The metallic body of the mobile phone was clutched tightly in-between my stone cold, shivering hands. Ten minutes I had sat there on my bed, maintaining the exact same posture, trying to steady the sporadic beating of my heart, or at least my breathing. Ten minutes later, I wasn't any further from having a panic attack than I was before. It's just a stupid voicemail. What harm can it possibly do to me? I'm just being foolish, there's nothing to worry about... such was the mantra that I had been chanting to myself to get a grip on my nerves, also to no avail.

Finally it dawned on me that I wasn't being foolish and there was something to be worried about; my decision, which I was yet to reach, to be specific.

Sighing loudly, I placed the phone beside me on the bed. I wrung my hands a few times, blowing into them in an attempt to make them warm. Squeezing my eyes shut for a second to regain some ounce of composure, I hurriedly reached for the phone and pressed play – it was now or never.

Voicemail of 21st March' 2016

09:37 a.m.

"Good morning, beautiful.

"And I know for a fact that you are looking quite ravishing today's fine morning since I just saw you a few minutes ago."

There was a cheerful skip in his tone. A certain hope in it that seeped out of his melodious voice and into my heart, warming it from the inside even in such a desperately disturbing time.

"So might I just say, my love, you swayed my heart away."

He chuckled and so did I, despite my best self-control. Sitting here in my slightly dark room, I could imagine the shy smirk decorating his lips – the trademark smirk that only he was capable of pulling off.

If anything then his voicemails were further hardening this decision making endeavour for me.

Suddenly I stopped as a thought rose in my head: Or were his messages actually making the answer all the more clear? Was it becoming harder because the answer was one I didn't want?

"Ah, aren't I poetic, Ems? Well, I should rightfully be considering how big of a day today is!

"It's my birthday, love. And you have just given me the loveliest gift possible!"

I took the phone away from my ear and squinted at the screen to carefully read off the date for the voicemail – 21st March. Something pinged in the back of my mind, telling me there was something I should be remembering but couldn't.

"You saw me, Ems! Really, saw me today!"

I froze. My breathing stopped, my heartbeat stopped, everything stopped.

Of course he was talking about that day in the cafe when I had noticed him, of course!

Now I was effectively drowning in guilt. That event was something I had cast off as amusing yet not immensely important, and here he was claiming for it to be the most important one to ever exist. It was the day when I had finally seen him; when finally his time in isolation as a shadow in the background had come to an end.

And I had not bothered to think five times around of it. Safe to say, self-loathing was an abundant emotion coursing through my veins then.

"I was just there in the cafe, minding my own business as I read a new arrival from my shop while I waited for you to show up. When you arrived I sat the book down and started staring at you, as subtly and inconspicuously that I could.

"You ordered your usual and then sat down to wait for your order. And then, then is when it happened, love! You caught my eye and you smiled at me! I couldn't bear staring back at you so I kept my eyes down and tried to divert my attention by trying to read the book. And, love, I say trying because I was failing miserably."

He was practically laughing through his narration now, that's how ecstatic he was.

"I kept glancing up, only to find you staring intently at me with that gorgeous smirk on your lips. And, God, Ems, it took every ounce of self-restraint for me to not sweep you off your feet then and there! In fact I'm quite certain that I had blushed redder than a tomato from all the emotions and fire in me.

"Some time later Ruby then came around and you finally took off your eyes from me so that I could look at you. She handed you your order and you stood up to leave. Now call me selfish or whatever, but I was praying for you to turn around and look at me one more time and you did! You turned around, your beautiful doe eyes found mine and I used the excuse to stare into them with as much love as I could flush out of my irises and pour it into your soul."

He breathed in deeply, having said the better half of the recent conversation in a single breath. A few moments later he continued in a husky voice that had me melting away in a mush.

"Soon the sentiments overwhelmed me and I had to look away. Then I thought that everything had gone beautifully so far, so why not try my luck further more?

"I gathered up every shred of courage in my being and smiled at you and Ems... Ems you smiled back!"

With tears rolling down my eyes, this time I smiled a wet smile.

I might not have known the importance of my actions back then but I did now. And just like that, I had reached my decision.

Biting my lip through my tears, I smiled again for I knew the impact my coming actions would cause, but I also knew – or at least I hoped I knew – that it would all be for the greater good.

"I can't believe that this has finally happened, love. I guess the clover field bracelet is finally working its magic, huh? God,

"I... uh I need to go and celebrate now, Ems. This is big and it's my birthday and you're finally here and... Wow I think I'm going to pass out from happiness. Is it possible, to pass out from happiness?"

He chuckled again; as if he couldn't believe what was happening was true.

"I love you Ems, I really, really do love you.

"And I think you're finally on the way to loving me back again."

The last voicemail beeped to its end; and I wished for my own heartbeat to end along with it. Alas, it did not. I clutched the phone in my hands and stood up. My feet moved towards the door to my bedroom; towards the door outside of which he was sitting.

My hand touched the doorknob and as the bras twisted underneath my touch, I inhaled a sharp intake of breath and reminded myself of all the reasons my decision was to be the right one – if not the most painless one.

With one final deep breath, I pulled open the door and stepped out. The sound of the door creaking open alerted everyone sitting in the lounge and instantly Mathew appeared at the end of the corridor with San standing just behind him.

"Emma," he breathed out in his melodious voice as a careful smile glossed his lips.

Staring into those blue orbs, the world around me came to a standstill. "Mathew."
___________________________________________

Lyrics of song "Happy" by Pharrell Williams:

[Verse 1:]
It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take a break
I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don't care, baby, by the way

Uh

[Chorus:]
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do

[Verse 2:]
Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah,
Well, give me all you got, and don't hold it back, yeah,
Well, I should probably warn you I'll be just fine, yeah,
No offense to you, don't waste your time
Here's why

[Chorus]

Hey
Go
Uh

[Bridge:]
(Happy)
Bring me down
Can't nothing
Bring me down
My level's too high
Bring me down
Can't nothing
Bring me down
I said (let me tell you now)
Bring me down
Can't nothing
Bring me down
My level's too high
Bring me down
Can't nothing
Bring me down
I said

[Chorus 2x]

Hey
Go
Uh

(Happy) [repeats]
Bring me down... can't nothing...
Bring me down... my level's too high...
Bring me down... can't nothing...
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)

[Chorus 2x]

Hey
C'mon
___________________________________________

So here's chapter 18. Thoughts anyone?

What do you guys think Emma's 'decision' is? xD

Don't forget to vote, comment and share.

Much love,
-zainab