Sorry for being MIA for so long since it's my boards approaching.

⚠️I would request you guys to gather your emotions before reading the chapter and making any judgement.

Please go thoroughly through the characters emotions and opinions. Do not make any misconception.⚠️

Rhea's pov
"Fuck!" My voice resonated in the ambiance, making a chord when the flying phone smashed with a screech on the wall.

Every devious emotion that I feel, I always feel them in abundance. I could feel every vein beneath my skin throbbing, my breath ragged and body shaking. All with rage.

It was pricking through my skin, stabbing in my gut and mocking at my face. All these voices in my head are so fucking much loud that I can't even concentrate on the soft velvety voice calling out for me.

Those ear splitting laughter bursting with sneers, those hideous hands crawling all over me, making my flesh scorch and my breathing getting strangled due to the virulent sultriness enveloping me.

One. Two. Three.

One. Two. Three.

For hell's sake! How could you, bhai ? It was us who understood the solace we seeked within the draps of darkness. We both agreed that the world is bunched with stereotype hypocrites and creatures with masks of goodness, so we will be ourselves. Reigning with dark malice and manipulation.

It was supposed to be us against the stupid world and its delusions and its facade of morality. It was us with our fucked up morals and the comprehension of how actually fucked up we are inside our head.

My legs, shaking due to rage, stumbled and involuntarily my hands reached out for the nearest thing to steady my body. My fingers brushed across the sleekness of the nearby porcelain vase, another wave of fury erupted in my chest as my fingers rolled around it and my hand raised to smash it down.

With a clenched jaw, my fury swarmed eyes countered with the worry filled ones. Destructive stormy dark grey of mine clashed with the congenial earthy light brown of hers. Saumya visibly shudders under my malicious stare yet refuses to unbolt her hold around my wrist.

Bravo!

"You need to stop intruding in my way every fucking time." I gritted out before jerking free from her clutch. Spontaneously my brain flashed the memory of the night of Aarav's farewell party. I would have reached Mishika and she wouldn't have vanished away from my sight had Saumya not blocked my path.

"And I'll continue doing that. Everytime." A dry laugh rumbled through my throat. I haven't kicked her out of my life even after her poking nose in my matters six years ago or even now.

"You've to accept that what you did to Mishika and were going to do was wrong."

"And when was the time you heard me boasting that I'm some good person with high class morals ?" My jaw ticked, I gritted my teeth so hard that it made my cheeks hurt. "At least that wouldn't have landed her into pregnancy and a death call miscarriage."

"Are you even hearing yourself ? It was an attempt to assault and that would have traumatised her." As if she didn't get traumatised with what happened with her and Aarav that night. "What difference would that make between you and_" She instantly zipped her mouth feeling the scorch of my stare.

Despite the fear crawling at her from witnessing me in my one of the most vulnerable yet deleterious state, she still held her spot. And the demons lurking within me are a sucker for personality like that. A heart so timid, turns fierce in jiffy, yet so gullible at the mercy of their feelings in the moments of emotional turmoil.

Such a bummer. It only elucidates how easy it is to toy with them, how easily my demons can slither into their life and break them to the extent that they will ultimately have to succumb to all my twisted contentment.

That's the only reason Saumya is still here. That's the only reason why since childhood I've been crazy to stamp myself irreversibly in Ishan's life.

No matter how much of a delusion the existence of light is. Even when I despise that, when darkness is the ultimate truth, the only reality, yet everyone retaliates from it and chase the fucking delusion. I can't oppose that darkness itself can't stop itself from desiring to conquer the light.

And maybe that's the only reason I developed an obsession on Mishika goody-two-shoes Singh. The irreparable salvation of my brother, the best friend of the person I've always desired to be with, someone so forbidden.

Forbidden things always probe with the strings futilely holding on my stumbling control and crumbling sanity.

At first I took her just as a fleshless shy girl who is a hurdle in my way towards Ishan and the girl who got my brother losing his shit. However I was intrigued, when the girl I thought had a heart and confidence as fragile as a porcelain piece, stepped forward to warn Aarav, the popular guy at college, to stay away from Ishan and herself broke her friendship with him.

What a pity! I couldn't keep a secret from Aarav (I'm not counting the part of Mishika in the farewell party or the miscarriage). He knows my deepest, most darkest secrets. I love possessing control but letting him have the access to my tenebrosity means giving him the power to destroy me.

However I know Aarav enough, even sometimes more than he knows himself. It doesn't matter how much he is loathing me for keeping him oblivious of the truth, he will never hurt me. He can't.

We had a deal, I'll not go after Mishika and he will not come in between me and Ishan. And after I fucked up with Mishika due to my recklessness, I was on the edge with the thought of him despising me like others. So I never told him the truth.

However, it seems like the truth is inevitable bitch. And now what I've always tried to stave off is happening. He is loathing himself for what happened with her and is pushing me away because he can't hurt me but my face incessantly reminds him of everything that happened.

But shouldn't he be appreciative that I kicked Lara stupid barbie bitch out of his life and got him married to his girl ? I thought I owed him that.

I know how suffocated he feels under the throttling clutch of guilt and keeping the truth in the dark abyss was my attempt to save us both from our biggest fears. His marriage with Mishika was my way to draw a permanent boundary for my forbidden obsession and to permanently eliminate her out of Ishan's life.

Damn I need something to get my mind off all this. A cigarette or a drink or_

"Here" my gaze flickered to the coffee mug then to Saumya. As our gaze locked together, her face etched into soft creases as she gestured to me to take the coffee.

A stupid coffee isn't enough to get my mind off the shits I've enmeshed myself into. Keeping my incendiary filled gaze fixed on her, my body leaned closer to her. I heard her inhaling a needed breath as my face inched closer. I don't know why even after years she gets so nervous and fidgety. I tossed the needless thoughts away before our mouths locked together.

To deepen the kiss, my hands rose to cup her face though I got off-guard as she pushed my hand off and pulled herself away. With eyebrows furrowed in dubious, I saw her rigid body panting for breath.

"Rhea" her voice was almost inaudible while she fiddled with the corner of her hakoba dress. "My father_ my father is getting me married."

What!? My actions ceased for a moment before I pushed my shoulders to relax and leisurely crouched my back abutting the sofa. "So" I quickly cleared my throat since my voice was strained. "Congratulations. That's fantastic news."

Her lips parted as hurt flashed across her eyes. "So_ that's it ?"

"That's it." I shrugged nonchalantly. It was bound to happen some day so I shouldn't be that intrigued, right ?

"It doesn't affect you ? I am getting married that means there won't be anything between us anymore." She threw her hands in the air as her face morphed with exasperation. Ugh! I can't handle another shit on the same day.

"Then what do you expect me to say ?" I barked, my tone melancholic. "We were in an open relationship and it had to end someday, one way or another." There's no point in making a fuss over this. She better get that in her head.

I glared at her when she scooted closer to me, her hands came cradling my face and when she spoke, her voice was softer and coaxing. "I can't marry someone else, Rhea. I won't be able to face my father bravely and tell him that I'm a lesbian. But if you stand by my side, I can." This isn't going in the right way. "Even if he refuses to accept me like this or abandon me, I'll have you. I see a future for us together. I love you, Rhea."

The hopeful glint in her eyes was so bright that it was hard to not acknowledge it. Fucking bright things can camouflage over your sensibility, so better you close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist. I stifled the bile of laughter rising in my throat. She is talking nonsense. I am not made for love. I am a destruction myself and destruction doesn't let another disaster devastate them.

"Don't get delusional, Saumya. You know I want to be with Ishan. And this_" I flicked a gesturing finger between us. "This whatever is between us was just a fling. I want normalcy in my life."

"What normalcy ?" Her voice raised. "You are making it sound like we are not normal. It isn't some disease, Rhea. We are as normal as any other person out there."

This time I didn't curb my laughter and let the cruel tone envelope the surrounding. So naive. "You are so naive, babe. You haven't seen the demons lurking in society who will squeeze the life out of you."

My legs automatically moved into her vicinity and I let my fingers brush the strands of her curly hair cascading on her cheeks aside. Her flesh always feels so soft against mine. "It would be better if you get over whatever love shit you think you've for me. Get married to a man, have kids and live a life certified as normal in our society."

I watched her face twisting with agony but I had to show her the ugly mirror of reality. "Rhea please. Don't let whatever they did to you take a toll on you. We fall in love with someone with whom our heart belongs, it doesn't depend on gender or any other stereotypical bullshit."

I retreated away from her, jerking my hands out of her hold in the way. She has gone insane. She has to get her head out of her fantasies before reality ransacks her.

"You putting your trust into someone wasn't wrong. But those fake so-called friends had no right to assault you and then claim that girls can't be harassed by girls."

I gritted my teeth, forcing my mind to not think about it. But my brain relishes in fucking with my tranquility. Those so-called bitches weren't my friends but just hostel mates. I was such a stupid to think that in a foreign country, I can speak freely about being interested in both men and women.

They faked to understand. They said it's normal. But then they drugged me. They laughed at me, they touched me.

Their laughter still derides me, I can still feel their touch burning my skin. And more than forcing myself to not think about it, most of the time I let the memory paralyse me so that I don't forget the reality.

The warden dismissed it. My parents said I was being overboard and said teen girls joke around like that. My sixteen year self had never felt so helpless until then and from that moment, I didn't let anything bring me to a situation of helplessness.

But throughout all this drama and fake support and sympathy, the only person who actually stood by my side and made me feel safe was Aarav. And I can't lose him. Or I'll lose my shit.

During our stay in London, he helped me hunt those bitches down and destroy them so that now they will beg for a penny.

"Rhea please say something." I ignored the pleas in Saumya's voice and my fierce gaze clashed with her tears filled orbs. Fucking don't cry. Something that you've to beg for was never yours.

"We are done, Saumya. You can leave." My tone was clipped but I don't fucking care. Nothing can change my decision and I won't let anyone do that either. Ishan is my ultimate key to normalcy and I won't stop before I have him. Even if that means I have to destroy anything or anyone that would play the role of obstacle.

"Rhea, what_" I overlooked her attempts to get out of my hold and dragged her to the main door. "Rhea, you are holding onto the false notion of normalcy that you've even refused to see what's right or what's wrong."

"I expected you to know me more than that." My voice was indulged with jeer as I chided in. "Measuring things on right and wrong isn't what Rhea Pathak does. I do what satiates my desires. And I don't give a fuck if that's bad, because for prevailing it I'll be the worst."

"Either learn to prevail what you desire for or you will always be left to beg for it." Our gazes once again locked together while we stood in front of each other, meanwhile me inside the apartment and she in the lobby. "And beggars never achieve anything and are forever losers."

With that I banged the door loudly on her face and retreated in the kitchen to get myself a strong drink. Settling comfortably on the sofa, I raised the volume of T.V on high so that I could numb the incessant banging on my front door.

Gradually I'm losing the count of drinks I had yet the chaos within me isn't ready to wind down.

I have been loner even as a kid since childhood. When my sister used to play along other kids and make friends, I used to sit by a corner and observe the world with calculative scrutinizing eyes. Gradually everyone began to call me sick and were afraid to send their kids near me.

And as much it used to stung as a kid, I relished being away from these judgemental creatures. It was like I was waiting for the right company and I got that in Aarav. He was so like me, he liked to stay aloof from the nosy people. And we instantly clicked.

My reverie was broken with the loud buzz of my phone, although I didn't bother to check who it was because I already had an idea of that. I waited and waited but still she isn't ready to stop calling me. Damn! Let me have a moment of peace.

As my control began to slip, the voices in my head once again roared, making a throbbing to emerge in my head. Venting out a loud groan, I smashed the glass on the centre table. I squeezed my eyes tightly as tight as my grip grew on the broken glass piece in my clutch.

I didn't have to open my eyes to sense the warm liquid trickling out of the fresh cut in my palm. Instead of the voices inside my head, I tried to focus on the pain surging in my palm or the soft almost inaudible sound of the blood drops hitting the floor.

And my breathing eventually dropped to normal and I crouched my head back. Tightening my grip further around the glass piece, I let out a loud sigh.

Chapter Word- 2671

Please do vote. This chapter have kept me in dilemma and on my toes for long. So let me know if I did good or not. (I can hear my nerves drumming.)

I know after the wait for so long, I didn't give you our Aarshika scenes. But I promise to drop a chapter of them before going completely MIA for my boards.

Signing off
~T.R