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Mishika's pov
Feeling the sudden touch of a soft hand over my hand resting on the bed, made me flinch and jolted me out of my chain of thoughts.

"You look very lost today." Yami maa forwarded her hand, cradling my face tenderly. The affection on her face is akin to what blooms on the sight of Aarav and it grips my heart with ache, reminding me of the things I said to her son in anger. "Is something troubling you ?"

"Maa" I gulped, not finding the right words to put my thoughts into. My thoughts are a mess and I don't even know where my mind and heart exactly lies ? "What should I do ?"

Her actions halted for a moment as she gazed intently at my face and then a small smile emerged on her lips.

"We all are humans, beta. Many things happen with us and how we think of it or deal with it varies." She bagan, her tone gentle. "If a person is hated by someone then the same person could be loved by someone else. All of it depends on our perspective, on what we see or what we want to see."

"What if I never get over the past ?" I voiced my dilemma. "I've spent years loathing him for everything. And I don't know how to feel or how to act when the truth crashed so abruptly over me, enlightening me that all the hate, anger and abhor was for nothing ?"

"Everything that happened_"

"He broke my trust." I blurted out, his and Rhea's conversation in the cafe from years back resurfaced in my mind.

My sudden interruption bolted Maa silent before she vented out a sigh. "I and Anubhav ji will support anything you decide. The choice will be all yours if you find in yourself to forgive him or not."

Though putting on every detail was not possible neither could I bare out everything, when mumma told me that papa had mentioned my miscarriage to the doctors in front of my in-laws, I thought they deserve an explanation.

She held my hand, a change taking over her expressions. "I may sound selfish and I think you do become a little selfish when you're a mother." A pained smile graced her lips, her eyes zeroing in space. "The last time I saw my son shedding tears was when we lost Arya, our daughter. And after that I've seen his eyes glossy and tear back when he thought he was losing you against death."

And this time, it was me who got tongue-tied. Why are you like this Aarav ? So hot, so cold.

"He had a sister ?"

I heard maa clearing her throat, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. "We miss her. A lot. And especially he does."

"Maa" I held her hand when she was about to get up, my fingers fiddling with bedsheets. "It was mournful to lose a life but _ but back in my head, there's a little relief. Does that make me a bad person ?"

My mouth parched as I bared my mind in front of her and now, afraid to see disgust on her face, I casted my eyes low that were brimming with tears.

"No sweetie." Her arms swaddled around me, taking me in her motherly embrace. "It's your emotional and practical perspectives conflicting and whatever you choose between them, none of them makes you a bad person."

"We can't live our life with the fear of what people would say. It's not the people who will face our hardships or suffer for us or build our life, it's us. So the choice should be ours too." Still dwelling on her words, I gave a nod which got me a soft pat on my shoulder.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door as Papa ji marked his presence. His lips tugged up at the sight that welcomed him.

"It's getting late. We should leave." He glanced at his watch and then to Maa, who gave a nod when their eyes met.

They patted my head as a blessing while asking me to take care. "We are waiting for you to return home." I just pulled on a smile, not knowing how to respond to the hope reflecting on Papa ji's face.

Not even a minute would have rolled on from them retreating from my room, my feet as if having a mind of their own rushed to the balcony. Soft pants vent past my mouth, my fingers inadvertently tightened around the railing while my gaze intact to the car parked outside my house.

From the distance I couldn't make out clearly but I didn't need to see him to feel the intensity of his blazing gaze upon me. He is there in the car and I know this and I even know that he is aware of me watching.

I haven't seen or spoken to him since a month after he left the hospital that night. Although the doctor had assured us that I would recover in ten to fifteen days, my parents-in-law have put a strict warning that I would have to work from home. And since then I haven't even stepped out of the house unless necessary.

I was so lost in my own reverie that when someone placed a hand on my shoulder, it made me gasp in surprise.

"Kya hua, beta ? Why are you standing here ?" Upon being greeted by my father's face, a sigh vented through my lips... out of relief or disappointment ? I don't know. Because somewhere I was so tangled in his thoughts that for a moment I thought it was him and that got my heart pace faster.

(What's wrong, dear ?)

I shook my head, a gesture to assure Papa. "I'll be downstairs in a minute." He let out a hum before stepping out of the balcony. And once again my gaze aligned at the previous spot.

The guilt is so heavy on my chest that it has been gnawing at my skin, curbing me under its weight. I don't know what triggers my emotions whenever I direct Aarav accountable for things that happened to me. It ends up camouflaging my sensibility and I end up saying things without thoughtfulness.

Nonetheless, it doesn't justify the things I said to him. I went overboard and I must apologise for it. No one has ever triggered my emotions or my anger unless it's Aarav. The nightmare of my life has introduced me to sides I never thought resides within me.

And why do I have a feeling that it's just the beginning ?
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"Coming, Maa." Squeezing the moisturiser on my palm- that very moisturiser he slammed on my bed before he left after our nasty argument, I applied it all around my arms and neck.

Why was he roaming around with a moisturiser in his pocket ?

Picking up my kurti, I quickly pulled it on, then checked my fit in the mirror and pinned half of my hair with a clutcher.

My actions came to halt as I opened the drawer to take out my purse, my hands inadvertently grazed the vermilion box. I took out the book in which I've kept the rose hidden- the same rose he tucked in my hair on our six month anniversary.

Days are slipping away so rapidly but my efforts to restrain his thoughts from swarming my head is of no use. The more I'm trying to run, the more I'm finding myself astray in the devil's abyss, entangled in his thoughts, puzzled about my own feelings.

Maa let out another loud vociferation from downstairs and I pulled myself out of my reverie and hastily put on my earrings and applied vermilion and then rushed out.
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"Mam, this way." The sales girl took the outfits I was holding and gestured to me to follow her. "The other trial rooms are too swarmed."

I glanced at Maa, she gave a quick nod as she again got busy checking out other dresses. Venting out a sigh I followed the trail of the sales girl, which led to the back door of a boutique that was connected to this shop.

She opened the door for me and unlike the usual trial rooms, this was quite a bigger one with hangers of extravagant ethnic attire lined up and two large mirrors on either side. I muttered a thankyou, the sales girl's face fading away from sight as I closed the door behind me.

Dumping the outfits I had in my hand on the couch beside the mirror, I held the end of my kurti pulling it over my head. My body froze midway feeling a pat on my bare shoulder and instinctively a shriek ejected past my throat and I held the kurti close to my bra clad chest.

Muffled mewls echoed inside since a palm has pinned my shrieks down and as a result my shoulders wriggle more vigorously, attempting to unstrain from the hand that had me wrapped in its clutch.

Am I going to kick the bucket half dressed ?

"Shh" The voice put a halt on my countering instincts, my frantic attempts dying the very next moment. "Just a few minutes. Please." The vulnerability in his tone caught me off-guard, stringing something so illegal inside me, something I try to forbid myself to feel, still end up feeling.

Never did I hear his voice thronged with such raw emotions.

Sensing my shoulders easing down, his hands slipped down from my mouth to swaddle around my torso. His chest aligned further abutting my almost naked back and I found my breath hitching when warm breath loomed over my skin as his head dipped between the crook of my neck.

"I missed you, Honey-eye." I gulped, the feathery touch of his lips on my skin as he spoke, left goosebumps on their wake.

'I think I did too.' The thought didn't reach my lips, instead I tried to calm my breathing to steady my rapidly heaving chest.

We both are such a mess, be it together or apart. There's something unsaid between us. A string that binds us, that inflicts pain but none of us is stepping forward to put on the required effort to break apart. It's something akin to sweet poison, painful yet addictive, that doesn't let us delink.

Spontaneously my eyes went to the mirror and the image reflecting in it brought blood rushing to my cheeks. My heart nearly stopped beating when those incendiary filled black charcoal orbs of his caught my honey browns through the mirror.

I lost the count of minutes we stood in there, entangled together. However my body instantly reacted, sensing his hold getting loose. "Until the next time, Honey-eye."

And like that he was gone, leaving me mystified. It took me some time to compose myself, I wore my kurti back and without trying any of the outfits, picked them up and scurried out from there.

"What took you so long ?" Mumma asked as soon I caught her sight. She held my chin, tilting my face to both sides, analysing it. "Aur chehra kyun laal ho rakha hai ? Bukhar to nahin aa gaya ?"

(And why is your face so red? Have you got a fever?)

Worry filled her tone, her hand raised to my forehead, however I hurriedly pulled a step back, waving a hand in assurance. "Mumma, I'm fine."

My attempt to divert the topic was futile since she didn't look satisfied though didn't pry. "Is the fitting good ? Thoda idhar udhar ka to pados wali tailor aunty theek kar dengi."

(If there's a requirement for some alterations, the neighbouring tailor aunty will fix them.)

"Nothing suited me here." A lie rummage past my lips, I pretended to gaze around the other dresses whereas in reality I couldn't look straight in her eyes while lying. "Aap dusre shops mein kuchh dekh lo, I'll finish the billing by then."

(You may see something in other shops, I'll finish the billing by then.)

Her head bobbed in a reluctant nod on my suggestion. "We are finding something for you, okay ?" I answered with a haste 'yes' and took the cart from her hand and then she left to search for any other shop of her liking.

Flickering my gaze off from the retreating back of my mother, my eyes frantically searched around for him. Even though I couldn't spot him, I could feel him watching me. Back in my head, I was very much aware of his blazing orbs scrutinising every move of mine.

Leaving the cart on a far corner, my steps turned towards the usual trial rooms. And of course it had to be least crowded. After all, weekdays ain't so fussy in malls. I should have suspected it before.

Within a few minutes, I heard footsteps approaching which forthwith made my heart pound. When I felt him close enough, my body swiftly turned around, hand grasping on his forearm as I pulled us both inside the trial room. Either I've become too strong or it was he who let me pull him so swiftly. And I guess it's the latter.

"I can't_ I can't handle this." My voice cracked, my head craned up and eyes latched with his. "It's messing with my head."

Silence lingered between us while we both stood staring into each other's eyes, the small trial room with floor to ceiling mirrors at all sides embarked our reflection of close proximity.

"Space." The devil finally began speaking. "I'm willing to give you space, sweetheart." My face twitched into incredulity upon his words. "But that doesn't mean I'm allowing you to get away from me."

My lips quivered under the stroke of his thumb whereas the fervour his words held, made my mouth go dry.

"Anyway it's you holding me to the wall." Heat crept on my cheeks as the realisation hit me that I've been holding his shirt all along pinning him against the wall. "And you'll hold me into your life too."

Gone was the vulnerability I witnessed sometime ago and back was the side which could corrupt my entire soul. My lips parted however all the sane comebacks evaded my head. And another moment of silence followed.

"I'm sorry." I lowered my eyes, the same guilt that has been pricking me since past month, began to crawl back as I felt him stiffening. "Though it doesn't justify it, I was angry and frustrated and went overboard. I_"

"Shh." His index finger reached on my lips, silencing me in between. "You again want to hurt me through your words ? Then do it. You've every right for it. You own me, sweetheart."

My eyes squeezed shut, my insides flipped on his unforeseen declaration.

"I can't own you." I let out, my voice close to a whisper. "You're not an object."

"Forget about an object, baby. I'll even be trash if that's how you will touch me willingly even if that's to clean me off."

A shiver coursed within me, the fervent of his blazing gaze was so incendiarios that I felt as if my body was put on a furnace. My grip weakened on his collar as I commenced to pull away, only to be twirled by him, until our previous position was switched and now it was me sandwiched between the wall and him.

"Even I can't comprehend how I managed to stay away from you all these years. Because within seven months every twisted part of me has grown more desperate for you, Honey-eye." Robust arms gripped my waist, venting out a gasp from me. "And desperate needs call for desperate measures. And I'm determined to go for all of it."

I sucked in a breath, finding his face inching closer, anticipating his lips on mine, however it landed upon my nose bump, unleashing butterflies inside my tummy. "Because you're not someone to be given up on. You are my eternity. All mine."

Chapter Word- 2670

Ahm.. how was the chapter ? A lil long chap today

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Signing off
~T.R