It flashed before my eyes, I could see all the scars, pain, blood everywhere. All these years, I've been trying to hide it, the abuse, the pain, the scars, all of it, I was afraid if I opened up, something would bad happen to me, and it did, I ended up where I always knew I was going to be, the hospital bed, with my mom not here nor my dad. No one. Not even surprised. The doctors were trying to get a pulse, but nothing was working, I was entering a new place, but I couldn't open it, as if it was shut closed but I can see through it, seeing him with his other girlfriend, he told me it wasn't my time, not my time to enter, and then I fell back into the black hold, breathing again, my eyes almost opened. I was alive, but I didn't want to be. I was then done with all the shit the doctors did, but they said I had to lay in the bed for 3/4 days. Wasn't surprise at all, so it's whatever. When the doctors left the room, I picked up the picture with my mom, dad & me. With the black frame, the baby me, my dad & mom looked so happy. I looked happy, but I knew that this happiness wasn't going last long, instead my mom died when I was only 16, my dad, I left him when I was 18 because he abused me. I live in a small apartment, with no one but me & my dog Kayla. I had her ever since she was a pup, she's grown but still functions. She's the only person I have, I don't want her to leave me. I'll be lonely. I'll be depressed again. Lonely & depressed, stay in my dark, themed x room, I love x with all my heart, he & my dog are the only reason why I'm alive, I'll die in happiness if I ever meet him, but I know I won't, do there's no point. He helped me through so much, my friends hate him bc he's a "women beater." I don't mind it bc it's their opinion, so I can't do anything about it. I'm a depressed, loner at school, well that's what I'm named as, to the whole school. I been exposed, raped, abused. I'm hurt and dead inside, but x is the only person why I'm here....why I'm still living....if only I can see him, maybe I would actually smile, be happy once. But no, I don't believe in my happiness, i know it won't come nor would it want me...
~skip couple of days~
I'm no more in the hospital, I'm back in my house, and I found out my dog, Kayla has been dead, they took her & killed her, I don't know who. But I found blood all over the living room, seeing her shot in her stomach. I cried for days, I made a lil grave for her in my backyard, I buried her, while crying. I put her toys & other stuff near her grave, everyday I would just go look out my bedroom window, just to look at her grave. Seeing that my dog, is dead. I'm completely dead inside, I only have x now, a person who don't even know I exist. But it's okay, I'm grateful I actually experienced his music, he's heartbroken too, just like me. My boyfriend was murdered, and the prisoners oh there in jail. I always go to his grave as well, even when it rains, snow, whatever the weather is I go. Put a red rose on it, and sit there and talk to him as if he hears me, but I fucking loved him, and he loved me. It was all happiness, he bought me Kayla for my birthday. It was the best thing I ever received, I promised him that I'll take care of it as much I took care of Jake, (her boyfriend who died.) I feel like a lost soul now bc I don't have anyone to communicate now. My friends no longer talk to me, nor do they text it's like as if they don't want me in there life anymore, but it's whatever, I'm moving anyway from this place (she lives in New York) I'm finally gonna move to Florida, I have my passport, everything ready, in a day or two, I'm ready to leave. Ready to leave Kayla grave, my boyfriend grave. I started crying, I didn't want to but I had no choice, New York isn't the happiness I'm looking for, maybe Florida? Anyways I always visit the graves, it's bc I only have a couple of days staying and then I'm gone, can't ever come back here. As I'm packing I found a toy, and a rose. The rose is from Jake, the toy is from Kayla, it was her favorite, I decided to keep it. Put it in my purse. And visited there graves one last time before I left to the airport. My name is Mia & I'm 21, living lonely & I love x. Welcome, to my life.
So yea I deleted the other parts cos I didn't like it, I'm debating on keeping this one. Idk tho. Lol. #LLJ 🕊