I opened my eyes. Nothing clear. Shadows. Light. Nothing else.

Silence. Flowers are nearby. Wind against my skin. Can't feel my leg. Cold.

"OUMA!" I heard a voice call out. Warmth. The person is hugging me. It hurts.

"Would you mind if I poked around here a bit?~"

It's cold. It's cold. They are here. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. IT HURTS. IT HURTS. IT HURTS.

"Ouma? Are you ok? Your sweating bullets..."

The warmth is gone.
Nothing is holding me.
Silence.

"Ouma...can you hear me? Give me a sign"

It hurts. It hurts.

"S-stop...t-the f-ire...i-it...f-feels...l-like f-fire..."

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT.

"Ouma? Please if you can hear me just say something!"

The voice is louder. Shaking me.

'Kichi, I was waiting for you'

My fault. My fault. My fault. My fault.

"Fine...I'll wait then...I will wait as long as it takes...but...you need to come back ok?"

They let go.

"But...you guys are the opposites of heros...and that's why I am here today"

Kill me.

"So...let's talk...about what you missed while you were sleeping"

-/-/-

"Hah! Amami was so angry that time when you guys filled his desks with avacados!" They laughed.

I can't feel anything.

"You know you guys really made up that classroom, it was always something going on with you guys...I wish I could have joined you one time to see what all the fun was" they reminced.

It can't feel.

"I really miss having that in the class...it's empty now...and it's really sad knowing I won't be able to ever join you guys" I could hear a forced chuckle.

I'm broken.

"But...your still here...and this time I swear it will be different"

Help.

"This time we will become friends, ok?"

It's so loud.
Why is it loud.
Stop the screaming.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
STOP IT.

"Ouma! It's ok" a voice reassured.

It's loud.
It's not cold.

"Don't worry, I got you..." the voice said.

Something is holding my hand.
It feels...
Ok.
I trust them.
They aren't them.
They won't break me.

"Visiting hours are almost up..." they said somberly.

Please don't leave.

"I'll come tomorrow! I'll bring Kiibo they've wanted to see you for a while now!" Thwy spoke.

I don't want to be alone.

"See you tomorrow..." they said steadily.

It hurts.
Cold.

-/-/-

"HELLO OUMA, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU" A voice spoke loudly, "they aren't deaf Kiibo" the normal voice scolded.

They came back.

"So...what do we do...sorry how do we talk to them?" The second voice asked, "oh Ouma doesn't talk" the first one responded.

It's empty.

"What?! But you said you've been talking to them!" The second one asked confused, "well I have, I just don't get a response but I know they can hear me" the first one responded confidently.

...

"What? But...I...they are just sitting there...they won't even look at you...there stare is blank..." the second one commented.

Foot taps.

"They used to not even be awake, they used to not even sit up...so they are improving" the first one reassured.

"That just might be a sign of physical recovery! It's been three months since they woke up! And two months since you lied saying you guys were talking!" The second one screamed.

Cold.
It's loud.
Screaming.
Stop it.

"Kiibo, please don't yell it's going to take a while but Ouma is going to come back! I believe in him!" The first one screamed.

...
.

.
.
Believe?

"But...I wanted to ask...WHY? WHY DID THEY DO THAT? HOW COULD THEY JUST TRY THAT? WHAT DID I DO WRONG, WAS I THE REASON WHY? DID I MAKE THEM DO IT?" The second voice screamed and sobbed.

"We're cousins...I remember...since I was older I was supposed to look after him...when he came...I was supposed to be his friend...but I didn't...and now...NOW I WON'T EVER GET TO SAY I'M SORRY!" They screamed.

"Kiibo! Can't you see your upsetting him! I regret things to! I question things to! But don't you see that's not what he needs from us! Don't you realize they ask him those questions every waking minute? Why are you contributing to that!" The first one shouted back.

Someone's rubbing my back.
Flinch.

"It's ok..." the first one said "sorry, for shouting...I know they do that a lot to you..." they apologized.

Scuffles.
Door opens and closes.
The second one left.

"Sorry Ouma...I didn't know they would act like that...next time will be better" the first one reassured.

'let's do it, your dream and then we can stay friends forever'

"Ouma...your...crying...you've never cried before..."

I'm sorry.

-/-/-

"Heh Ouma can you hear it? The grounds here are amazing" Momota said.

Birds were chirping everywhere, wind was brushing against my body.

"I know I'm not supposed to take you out but...well I thought you would like not being in that stuffy room all the time" Momota commented.

It's nice.
If only I could shut the voices out...

I heard laughter "heh...reminds me of the day after you came to our school...it was just like this and next thing I know you and DICE were soaking me in water balloons!" Momota laughed harder.

DICE...

"Hey...Ouma..." Momota asked "you can hear me...right? Everyone is telling me to give up on you...that you will remain an empty shell forever...but that isn't true right? I know you can hear me! I know my voice is reaching you!" They asked.

"I...I'm scared if they give up on you...I'm scared what happens if you do improve...but...I know it's for the better if we can move forward...because I choose not to forget" Momota said.

Forget?
Is that an option?
Forget the screaming?
Forget their bodies?
Forget the nightmares I have every night?
They always say it.
Forget.
Forget.
Forget.

I turned to his voice and heard a gasp "Ouma?" They asked in disbelief and I felt them hugging me tightly. For the first time...I hugged back.

-/-/-

"Glad your out of the hospital Ouma...man you spent so long in there" Momota recalled.

"It's going to be weird not going there everyday anymore...but-" Momota got interrupted as I felt a rock hit me square in the face.

"Let's see how much you can scream...until I eventually decide to slice that tongue of yours...but...I have a feeling your screams will be like music~"

"We need to go. Now" Momota stated and I felt them starting to run as I covered my face feeling more and more items being thrown at me.

"We're nearly there Ouma! Stay determined!" Momota screamed.

"No no no...you can't faint! Otherwise it won't be as fun...come on I'll give you to the count of three...or this needle will go in your chest..."

Momota stopped abruptly and I could hear them breathing heavily, "we made it...hey Ouma...your bleeding..."

They hate me.
They all hate me.
So why am I here?

"Come on...your Mom said you could go to my house...as my reward for getting you to respond again...heh...that wasn't me though, that was all you...I just gave you the extra push...thank you for taking it" Momota stated.

...I...

-/-/-

I can't forget.
That's all everyone tells me and the rest of the world to do.
Forget.
Easy for them- I can still hear them screaming in my head every single time I let my mind go adrift.
I can still see their bodies in my dreams every night.
I can't even walk, or see anymore.
And even if I try to speak...nothing comes out.
So...I decided to stay silent. After all what's the point in talking if the world is secretly wishing for your destruction? That was my reasoning at first...but...staying silent...using sign language...it makes me feel closer to them.
It's my way of showing I have not forgotten. I will not forget my friends. Even if I want to I can't. So my way of speaking now will serve forever as a constant reminder of the group that used to terrorize the school with pranks and never meant to hurt anybody in the end.
Yet...can someone please...just take the pain away...? It hurts...so much...and it's all my fault...yet...I'm completly alone on this...because everyone chose to do as they said.
Forget.

-/-/-

I grabbed the knife as I stared at the shadows that became my new world and laughed to myself. Isn't it funny...? Just a short year ago I never would have considered this...yet...now that lie about us trying to commit suicide is about to become more real.

I could feel the wind blowing in my face- I was on the roof. Originally I was going to do it in the bathroom but some students dragged my chair up here and left me as a cruel joke. After all this school has no help for the disabled.

I closed my eyes and an image of my friends smiling at me gave me courage as I raised the knife and plunged it into my chest.

Immeditaly I coughed up blood as I leaned over and dropped the knife as I heard someone coming.

"Ouma...? Hey Ouma where are you I heard what those kids do- OUMA!" They screamed and I could hear them rushing over to my side.

No way...why now...why today?

"Oh my god your bleeding, I'll call for an ambulence just stay awake ok! Stay awake.." Momota pleaded.

No...I didn't want him to see this...see all his efforts go ungranted...man God...you really are cruel to me aren't you? Or is this Satan? I already knew I was going to h*ll so it isn't that far off...

"Ouma...? OUMA!" A voice cried out as I slipped out of consciousness.

-/-/-

I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as I opened my eyes. Ugh...no...why am I always this unlucky...

"Oh good your awake..." a voice said relieved. Momota...

"Such a shame your Mom just left...but you have some explaining to do" Momota scolded.

'I'm tired' I signed and he paused, "tired...? Your tired? Of what?" He asked and I sighed 'everything, tired of this world...tired of pretending I can forget...everything' I signed.

"Tired of me?" He asked and I shook my head 'your one of the good things Momota' I reassured him 'I just can't take it' he sighed.

"Well...then I guess I have some work to do" they responded and I raised an eyebrow confused "I need to start showing you how good the world can be Ouma" he replied.

What?

"Just you wait I'm going to show you how amazing life can be again...just give me time ok?" I didn't know how to respond to that.

So I just nodded.

-/-/-

I didn't always believe in Momota. That life could get better. I had over the four years tried to take me life seven times all failures.

And he would always say those same lines I'll make it better. But...despite his efforts he couldn't.

My Mother grew cold at first with me often I could hear her sobbing in her room and asking me if this is some kind if awful joke.

Anything to...forget.

Eventually she stopped blaming God but my friends. She believed the lie they commited suicide and dragged me in.

The world around me continued to spin that lie, someone even took a documentary about us.

No one bothered to look for real truth though. Just lies.

And...once it was all said and done. Forget.

Until Saihara came...he changed something...I felt like...I was supposed to meet him.

I was supposed to know him...like it was fate...I just wish I could know how things turn up.

And why Momota lied about not knowing sign langauge for all those years to everyone else...even Saihara...

Not like I can get answers now though...

But...even now...

I still can't escape that day four years ago.