Ouma's POV

I must've been stupid to think I would have been able to sleep last night. The days, no the entire weeks worth of events burrowed into my mind demanding my attention as I tossed and turned begging for sleep and relief from the turmoil.

What am I supposed to do?

I still had wanted to wait and fix myself first before thinking about relationships and yet Kiibo was telling me to do the exact opposite.

Should I just say yes? I don't want to be a burden on Saihara but if that's what I have to do...

Because...if Saihara decides he doesn't want to wait for me anymore and finds someone else...is it possible for anyone else to love such a sad pathetic mess?

I don't even know how Saihara, Momota, and Kiibo could stand me for all this time. All I've ever done is take...all I've ever done was be a burden on everyone...and yet Saihara still loves me regardless of what a leech I must be...

It's wrong then right, to want this time to figure out what I want to fix? Maybe...maybe I should just accept and see where things go...

...

Its for the best I do.

Because...there's no guarantee this kind of miracle will ever happen for me again.

...

So why am I terrified?

What do normal couples even do?

My Dad is dead, Mom never had boyfriends. And my Aunt and Uncle are workaholics and spend all day in the lab so I have no idea what I should even be looking for.

Is the feeling of peace and warmth around Saihara actually love and I'm just too blind to see it-

...
...
...

I'm allowed to make that joke.

I eventually sat up and decided it was pointless to keep trying to take a nap as I stretched a little, there were some voices down the hall and waited for Saihara to come over.

Who at this point practically lives here as well. He had promised to cover over thanks to my therapy session getting canceled last minute and Kiibo even giving him an extra key so I don't have to practically play Russian Roulette every time he knocks on the door.

...I wish I was exaggerating.

My heart seemed to scream at me though thinking of Saihara these past days. The nervousness and excitement made me feel young again in a sense.

I heard the door unlocked and I took a deep breath. No pressure, don't even need to accept. Just a normal day with your friend.

What about this friendship has ever been normal?

"Ouma?" Saihara called knocking on the door before I opened it. "Hey, I got some movies for us" he greeted.

'What no eye opening case today?' I asked teasingly. "I think we might both need a small break from that" he joked.

I was ashamed to say I agreed.

"Don't laugh at me okay? But most of these are Pokemon movies because I don't really watch a lot of movies, so I had to borrow these from my Uncle" Saihara told me as I laughed a little.

'Could be worse. Could have gotten one of those silent movies' I told him, "you would have killed me if I had done something like that" Saihara admitted.

'I think I would have a slight disadvantage' I reminded him, "Ouma I have the strength of an elementary schooler you'll win" Saihara laughed.

'Hey Saihara, I wanted to ask you something' I asked as I could hear my heart racing.

"Hm?" He asked as I took a deep breath. It's now or never...

'I've given it some thought...and I decided I do want to date you' I told him as I winced at how embarassing that sounded.

Saihara was quiet.

OhGodWhatHaveIDoneIReallyMessedUpThisTimeWhyGodWhy-

"Oh gosh thank you Ouma! I promise you won't regret this ok? Oh I've never been in a relationship either so uh don't worry we'll figure this out together...

"Oh gosh I thought you were going to tell me something really bad oh gosh I'm nervous speaking and-"

I burst out laughing at his nervousness and Saihara after some hesitation laughed along.

This...this is a lot less scary then I thought it would be...maybe-

"Mayumi! I'm telling you we need to tell him, he has the right to know!" My Uncle shouted annoyed.

"He's just a kid! Do you want my nephew to shatter more than he already has?! Do you want to be the one to tell a kid that his mother has died?-! H-He..." my aunt mumbled as I realized they were right in front of the door.

...

What?

His mother has died.
My mother has died.
She's dead?
No.
She can't be dead.
She's not dead...

....

...Mom?

"O-Ouma...?" Saihara whispered quietly, the world seemed to be drowning from the sound of the ocean, I kept rearranging the words my aunt spoke and yet with every arrangement it left me with the same conclusion.

My mother...my mother is dead.

And yet I'm not crying.