Filler Chapter. Try to figure out Mish through her perspective.

**Added a few new paragraphs before the ending since I realised, the actual dimension I wanted to represent was missing. And it led to misinterpretation.**

*Warning* if needed

Mishika's pov
Clutching the thin quilt around myself, I lingered my gaze at the crescent moon that floated proudly through the waves of grey clouds amidst the ocean of the dark night.

Dinner was not a cheerful event tonight so I got spared even after not having a proper meal. I've hardly fallen asleep to divert my mind from the confrontation of this evening and was woken up, disoriented, due to the same nightmare.

With every ounce of mine, I've tried to lag ahead of my past but seems like the stubborn past has pledged to tag along, sneaking through my sleep making the realisation of once harsh reality to punch in my guts.

The scene of blood, lots of blood and the noise of my ear splitting scream plays back to back, again and again in my dreams like a broken record before everything goes black.

And I am glad it always ends there. I don't want to see further, see myself surrounded by the pool of my own blood, see my parents rushing in my room when I screamed for them, see their fear stricken face like their world would collapse right then and there.

These bitter memories still clenches my insides, I hate going through the same loop incessantly and even after years I can't find a way out of it, to get over it. I hate to reminisce about myself drenched in the blood of the life which was growing inside me, a life I had no idea about.

Everything changed after that incident as if my soul reincarnated with a pledge to stand and fight and survive for myself and my parents. Harsh but I didn't know how I actually felt about it. I was just nineteen and depressed, going through a tough phase.

I mourned for the gone-innocent but I also knew that it had no future since I wasn't ready for any such unbidden responsibility. Society would have quenched life out of me and my family. Afterall reality doesn't end up with rainbows and unicorns like fiction.

That night still loiter somewhere in the back of my brain, with messy and broken memories of the events. With my parents gone for an emergency to a distant relative, I had sneaked into his farewell party in desperation for a confrontation, with a desire for the apology I thought I deserved.

I never saw who filmed me when I was changing in the college sports room. However on my way out, my eyes clashed with him who was rushing out of there. Momentarily our eyes met and he shot me one of his egoistic smirks before fading away from my sight. And then within the next few days the video was everywhere in the college.

**F L A S H B A C K B E G I N S**

Author's pov
Amidst the swarm of numerous drunk and partying youth, Mishika anyhow managed to spot Aarav who looked pretty much drunk himself. Finding him alone in a corner, she finally approached him. Throughout the chaos, her heart was drumming within her ribs and adrenaline making her pulses throb.

Upon her sight, an incomprehensible emotion flickered through Aarav's eyes and he staggered a step, balancing himself anyhow and engulfed her hands in his. His unexpected action left Mishika startled as she grew more nervous. Squeezing his eyes to clear out his vision, his gaze zeroed on her sweating and panting figure and a smile curled on his lips.

However before she could speak, he jerked himself away from her, the sudden change in his demeanour left her startled for the second time. His teeth gnashed while incoherent words left his mouth and within a blink he dashed somewhere between the crowd.

Heaving out a sigh, she slumped against the nearby wall, her heart still heavy although seeing his condition she was sure that her confrontation will only go in vain. It was only for a brief moment before her heart again picked up pace. Suddenly she felt conscious and stupid for sneaking in there without giving any notice to her parents.

Fidgeting with the corner of her shirt, her anxious feet astrayed to search the way out. Overweight by emotions, she felt herself growing pools of puddles yet her throat was parching like Thar desert. And the mistake she made was to drink the juice settled among the other beverages, unknown of the predatory grey eyes fixed on her.

Minutes ticked as her legs started to feel heavy and so did her head. Everything around her felt more suffocating than it already was and heat crept over her skin, making her feel hot and bothered all over herself. Shivers were rippling down her spine however she felt her entire body kept on a burning stove evoking a bizarre need to feel a different kind of warmth building up inside.

Dangling on her feet, frantically rubbing her body in places, she carried her dazed self in the corridor and entered the first room in sight. Once inside the room, she found herself clashing with something warm and calloused which instantly warmed her shivers and ignited the fire she was already feeling, but not in the same bothersome way.

His hooded eyes momentarily met with her, his gaze lingering on the face who he desperately wants to see everytime yet the same face that had been pushing him into havoc since last month. But a part of him refused to believe it was her, knowing those eyes would never shine with desperation while staring at him.

His eyes squeezed, an attempt to clear out his vision to look past the illusion, but still the same eyes stared right back into his. However his soused senses refused to believe it and acknowledged it as a mere hallucination, putting the entire blame on the alcohol.

Whereas she was like a moth in his arms, vulnerable and desperate, unaware that she is shoving herself in the arms of the blaze that will scorch every bit of her. His reflexes were surprisingly quick when she flung herself into his arms, her arms serpentining around his bare torso and face resting on his chest. He could feel her heart beating against his chest, and the tickling of her soft yet ragged breathing and constant brush of her trembling lips against his flesh made his body ripple by shivers.

As she tried to push herself closer to him, a deep growl rumbled through his chest and he managed to push both of them against the wall, venturing himself impossibly close to her body. The beast in him was thriving on a thin thread before it would unleash and pound on his favourite beauty.

He has always hated being controlled by emotions but the girl in his arms has always readily managed to evoke various emotions in him, be it good or bad. And right now, under the influence of alcohol, high with carnal desires he wanted nothing but to explore how it will be to feel her physically. Her condition was no different at the particular moment.

With the fervency of sensations that surfed through them when their bodies grinded together, her lips parted and his head fell back in a delicious response. And when he straightened his neck and their intoxicated gazes bore back into each other, it was their mouths clashing the very next moment, frantically yet clumsily.

Governed by the strings of lust, need and desire, their actions were in haste and staggery. Clothes went off as soon as they veered to the bed and for the next hours they were a mess, rolling on the bed, momentarily paced and then sometimes agonisingly slow. Drained by the exhaustion of the delirious night and intoxication of alcohol, soon both of them were dozed off to sleep.

She was the first one to stir awake from sleep and a throbbing pain throughout her body and especially between her legs jolted her wide awake. As she peered through the sheets, her eyes went saucers finding herself exposed to her birth suite. A yelp escaped through her lips as tears began to burn her sight, and head whipped as she heard a manly grunt from beside.

Her heart drops straight in her stomach upon the sight of the devil sleeping so soundly and she jumps off the bed. The cool wind slapping across her bare skin made her already shaking body shiver further. Staggering around the room, she somehow managed to collect her clothes and put them back on her body.

Ignoring the throbbing pain surging between her legs and inside her heart, she carried her feet out of the frat house. The roads of the locality were desolated considering it was early in the morning. More tears stream down her eyes as the sickening feeling in her stomach continues to intensify and moments later she found herself puking her guts out.

Out of nowhere an auto-driver noticed her and offered her a ride and it would have been another stupid decision of hers but the man was truly concerned by her condition. At the particular moment it was her messed up emotions to blame for her uncalculated actions. She wasn't even in the right senses to thank the auto-driver when he asked her to take care while she made her way inside her house.

She gulped, the panic and shame skyrocketing as she was greeted by the sight of her worried sick parents in the living room. Within a blink they were in front of her, bombarding their concern, but neither she could reply nor could she look straight in their eyes.

She ran inside her room, locking herself in before heading to the bathroom and stood under the running shower. With her body immobile, the shambles of emotions took the strings in their hand and clashed on her mercilessly.

Out from the shower, she choke on a sob while staring at her reflection, blemishes scattered around here and there on her flesh. The realisation that she lost her virginity, she considered so precious, under a mistaken night was choking her with anger, guilt and shame.

**F L A S H B A C K E N D S**

My eyes were like a dry well, dried of any moisture to cascade while reminiscing the same night. I refused to let the moment of weakness take back over me and my grips tighten around the quilt.

I never told my parents who the father was. It was hard lying that I don't remember but the secret remained in the dark since my parents stopped prying. Maybe they were as desperate as me for me to move on from my past. I was losing from life and I only learned it's true value after I lost a life.

I don't know about others, but for me sharing intimacy meant laying my vulnerabilities and insecurities bare, entrusting my partner to cherish it and respect it. It meant devoting my soul guardless with a belief that I'll be safeguarded in my partner's embrace. It meant exposing myself yet being covered with insurity and comfort.

And throughout that night though my sensibility didn't knock because of whatever drink I had poured inside myself but the next morning was emotionally and mentally drastic. Recalling what happened the prior night didn't make me feel cherished, I felt pathetic. I felt exposed, but not in a good way and the feeling was crawling through my bones. It still does.

The thoughts in my head sometimes used to get too loud that I would thrash to just turn them off. Sometimes I just wished that I could subside these feelings with impassiveness. Maybe I was overthinking. That's what I had been doing the whole month since my MMS kicked in like a wildfire. Nonetheless, the video was blurry, but isn't the world full of demons with eyes of hawks who enjoy toying with others' vulnerabilities ?

I've always been called too sensitive but don't I own my emotions, having the right to express them however I wish ? I've always been called weak and fragile but it isn't my fault that my body betrays me and decides to exhaust me. I am rather soft-spoken, being savage isn't in my nature. That doesn't mean I can't take a stand for myself, this is just because I know how long to remain silent because I rather believe in not wasting my energy on deaf ears unnecessarily. And upon that I don't need to prove myself to anyone, I exactly know what I'm and so do my loved ones.

In a world where people are physically strong but accept their defeat in mental and emotional turmoil, I've tried to keep myself strong and survived in my war with the demons that were lurking to tremor my soul. And I'm still fighting. Ain't my emotional battles counted ? Don't make me strong enough ? Why is my timidness counted as my weakness ? I may be weak, not strong enough, but I'm not a coward.

I distanced myself from him after the enlightenment that he was just playing with my emotions for satiating his own demons. Why did he do that ? I trusted him, considered him as a friend and he crushed everything without remorse.

Always has been a remorseless bastard.

Continuous nagging of his throughout made me dislike him more and more. But I began to hate him when it went too far after he rolled out my video as if I'm some worthless doll laid out to display. At least I assume he did. He was the only one I spotted there.

Why wouldn't he simply say it loud, accept it out loud ? Give me the confirmation that it isn't just an assumption. Make it easier for me to have him to blame and hate.

Regardless of our battered history, sometimes I wonder why he would wait two years to strike ? When I broke friendship with him, that may have lesion-ed his ego, though I see no reason why he would come after me without a reason, when we were just existing adjacently without any clash.

Ishan, for some odd reason, always believed otherwise, which I couldn't grasp why ? There wasn't anyone who would seem to target me since my days were always spent in forgotten shadows.

My parents were there, standing as a pillar by my side and demanding the dean to put on an investigation. Regardless of the anticipation gnawing on my skin, I would push myself to continue going to college and only sank deeper in the shadows as stares and comments were thrown my way. However when it got too much, I locked myself within the confines of my room.

And then I heard that he is exiting the college in the middle of the semester, leaving for another country for his studies. And it only made my belief stronger. I never told my parents that I assumed it was him who did it. I had nothing to prove that. And my baseless accusations could have only caused me more trouble since I knew how easy it was for him to get out of any such scandals considering he is the only son and belongs to a rich family.

And after that eventful night I hated him more, simultaneously hating my own self. I hated the fact that I had to go through the emotional breakdown, the physical pain of the miscarriage all alone while he was chilling somewhere seven seas far. Whatever that happened, he was equally part of it as I was, so why only I had to endure all of it ?

Chapter Word- 2550

As I said before, I'm not trying to give lessons through my story, I'm just bringing up characters and their life. It's up to you how you see them. In my imagination they are humans who are imperfect, a version of their own.

Signing off
~T.R