look on his face.

'You're going to stop hiding things from me, the diary, whatever you're doing behind the scenes. I don't care if you're doing this to protect me from any sort of grief because I want to know, these were my friends and I want to help Saihara, I don't want to just stand on the sidelines, I don't want to be useless so please don't shut me out of this...please...' Ouma begged before quickly lowering down his hands squeezing them tightly to stop them from shaking, so hard his nails even began to draw blood.

"But Ouma-" 

"N-No...t-those..." Ouma started before sighing, 'those are my terms, ok? I want information, and don't try lying to me I may not look like it but I have a PHD in lying all right?' he told me, "I've heard the stories..." I said hesitantly.

...

"Fine...your mental health means the world to me so...I'll tell you, not right now though alright? Just...let's go to one of our houses before we discuss this alright? There's a lot...I'm not even done with the diary, there must have been hundreds of entries, and...I'm starting to think of ways to really prove what happened...but Ouma it might not be pretty, and you saw with Kiibo when Otome was brought up...I don't want to hurt you, or other people as much as I can...so...please be patient with me, and I'll be patient with you?" I sort of asked like a question.

Ouma thought about it before nodding, 'alright, oh wait can I amend with one extra addition? It's a small one I promise' he told me, "oh boy....what?" I asked, he smirked 'I want more candy and soda, I didn't realize they gave out free stuff' he told me proudly.

I could barely contain my laughter, "alright...whatever you want ok?" the way he smiled...his smile was sweet in a way, this was someone who had gone through hell, and was starting to make his way back, someone who time and time again was beaten and harassed and went through a mental anguish few could empathize with or even tried to...

But Ouma still was able to smile. Ouma still at times revealed a more comedical and hopeful personality, even if he didn't see it.

...

Which is probably why it's so hard...to not tell him...about the slow rising feelings inside of me...the need to tell him that I love him more than he could ever know...

Because he shouldn't have to be burdened with these feelings...and even then...

Chiasa met him first.

Chiasa loved him first.

And he...I can't make him go through any more pain after that...I'll tell him what he needs to know and honor our agreement...but...I can't tell him this.